S4 E10: Jason Fox: 'It wasn’t the military that fucked me up, it was normal life’

Overcoming challenges and transforming one's life often involves pushing past personal limits and changing habits, as shared by Jason Fox, a former UK special forces soldier and television personality. Fox's experiences in the military, including his time in the SAS, required immense mental and physical resilience. However, he shared that the greatest challenges came when readjusting to civilian life. Fox's new book, "Embrace the Chaos," encourages readers to face their own challenges and embrace the uncertainty of life. Despite facing adversity, including mental health issues that led to his discharge from the military, Fox remains an inspiration and a reminder that with determination and a positive mindset, one can overcome obstacles and reach new heights.

The Special Forces selection process is a challenging and rigorous experience designed to test individuals both physically and mentally. During the process, recruits undergo various tests, including a combat fitness test and navigation exercises, carrying heavy loads and running long distances. The most challenging part for many is the mental aspect, as they are constantly being watched and evaluated. The experience instills confidence and shows that anyone can accomplish great things if they believe in their why and commit fully. The Special Forces training teaches recruits to handle adversity, adapt to new situations, and trust in their abilities. The process ultimately separates those who are truly dedicated from those who are not.

The military experience, while challenging and fulfilling, can have profound impacts on mental health. The speaker, a former soldier, shared how he loved the craft of soldiering and the camaraderie, but the lack of training in balancing work and home life led to mental health issues, specifically PTSD. He explained that it wasn't one particular incident that caused the PTSD, but a culmination of stressors during his service. Now, he recognizes that he neglected his personal life while focusing on his military duties, and this imbalance contributed to his mental health struggles. It's important to remember that everyone's experience is unique, and the effects of military service can vary greatly from person to person.

Everyone's experiences with mental health and coping mechanisms are unique, but the human response to life's challenges can lead us to self-destructive behaviors. The speaker shares how they struggled with motivation and felt a need for chaos during a difficult period in their life, which they now recognize as a symptom of their mental health struggles. They also mention how they've had periods of craving stability but feeling bored and pressing a self-destruct button when things became too calm. The speaker acknowledges that their experiences might not be the same as others, but the human tendency to respond to life in different ways is a common thread. They also mention how they've caused chaos unconsciously and that sometimes people might need to experience the negative consequences of their actions to understand that it's not the best way to live. The speaker also touches on how their experiences with war and daily life differ, with war bringing a sense of calm and daily life presenting more irritation. Overall, the discussion highlights the complexity of mental health and the importance of recognizing and understanding our individual responses to life's challenges.

War fighting is an emotional roller coaster, and that suppressing emotions, especially mental health issues, can be more detrimental than the issues themselves. The speaker shared a personal experience of fear during a dangerous operation, where he felt the need to regress to a childlike state to cope with the situation. He also mentioned instances where they had to turn aggression on to survive. However, when he started experiencing symptoms of PTSD and depression, he felt ashamed and hid it for a long time, which ultimately led to more career damage than the mental health issues themselves. So, acknowledging and addressing mental health issues is crucial, even in high-stress environments like war, to prevent further harm.

Being honest with oneself and others about one's struggles can lead to significant personal growth. The speaker shares his experience of going through the motions in therapy sessions without truly believing in the process, which eventually led him to a point of contemplating suicide. It was only when he decided to be truthful about his feelings and opened up to a trusted friend that he received the help he needed. The importance of finding the right therapist who resonates with one's unique needs and perspective cannot be overstated. The speaker's experience shows that it is essential to communicate openly and honestly about one's experiences and emotions, even if it means stepping out of one's comfort zone. Additionally, it is important to recognize that everyone's journey is unique, and what may not work for one person might be effective for another. Ultimately, the speaker's experience underscores the power of authenticity and the importance of seeking help when needed.

Discipline plays a crucial role in motivation. The speaker shared their personal experience of how discipline helps them to motivate themselves, even when the tasks are not pleasant. They mentioned that in the military, they didn't have much discipline but did things out of necessity. Now, they choose to do things that require discipline as a way to prove to themselves that they still have it. These tasks are not necessarily for health reasons but serve as a test of self-discipline. The speaker believes that building discipline helps in developing mental strength and resilience, making it easier to be motivated when needed. They also enjoy pushing themselves out of their comfort zone through challenging activities, even though they can be uncomfortable. The speaker emphasized that giving up is always an option, but the consequences of quitting can be significant, and the sense of accomplishment from pushing through is worth the effort.

Mental discipline plays a crucial role in both military service and everyday life. Even physical tasks require mental focus, and maintaining mental discipline comes with repetition and constant awareness. The interviewee, a former special forces soldier, emphasized the importance of mental health, sharing his personal journey and advocacy for speaking openly about it. After struggling with mental health issues and being unable to find work due to his diagnosis, he entered the world of television through a friend's recommendation. This unexpected turn led him to exciting opportunities, including discovering a piece of Captain Kidd's lost treasure. Ultimately, mental discipline and the ability to adapt to new situations have been key to his success.

Determination and perseverance can lead to unexpected opportunities. The speaker shares a story about how he went from being mistakenly accused of looting to being approached for a reality TV show after a successful special forces selection. He initially declined, but due to financial needs, he eventually agreed. Among the celebrities who impressed him on the show, he mentions Wayne Bridge, a footballer who had once beaten him up in a charity boxing match. Despite his past defeat, the speaker expresses admiration for Wayne's determination and physical strength. The speaker also shares his own experience of training for and ultimately losing to Wayne in a boxing match for charity. Through these experiences, the speaker learned the value of pushing through challenges and taking opportunities as they come.

"I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!" is more than just a reality show where celebrities are mocked; it's a journey of self-discovery for the contestants. The unexpected contestant, Gareth Gates, impressed the speaker despite initial skepticism due to his impressive application and determination. The show's unique experience, which includes living in uncomfortable conditions and wearing a bag on one's head, can be challenging for some celebrities, leading to unexpected outcomes. The speaker enjoys witnessing the transformative journeys of the contestants and emphasizes that even the most impressive ones can experience growth during their time on the show. The show's production has minimal input on determining the winner, making the outcome unpredictable. The speaker has written a few best-selling books, and they reflect on how their English teacher might be surprised by their achievements.

Embracing the chaos in life and limiting screen time are essential for personal growth and resilience. The new book "Embrace the Chaos" by Matt Allen suggests breaking down life into four parts - mission, chaos, recovery, and calm. While calm is important, we should not spend too much time in it as we often fear boredom and fill our minds with distractions like phones. Neuroscientist TJ Power warns that excessive screen time, especially in the morning, can lead to a bad day. The average American kid between 11 and 15 spends 11 hours a day on screens, which is concerning as they might miss out on real-world experiences that build resilience. To prepare for life's challenges, we need to engage in activities that make us resilient, not just consume content about it on our screens. Embracing the chaos means accepting the ups and downs of life and being present in the moment, rather than constantly reaching for our phones.

Life is full of unexpected challenges and setbacks, but it's important to have a clear mission, reflect on past experiences, and find ways to turn adversity into opportunities. The book "Mission, Chaos, Recovery, Karma" discusses these concepts in depth, dividing life into four parts: mission (big goals that push us out of our comfort zones), recovery (reflection and improvement after experiences), chaos (unexpected events), and calm (embracing challenges and finding positivity). A meaningful example of this is a tattoo the speaker has on his arm, which represents the bond between him and his brother, who served in the military with him. Despite their time apart, they shared a strong connection, and the tattoo serves as a reminder of their shared experiences and the importance of cherishing meaningful relationships.

War experiences can deeply impact individuals and their relationships, leading them to cherish their loved ones and create meaningful symbols of brotherhood and survival. The speaker shares a story of a near-death experience during a rocket attack, where they and their friend dealt with the enemy. Years later, when the friend was deploying again, the speaker felt intense fear and concern, leading him to get a tattoo as a reminder of their brotherhood and the brotherhood of being away. The tattoo features two Spartan warriors, one with a Wolverine shield and the speaker's brother's DNA. Despite initial skepticism from the tattoo industry, the speaker's friend is still creating these unique tattoos in America. The speaker reflects on success, believing that happiness is the ultimate goal, and that it can be fleeting, but as long as one is content, they are successful.