Office Hours Special: Algebra of Masculinity Part 3

Podcast Summary

• The impact of societal shifts on young men: Addressing challenges faced by young men requires a collective effort and compassionate, data-driven conversations.

  The decline of male connection and the impact of societal shifts, such as the loss of traditional male jobs and the prevalence of pornography, significantly affect young men, particularly in areas with high poverty rates and limited opportunities. Atlassian, a company known for its collaboration software, emphasizes the importance of teams working together to achieve more than they could alone. Similarly, addressing the challenges faced by young men requires a collective effort from individuals, communities, and society as a whole. In the discussion with Richard Reeves, we explored the concept of relational masculinity and the importance of empathy and understanding in promoting positive masculinity. Reeves, an author and expert on boys and young men, emphasized the need for data-driven, compassionate conversations around these issues to gain traction and make a meaningful impact.

• Young men in economically struggling areas face isolation and addiction due to lack of opportunities and role models: Providing young men in economically struggling areas with supportive friend groups, job opportunities, and mentors can help mitigate isolation, addiction, and societal instability

  The lack of connection, opportunities, and role models can make young men in economically struggling areas more vulnerable to addiction and social isolation. This issue is compounded by educational gaps, leading to higher crime rates and a reversal of traditional gender roles. The surplus of men in these areas can create societal instability. To address this, it's crucial to provide young men with more guardrails, such as supportive friend groups, job opportunities, and mentors. These guardrails can help young men navigate the challenges they face and build a foundation for a stable future.

• The importance of institutional support for boys' and men's identity development: Institutional support, such as national service or scholarships for service, can help boys and men connect and grow, addressing the lack of male role models and leading to positive outcomes like increased church attendance, college enrollment, and sports participation.

  The construction of masculinity and the male role is more socially constructed and guided compared to femininity due to the solid anchor of reproductive roles and community for women. However, with fewer male role models in families and institutions, such as schools and churches, boys and men are lacking the necessary support to understand their identity. This lack of connection to men and male role models can lead to negative outcomes, including lower church attendance, fewer college enrollments, and less participation in sports. To address this issue, institutions like national service or scholarships for service could be funded to provide boys and men with opportunities for connection and growth. Additionally, the revival of organizations like the Boy Scouts could also play a role in fostering positive male development. Ultimately, it's crucial to recognize the importance of institutional support for boys and men to help them navigate their identities and become contributing members of society.

• Issues surrounding boys' connections, ADHD drugs, and pornography: Policy changes needed for boys' connections, mentors, and a nuanced approach to ADHD drugs. Parents face tough decisions regarding their children's well-being with limited research on pornography's impact.

  There are significant issues surrounding the loss of male connections and the lack of mentors in schools, particularly in low-income areas. At the same time, there is a growing concern over the prescription of ADHD drugs for boys, with valid concerns about overmedication but also acknowledgement of the positive impact it can have for some. The impact of pornography on young men is another complex issue, with limited research due to its ubiquity. Overall, there is a need for policy changes to address these issues, including initiatives to provide coaches and mentors for schools and a more nuanced approach to addressing ADHD. Parents and caregivers are left grappling with difficult decisions regarding their children's well-being, and further research is needed to fully understand the complexities of these issues.

• Understanding Masculinity as Relational: Men are defined by their contributions to their communities and relationships, not self-sufficiency. Strive to be providers and build strong relationships for a positive impact.

  Masculinity is best understood as relational, rather than isolative. This means that men are not defined by their ability to stand alone, but rather by their contributions to their communities and relationships. The idea that a man generates a surplus for the group, providing more than he needs for his own survival, is a powerful anthropological concept. This surplus can take many forms, including love, time, energy, strength, and joy. The danger of lone ranger masculinity, which prizes self-sufficiency above all else, is that it leads to isolation, a state known to be harmful both psychologically and physically. Instead, men should strive to be providers in all areas of life, building strong relationships and communities that support and sustain them. This concept was beautifully illustrated in a personal story shared during the discussion, of a father's influence on his son through the generations. Ultimately, the goal for men should be to have a positive impact on those around them, to be the kind of grandfather who is a source of security, joy, and support.

• Understanding Masculinity as Inner, Family, and Community Self-Care: Focus on self-care first, extend compassion to family, and contribute to community for authentic masculinity.

  Masculinity can be understood as concentric circles of self-care, family care, and care for the community. The innermost circle is about taking care of oneself to be self-sufficient. The next circle is about caring for one's family, being a good partner and provider. The outermost circle is about extending care and support to the larger community. However, it's essential to start from the inner circle, focusing on selflessness rather than selfishness. Only then can one effectively contribute to the outer circles. The hollow expression of masculinity arises when individuals prioritize external affirmation over inner fulfillment. The most impactful men are those who generate compassion, love, and joy within their families, creating a surplus that can be shared with the wider community.

• The Distinct Roles of Mothers and Fathers: Moms nurture and create a safe environment, while dads take risks and help navigate the world, both essential for children's happiness and well-being.

  The roles of mothers and fathers in raising children are distinct but complementary, and the combination of attributes typically associated with each gender brings unique benefits. While there is evidence that moms excel at nurturing and creating a safe environment for children, dads play a crucial role in taking calculated risks, helping children navigate the world, and fostering growth. This is not to suggest that these roles are limited to specific genders or that they cannot be fulfilled by individuals of any gender identity. However, the evidence suggests that the distinct roles of mothers and fathers contribute significantly to children's happiness, economic productivity, and overall well-being. This understanding of the importance of both mothers and fathers in the parenting enterprise has gained recognition in social science circles, and it is essential to acknowledge and value the unique contributions of each parent.

• Creating a think tank for boys and men: Despite facing challenges, a prestigious scholar started a think tank to address the lack of institutional focus on issues facing boys and men, and is optimistic about its future impact.

  Despite having a prestigious appointment at the Brookings Institution, the speaker, Richard Reeves, felt compelled to start the American Institute For Boys and Men due to a lack of institutional focus on the issues facing boys and men. He saw this as an institutional problem and felt the need to create a think tank to address it. The process of starting this enterprise was rewarding as he received support from his wife and others, but challenging as he had to learn new skills and build a team. Despite the risks, Reeves believed it was the right thing to do at that moment in time, and he is optimistic about the future of his institution. He hopes that in five years, it will be a well-established organization making a significant impact on the conversation surrounding boys and men.

• Encouraging self-reliance and personal growth for better conversation skills: Encouraging self-reliance and personal growth can help young men develop essential conversation skills, leading to stronger relationships and greater success in life.

  Developing essential conversation skills is crucial for young men, especially for those who lack motivation and partnership in their personal and professional lives. While there may not be specific research on this topic, a practical approach could be encouraging self-reliance and personal growth, enabling young men to provide for themselves first before taking on responsibilities for others. Real-life practice, such as engaging in honest and unguarded conversations, can be fostered through various means, including social circles, mentoring programs, or even self-help resources. Ultimately, cultivating conversation skills is an essential aspect of personal development and can lead to stronger relationships and greater success in various aspects of life.

• Learning respectful communication skills for various life situations: Parents can help young men develop essential skills like initiating conversations, expressing romantic interest, and handling rejection by placing them in diverse social situations.

  Young men and boys need to learn how to approach and communicate with others, particularly women, in a respectful and confident manner. This skill not only applies to romantic situations but also to professional and social contexts throughout their lives. Parents can encourage this by placing their children in diverse social situations, such as unsupervised environments with peers, volunteer work, or community activities. The ability to initiate conversations, express romantic interest, and handle rejection are valuable skills that can benefit young men in various aspects of their lives. Additionally, there is a trend of gender imbalance in higher education institutions, with more women being admitted than men. However, it's essential to remember that every individual's educational journey should be based on merit and personal growth, rather than focusing solely on gender balance.

• Gender imbalance in higher education and its socioeconomic consequences: The ongoing gender imbalance in higher education leads to fewer economically viable male partners for women, contributing to a decrease in mating and household formation. To address this issue, we should focus on increasing the number of available freshman seats and recognizing the underrepresentation of white men from red states.

  The gender imbalance in higher education, with women making up a larger percentage of students than men, has significant socioeconomic consequences. This trend, which has been ongoing for decades, has led to a shrinking pool of economically viable male partners for women, contributing to a decrease in mating and household formation. The education system, which is meant to serve the public, is being used to create elites rather than providing equal opportunities. To address this issue, we need to focus on increasing the number of available freshman seats rather than debating affirmative action based on gender or race. Additionally, informal affirmative action for young men is occurring, but admissions directors are hesitant to make it formal due to political backlash. The most underrepresented group in colleges is now white men from red states, who are not applying to college in large numbers. It's crucial to recognize that the focus should be on providing more opportunities for all, rather than debating who deserves them.

• Expanding the pool of applicants for graduate schools: To increase representation of underrepresented groups, focus on expanding applicant pool instead of reducing others. Address the lack of male role models and get involved in young men's lives.

  It's essential to increase the representation of underrepresented groups, particularly Asian American females, in graduate schools. However, rather than focusing on reducing the number of other groups, we should aim to expand the pool of applicants. The absence of male role models is a significant issue contributing to the struggles faced by young men, and getting involved in their lives can make a positive impact. To help young men develop, we must be better men and get involved in their lives, and initiatives like vocational programming can provide opportunities for those not suited for traditional college paths.