Podcast Summary
ADHD experiences: Undiagnosed ADHD can lead to masking true self and avoiding conflicts, emphasizing the importance of early diagnosis and community understanding
Shelby Gossade, also known as the Queen of Comedy, shares her experiences of living with undiagnosed ADHD, which led her to mask her true self and avoid conflicts. She discusses her earliest memories of feeling different, particularly in school environments, and the obsessive reading that was both a problem and a comfort for her. Shelby also talks about the importance of community and understanding, especially for those with ADHD. The conversation highlights the challenges of growing up with ADHD, the importance of early diagnosis, and the impact of not being understood. It's a reminder that everyone's experiences are valid and that understanding and support can make all the difference. If you relate to Shelby's story, consider subscribing to the ADHD Chatter podcast for more insightful conversations and a sense of community.
Masking and ADHD: Masking, or hiding one's true self, is a common experience for many people, particularly those with ADHD, leading to distress and misdiagnosis. Self-awareness, seeking help, and open communication are crucial for acceptance and management.
Masking, or hiding one's true self, is a common experience for many people, particularly women and girls, and it can go unrecognized for a long time. The speaker, who was diagnosed with ADHD at 47, shared how she had been masking since childhood, even though it caused her significant distress and prevented her from getting the help she needed. She felt misunderstood, unseen, and unheard, and feared being labeled as having a learning difficulty. The speaker also discussed the importance of self-awareness and the relief that comes with finally understanding and accepting one's true self. The process of receiving a diagnosis and learning to manage ADHD involved unraveling what was masking and what was truly her. The speaker emphasized the importance of being open to seeking help and support, and encouraging open communication with loved ones.
Emotional dysregulation in ADHD: Emotional dysregulation in ADHD can lead to frustration, shame, and tantrums, impacting various aspects of life. Recognizing and validating these experiences is crucial for effective symptom management and reducing stigma.
Managing the daily demands of life with ADHD can be overwhelming and lead to emotional dysregulation. Exposure to stressors, no matter how small, can accumulate and tip a person into a state of being unable to cope. This emotional dysregulation can manifest as frustration, shame, and even tantrums. It's essential to recognize and validate these experiences, as they can be debilitating and impact various aspects of a person's life, including their relationships, finances, and self-esteem. By understanding and accepting the unique challenges of living with ADHD, individuals can learn to advocate for themselves, seek support, and find ways to manage their symptoms effectively. Additionally, it's crucial to challenge the stigma surrounding ADHD and create a supportive environment for open dialogue and understanding.
Neurodivergence acceptance: Accepting and embracing our unique differences, including the strengths that come with them, can lead to increased self-esteem and success for neurodivergent individuals. Setting boundaries and advocating for accommodations can help overcome challenges.
Trying to force ourselves into societal norms when we're neurodivergent can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, and other comorbidities. It's essential to accept and embrace our unique differences, including the strengths that come with them. Shame and self-deprecation can be harmful, and setting boundaries for how we want to be treated is empowering. People with ADHD, like the speaker, may have faced challenges in various areas of life, including education, employment, and relationships. Understanding and accepting our abilities and limitations can lead to increased confidence and success. The fluid nature of the ADHD brain can be an asset in creative fields like comedy, but it can also present challenges in more structured environments. Building self-awareness and advocating for accommodations can help overcome these obstacles.
ADHD and relationships: Identifying personal values and respecting them is crucial for healthy relationships. Struggling with emotional sensitivity and establishing healthy boundaries can be challenging for individuals with ADHD and Reactive Attachment Disorder.
Growing up with ADHD, the speaker self-medicated with food, sex, and alcohol without realizing it, leading to hurtful relationships and a lack of self-understanding. The speaker's values were often disregarded in her relationships, causing pain and confusion. Identifying these values and learning to respect and prioritize them has been a crucial part of the speaker's personal growth. The most challenging aspects of the speaker's life, as far as Reactive Attachment Disorder (RSD) is concerned, include dealing with emotional sensitivity, feeling foreign due to changing countries and facing racism, and the exuberant behavior of her father, which often put her family in the spotlight. Understanding and managing her emotional responses and establishing healthy boundaries have been essential in overcoming these challenges.
Rejection sensitivity dysmorphia: ADHD can cause rejection sensitivity dysmorphia, leading to social challenges and a need for self-awareness. Seek good friends and understand your needs, while showing compassion towards loved ones who may not fully understand ADHD.
Rejection sensitivity dysmorphia, a common symptom of ADHD, can lead to challenging social situations and a need for self-awareness. The speaker shared her personal experience of feeling the need to hide from people she didn't want to interact with, even if it meant involving her child. She acknowledged the difficulty of dealing with rejection and the impact it can have on one's behavior towards others. The speaker also highlighted the importance of understanding one's needs and seeking out good friends rather than those who provide momentary dopamine kicks. Furthermore, she discussed the challenges of communicating with loved ones who may not fully understand ADHD and the importance of compassion and patience towards them. The speaker's experience demonstrates the complexities of living with ADHD and the need for self-awareness, compassion, and understanding from both oneself and others.
Forgetting and getting lost: Forgetting and getting lost are common experiences, especially for those with ADHD. Focus on coping strategies like creating reminders, accepting mistakes, and seeking support.
Forgetting things and getting lost in unfamiliar environments are common experiences for some individuals, especially those with ADHD. These experiences can lead to feelings of embarrassment and shame, but it's important to remember that they are a normal part of life and not a reflection of one's intelligence or worth. Instead of focusing on the mistakes, it's essential to find strategies to cope with these situations and learn from them. For instance, creating mental or physical reminders, accepting that mistakes happen, but owning them and moving on, can help individuals navigate through life's challenges. Additionally, having a support system, such as friends, family, or therapists, can provide valuable reassurance and guidance during difficult times. Overall, it's essential to remember that everyone makes mistakes, and it's how we respond to them that matters most.
ADHD and divorce: Finding self-care and empathy towards others can lead to healing and personal growth during challenging experiences like divorce for individuals with ADHD.
Going through challenging experiences, such as a divorce, can be devastating for someone with ADHD, but finding ways to take care of oneself and practicing empathy towards others can lead to healing and personal growth. The speaker shared how her divorce left her feeling destroyed and struggling to understand self-care, but with the support of her family and friends, she eventually found solace in unexpected places like running and being in nature. She also emphasized the importance of having a strong sense of humor to help cope with difficult situations. Despite the late diagnosis and the impact it had on her career, she believes that if diagnosed earlier, her journey would have been more joyful. Overall, her story highlights the resilience and adaptability of the human spirit in the face of adversity.
Neurodivergence and career choices: Despite facing challenges, individuals with neurodivergence can have strong interests and potential for fulfilling careers in fields like psychotherapy. Early support and understanding can mitigate the impact of neurodivergence.
The speaker, despite facing challenges with organization, perfectionism, and neurodivergence, has a deep interest in people and likely would have pursued a career in psychotherapy or a related field if circumstances were different. Her wedding day was a reflection of her obsession with perfection, leading to misunderstandings and mishaps. Feeling like an outsider due to neurodivergence and cultural differences added to her sense of not belonging and difficulty connecting with others. She shares that being an outsider felt like being underwater, unable to reach the surface. If she had the support and understanding we have today, she believes her ADHD may not have affected her as profoundly. Her creativity has unwittingly incorporated her experiences, such as writing a novel about a young alcoholic teenager with ADHD before being diagnosed. Her most impulsive thing was having a baby.
Impulsivity and ADHD: Individuals with ADHD may struggle with impulsivity, leading to regrettable actions and a disorganized lifestyle, but practicing self-care, enthusiastic consent, and setting clear boundaries can help manage these challenges.
The speaker, who has ADHD, has a history of impulsive actions, some of which have brought her shame. She has shared stories of running on stage during a mime performance and belly flopping next to her newborn baby on a trampoline. These impulsive actions have often been a source of regret and self-shame, particularly regarding her sexual experiences. However, she has learned to practice enthusiastic consent and has had successful one-night stands. The speaker also shared her struggle with managing digital clutter, having hundreds, if not thousands, of unread messages and unclosed tabs. She recognizes that her impulsivity and inability to focus on completing tasks have led to unfinished projects and a disorganized living space. Despite these challenges, she is committed to creating a peaceful and orderly home environment for her children. The speaker's experiences highlight the unique challenges that individuals with ADHD face in managing their impulses and staying focused on tasks, as well as the importance of practicing self-care and setting clear boundaries.