I’m Struggling With Infertility and I Don’t Think It’s Fair

Podcast Summary

• Navigating complex emotions and relationships within families: Staying alive is important and sharing experiences can provide truth and support in navigating complex emotions and relationships within families.

  Navigating complex emotions and relationships, especially within families, can be a challenging journey. The speaker shares his experience of growing up feeling like a referee in his parents' relationship and later receiving a diagnosis of block 2, which has left him feeling lonely and angry. He also recounts a near-death experience involving a semi-truck, emphasizing the importance of staying alive for the show. The caller, Chrissy, shares her gratitude for the podcast and asks for advice on forgiving her parents after receiving a diagnosis that made starting a family difficult. The podcast aims to provide a safe space for individuals to share their experiences and figure out the next right thing to do, offering truth and support along the way.

• Struggling with trust and vulnerability despite a chaotic upbringing: Despite a chaotic childhood, it's essential to trust oneself, practice vulnerability, and not be lonely by sharing feelings with friends, recognizing worth is inherent.

  Despite growing up in a chaotic household where she felt like a referee in her parents' arguments and took on the role of the responsible adult, the speaker is a world-class friend, daughter, and future mother. However, she struggles with trusting herself and being vulnerable due to her upbringing. She has never been able to rely on herself, instead focusing on ensuring others' needs were met. Now, as she faces a new challenge in her life, she feels lonely and hesitant to open up to others for fear of being hurt again. It's crucial for her to trust herself, practice vulnerability, and choose not to be lonely by sharing her feelings with friends, even if they may not respond perfectly. Ultimately, she must recognize that her worth is not defined by her past experiences or her ability to care for others but by her inherent value as a person.

• Letting go of past pain for peace in the present: Focus on the present and let go of past traumas or disappointments to find peace and happiness

  It's normal to feel anger, frustration, and sadness towards our bodies and past experiences that haven't gone as planned, such as infertility or difficult upbringings. However, dwelling on these feelings and asking "why me?" can lead to mental and spiritual dysregulation. Instead, focusing on what we can do next and letting go of the past can bring us more joy and peace in the present. Our bodies may hold onto old patterns of behavior from past traumas or challenging experiences, but it's important to recognize that we've grown and can let go of the need to be the caretaker or parent. Writing a letter to our parents (or those who have caused us pain) that we'll never give them can be a therapeutic exercise in releasing these feelings and moving forward. Remember, the world doesn't always work in our favor, and it's important to find peace and happiness in the present moment rather than focusing on what we can't change.

• Unexpected letters after IVF journey: Stay optimistic, focus on what you can control, and have a clear plan during IVF journey. Practice self-care, stay connected with loved ones, and consider reading 'Own Your Past, Change Your Future' and 'Questions for Humans Couples Edition' for added support.

  Going through the IVF journey can be filled with unexpected twists and turns, but it's important to have a clear plan, stay optimistic, and focus on what you can control. Chrissy shared her experience of receiving unexpected letters after her IVF journey, one of which was a letter of forgiveness for past regrets, another acknowledging the good that came from the experience, and the third highlighting what was missed and what was yet to come. Through it all, she emphasized the importance of self-care, having a finish line in mind, and staying connected with loved ones. Additionally, she recommended the books "Own Your Past, Change Your Future" for healing from trauma and "Questions for Humans Couples Edition" to help couples stay connected during the IVF journey. Overall, the journey may be filled with uncertainty, but having a clear plan, staying positive, and focusing on what you can control can help navigate the challenges that come with it.

• Difficult people during family vacations: Remember vacations are enjoyable, prioritize well-being, and remove yourself if necessary to ensure peace of mind.

  Dealing with difficult people, especially during family vacations, can be challenging. Andrew shared an experience where his sister-in-law's behavior escalated into a heated argument, causing tension and discomfort for everyone present. Despite his attempts to de-escalate the situation, her behavior became increasingly aggressive, leading to a confrontation. The situation became more complicated when her boyfriend intervened, making the situation even more volatile. Ultimately, it's important to remember that vacations are meant to be enjoyable experiences, and it's crucial to prioritize the well-being of yourself and your family. If someone's behavior becomes unmanageable, it may be necessary to remove yourself from the situation to ensure everyone's safety and peace of mind.

• Waltzing into conflicts and dealing with hostile family communications: Conflicts not yours can lead to physical altercations, hostile texts, and damaged relationships. Prioritize safety and joy during the holidays and hold firm on boundaries to maintain happiness.

  Entering into conflicts that aren't yours and not being able to communicate effectively with family members can lead to painful experiences. In the shared story, the speaker waltzed into a conflict between his wife's sisters, but things went sideways when he was physically manhandled by his brother-in-law. After leaving the house, the in-laws sent a hostile text to the speaker's wife. Since then, the family has not communicated with them. The incident left the speaker and his wife wondering how to explain their absence to their children during the holidays and whether to address the in-laws' behavior. The speaker acknowledged that he may have invited the conflict and that it's devastating when communication breaks down. The in-laws' actions were an attempt to maintain a fantasy of a perfect family, and when someone leaves the picture, they become the "easy bad guys." However, it's essential to prioritize safety and joy, and the kids will likely forget the incident more quickly than the adults. The speaker's wife may have grown up in a dysfunctional family environment, making it challenging to leave the past behind. Ultimately, the family needs to hold firm on their boundaries and choose happiness. The holidays are too precious to spend time in conflict or dysfunction.

• Focus on creating positive experiences during the holidays: Prioritize your own well-being, recognize toxic dynamics, and create new traditions to find joy during the holiday season.

  It may be best to distance yourself from toxic family members and focus on creating positive experiences for yourself and your loved ones during the holiday season. Trying to reconcile with those who don't want to change or aren't seeing things clearly can lead to unnecessary stress and conflict. It's important to recognize the dynamics of codependent relationships and the impact they can have on individuals and their children. Instead of trying to solve problems that can't be solved, it's essential to prioritize your own well-being and create new traditions and memories. This may involve reimagining the holiday season and finding joy in alternative ways. Remember, it's okay to let go of the past and focus on the present, and it's essential to acknowledge and validate the feelings of those around you.

• Choosing joy and moving forward after challenging times: Acknowledge feelings but consider benefits of choosing joy, seek support, differentiate guilt from resentment, and take responsibility for emotions and actions.

  We all have the power to choose our emotions and reactions, even during challenging times. Whether it's dealing with the aftermath of a difficult holiday season or facing everyday challenges, it's essential to acknowledge our feelings but also consider the benefits of choosing joy and moving forward. Sometimes, talking to a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist can help us gain self-awareness and develop an action plan to recharge and refocus. Additionally, it's important to recognize and differentiate between guilt and resentment. Guilt stems from violating our core values, while resentment can be harmful and detrimental to our well-being. By consciously choosing guilt over resentment, we can take responsibility for our actions and emotions and work towards positive growth.

• Understanding Guilt vs Resentment: Choose guilt over resentment for healthy relationships. Guilt motivates us to make amends and grow, while resentment leads to bitterness and distance.

  Our core values shape our emotions and behaviors, and understanding the difference between guilt and resentment is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. Guilt arises when we violate our core values and is a healthy emotion that motivates us to make amends and grow. Resentment, on the other hand, is a destructive emotion rooted in jealousy and a desire for power. It can lead to bitterness and distance in relationships. When faced with challenges to our boundaries, it's essential to choose guilt over resentment, as guilt allows us to acknowledge our mistakes, seek forgiveness, and rebuild trust, while resentment leads to ash and the slow death of relationships.

• Choose guilt over resentment during holidays: Set healthy boundaries, communicate openly, and create a holiday experience that aligns with values and needs to avoid tension and frustration, making memories of warmth, laughter, and joy.

  During the holiday season, it's essential to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being over societal pressures and expectations. The speaker shares an experience of feeling judged and resentful during past holidays, suggesting that we should choose guilt over resentment when considering our holiday plans. This means setting healthy boundaries, communicating openly with our loved ones, and creating a holiday experience that aligns with our values and needs. By doing so, we can create lasting memories and avoid the tension and frustration that can sometimes accompany the holiday season. Remember, your kids will remember how you made them feel, so choose honesty, openness, and guilt over resentment to make this holiday season a season of warmth, laughter, and joy.

• Trusting in divine intervention: During tough times, let go of control and trust in something greater for guidance and support

  During challenging times, it's essential to have faith and let go of control. The story illustrates a woman's harrowing experience on a snowy road, where she found herself in a dangerous situation with her baby in the car. Despite her fear, she realized she couldn't handle everything on her own and called out for help. The phrase "Jesus, take the wheel" became her plea for divine intervention. This story underscores the importance of trusting in something greater than ourselves when we feel overwhelmed or uncertain. It's a reminder that we don't always have to face life's obstacles alone.