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    Joseph Goldstein On: How Not To Try Too Hard in Meditation, Why You Shouldn't "Waste Your Suffering," and the Value Of Seeing How Ridiculous You Are

    enMay 17, 2023
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    Podcast Summary

    • The Eightfold Path in Buddhism - A Recipe for Living a Fulfilling LifeThe Eightfold Path includes daily activities and formal meditation, emphasizing mindfulness, right effort, right concentration, and having a sense of humor about your own mind. Understanding its steps enlarges our sense of dharma practice.

      The Eightfold Path is a pivotal Buddhist list that is a recipe for living a good life. It includes activities and experiences in daily life as well as formal meditation. It encompasses three buckets, and the final bucket includes right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration. Joseph Goldstein, one of the most respected meditation teachers in the world, co-founded the Insight Meditation Society. Mindfulness prevents unhealthy states of mind from arising and should also be applied to overlooked areas of practice such as seeing. The Eightfold Path emphasizes the importance of having a sense of humor about your own mind and how it encompasses daily life and formal meditation. Understanding the eight steps in their entirety enlarges our sense of what dharma practice is about.

    • Cultivating Energy and Wisdom in the Eightfold PathThe Eightfold Path involves finding a balance of energy through mindfulness and concentration, letting go of unskillful states, and cultivating liberating wisdom. Pay attention to the quality of effort and energy while practicing meditation.

      The Eightfold Path includes cultivating wholesome mind states, developing wisdom, and practicing effort, mindfulness, and concentration. Right effort involves finding a balance of energy within ourselves, continually monitoring the quality of our effort, and letting go of unskillful states while cultivating skillful ones. This quality of energy can be applied to our activities in the world, and the entirety of the eightfold path supports the inquiry of what we are learning from being aware. As meditators, we must pay attention to the quality of our effort and energy to ensure we are not too tense or too loose. Tuning the strings of our inner being, we can cultivate a liberating wisdom.

    • The Art of Self-Monitoring in Practicing Mindfulness.Practicing mindfulness involves paying attention to our effort, preventing unwholesome states, and maintaining the wholesome states that have already arisen. Using the four great endeavors and acknowledging impermanence can help guide the process.

      Learning to monitor our own practice can be helpful, especially for experienced practitioners. We can become our own teachers by paying attention to our effort and balancing it. The practice involves preventing unwholesome states and investigating their arising, such as judgment, desire, or anger. The four great endeavors can guide us: preventing the arising of unwholesome states, abandoning the existing unwholesome states, developing the wholesome states that have not yet arisen, and maintaining the wholesome states that have already arisen. Different words resonate with different people. Instead of 'let it go,' 'let it be' acknowledges the truth of impermanence and allows things to arise and pass away without interference.

    • The Importance of Mindfulness in Preventing Unwholesome StatesBy being mindful of our senses, particularly vision, we can recognize and investigate the judgments that arise from our thoughts, prevent them from occurring retroactively, and abandon unwholesome states that have already arisen.

      Being mindful of our senses, particularly our vision, can help prevent unwholesome states from arising in our minds. By recognizing the judgments that arose from his thoughts, Joseph Goldstein was able to investigate their cause, take action, and prevent them from occurring retroactively. Mindfulness can prevent us from being reactive to what we're seeing and allow us to have a sense of humor about our own minds, which is an effective way to not be so caught by it. The second great endeavor in meditation practice is to abandon unwholesome states that have already arisen, which is a major part of our practice in the world.

    • Strengthening Mindfulness and Investigating Suffering to Abandon Unwholesome StatesMindfulness helps to stay present and abandon negative thoughts. Investigating the cause of suffering can lead to understanding the second noble truth. The last defilement to be uprooted is Mana.

      To abandon unwholesome states, mindfulness is the first strategy but sometimes we need to strengthen it. Mindfulness helps to be more present and abandon negative thoughts. Another strategy is to use suffering as a mindfulness bell to investigate the causes of it. Don't waste your suffering by drowning in it. Investigate the cause of suffering which leads to understanding the second noble truth. Buddha highlighted 10 different defilements or unwholesome states, which are uprooted at different stages of enlightenment. Mana in poly, m a n a is one of the last defilements to be uprooted.

    • Overcoming the Hindrance of Comparing Oneself with Others in Meditation.Comparing ourselves with others is a common obstacle in meditation, but mindfulness and recognizing it as impersonal can help us unhook from this hindrance. We can also find alternatives such as cultivating loving kindness or investigating the cause of suffering.

      The habit of comparing oneself with others is a hindrance in meditation. It is a deeply conditioned pattern called 'manna' which can only be uprooted through final enlightenment. Being mindful and recognizing it as impersonal helps to unhook oneself from this hindrance. There are five other options mentioned to support in abandoning unwholesome states which have already arisen, including cultivating loving kindness, finding an antidote for unwholesome states like fear or envy, to focus on something else, looking directly at unwholesome states, or suppressing them. Investigating and recognizing the cause of suffering is important and unhooking oneself from comparing with others can lead to a more diligent and positive state of being.

    • The Power of Renunciation and Mindfulness in Daily LifePracticing small acts of renunciation and mindfulness can lead to a more peaceful and fulfilling life, and even small renunciations, such as saying no to unnecessary desires, can be energizing.

      Renunciation is a powerful antidote to overcome greed and desire. Simple acts like saying no to unnecessary desires, conserves our energy and helps us attain a sense of victory over our minds. Even small renunciations like skipping a cup of tea can be energizing. Renunciation need not be a big act, but can be practiced in small ways every day. Mindfulness is all about being present and paying attention to our thoughts, emotions, and sensations without judgment. Practicing empathetic joy or sympathetic joy can quickly help us overcome struggles and help us appreciate the good things in others. Mindfulness and renunciation can be easily applied by anyone, and it can help us lead a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

    • Understanding Mindfulness and MetacognitionPracticing mindfulness involves recognizing and being aware of our experiences without any judgement or dislike, and without the filter of unwholesome mind states like greed, aversion, or delusions, to truly be in the present moment.

      Mindfulness is more than just living in the present moment. It involves metacognition, which is being aware of our experiences, but without the filter of an unwholesome mind state. Recognition of our emotions is necessary, but it should not be accompanied by greed, aversion or delusions. Mindfulness leads to an experiential feeling of being in the present moment, but it is important to note that mere recognition does not count as mindfulness. It is the recognition of our experiences without any sort of judgement or dislike that creates a truly mindful experience. Black Lab consciousness may seem to be in the present but does not count as being mindful.

    • Embracing Mindfulness for a Fulfilling LifeMindfulness helps us recognize subtle thoughts and emotions by being present in the moment. It allows us to refine our understanding of experiences, leading to a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

      Mindfulness is being in the present moment and recognizing what's present, free of greed, aversion, and delusion. Acceptance without fear or aversion shows impermanence, leading to a change in the relationship towards the fear. A way to be mindful is by periodically asking the question, what's the attitude in my mind? It settles us back into true mindfulness and helps to identify subtle wants and aversions that were previously unnoticed. Mindfulness allows us to be aware without being caught up in our thoughts and emotions, giving us the power to not be owned by them. By developing mindfulness, we can refine our understanding of our own experiences, leading to a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

    • How to Practice Mindfulness with EaseAsking if a thought is useful, practicing relaxation and recognizing common thought patterns can help develop mindfulness without judgment. Avoid using the term concentration and focus on steadiness instead.

      Asking oneself whether a thought is useful or not can help the mind settle back into a more mindful state, reducing the grip that thoughts have on us. The basic understanding of mindfulness is being present without wanting, without aversion, and without identification. It is important to not worry too much about 'doing it right' as this could just lead to self-judgment and hinder progress. Relaxation is a key aspect of developing concentration and steadiness, and it is helpful to use the word 'steadiness' instead of 'concentration' to avoid the negative connotations that come with the latter. By recognizing and naming our common thought patterns, such as 'am I doing it right?', we can become more mindful and let go of them.

    • Developing Steadiness Through IntentionTo develop concentration, start with focusing on a fixed object like the breath. As your practice matures, shift to choiceless attention and use intention to stay steady, which is simpler than concentrate. Translations can impact your understanding.

      To develop concentration or steadiness, use the intention to be steady on either a fixed object or momentary changing objects. In the beginning, there is a lot of emphasis on using a primary object like the breath to strengthen the quality of steadiness. As the practice matures, it becomes choiceless where attention can be dropped to one primary thing like the breath and staying steady with whatever comes up. Finding the language that supports the meaning of the teachings is important as translations can have different connotations. These nuances in working with right concentration can be understood by creating the intention to be steady, which is softer and simpler than concentrate.

    • Developing Steadiness of Mind Through Meditation PracticeAspiring to develop steadiness of mind during meditation practice leads to deeper wisdom. Trust the process, let go of expectations and focus on each breath to strengthen the practice. Concentration is necessary for wisdom and an important part of the path.

      In meditation practice, instead of having a grasping or clinging wanting, aspire to develop greater steadiness of mind. Aspiration sets the direction but then let go of it and engage in the practice of being steady on each breath. Trust the process without expectations and understand that concentration is not the end goal but necessary for developing wisdom. There can be no wisdom without concentration, as steadiness of mind leads to deeper seeing. Aspiring to develop this steadiness strengthens the practice and leads to greater wisdom. Concentration is developed in the service of wisdom and is an important part of the path.

    • Understanding Buddhist Wisdom for Letting Go of PerfectionLetting go of the need for perfection and embracing the changing nature of things can help build a successful community. Gabrielle Union found her true self through this understanding, as seen in Even The Rich podcast.

      The wisdom in Buddhism involves understanding the changing nature of things, the unsatisfying and unreliable nature of things, and the selfless nature of phenomena which means there is no self behind experience to whom it's happening. It's a flow of changing phenomena, not something with substantial reality independent of the flow of changing phenomena. Understanding this can help one let go of the need for perfection and come together to build a community for real success. Even The Rich, a Wondery podcast, showcases how Gabrielle Union shook off her need for perfection and found her true self to create the life she always wanted.

    • Understanding Selflessness for Liberation and Overcoming SufferingLetting go of our identification with the self can lead to liberation from suffering and prevent us from being consumed by negative emotions like anger. Understanding that things are ungovernable can also help us relinquish control and find peace.

      The self is like a rainbow, an appearance arising out of certain conditions, changing conditions coming together. There is no substantial entity behind the conventional designation. Understanding selflessness helps us understand suffering and is a doorway to liberation. Anatta has two meanings, one focusing on suffering and the other on liberation. Things are ungovernable, following their own laws, which is a cause of duka or suffering, and not always in our control. Identifying with phenomena causes suffering even with painful or unpleasant things. Developing insight into selflessness helps us let go of identifying with anger, for example, as 'my anger' and prevents us from being owned by it.

    • The Importance of Practicing the Eightfold PathBy studying and exploring the eightfold path, we can detach from our experiences and become enlightened beings. Liberation is achievable if we continue to walk on the path and move towards freedom.

      The insight into selflessness can be tremendously liberating, as it helps us to detach from our experiences and see them as part of the passing show. To truly benefit from the eightfold path, we must not only understand its steps, but also put them into practice. Undertaking a development of practice where we study and explore the subtleties of each step can be a great way to do this. As long as people are walking the eightfold path, there will be enlightened beings in the world - this is a great inspiration. Liberation is inevitable if we keep walking on the path and continue to move in the right direction towards freedom.

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    Lindsay C. Gibson is a clinical psychologist and bestselling author who specializes in helping people identify and deal with emotionally immature people, or EIP’s. Her first appearance on our show was one of our most popular episodes of 2022. Now she’s back to offer concrete strategies for handling the EIP’s in your life, wherever you may find them. Her new book is called Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People.


    In this episode we talk about:

    • A primer on the cardinal characteristics of emotionally immature people (EIP’s), how to spot them, and why you might want to
    • What Lindsay means by “disentangling” from EIP’s, and how to do it
    • What often happens to your own sense of self when you’re in relationship (or even just in conversation) with an EIP 
    • How to interact with an EIP 
    • How to prevent brain scramble when you’re talking with someone who isn’t making any attempt to understand what you’re saying  
    • How she reacts when she comes across EIP’s in her everyday life
    • Whether it’s possible to have some immature characteristics without being an EIP
    • Handling your own emotionally immature tendencies  
    • Whether or not EIP’s can change
    • The limits of estrangement
    • Why she encourages “alternatives to forgiveness”


    For tickets to TPH's live event in Boston on September 7:

    https://thewilbur.com/armory/artist/dan-harris/


    Full Shownotes:

    https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/lindsay-c-gibson-617

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    Jerks at Work | Amy Gallo

    Jerks at Work | Amy Gallo

    This is the third installment in our Work Life series. In other episodes, we cover topics like imposter syndrome, whether mindfulness really works at work, and whether you should actually bring your whole self to the office.


    Today's episode is one that many of us struggle with: interpersonal conflict at work. Our guest is a true ninja on this topic. Amy Gallo is a workplace expert who writes and speaks about interpersonal dynamics, difficult conversations, feedback, gender, and effective communication.


    Gallo is a contributing editor at Harvard Business Review and the author of a new book, Getting Along, How to Work with Anyone, Even Difficult People. She's also written the The Harvard Business Review Guide to Dealing With Conflict, and she cohosts the Women at Work podcast.

      


    In this episode we talk about:


    • Why quality interactions at work are so important for our professional success and personal mental health
    • Why Gallo believes one size doesn’t fit all when it comes to dealing with difficult people in the workplace 
    • Why avoidance isn’t usually an option 
    • What the research tells us about work friendships
    • Why we have a tendency to dehumanize people who have more power than us
    • Why passive aggressive people can be the most difficult to deal with
    • The provocative question of whether we are part of the problem when work conflict crops up
    • And, a taxonomy of the eight different flavors of difficult coworkers, including the pessimist, the victim, the know-it-all, and the insecure boss — with tactics for managing each. 




    Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/amy-gallo-576

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    The Dalai Lama’s Guide to Happiness | Part 1

    The Dalai Lama’s Guide to Happiness | Part 1

    Dan flies to Dharamsala, India to spend two weeks in the orbit of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. This is the first installment of a five-part audio documentary series, something we’ve never done before now. Over the course of the episodes, we talk to His Holiness about practical strategies for thorny dilemmas, including: how to get along with difficult people; whether compassion can cut it in an often brutal world; why there is a self-interested case for not being a jerk; and how to create social connection in an era of disconnection. We also get rare insights from the Dalai Lama into everything from the mechanics of reincarnation to His Holiness’s own personal mediation practice. 


    In this first installment, Dan watches as a young activist directly challenges His Holiness: In a world plagued by climate change, terrorism, and other existential threats, is the Dalia Lama’s message of compassion practical — or even relevant? 


    Full Show Notes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/dalai-lama-guide-538


    Other Resources Mentioned:


    Additional Resources:

    Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/JoinChallengePod

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    Jennifer Senior On: Grief, Happiness, Friendship Breakups, and Why We Feel Younger Than Our Actual Age

    Jennifer Senior On: Grief, Happiness, Friendship Breakups, and Why We Feel Younger Than Our Actual Age

    It’s likely uncontroversial to assert that Jennifer Senior is one of our finest living journalists. She’s currently a staff writer at The Atlantic and before that she spent many years at the New York Times and New York magazine. Jennifer’s written on a vast array of topics, but she has a special knack for writing articles about the human condition that go massively, massively, viral. One such hit was a lengthy and extremely moving piece for The Atlantic that won a Pulitzer Prize. It was about a young man who died on 9/11, and the wildly varying ways in which his loved ones experienced grief. That article, called “What Bobby McIlvaine Left Behind,” has now been turned into a book called, On Grief: Love, Loss, Memory.


    In this interview, we spend a lot of time talking about this truly fascinating yarn, but we also talk about her other articles: one about an eminent happiness researcher who died by suicide, another about why friendships often break up, and a truly delightful recent piece about the puzzling gap between how old we are and how old we think we are. Jennifer has also written a book about parenting, called All Joy and No Fun which we also reference a few times throughout.


    In this episode we talk about:

    • Jennifer’s perspective on the Bobby McIlvaine story 
    • Lesser known theories of grieving from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
    • The work involved in finding meaning in loss
    • Why – from an evolutionary standpoint – we hurt so badly when we lose someone we love
    • Commitment and sacrifice
    • The puzzling gap between how old you are and how old you think you are
    • The power and perils of friendship
    • Why Jennifer has chosen to focus so much of her writing on relationships


    Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jennifer-senior-583

    To join a live coaching session, sign up at tenpercent.com/coaching.

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