Why Your Traumatised Child "Behaves Badly"

In this third and final episode from our Conference Special, podcast host Serena Gay talks to childhood abuse survivor Rosie Jefferies about breaking the circle of abuse to become a good parent.

Rosie is also the Managing Director of the National Association of Therapeutic Parenting (NATP) and spoke most movingly at the conference with colleague Sarah Dillon  about their personal surivival stories during the National Conference day in Solihull.

A key element to success not just for abuse survivors but also for their foster and adoptive parents is essential self care. And during the Conference Day there was plenty of help and advice available on this theme. You can hear more about it from volunteer Lindsay Bodman and Emma Edwards, Director of the Haven Parenting and Wellbeing Centre on this episode.


                                                                                                       ***

The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma is an umbrella organisation combining resources, research and knowledge from cutting edge experts in the sector – Inspire Training Group, National Association of Therapeutic Parents, Sarah Naish – Keynote Speaker and Author, The Haven – Parenting and Wellbeing Centre and Safer Fostering. 

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/CoEChildTrauma

Telephone – 01453 519000 

Email – info@coect.co.uk 

Website - www.coect.co.uk

The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma's November 2021 conference focused on a huge variety of issues that challenge parents and social workers nationwide.

Everyone had a chance to explore solutions for their own personal difficulties and challenges and in this episode, we focus on the schools discussions and on the dilemmas faced by Kinship Carers and Special Guardians. 

In this edition, Serena Gay talks to Daniel Thrower, CEO of the Wensum Trust and to Sair Penna , Director of Wickselm House.  In the second part of the podcast, she talks to the COECT's Jane Mitchell and to Kinship carer Ian Fogg as well as to attendee, Kay. 

Find out why Kay needed to attend and what value she felt she took away.

                                                                                                       ***

The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma is an umbrella organisation combining resources, research and knowledge from cutting edge experts in the sector – Inspire Training Group, National Association of Therapeutic Parents, Sarah Naish – Keynote Speaker and Author, The Haven – Parenting and Wellbeing Centre and Safer Fostering. 

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/CoEChildTrauma

Telephone – 01453 519000 

Email – info@coect.co.uk 

Website - www.coect.co.uk

The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma's November 2021 conference attracted parents and professionals from around the country.

It was an emotional day. Well, it would be wouldn't it because so much to do with fostering and adopting children from trauma involves raw emotion.

Billed as "your roadmap of strategies through to sanity", reflected  the difficulties that come with parenting traumatised children as well as the need for self-care to build the resilience required to keep going.

In this edition, Serena Gay talks to the COECT's Sarah Naish and Sarah Dillon who opened the conference with a talk on strategies to cope with "Clouds of Grief, Guilt and Anxiety".

This edition also features an interview with the NATP's Glynis Hough who has many years of successful fostering experience but who recently experienced great anguish when her foster daughter left the family for good.

Find out more about her story and why she wanted conference attendees to know all about it.

                                                                                                       ***

The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma is an umbrella organisation combining resources, research and knowledge from cutting edge experts in the sector – Inspire Training Group, National Association of Therapeutic Parents, Sarah Naish – Keynote Speaker and Author, The Haven – Parenting and Wellbeing Centre and Safer Fostering. 

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/CoEChildTrauma

Telephone – 01453 519000 

Email – info@coect.co.uk 

Website - www.coect.co.uk

In this last episode of Series 2,  expert Sarah Dillon explains how and why trauma has such a profound and negative effect on the relationship children have with food. 

Their behaviours with it might include:

• hoarding 
• stealing 
• hiding 
• eating all the time 
• refusing food 
• only eating certain types of food 
• gorging on sugar or sugar products

All of these have a perfectly good explanation which reflect the upsetting experiences of a child's early years.

Not only are all these behaviours typical of a child who has undergone abuse and neglect,  but they also express the need to find replacements for the love and care that has been missing.

What they require from their parents now are the therapeutic parenting techniques set out by Sarah who brings humour and colour to the strategies she knows, from experience, really work.

                                                                                                        ***

The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma is an umbrella organisation combining resources, research and knowledge from cutting edge experts in the sector – Inspire Training Group, National Association of Therapeutic Parents, Sarah Naish – Keynote Speaker and Author, The Haven – Parenting and Wellbeing Centre and Safer Fostering. 

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/CoEChildTrauma

Telephone – 01453 519000 

Email – info@coect.co.uk 

Website - www.coect.co.uk

When small children display signs of sexualised behaviour, foster and adoptive parents find it repugnant.

As NATP expert Jane Mitchell explains, they are rightly furious with those responsible for the abuse their child must have suffered in an earlier existence.

In this episode, Jane sets out an array of simple but effective  strategies that help to reset a child's understanding of what is appropriate behaviour between children and adults. 

But she advises learning to differentiate between what is normal childhood curiousity and what is clearly entirely improper knowledge.

If it's the latter, parents should alert their supervising social worker and the local authority without delay and find out what therapeutic intervention is available.

In the case of older children who were subject to abuse in their early years, they may well be vulnerable to some form of sexual grooming.

In all instances, the NHS, the NSPCC and Barnardo's are all good ports of call as is the website Thinkuknow




                                                                                                    ***

The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma is an umbrella organisation combining resources, research and knowledge from cutting edge experts in the sector – Inspire Training Group, National Association of Therapeutic Parents, Sarah Naish – Keynote Speaker and Author, The Haven – Parenting and Wellbeing Centre and Safer Fostering. 

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/CoEChildTrauma

Telephone – 01453 519000 

Email – info@coect.co.uk 

Website - www.coect.co.uk

In this episode, Sarah Dillon tells us why traumatized children run away or abscond from loving and caring foster and adoptive families. 

She understands this problem in depth both as a professional and because she was once a runner herself. 

Sarah tells us children run away for fear-based reasons which do not reflect badly on their foster or adoptive parents.

They may not seriously intend staying away but it is likely that they are trying to make sense of unprocessed trauma.

Her advice is not to make a big deal out of it no matter how anguished you may feel.

You need to help them feel it’s not about them but about what happened to them. 

Sarah mentions three books which listeners may find useful:

The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting by Sarah Naish
The Quick Guide to Therapeutic Parenting by Sarah Naish and Sarah Dillon



                                                                                                    ***

The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma is an umbrella organisation combining resources, research and knowledge from cutting edge experts in the sector – Inspire Training Group, National Association of Therapeutic Parents, Sarah Naish – Keynote Speaker and Author, The Haven – Parenting and Wellbeing Centre and Safer Fostering. 

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/CoEChildTrauma

Telephone – 01453 519000 

Email – info@coect.co.uk 

Website - www.coect.co.uk

A child in a state of dissociation can be a strange and disturbing thing to witness.

In this week's edition, Jessica Jackson - whose own small son has a tendency to dissociate - talks us through why this happens and above all, what to do when it does.

Dissociating can best be described as mentally leaving the room.

If you are parenting a traumatized child you may be aware that they seem to go into a trance and be completely unaware of what is happening around them.

This could well be a repeat of the survival mechanism that served them well during times of extreme stress before they joined your family.

We don't always know what triggers them into displaying dissociation in what are now safe and happy homes - but they can hurt themselves during such episodes and Jessica gives us some excellent coping strategies.

Concerned parents who are also members of the NATP (part of COECT's umbrella group) are welcome to contact us for one to one help.

You can find out more about COECT and the NATP's training, listening circles and support here https://www.naotp.com/

                                                                                                    *** 

The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma is an umbrella organisation combining resources, research and knowledge from cutting edge experts in the sector – Inspire Training Group, National Association of Therapeutic Parents, Sarah Naish – Keynote Speaker and Author, The Haven – Parenting and Wellbeing Centre and Safer Fostering. 

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/CoEChildTrauma

Telephone – 01453 519000 

Email – info@coect.co.uk 

Website - www.coect.co.uk

Your first reaction to the sight of your child smeared in its own poo could well be shock and revulsion.

But understanding why they do strange things with their faeces or when they urinate on the carpet is key to finding a solution.

You might be surprised to learn that this is one of the issues most asked-about on our Facebook page.

This episode's guest, Sarah Dillon, the COECT's Therapeutic Lead, has helped many parents and children overcome wee and poo issues using therapeutic parenting-inspired strategies.

As she tells us, such problems can seriously interfere with how children attach to their parents and they can occur with older teenagers as well as the very young. 

But, the important thing is to find a way to ensure that relationships stay strong by using a series of strategies that reinforce a child's sense that it is safe, accepted and loved. 

                                                                                                         ***

COECT, The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma is an umbrella organisation combining resources, research and knowledge from cutting edge experts in the sector – Inspire Training Group, National Association of Therapeutic Parents, Sarah Naish – Keynote Speaker and Author, The Haven – Parenting and Wellbeing Centre and Safer Fostering. 

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/CoEChildTrauma

Telephone – 01453 519000 

Email – info@coect.co.uk 

Website - www.coect.co.uk

Little else could be more destructive to a family unit than a child who is violent and aggressive towards their adoptive or foster parents.

In this week's episode,  our expert guest, Jane Mitchell,  tells us that children can show superhuman strength when their fears are adrenaline-fuelled.

The result can be harm to the parents and costly damage to the family home.

As Jane explains, this behaviour is a symptom of the child's sense of overwhelm triggered by traumatic memories. They're not conscious of what they're doing and parents need to put into place careful plans and strategies to cope. 

There's plenty of good advice here on effective de-escalation  techniques and Jane also refers to two courses* provided by the National Association of Therapeutic Parents (the NATP) as well as to the non-violence resistance courses available through many local authorities in the UK.

The vast majority of children who behave this way learn to control their fears with the right kind of therapeutic parenting - and to move forward into a more settled way of life. 

*Therapeutically De-escalating Violence 6-week Programme and the Introduction to De-escalation and Protective Interventions are available through COECT's  partner agency, the Inspire Training Group 

                                                                                                           ***

COECT, The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma is an umbrella organisation combining resources, research and knowledge from cutting edge experts in the sector – Inspire Training Group, National Association of Therapeutic Parents, Sarah Naish – Keynote Speaker and Author, The Haven – Parenting and Wellbeing Centre and Safer Fostering. 

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/CoEChildTrauma

Telephone – 01453 519000 

Email – info@coect.co.uk 

Website - www.coect.co.uk

This week COECT's CEO Sarah Naish talks from personal experience about the strain placed on a relationship when a couple adopts or fosters traumatized children.

Parents can quickly experience isolation within the relationship itself. This is especially the case if one becomes the main carer and the other is not around enough to witness the difficulties that arise.

About 1 in 3 relationships fail in such families unless help is sought.

As Sarah says, raising traumatized children can test relationships to the limit but she presents three effective strategies to combat the problem.

COECT also holds workshops and webinars to help couples put these strategies into practice.

                                                                                                          ***

COECT, The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma is an umbrella organisation combining resources, research and knowledge from cutting edge experts in the sector – Inspire Training Group, National Association of Therapeutic Parents, Sarah Naish – Keynote Speaker and Author, The Haven – Parenting and Wellbeing Centre and Safer Fostering. 

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/CoEChildTrauma

Telephone – 01453 519000 

Email – info@coect.co.uk 

Website - www.coect.co.uk