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    Three Buddhist Practices For Getting Your Sh*t Together | Vinny Ferraro

    enMay 15, 2024

    Podcast Summary

    • Exploring the power of Buddhist practices for resilience and inner peaceThrough practices like alignment, noting, and embracing suffering, we can cultivate resilience and find inner peace. Free meditations and discounts are available during World Meditation Week on the 10 Percent Happier app.

      Learning from this episode of the 10 Percent Happier podcast is the importance of cultivating resilience and finding inner peace through Buddhist practices. My guest, Vinny Ferrero, shared his personal experiences of overcoming adversity and his current practices, including alignment, noting, and embracing suffering. Alignment refers to recognizing the inner workings of our minds and bodies and finding a sense of harmony within ourselves. Noting practice involves observing thoughts and feelings without judgment. Vinny also emphasized the value of embracing suffering and not seeking constant satisfaction. These practices, according to Vinny, can help us become more unfuckable, or sturdy and steady in the face of life's challenges. Vinny's story is a powerful reminder of the transformative power of mindfulness and the Buddhist teachings. For those looking to deepen their practice, the 10 Percent Happier app is offering a series of free meditations during World Meditation Week, and a discount on subscriptions.

    • Choosing what to align with in our mindsThrough mindfulness practice, we can choose to focus on wholesome qualities like loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity to create a positive pathway in our minds.

      We have the power to choose what we align ourselves with in our minds. The mind is filled with various thoughts, desires, and urges, but with mindfulness practice, we can decide which one to follow. The Buddha called these wholesome qualities the Brahma Viharas, which include loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. These are skills that can be developed, and by focusing on them, we can create a pathway towards positive emotions and actions. It's essential to be mindful of the limitations of the mind and the suffering it can deliver, and to take good care of what we let it dwell on by practicing discipline and habitually focusing on the wholesome qualities.

    • Buddha's emphasis on love, care, and compassion as transformative forcesThe Buddha believed that love, care, and compassion are more effective in promoting personal growth and transformation than negative emotions like anger, fear, or shame. These heart qualities, or refuges, help us meet experiences with equanimity and maintain a connection to our inner worth.

      Self-judgment and negative emotions like anger, fear, or shame may hinder personal growth and transformation. Instead, the Buddha emphasized the importance of love, care, and compassion as more transformative forces. These heart qualities, or refuges, offer a reliable way to meet experiences, even painful ones, with equanimity. Equanimity prevents love and compassion from becoming overly sentimental or saccharine, allowing us to be up close with difficult emotions without being consumed by them. By remembering our inherent goodness and staying rooted in it, we can navigate the challenges of life with resilience and maintain a connection to our inner worth.

    • Connecting with others and making wise choicesRecognize and acknowledge inner demons, but don't identify with them. Practice mindfulness to see present moment clearly and make wise choices.

      Mindfulness and Buddhist practices are about connecting with others and choosing wisely in each moment, even when we're bound to make mistakes. The practice of noting and recognizing our thoughts and emotions, rather than identifying with them, allows us to see the present moment clearly and make choices that lead to liberation. We all have inner demons, like Mara in Buddhism, representing our toxic qualities, but the awake part of us, or Buddha, is always present and sees it all. The key is to recognize and acknowledge the presence of our inner demons, but not to mistake them for our true selves. The practice is about tending to each moment and seeing it for what it truly is, rather than getting lost in illusions and mistakes.

    • Focus on the awareness during meditation, not just the thoughtsInstead of getting lost in negative thoughts, recognize and engage with the part of us that is aware of them. This awake part holds wisdom and can help us step back and be the observer, not the thinker.

      Instead of focusing solely on the demons or negative thoughts that arise during meditation, we should also pay attention to the part of ourselves that is aware of these thoughts. Vinny emphasizes that this awake part of us is fascinating and holds wisdom. He encourages us to ask ourselves who we truly are and not get lost in our ego or imposter syndrome. The teachings suggest that we can step back and be the awareness rather than getting consumed by our thoughts. It's essential to remember that thoughts are not personal and can serve as valuable tools for awakening. Practicing noting, which involves labeling thoughts as they arise, can help us remember to focus on the awareness rather than the content of our thoughts.

    • Practicing mindfulness through noting creates a distance from thoughts and emotionsNoting practice helps stay present during meditation and challenges compulsive thought patterns in daily life, fostering personal growth

      Practicing mindfulness through noting helps create a distance from our thoughts and emotions, allowing us to better understand and respond wisely to our internal experiences. This regular practice, whether formal or informal, is crucial for maintaining a connection to a deeper awareness beyond thought and fostering personal growth. The noted practice of mindfulness not only helps us stay present during meditation but also carries over into our daily lives, enabling us to challenge our compulsive thought patterns and transform our relationship with reality.

    • Finding satisfaction in the present momentDiscover deep contentment by practicing mindfulness, trusting the present, and letting go of external searches for satisfaction.

      Each moment holds the potential for liberation and satisfaction, even in the face of resistance or discomfort. By practicing mindfulness and turning towards our experiences instead of resisting them, we can discover a deep sense of contentment that is not dependent on external circumstances. This idea, which has been expressed by various spiritual teachers throughout history, encourages us to trust in the present moment and let go of our constant search for satisfaction in the future. Additionally, it's important to remember that satisfaction and peace can be found in the present moment, and that we don't need to wait for a better moment to be content. Furthermore, it's essential to be mindful of our consumption habits and support ethical and responsible manufacturing practices, as demonstrated by companies like Quince, which offer high-quality and affordable clothing options.

    • Audiobook Recommendation and Technique for Mental WellbeingAcknowledge suffering, redirect awareness through mindfulness practices, and focus on the present moment to manage emotions and gain perspective.

      Audible offers a vast collection of audiobooks across various genres, with new members able to try it free for 30 days. The speaker highly recommends the audiobook "Our Share of Night." In life, it's essential to acknowledge and address our suffering instead of avoiding it. The speaker's approach to life is deeply sane but requires effort. He emphasizes the second of three techniques for maintaining mental wellbeing: redirecting awareness. Through mindfulness practices, one can direct awareness to different parts of their body to better understand and manage their emotions, such as anxiety. By focusing on the present moment and the direct experience of our feet touching the ground, we can gain perspective and avoid getting lost in negative thoughts.

    • Redirecting awareness to cope with unpleasant emotionsMindfulness practices like redirecting awareness can help us navigate unpleasant emotions by shifting focus, providing self-compassion, and acknowledging the presence of these feelings without judgment.

      Mindfulness practices, such as redirecting awareness, can help us navigate unpleasant emotions like anxiety or stress by shifting our focus and providing compassionate self-witness. Instead of getting overwhelmed by these feelings and taking them personally, we can see ourselves as part of a larger community of beings who have experienced similar sensations. By acknowledging the presence of these emotions without judgment, we can begin to understand their nature and find ways to cope. Whether it's through self-care, seeking support from others, or simply acknowledging the validity of our experience, redirecting awareness can help us break the cycle of suffering and find inner peace.

    • Understanding our relationship to thoughts and afflictionsHonesty and self-awareness are crucial in recognizing our relationship to thoughts and afflictions. Redirecting awareness and not taking them for our identity can help us tend to them without fear. Buddhist precepts and ancestor practices can further reinforce this sense of belonging and understanding.

      Our relationship to our thoughts and afflictions is more important than the thoughts and afflictions themselves. Honesty and self-awareness are crucial in understanding this. The Buddha's enlightenment is a testament to this, as he continued to face Mara despite becoming enlightened. Redirecting awareness and not taking these energies for our identity can help us tend to them without fear. The Buddhist precepts, such as not taking what's not ours, can also deliver freedom by helping us not take things personally and recognize our belonging in the world. Ancestor practices can further reinforce this sense of belonging and help us understand that it's not just about feeling connected but also knowing and acknowledging that connection.

    • Personal growth for the benefit of future generationsMeeting someone who inspires us can lead to personal growth and a commitment to being a better person, not just for ourselves, but for our ancestors and future generations.

      The practices we use to maintain our mental wellbeing can also serve as tools to break cycles of harm and create positive change for future generations. The speaker shares his personal journey of meeting someone who inspired him to reconsider his perspective on life and ancestry, leading him to have a child and commit to being a better person for them and his ancestors. He emphasizes that these practices are not just for personal gain, but for the benefit of the entire lineage. The speaker also acknowledges that growth and change can be difficult, and may require letting go of old habits and making difficult decisions. Through this process, one can tap into a sense of strength and generosity that comes from being part of a larger community.

    • Understanding Unconditional Love through ChildrenReflecting on children's unconditional love can help us find connection and meaning in relationships. Take care of ourselves and others, including pets, and talk about struggles to build strong bonds.

      Recognizing the blameless and unconditional love of children can help us understand the importance of looking beyond our own suffering and finding connection with others. This discussion touched on the idea that babies offer us a unique perspective and a reminder of the potential for unconditional love. The speaker shared personal experiences of finding meaning in relationships and the importance of being able to talk about our struggles with others. Additionally, the importance of taking care of ourselves and our pets was emphasized, with a recommendation for Tidy Care Alert to help manage cat litter and potential health concerns. Overall, the conversation highlighted the value of self-reflection, connection with others, and taking care of ourselves and those around us.

    • Understanding intergenerational trauma and personal sufferingQuestioning loyalty to personal suffering, recognizing roles in family dynamics, and avoiding voluntary pain can lead to personal growth and breaking the cycle of unnecessary pain.

      Recognizing intergenerational trauma and learning to distinguish between personal suffering and the suffering of others is essential for personal growth and breaking the cycle of unnecessary pain. This involves questioning one's loyalty to their own suffering, understanding the roles we play in our families, and avoiding the added layers of voluntary pain. The speaker shares an example of their own experiences and how they managed to see through the roles and the pain, leading to a more compassionate and wholehearted approach to relationships. While it's not an easy process, the speaker expresses confidence in their progress after years of practice, as evidenced by a decrease in suffering, shorter stays in negative stories, and increased sensitivity to resistance.

    • Our attitude towards challenges determines our sufferingDespite difficult beginnings, finding the dharma can lead to transformation and growth; every experience offers an opportunity for self-discovery

      Despite the challenges and hardships in our lives, our attitude towards them determines the amount of suffering we experience. Vinny Ferraro, a former convict turned Buddhist teacher, shared his personal journey of survival and transformation. He believes that, despite his difficult beginnings, he's been lucky to have found the dharma and apply it to his life. The dharma, as Vinny explained, is the understanding that conditions don't lead to suffering, but rather our attitude towards them does. Vinny emphasized the importance of community and the role it plays in helping us stay on the path when we lose our way. He also reminded us that every experience, no matter how difficult, can be an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Vinny's story is a reminder that no matter what our past may be, we all have the potential to find meaning and purpose in our lives. To learn more about Vinny and his teachings, visit vinnyferrar.org.

    • New podcasts and projects coming soonFollow 50 high school girls in a scholarship competition in 'The Competition' and explore the White House's history with 'The Hidden History of the White House' book.

      There are several exciting new podcasts and projects coming soon, including "The Competition" by Shimole Yayi, where we'll follow 50 high school senior girls competing in a scholarship competition, and "The Hidden History of the White House," a new book inspired by the hit podcast "American History Tellers." We're also grateful for the hard work of our dedicated team, including producers Lauren Smith and Tara Anderson, and director of audio and postproduction Kevin O'Connell. Listeners can access these new offerings early and ad-free by joining Wondery Plus. Additionally, the White House has a rich and complex history, and the upcoming book "The Hidden History of the White House" promises to bring listeners inside the most dramatic scenes, decisions, and scandals that have shaped our nation. Preorder the book now for an in-depth look into American history.

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    Jennifer Senior On: Grief, Happiness, Friendship Breakups, and Why We Feel Younger Than Our Actual Age

    It’s likely uncontroversial to assert that Jennifer Senior is one of our finest living journalists. She’s currently a staff writer at The Atlantic and before that she spent many years at the New York Times and New York magazine. Jennifer’s written on a vast array of topics, but she has a special knack for writing articles about the human condition that go massively, massively, viral. One such hit was a lengthy and extremely moving piece for The Atlantic that won a Pulitzer Prize. It was about a young man who died on 9/11, and the wildly varying ways in which his loved ones experienced grief. That article, called “What Bobby McIlvaine Left Behind,” has now been turned into a book called, On Grief: Love, Loss, Memory.


    In this interview, we spend a lot of time talking about this truly fascinating yarn, but we also talk about her other articles: one about an eminent happiness researcher who died by suicide, another about why friendships often break up, and a truly delightful recent piece about the puzzling gap between how old we are and how old we think we are. Jennifer has also written a book about parenting, called All Joy and No Fun which we also reference a few times throughout.


    In this episode we talk about:

    • Jennifer’s perspective on the Bobby McIlvaine story 
    • Lesser known theories of grieving from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
    • The work involved in finding meaning in loss
    • Why – from an evolutionary standpoint – we hurt so badly when we lose someone we love
    • Commitment and sacrifice
    • The puzzling gap between how old you are and how old you think you are
    • The power and perils of friendship
    • Why Jennifer has chosen to focus so much of her writing on relationships


    Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jennifer-senior-583

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    How to Disentangle from Toxic People | Lindsay C. Gibson

    How to Disentangle from Toxic People | Lindsay C. Gibson

    Our relationships are the most important variable in our health and happiness, but they may also be the most difficult. This is especially true when those closest to us turn out to be emotionally immature people.


    Lindsay C. Gibson is a clinical psychologist and bestselling author who specializes in helping people identify and deal with emotionally immature people, or EIP’s. Her first appearance on our show was one of our most popular episodes of 2022. Now she’s back to offer concrete strategies for handling the EIP’s in your life, wherever you may find them. Her new book is called Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People.


    In this episode we talk about:

    • A primer on the cardinal characteristics of emotionally immature people (EIP’s), how to spot them, and why you might want to
    • What Lindsay means by “disentangling” from EIP’s, and how to do it
    • What often happens to your own sense of self when you’re in relationship (or even just in conversation) with an EIP 
    • How to interact with an EIP 
    • How to prevent brain scramble when you’re talking with someone who isn’t making any attempt to understand what you’re saying  
    • How she reacts when she comes across EIP’s in her everyday life
    • Whether it’s possible to have some immature characteristics without being an EIP
    • Handling your own emotionally immature tendencies  
    • Whether or not EIP’s can change
    • The limits of estrangement
    • Why she encourages “alternatives to forgiveness”


    For tickets to TPH's live event in Boston on September 7:

    https://thewilbur.com/armory/artist/dan-harris/


    Full Shownotes:

    https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/lindsay-c-gibson-617

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    Jerks at Work | Amy Gallo

    Jerks at Work | Amy Gallo

    This is the third installment in our Work Life series. In other episodes, we cover topics like imposter syndrome, whether mindfulness really works at work, and whether you should actually bring your whole self to the office.


    Today's episode is one that many of us struggle with: interpersonal conflict at work. Our guest is a true ninja on this topic. Amy Gallo is a workplace expert who writes and speaks about interpersonal dynamics, difficult conversations, feedback, gender, and effective communication.


    Gallo is a contributing editor at Harvard Business Review and the author of a new book, Getting Along, How to Work with Anyone, Even Difficult People. She's also written the The Harvard Business Review Guide to Dealing With Conflict, and she cohosts the Women at Work podcast.

      


    In this episode we talk about:


    • Why quality interactions at work are so important for our professional success and personal mental health
    • Why Gallo believes one size doesn’t fit all when it comes to dealing with difficult people in the workplace 
    • Why avoidance isn’t usually an option 
    • What the research tells us about work friendships
    • Why we have a tendency to dehumanize people who have more power than us
    • Why passive aggressive people can be the most difficult to deal with
    • The provocative question of whether we are part of the problem when work conflict crops up
    • And, a taxonomy of the eight different flavors of difficult coworkers, including the pessimist, the victim, the know-it-all, and the insecure boss — with tactics for managing each. 




    Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/amy-gallo-576

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    Deep Cuts: Malcolm Gladwell

    Deep Cuts: Malcolm Gladwell

    Gladwell On: the importance of flow states, why people should have a lifelong pursuit or practice, and how he personally relaxes.


    Malcolm Gladwell is the president and co-founder of the podcasting network Pushkin Industries, and the author of six New York Times bestselling books including The Tipping Point, Blink, Outliers, David and Goliath, and Talking to Strangers. He’s also the host of the Pushkin podcast Revisionist History


    For tickets to TPH's live event in Boston on September 7:

    https://thewilbur.com/armory/artist/dan-harris/


    For tickets to TPH's live and live streamed event in Colorado on November 3:

    https://www.milehichurch.org/calendar/10-percent-happier-with-dan-harris/


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    In this episode we talk about: 


    • The backlash Malcolm faced from his work from home comments 
    • Pushing the noise aside when it comes to social media 
    • Lessons in kindness from a recent Revisionist History episode
    • The importance of flow states
    • How he personally relaxes 
    • Why people should have a lifelong pursuit or practice
    • What he thinks now about his famous 10,000 hours argument
    • Why we need to engage and investigate the views of others to be morally alert as human beings
    • And his biggest journalistic mistake



    Content Warning: Brief mention of eating disorders. 


    Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode//malcolm-gladwell-rerun


    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.