Podcast Summary
Beyond personal practices: recognizing societal structures: Self care extends beyond individual actions, requiring societal change to address systemic issues contributing to burnout and exhaustion.
Self care is often marketed as an individual solution to larger societal issues, but according to Dr. Pooja Lakshman, it's important to recognize that self care goes beyond personal practices and involves addressing systemic issues. In the realm of fashion, 3rd love addresses the problem of bra comfort and size exclusivity, while Pampers ensures gentle care for babies' delicate skin. However, these solutions are only part of the equation. In her book "Real Self Care," Dr. Lakshman encourages a more holistic approach to self care that includes addressing societal structures and policies that contribute to burnout and exhaustion. By recognizing and addressing these larger issues, we can truly prioritize and practice effective self care.
Historical roots of self-care in social justice movements: Recognize the importance of self-care practices that empower individuals to make choices and assert control over their lives, even in challenging circumstances. A more holistic approach to wellness acknowledges the impact of systemic issues.
The current focus on individual self-care practices, such as meditation and essential oils, can be misleading and even harmful for those who are facing systemic issues like lack of healthcare, financial instability, and inadequate leave policies. The discussion highlighted the importance of recognizing the historical roots of self-care in social justice movements and mental health treatment, which emphasizes self-preservation and agency. The speaker's personal experience in a mental hospital underscored the significance of self-care practices that allow individuals to make choices and assert control over their lives, even in challenging circumstances. Overall, the conversation emphasized the need for a more holistic approach to wellness that acknowledges the impact of systemic issues and empowers individuals to claim their agency.
Challenging societal norms through true self-care: True self-care is an internal process of setting boundaries, compassion, values, and power, not just about quick-fix solutions or externally prescribed practices.
While we're taught to be productive and consume, the importance of true self-care as self-preservation and an act of political warfare against societal norms has been purposefully overlooked. Self-care practices like yoga, meditation, and essential oils, while helpful, are considered "faux self-care" because they're externally prescribed and don't address the root causes of our stress and exhaustion. True self-care, on the other hand, comes from within and involves making internal decisions based on boundaries, compassion, values, and power. It's a continuous process that adapts to different stages of life and has the potential to bring about change in our relationships and larger systems. However, it requires more effort and introspection than the quick-fix solutions offered by capitalism. It's essential to understand that true self-care is not just about personal well-being, but also about challenging societal structures that prioritize productivity over human connection and self-preservation.
The value of an activity depends on internal mindset and motivation: Reflect on reasons behind choices, ensure alignment with personal values for effective self-care
The value and effectiveness of an activity, such as yoga, don't solely depend on the activity itself, but rather on the internal mindset and motivation behind it. Two individuals may participate in the same activity, but their experiences and outcomes can vary greatly depending on their mindset and the personal values that drive them to engage in it. Some people may use activities as escapes from their daily struggles, while others may use them as tools to improve their lives and align with their values. It's essential to reflect on the reasons behind our choices and ensure that they align with our principles, rather than being driven by external pressures or expectations. Ultimately, true self-care involves addressing the root causes of our struggles and making lasting changes in our lives, rather than relying on constant escapes or external tools.
Creating space for reflection and prioritizing well-being: Self-care goes beyond physical acts, involves setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and prioritizing personal values for better decision making and stress relief.
Self-care goes beyond just the physical act of bathing or using candles. It's about creating boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and understanding personal values. These moments of quiet reflection help us make better decisions and break free from the chaos and stress. The speaker emphasizes that it's not about the candle itself, but the signal it sends to ourselves and our loved ones that we need this time for self-care. Additionally, the speaker encourages parents, in particular, to prioritize self-care, using the analogy of ensuring a new parent always has a sufficient diaper supply. Similarly, taking care of our mental and emotional well-being is essential and requires consistent effort. The speaker also mentions the importance of providing our pets with the same level of care and attention we give to ourselves and our loved ones. In summary, self-care is about more than just the physical act; it's about creating space for reflection, setting boundaries, and prioritizing our well-being.
Setting Boundaries is Key to Self-Care: Setting boundaries involves recognizing the importance of saying no and taking back control, which leads to better mental and emotional well-being in various aspects of life
Self-care is not just about buying products or following trends, but rather setting boundaries and taking back control of our lives. This was emphasized during a discussion about the benefits of The Farmer's Dog, a service that provides fresh, pre-portioned meals for dogs. The speaker shared her personal experience of realizing the importance of boundaries after receiving advice from her mentor. She explained that the pause and the ability to decide and respond, whether it's saying yes, no, or negotiating, is crucial in setting boundaries. No always comes with a cost, but acknowledging that cost and making a plan to address it in the future can help us take back our agency. This principle of self-care can be applied to various aspects of our lives, including our relationships and work. It's not about being perfect right now, but rather making progress towards setting stronger boundaries.
The Power of Pausing Before Responding: Quick responses can lead to regretful communication. Pausing allows us to remember our values and be creative in our responses. Cognitive diffusion helps us deal with difficult feelings like guilt and anger by recognizing we're not our thoughts, enabling us to let go and focus on honoring our values.
Responding quickly to requests without pausing can put us in a powerless position and lead to regretful responses. The pause after a response is crucial for remembering our values and being creative in our communication. Cognitive diffusion, a technique from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, can help us deal with difficult feelings like guilt and anger by recognizing that we are not our thoughts. Instead of pushing away or gobbling up our thoughts, we should let them move through our minds. Guilt, in particular, can be seen as an external force rather than a reflection of our moral compass. By acknowledging this, we can learn to let go of the guilt and focus on honoring our own values.
Setting boundaries: Essential but challenging: Reflect on feelings, seek help if needed, and remember the importance of setting boundaries in life.
Setting boundaries is a necessary but challenging process that involves both operational communication and managing the accompanying feelings, such as guilt and frustration. These feelings cannot be alleviated by the person you've set the boundary with, and seeking professional help may be necessary if they significantly impact your quality of life. The difficulty of withstanding the discomfort after setting a boundary can be managed by reflecting on the source of those feelings, whether it's abandoning your own values or cultural mandates. Keeping a log of such situations in a journal can help you remember and grow from these experiences. Boundary-setting is a valuable life skill that is essential but often overlooked, especially in a capitalist society that doesn't prioritize it.
Reflecting on past experiences and emotions can help us make better decisions: Recording feelings from past situations can inform future decisions, access to excellent customer service can reduce stress, investing in efficient systems can save money and improve productivity, setting boundaries and values are essential for personal growth.
Reflecting on past experiences and emotions can help us make better decisions in the future. By recording our feelings in response to certain situations, we can remember the consequences and use that knowledge to navigate similar dilemmas. For instance, if we felt badly about saying no to making cupcakes for our child's school, we can recall that feeling and use it as motivation to stand firm when faced with social expectations that don't align with our priorities. Similarly, having access to excellent customer service, like Discover's 24/7 live support, can make all the difference in managing business operations and reducing stress. Additionally, investing in efficient systems, such as NetSuite, can help businesses save money and improve productivity. Lastly, setting boundaries and values are essential components of personal growth. Establishing boundaries creates space for introspection and self-reflection, while defining values requires deeper exploration and prioritization. Remember, taking care of ourselves and our businesses starts with making informed decisions and prioritizing what truly matters.
Identifying Personal Values through a Dinner Party Exercise: Imagine a dinner party with people representing your personal values, helping to identify unique and authentic values that guide daily life.
Values are not static, but rather dynamic and embodied qualities that represent who we are and how we want to live our lives. They can be expressed through verbs and adverbs, such as courage, boldness, curiosity, learning, and even silliness or humor. The dinner party exercise is a helpful tool to identify personal values by imagining and describing a hypothetical dinner party. Values are unique to each individual and there's no right or wrong answer. They can be applied to various aspects of life, from wellness practices to major life decisions. Values are not limited to serious or religious connotations, but rather a way to embody the vibe or feeling we want to experience each day. They are open-ended, constantly changing, and a reflection of our authentic selves.
The Importance of Personal Values for Parenting and Personal Growth: Understanding personal values like creativity, self-expression, being with oneself and children, and homeostasis is crucial for effective parenting and personal growth. Values provide a foundation for setting personal boundaries and practicing self-compassion, and should be adapted to different life stages through introspection and flexibility.
Self-care and personal values are essential for both personal growth and effective parenting. Puja emphasized the importance of creativity, self-expression, and understanding as her consistent values. Abby highlighted the significance of being with oneself and children, allowing them to be who they are, and striving for homeostasis. Both agreed that values serve as a foundation for setting personal boundaries and practicing self-compassion. The conversation underscored the importance of introspection, flexibility, and adapting values to different life stages.
Practicing Self-Compassion: Treating Ourselves with Kindness and Understanding: Recognize self-talk, let go of harsh self-criticism, and practice self-compassion by treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, rather than waiting for external validation. Avoid 'martyr mode' mindset and learn to give ourselves the compassion and care we deserve.
Self-compassion is about the way we talk to ourselves and how we treat ourselves. It's essential to recognize that we are not our thoughts or feelings and can let them pass. Many people, especially women, criticize themselves harshly, even before 9:30 in the morning. Self-compassion means treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, rather than waiting for external validation. The concept of "martyr mode" is particularly relevant, where individuals believe they need to earn their compassion and can only receive it from others. This mindset is toxic and can lead to neglecting our own needs. To practice self-compassion, we can reflect on what we are dying for someone else to give us and find ways to give that to ourselves. A powerful example of this is a woman who turned down a neighbor's offer of a cooked meal, missing out on a chance for connection and community. Instead, we should embrace the generosity of others and learn to give ourselves the compassion and care we deserve.
Practicing self-care and building relationships: Start small, be open to help, build community, trust self, make time for human connections, recognize structural roots of disconnection, work towards creating a more equal society.
Practicing self-care and building authentic relationships go hand in hand. Dr. Ball recommends starting small and being open to receiving help, even when the stakes are low. This not only helps us build community but also allows us to trust ourselves and make time for the human connections that make life worth living. However, it's important to note that individualistic wellness strategies can sometimes perpetuate disconnection and a focus on perfection rather than collective action towards social justice. By recognizing the structural roots of this issue in white supremacy and capitalism, we can work towards creating a world where humanity is valued and all are invited to enter into the struggle for a more equal society.
Learning to say no effectively through self-compassion and understanding values: Prioritizing self-compassion and values helps in saying no effectively, inspiring personal growth and encouraging others. It's okay to prioritize ourselves and remember the ripple effect of our decisions.
Prioritizing self-compassion and understanding our values are crucial steps towards learning to say no effectively. This can lead to personal growth and inspiring others to do the same. The speaker, Glennon Doyle, shared her experience of being moved by Pooja's way of saying no and how it encouraged her to trust herself and set boundaries. The act of saying no can have a ripple effect, and it's essential to remember that it's okay to prioritize ourselves. The We Can Do Hard Things podcast team encourages listeners to reflect on their values, practice self-compassion, and follow the podcast to continue the conversation.
