Beyond Your Past Radio

Our guest on this episode of the podcast is Leslie Peters, RN. Leslie is a registered nurse, who left a career she loved, to step out of her comfort zone and start following her intuition and her heart, by sharing her story as a speaker, self-love strategist and accountability partner in self-care.

Leslie Peters is a woman who has spent a lifetime asking, listening and learning from others. The only person she never listened to was herself; she grew up, married and raised men with addictions. She trusted unhealthy people who loved her more than she trusted herself. Leslie says that this is actually the "Gift of her story". She felt no connection to her parents or husband - being an intuitive she knew she needed to feel connected for her survival. When she was 16, with the freedom of a drivers license, Leslie went in search of connection. 

She quickly learned that on the other side of the door of her home was a world where she could let her true self-free. The world became her home and the people walking down them her family. She routinely asked strangers thought-provoking questions about themselves; Leslie always found a way to relate. Their answers confirmed that she was not alone in her story and that she was indeed part of something bigger than her own small world - the greater good.

During our chat with Leslie, we cover areas including:

• What is living life with H.E.A.R.T., and how she discovered this way of living is not always easy, but so important.
  • Leslie shares the struggles she experienced in trying to live this way, and how she's been able to work through those challenges.
• Releasing the shame and anger she was holding onto for allowing herself to becomes something she wasn't, just to make others happy.
• How the ACES Study, (Adverse Childhood Experiences) plays a key role in all aspects of development; physically, emotionally, and cognitively.
  • Understanding your ACES score and how it affects not only you but others in your life.
  • Leslie's shares her score and what it's meant to her personally and in working with clients to help them understand their score.
• The healing that comes through neuroplasticity, awareness, education, and being in tune with yourself on a very deep level.

If you’re not familiar with ACES, we encourage you to google “aces score” or go to acestoohigh.com and other similar sites for more information on this groundbreaking study originally conducted by the CDC and Kaiser Permanente, and learn more about your aces score.

You can reach Leslie at LesliePetersRN.com or email her directly:  Info at LesliePetersRN dot com

Please consider sharing this episode with someone who might need it, and don't forget to rate the podcast and leave a review on your favorite podcasting app!

If you enjoy listening to the Podcast, why not consider helping to support us AND get a free copy of Joanne's book, Ditch Your Doubt. 

-Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP & Joanne Cipressi, CHt, CNLP

All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above-mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

Elisabeth Corey, MSW, and founder of BeatingTrauma.com joins me on the podcast as a return guest to discuss how writing and journaling can be an incredibly beneficial modality of healing. I first had the opportunity to chat with Elisabeth back in episode 38 as we discussed working with our inner parts to help heal trauma. Inner Parts work is a specialty of Elisabeth and continues to be a focus in her work with private clients and in her group sessions, webinars, and other resources created for survivors.

During my chat with Elisabeth Corey on this episode of the podcast, we're diving more into those aspects of writing I mentioned earlier:

• How writing from our inner parts can help us connect with what we don't remember.
• What exactly are repressed memories, why are they so crucial to healing, and what misconceptions are there surrounding these types of memories?
• How the idea that writing doesn't come naturally for so many but why it's so important.
  • On that topic, the type of writing that Elisabeth teaches her clients and those in her programs is not supposed to come naturally because of you're diving into areas of your life that you've spent years trying to forget. In addition, the coping skills that served us during traumatic events can be a cause of keeping certain memories repressed.
• How naturally, or not, do our inner parts take to writing and being given a voice?
  • Which parts are more resistant vs which parts are more open to having a voice?
• Connecting with your inner child and writing from a place of your inner child's voice and perspective, as opposed to an adults version of their voice.
• Flashbacks, and how they are not always the overwhelming memories that cause so much turmoil and turn our world upside down.
  • The importance of using these as a learning experience in writing to help uncover repressed memories.

This was such an incredible chat with Elisabeth and she dives more in depth to those topics and shares her vast knowledge in a way that is validating and inspiring. I hope you'll consider checking out this episode and sharing it with someone who might find it helpful.

Be sure and follow Elisabeth Corey, MSW on Twitter @BeatingTrauma and her website, BeatingTrauma.com, where you can also learn about her programs, webinars, and workshops.

Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP

All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

Our returning guest for this week, Kelli Gettel, originally shared some of her story in episode 80, Life with Autism, CPTSD, DID, and Narcolepsy. If you haven't checked out that episode, you'll want to add it to a playlist on your favorite podcasting app and check out more of her story.

During our chat today, Kelli gives us an update on how her healing work is coming along, including:

• How she's learning to interact with her alters, and give them the voice they need.
• New memories of childhood trauma, including sexual abuse and being subjected to a pedophile ring.
• The struggles with trust issues, even with a therapist who you've been working with for a long time.
  • The challenges of opening up and sharing, trusting others to hear your story, and how you share.
• The strain that living with DID and other mental health challenges can put on a relationship.
  • The adjustments her husband is making and how much his support helps her and her family.
• Taking an active role in your healing, and educating yourself, as well as interacting with the survivor community for support.

Kelli lives in the central Pennsylvania area, with her husband and 3 children, including a 4 yr old who also was diagnosed with autism. You can contact her via email,  kelligettel at gmail dot com, if you'd like to connect with her.

Please consider sharing this episode with someone who might benefit from it, and don't forget to subscribe on your favorite podcasting app.

Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP and Joanne Cipressi, CHt, CNLP

All conversation and information exchanged on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above-mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

Everybody has one, and it follows you around, constantly causing you to second guess your decisions. It creates an element of self-doubt, perpetuates anxious feelings, and generally make your life miserable if you allow it that kind of power. What is it...Your Inner Critic.

In this episode, Joanne and I are talking about the importance of not only recognizing it, but also responding to your inner critic This is such an important topic because it affects so many aspects of daily life, from personal to professional, relationships of all types. Virtually any aspect of your life is an opportunity for your inner critic to gain a foothold.

I wrote in a previous post on my coaching website about some strategies to deal with your inner critic, and in this podcast episode we take that post a step further and offer more thoughts and strategies that you can use to take back your power from that voice in your head that causes you to doubt yourself and your abilities.

• What does it mean to be in charge of your inner critic?
• How can giving your inner critic a name, be helpful and empowering?
• How your inner critic uses your past against, especially when it comes to struggles or perceived failures?
• How can you turn down the volume on your inner critic? What does that mean?
• How can separating yourself from your inner critic be helpful and how do you do it?

Remember, your inner critic is not your friend, it does not have your best interests at heart. It's there to make you believe that your best is not good enough, to perpetuate anxiety and unrest in your life, to steal your joy and contentment, and to bring self-doubt to the forefront of virtually every thought you have.

You can take back that power, keep your inner critic in check, and live life knowing that your past or present circumstances are not the end all be all definition of who you are.

Please consider sharing this episode with someone who might benefit from it, and don't forget to leave us a review on your favorite podcasting app. We would sure appreciate it.

Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP & Joanne Cipressi, CHt, CNLP

If you'd like to be a guest on a future episode or have a topic for us to talk about, feel free to contact us. We love hearing from you.

All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above-mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

I'm honored to welcome back returning guest, Vennie Kocsis, as we continue our conversation on how childhood trauma manifests itself in your life, both physically and emotionally. In particular, we're discussing the effects on dating and romantic relationships.

We had originally intended to dive into more areas, beyond relationships alone, during this episode but as often happens, there is so much to cover that we thought it best to focus our time on this important part of survivor life. While relationships can be difficult to understand and navigate for anyone, the unique struggles that childhood trauma brings into the equation, add a dimension that not everyone can understand.

Vennie Kocsis is an author, poet, artist, and survivor of Sam Fife’s Move of God cult.  My creativity is the therapy by which I have survived the memories of abuse I suffered in my childhood. There are many caves where memories hideout, and I intend to travel them all in this lifetime. I understand the journey through trauma recovery, and I am here to share it with you.

During this episode of the podcast, Vennie and I discuss some of the struggles for survivors and relationships:

• The importance that "no means no" regardless of the tone of voice you use to verbalize it.
  • Understanding the fear aspect, and how "the way we say no" to someone, can be based on your past experiences of sexual abuse.
  • How dissociation can take over when you are in a romantic situation with someone, even if they are completely safe?
• Understanding why survivors tend to try and justify the actions of others because of the grooming that affected our self-worth.
• Healthy boundaries: not only the importance of having them in the dating and relationship world, but also the struggles of trying to find a way to implement and enforce them.
• Being in a healthy relationship that ends, and the challenge of not going down the road of self-shame and self-blame for the reasons it ended.
• Can a little bit of hypervigilance be healthy in the dating world?
• Even in a seemingly safe social situation, triggers can arise that make us feel unsafe, and why it's okay to remove yourself and not feel bad about it.
• The trial and error that is part of dating and relationships for everyone, but especially for trauma survivors and knowing that even if you do something that you regret, it's not the end of the world and you can learn from it and move on without self-shame.

This is such an important topic, and we hope you'll share this episode with someone who might benefit from it. After all, everyone can use alittle validation and encouragement in this area, right?

Be sure and follow Vennie on VennieKocsis.com and Twitter, Pinterest, and Facebook.

-Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP

My returning guest for this episode is my good friend, fellow survivor, and advocate for survivors of childhood trauma, Vennie Kocsis.

Vennie Kocsis is an author, poet, artist, and survivor of Sam Fife’s Move of God cult.  My creativity is the therapy by which I have survived the memories of abuse I suffered in my childhood. There are many caves where memories hideout, and I intend to travel them all in this lifetime. I understand the journey through trauma recovery, and I am here to share it with you.

I am a highly-sensitive, embodied Empath and integrated DID carrier.  I productively live with the aftermath left over from extreme child abuse. I  understand the journey through recovering from the shattering of religious and sexual abuse recovery.  I know the work it takes in returning to our original, authentic mind and inner child.  It CAN happen for you.  It WILL happen for you.  You can integrate the dissected pieces of yourself.  You can heal.  You can tell your story from a place of truth and vulnerability, rejecting critics and owning your own strength. I believe you.  I support you.  I am cheering you on! 

During this episode, we are talking about the Physiology of Childhood Trauma, and how sexual abuse affects not only our mental health but also our physical health. These effects can carry over into adulthood and cause not only the physical struggles of chronic illness and pain but the deep wounds created by the trauma create emotional challenges that affect virtually every aspect of our life.

Vennie has done a great deal of research on this topic and shares some of that knowledge during our chat, as well as her own personal experiences of the abuse she suffered and the ways she continues to heal herself.

• We also cover some of the misconceptions of childhood sexual abuse, and how it's not always violent in nature.
• The connection between the biological DNA change of the body’s bacterial defenses when a child begins to eat the same solid foods as the family AND the nervous system at the end of the spinal cord which runs into the brain.
• The damage to the physiology of a child when they are so young and how this can lead to misinterpretations of their body as they get older.

Vennie and I share this candid discussion because it's the things that not everyone wants to talk about. These are some of the effects of childhood trauma that not only she herself has experienced, but so many others as well, and that's why we are doing this series. To shed light on how being a survivor of childhood trauma affects you as an adult, but also to share the hope in healing and the important research that's being down by leading experts across the globe to better understand not only how is affected but also how we can heal.

Be sure and follow Vennie on VennieKocsis.com and Twitter, Pinterest, and Facebook.

Look for more of our chat and we continue this discussion during part II coming up on March 28, 2019!

Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP

All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above-mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

Recovering from childhood sexual abuse, narcissistic above, emotional neglect, bullying, or any type of childhood trauma is not something you can rush through. It's a long process, full of ups and downs, struggles and triumphs, and virtually every emotion you can imagine.

One of the things I struggled with during intense times of healing was the concern of doing too much, too fast, and overextending myself without doing proper self-care. I was all in on my healing, which is not a bad thing at all, but at the same time, I often neglected the signs that I was approaching burn out or at the very least the signs that I just needed to ease off the throttle a bit.

The more I healed, the more I learned, and the more I wanted to keep going. That's not to say there weren't times when I just wanted to quit, because believe me those were quite plentiful as well. Still though, I was inspired and driven to learn about trauma recovery and how it affected me and what I could do to help myself. My therapist warned on more than a few occasions to take breaks and not "live, eat, and breath" this stuff so much. Hindsight is 20-20, and if only I knew then what I know now...

This episode is a look back at a previous podcast episode, #27,  released back in 2017, and is one where I'm reflecting on this very topic of burnout in trauma recovery.

It's a good reminder for myself, and perhaps something to consider for you too, that the risk of burnout in healing from childhood trauma, or any type of trauma, is real but there are ways to help ourselves avoid this while still moving forward. After wall, we don't want to quit and undo all the hard work that we've put in.

With my co-host, Joanne Cipressi doing some traveling right now, this was a great time to launch this little project of re-releasing some previous episodes. Many of these older episodes are during the early stages of the podcast, and consist of me just sitting down and talking through my survivor journey.

I hope you'll enjoy this look back at my thoughts on how I dealt with this, by working through it in my head and with my therapist at the time. And remember, there is no time table in healing except the one you place on yourself. Give yourself the opportunity to heal at a safe pace and embrace the process, because the destination of healing truly is the journey itself.

If you'd like to be a guest for an upcoming episode of the podcast, we'd love to hear from you.

-Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP

All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above-mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

Our guest on this episode of the podcast discovered that his place of peace, of inspiration, of solace, was in the kitchen working as a chef. Spencer Gorman-Prow is the author of Solace in Chaos, a Chef's Memoir, which can be purchased on Amazon, both in paperback and in Kindle form.

An Executive Chef's memoir of how he was able to overcome seemingly insurmountable odds of child sexual abuse and tragedy and forgive himself in order to achieve success. Chef Spencer relates his journey to health, happiness and healing - all found within the chaotic nature of the professional kitchen. Prepare to be inspired and perhaps even find your own coping strategies within the context of your professional passion.

Spencer reached out to us to continue his journey of inspiring others by coming on the podcast to talk more about his story, including:

• How the childhood sexual abuse he experienced changed his life, and when he was able to begin working those memories as an adult.
  • The lack of support available to him and how he navigated most of his healing journey alone until he met his wonderful wife.
• Why he initially turned to alcohol as a coping strategy and a way to numb the pain of those memories.
• Working through the trust issues, relationship struggles, as well as the self-blame that he internalized as a way to make sense of what happened.
• How he began to find peace in the kitchen, and what cooking offered him as a place of peace amidst so much pressure.
• How journaling helped paved the way for Solace in Chaos to become a reality.
• The challenges of speaking out as a male survivor, and the importance of sharing your truth to not only aid in your own journey but also to help inspire others.

Be sure and check out Solace in Chaos, on Amazon. A resource that will surely inspire you to speak your truth, explore your passion, and not be ashamed of who you are and what you went through.

You can also follow Spencer on Twitter: @ChefSpencer68

Please consider sharing this episode with someone who might benefit from hearing Spencer's message, and don't forget to subscribe to Beyond Your Past on your favorite podcasting app.

Your Hosts,

Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP & Joanne Cipressi, CHt, CNLP

Welcome back to the Mental Health Megacast, a semi-regular round table discussion with 3 mental health advocates, podcasters, and survivors of circumstances we’d rather forget, who are trying to find our way through life and make a difference.

To that end, the Megacast is the combined collaborative brain powers (more or less) of Wes from AudioRising.com and Mike from MikesOpenJournal.com, and myself.  I encourage you to check out and follow them online and through your favorite podcasting platform. Each of these guys has a tremendous message to share and an inspiring and unique way in how they go about it.

In this episode,

Wes brought up the topic of how we act and react around family members, and those who aren't necessarily active in mental health advocacy circles.

We discuss the challenges of living authentically both inside and outside the world of mental health and recovery.

• • What that authenticity looks like with family members vs friends vs colleagues vs those online who we interact with in our advocacy work.
• The challenges that arise when certain things are considered okay to say or talk about in some circles but not okay in others.
• The importance of fostering not only relationships with people who understand your struggles and the work you do in healing, but also those relationships that are just about having fun, relaxing, and blowing off steam...how this can be a form of self-care.
• The comfort level of sharing, and how much to share with those who don't necessarily understand life in recovery or what a healing journey is when they ask you to talk about it. The importance of not judging what we think they may or not understand, before we have a chance to talk with them and find out how interested they are.
  • When to go deeper and share more, vs keeping information at a more surface level.

We hope you enjoy this latest episode, and if you do have suggestions for future shows, we are still taking them.

One of the best things about these episodes is that that they are completely unedited, unscripted, just us hanging out and having a chat, to which you are always invited to listen in on.

Be sure and follow Wes on Twitter @WesA1966 and Mike @Mike_Douglas_ & Open_Journal_  …oh and don’t forget to follow and subscribe to all of our shows on your favorite podcasting app!

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All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

This podcast focuses on inspiring you to break free from the chains of your past and move forward to experience the world of healing, possibilities, and opportunity that comes with working through past trauma. We wanted to spend some time with you today explaining why this is so important. There are many who feel like they don’t want to let the past go and others that believe they just can't do it even if they did want too. Sometimes we find comfort in holding onto the past because its familiar or we believe that by holding and constantly reminding ourselves of the past pain, we can protect ourselves from future pain so we keep all those memories alive. We come up with countless reasons to justify we doing this is so important; things like “the past is a part of me”, “this is just who I am” and “I don’t know who I’d be if I let that go.”

We understand these statements and emotions because both of us, Matt and Joanne, have lived in that mindset for a long time. But, we also understand the amazing benefits of moving beyond that type of mindset -- which is why we do this podcast - in hopes that people will find the encouragement and motivation to move beyond their past so they can reap the benefits of doing so.

It can be challenging to know the benefits of something if you have not experienced them yourself. So, today, we wanted to share with you some of those benefits that you can experience when you dedicate yourself to your own journey of healing. Remember, everyone heals in their own way and it doesn't matter how long it takes you, all that matters is that consider the possibility of how much more fulfilling and enjoyable life can be when you make your healing a priority.

In addition to 4 primary benefits of healing, we also cover some of the reasons why it's so difficult to even attempt to begin healing past trauma in the first place; including reasons why we focus on the past, why it's hard to let go, and why we tend to focus on the negatives aspects of our life.

I hope you'll check out this episode and please consider subscribing on your favorite podcasting app and sharing it with one person who might benefit.

We also appreciate feedback too, so reach out anytime and tell us how we're doing!

Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP & Joanne Cipressi, CHt, CNLP

All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

Leo Zaccari is a history professor, writer, and author of the psychological thriller ARKHANGEL. He teaches history at Brookdale Community College and loves thrillers, sci-fi, fantasy, and the paranormal. My book is a psychological thriller about a girl learning who she is and it touches on themes of coping with mental illness, isolation, alienation, and schizophrenia. I really hope that this book will help young and old alike feel that they don't have to be alone and that they can identify with a character who shares some of the same problems that they do, and that they can overcome them.

During my chat with Leo, he talks more about his first book, which begins a series that will see the main character and protagonist, Raven, begin a journey of self-discovery while confronting her personal struggles in ways she never imaged.

• How did he come up with the character, Raven, and what was his inspiration for writing the book?
• The types of research he found himself undertaking and how the research he did helped develop the main character and story.
• What he's learned most during his research, especially since much of the mental health world was new to him.
  • How this new awareness has influenced him and what he would like to see changed in the mental health world.
• How does Raven's mental health pose a challenge in the story and how she begins to explore and overcome these challenges.

It was great to talk with Leo, not just to learn about his book but also to get his unique perspective of only recently entering the world of mental health struggles and things that people from all walks of life struggle with as a result of past trauma of all types.

As someone who spends a great deal of time engaged with the mental health community in many ways, it's important to always be open to new ideas and perspectives. It's often all too easy to be wrapped up in our own world as we see it, and there's certainly nothing wrong with that, but gaining a different perspective allows us to explore this world we are so passionate about, in a different way. Maybe that changes some things, maybe it doesn't but giving yourself the opportunity to explore mental health challenges in a new way can only serve to broaden our horizons and help to remember pause and think outside the box now and then. You never know what you might come up with.

Be sure and head over to Amazon and check out ARKHANGEL and also consider becoming a Patreon and join him on the journey of Raven and the adventures which await her during her superhero journey of self-discovery.

-Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP

All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

I cover the topic of DID regularly, both on this podcast and on Surviving My Past, and consider it an honor when a former guest is interested in coming back to continue our discussion. Rob Goldstein joins me regularly to discuss his experiences with DID, the things he's learned about himself, an continues to learn about his alters and the way they all interact with him in daily life.

As Rob outlines on his site RobertMGoldstein.com: I’m a Certified Mental Health Rehabilitation Specialist who became symptomatic with a dissociative disorder in 2010. When I started this blog in late 2013, it was to advocate for myself and other people with trauma-related mental health problems.

I wrote in my first profile statement that as I evolved the blog would evolve and over time, I learned about photography, digital art and I rediscovered my writing. I call the blog Art by Rob Goldstein but I can just as easily call it life by Rob Goldstein.

This is my life as I live it, evolve, process its history, and prepare for an uncertain future. My life is my work and my work is my art.

Art by Rob Goldstein is an expression of my emotional and intellectual evolution and an ongoing journal of my psychotherapy. I’m blunt, passionate in my beliefs, and willing to state my mind. If an honest exchange of ideas is what you want you’ve found the right place. 

During this episode of the podcast, Rob shares his insight on an aspect of DID that we have not previously discussed, "do your alternates agree with your diagnosis"?

• When he was first diagnosed with DID, and now that he's been living it for many years, how do his alternates react to being diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder?
• He shares how much he knows about his alters, and if he is aware of all of them.
• What does it mean when alternates are distressed and how do they let you know they are distressed?
• How aware is he when his alters switch, and how does that affect his daily life?
• Setting healthy boundaries in relationships of all types.
• The struggles of virtual reality and gaming, while living with DID.

Be sure and follow Rob's Art and Blog over on https://robertmgoldstein.com and on Twitter at @Robrt_M_Goldste

You can also check out the Guest Blog posts Rob has written for Surviving My Past and the previous episodes on the podcast.

No Longer Sick with DID, I am Well with DID

Life with DID, where everything is a Trigger

Dissociative Identity Disorder, A Week in the Valley of Shadows

-Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP

My guest on this episode of the podcast, Barbara Joy Hansen, shared her story on my blog previously and continues to find new ways to inspire, educate, and encourage survivors to embrace healing, release the toxic self-shame, and find hope through faith.

Long before #MeToo & #ChurchToo, I lived with a silent scream for 40 years; having experienced sexual, emotional, verbal, psychological & spiritual abuse. I now choose to use my voice to help others with broken wings to break free from shame. I am a pastor’s daughter who has risen above generational curses with my voice! 

God has raised me from the ashes to give hope to deeply wounded & broken people including drug addicts & prisoners, as a result of my own inner soul healing. I recognize that lack of response on the part of churches when abuse strikes families of faith. I work with church leaders to help equip them to respond to the challenges they face today. 

Grieving my tremendous losses, I wrote my memoir, Listen to the cry of the Child, where I share how victims of abuse often conceal their pain as they carry their scars. Chained as prisoners of their past, many hide in secrecy, afraid of the consequences of revealing the horrors of childhood experiences. On the surface, they may seem carefree and happy, yet inside, a festering wound exists. The only road to freedom from this prison requires confronting the past and revealing its pain in the light of God's love.

My story has been featured on The Dr. Oz Show, CBN Asia, radio stations, and many websites and blogs, and I am also a regular co-host of the Stop Child Abuse Now radio show, sponsored by the National Association of  Adult Survivors of Child Abuse (NAASCA.org)

During my chat with Barb, she shares deeply about her faith and the way God is using her and her husband to change the lives of countless survivors:

• Barb tells her story of surviving sexual, emotional, psychological, and spiritual abuse, and why she decided to write a book about her experiences. This is a very emotional story as you'll hear in her own voice how she survived and ultimately continues to overcome the effects of abuse.
• Her advocacy work recently took her to the Philippines as a humanitarian aid worker for two months. You'll hear a detailed account of the villages she visited, the people she met, and the work they did to help children, families, churches, and inmates in prisons.
  • She shares how her message of faith and hope was received, and the lives that were changed as a result of her message and work.
• We talk about the opportunities to tell her story on TV, Radio, and other media outlets, and how her faith continues to open up doors for her to share her message of hope and healing for survivors.

Barb's story is one of deep sadness for the experiences she endured as a child, but also a story of hope, inspiration, and encouragement as she continues to be a beacon of light for survivors of trauma; sharing her story and how her faith has raised her out of the ashes and transformed her life.

To learn more about Barb, be sure and follow her on Twitter @BobbieJoyHanse1, Facebook @Barbara.j.hansen1, and LinkedIn. You can purchase a cope of her book, Listen to the Cry of a Child, on her website www.listentothecry.org. 

Please consider sharing this podcast episode with a survivor you may know, or someone who you feel could benef

I originally shared my experience with GBS, in February 2018, in episode #58. That podcast took me quite a long time to record and the blog post even longer to write since it was right in the early stages of healing and I was still coming to terms with what happened. Still, I was compelled to write and speak my story as best I could, mainly because that's one of the ways I cope with things of this severe nature. You can check out that episode and detailed blog post, here.

During the last year, I've spoken to a handful of survivors of Guillain Barre Syndrome, and participate regularly in some Facebook groups full of survivors of GBS or CIDP (Chronic Inflammatory Demyelinating Polyneuropathy) who all have varying experiences with this disease and its variants. I've kept in contact with some of them regularly, and inparticular with a person I invited to become a guest with me here on this episode, Mary Catherine (MC).

MC is the Founder and CEO of Coffee and Cocktails with MC, a nonprofit organization whose mission is to help promote, represent, and support local, family-owned, and small businesses through a variety of media and social opportunities, to help further their exposure. She is also a blogger at MyBlindLife.com, where she documents her new-normal life as a wife, mother, small business advocate and survivor of  GBS and a medical incident that left her visually impaired. 

MC and I talk about our experiences with Guillain Barre, from how things were before the disease hit, how we both contracted it, our treatment experiences, and the ways we've worked through recovery since.

We talk about how much we've learned and the attitude and mindset we've had to embrace in order to heal from this dreaded disease.  The struggles, the wins, and everything in between have helped shaped our individual lives since and also helped to give us a message to share with others. As you'll hear, and if you're a listener of this podcast you know already, the power of sharing your story can be an amazing means of inspiring and validating. It's something I try to embrace, and MC also is a big believer in finding ways to use her experiences to help others.

I hope you'll enjoy this episode, and take heart in knowing that throughout the recovery from this ordeal, one of the similarities you'll hear is that during healing, it's important to surround yourself with a good support system, both in person and online. The power of support is crucial to healing and whomever you can get to help you, virtually or otherwise, will make things so much better...especially during the dark, difficult times that will inevitably come but will also give way, in time, to new possibilities and hope.

Be sure and check out Coffee&CocktailswithMC to learn more about the work MC Derin is doing and the ways she is using her experiences to help others.

-Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP

Guillain Barre Syndrome Survivor.

All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above-mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

My guest, Melissa Wilson, is a survivor of bullying and is now a Certified Coach, working with clients who have experienced bullying, and other forms of abuse and childhood trauma to help them get unstuck and move forward toward their goals and dreams. She is also a podcast host of, "The Grass Gets Greener Podcast" where she talks with survivors, professionals, and everyday people who have a story to share and ways to help inspire you to not give up even in the wake of a traumatic past.

I had the pleasure of being on Melissa's podcast a few months back, where I shared some of my survivor story of childhood sexual abuse and bullying, and how I've been able to work through those experiences. I hope you'll consider checking it out and sharing it with someone who might benefit from it.

The Grass Gets Greener represents hope and optimism. Sometimes you may feel as if other people have a better life than you, that the grass is greener on their side of the fence, so to speak. Well, this site is here to provide you with inspiration and support to help you overcome the effects of what you experienced that can make you feel this way. This site is here to help you become the person you are meant to be. To show you how the grass gets greener for you!  

During our chat together, Melissa shares the experiences of bullying that she endured and how it affected her life:

• How and when the bullying began for her in school, when she was the new kid and experienced both physical and emotional abuse from classmates.
• She shares how the teachers in her school did nothing to stop it, and this helped fuel the fear of reaching out for help from her parents, due to fear of making the situation even worse. Her silence was the only thing she could control.
• Five years after the bullying stopped, she was finally able to tell her parents, receive the support she needed, and start to pick up the pieces.
• You'll learn how those experiences she endured help fuel her to learn more about herself, study Psychology, and how the effects of being bullied last well into adulthood.
• The importance of reaching out and telling someone when you need help, and how staying silent keeps you stuck and perpetuates the idea that you do not deserve help.
• We discuss the skills that Melissa developed to aid in her healing journey, and how even though she still struggles at times with the after effects, life is so much better because of putting in the hard work of education and healing.

Be sure and check out Melissa's Podcast, The Grass Gets Greener, over on her website, and available wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. If you're interested in working with Melissa Wilson as your coach, drop her a line, she'd love to hear from you.

Please consider sharing this post and podcast with someone who might need it, and don't forget to subscribe on your favorite podcasting app.

All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above-mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

Since I started this podcast a few years ago, it's been quite an interesting and exciting journey, to say the least. From the very first episode where I sat in front of my laptop, talking about being a survivor and the struggles of daily life, to now interviewing coaches, clinicians, and advocates every week; sharing their work and stories. I enjoy each and every episode and consider it a true honor to be a part of your day as you listen to the podcast.

Podcasting has allowed me to take the process of sharing my story to a new level, and as much as it's hopefully helped you as you listen to the episodes, it's helped me grow in my own journey even more.  I'm also very grateful to my friends and colleagues at Mental Health News Radio Network, for the opportunity to be among a group of incredible advocates who aren't afraid to talk about the difficult subjects encompassing Mental Health.

Now, the next phase of the Beyond Your Past Podcast is about to begin, with the introduction of my new co-host, Joanne Cipressi.

Joanne is a Certified Coach and Survivor, experienced in a variety of modalities and skills which have helped her in her own journey as well as her coaching business working with clients, both in personal and business coaching.

You might remember when Joanne joined me on episode 107, where she shared some of her survivor story, and the importance of rebuilding trust in yourself and others. Ever since then, we've stayed in touch; supporting each other's work in social media and brainstorming some collaborative ideas, which has lead to her now joining me on the podcast.

Joanne Cipressi brings new insight and a new dynamic to the show, which I hope you'll find encouraging, validating, and yes even fun, too! Because hey, let's face it, as I've said many times before, there's no shame in interjecting some well-timed humor into difficult topics to help us cope and understand the challenges of being a survivor and living with mental health challenges as a result of our past.

Her experience in the areas of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), Hypnosis, Reflexology, Reiki, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Age Regression Therapy, Holistic Nutrition, will surely bring new insight to the conversations we have on this show both as host and co-host, and with the amazing guests who join us each week.

Learn more about Joanne, including her survivor story and her work as a coach, by heading over to JoanneCipressi.com and be sure to follow her on Twitter

-Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP

All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above-mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

Licensed Psychologist turned Coach and Speaker helping moms bust the “supermom” myth and become more calm, effective, confident, and joyfully imperfect moms. Dr. Muller is not only a moms’ coach, but she also a mother. 

As a wife, mother of two, and professional therapist for 17 years I have also struggled with the conflicting and multiple demands of raising a family and being a loving and attentive partner, while also pursuing personal fulfillment through my career. In my work I use my professional skills and personal experiences to teach moms--whether they work outside of the home or dedicate themselves exclusively to their families-- strategies to help them bust the “supermom” myth so they can reduce stress and be more calm, confident, happy and effective mothers.

During our, Dr. Muller and I discuss:

• How she began working with women, and moms in particular, and how her own experiences in life lead her to the decision of helping moms and trauma survivors.
• Dr. Muller shares her combined approach of trauma work, using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and the TEAM approach, which teaches that the agenda of therapy is not dictated by a therapist, or a diagnosis, but rather by what the client wants to work on.
  • We also discuss exactly what CBT is, because let's be real, the mental health world is full of acronyms and we always want to make sure everyone is informed.
• What exactly is a "supermom", the pressures of trying to be perfect, and live up to the unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves because of what we see others doing?
• Key elements that are important in helping to heal from trauma. While Dr. Muller specializes in working with women, these principals are universal for all survivors.
  • Work on your mindset
  • Operate from Overflow
  • Master Self-Acceptance
  • Activate Self-Compassion
  • Nurture Your Relationships
• We talk more about the self-acceptance and self-compassion aspects, and how difficult that is especially for trauma survivors.
• The most important thing to remember when beginning to work on your trauma and change the supermom or super parent mentality.

All this and more during my chat with Dr. Raquel Muller on being a survivor, a mother, and learning to be okay with who you are, and just as you are, and know that you are good enough.

To learn more about Dr. Muller, including her work as a therapist, her videos, and more about busting the supermom myth, head over to https://www.joyfulimperfectioncounseling.com/  You can also follow her on Instagram and Facebook by searching for "JoyfulImperfectionCounseling".

Be sure and subscribe to Beyond Your Past on your favorite podcasting app and consider sharing this episode with someone who might benefit from it.

Matthew Pappas, CLC, MPNLP

All conversation and information exchanged during participation on the Beyond Your Past Podcast, on BeyondYourPast.com, and BeyondYourPastRadio.com is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing on these podcasts or posted on the above mentioned websites are supplements for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers.

My guest today, Melanie Vann, shares her insight as a clinician, on the debilitating effects of anxiety that she experienced in her life and also saw in her son as he grew up. In addition, we also discuss the benefits of being fully present, learning emotional regulation, and equine therapy to help with taking control of anxiety so it no longer controls you.

Melanie is the program director for Mental Health News Radio, and also a clinician and podcaster, as well as the founder and CEO of Your Wise Therapist.  She has been in the mental health field for over 15 years and obtained her Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology from Regent University and her undergraduate degree in Psychology from Old Dominion University. Her passion to help others embrace their hardships and heal has taken her to multiple realms of the mental health industry. Her expertise is multi-dimensional as she has counseled those suffering from eating disorders, brain injury, borderline personality disorder, depression and anxiety, self-mutilation, sexual abuse, emotional abuse,  narcissistic abuse, and unresolved grief.

During our chat on this episode of the podcast, we're talking more in-depth about understanding and coping with anxiety, and recognizing how it affects us in daily life:

• Melanie shares how from the time she was a young girl, she resigned herself to the idea that she was a worrier. She had no idea what anxiety was or how it was manifesting itself. She didn't understand why other kids seemed so calm and comfortable.
  • As a child, nobody explains to you what's going on so you are left to try and figure it out for yourself, and again the cycle of perpetuating anxiety starts at a young age and we don't even realize it.
  • One of the primary skills she used, not even realizing it, was to escape to her own mind where she felt safe and free from these anxious feelings.
• Learning to see the signs in your children and talking to them about what they struggle with so you can get them to help early on.
• We discuss how when you are unable to live in the moment and be fully present (mindfulness), it's difficult to find joy and contentment in life and consequently, anxiety can thrive.
• How managing anxiety is exhausting and since it can start when we're young, it carries over into adulthood.
• Using logic and rational thinking to combat anxiety. Expose the anxious feelings for what they are, rather than what they are trying to make you believe is true.
• Using writing and other coping skills to help get the feelings out of our head.
  • How retraining our brain, to change the default reaction to specific situations that cause anxiety to spike, is a key to taking back your life.
• Equine therapy and the benefits of being around horses to help with anxiety.
  • Melanie and I share some stories of our experiences with horses and how much they help you to be fully present because they themselves are always present and they will reflect back to you what you present to them.
  • The resiliency and ability to come back to a calm state after being triggered is something that horses have down pat, and we can learn this as well.

All this and so much during my insightful and inspiring chat with Melanie Vann. Please be sure and check out, YourWiseTherapist.com for more information on Melanie's work. including her Coaching, Counseling, and Therapy services available. And of course, you don't want to miss out on all the incredible podcasts over on MHNRNetwork.com!

Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcasting app, I would definitely appreciate it and it always helps Beyond Your Past to be the best it can b

My guest on this episode of the podcast, Marnie Grundman, has made it her life's mission to advocate for runaway for children and youth, and raise awareness to the reality of what really goes into the decision to run and what life is truly like living on the streets.

Marnie Grundman is the renowned author of MISSING: A True Story of a Childhood Lost, Which can be found on her website, MarnieGrundman.com. A child who belonged to no one, missing at the tender age of 13, she experienced first-hand the worst of humanity. However, she didn't just make it through; she rose above the darkness, becoming a beacon of light, of empowerment, for others to do the same.

She is living proof that no matter what life hands you, you have within you the spirit to rise, to rewrite the outcome of your story, to create a life filled with love and happiness.

​What began as a story of healing led to one of triumph, of the power of the human spirit, of one woman's surthrival against all odds. Marnie has since become an advocate for the missing, working to change the perception of runaway children so they might finally get the help they need. Her compelling articles, engaging talks and interviews, and page-turning memoirs have become a shining light to the lost, the struggling. Marnie teaches people how not to live their damage, how to heal and overcome, how to rise up and reclaim a life of happiness.

During our chat, you'll hear Marnie and I talk about:

• Updates on her work and how her life has changed especially in the just the last few years. She discusses the stigma that surrounds childhood runaways, and her efforts to erase that by sharing the truth as seen through her own eyes and through these whom she advocates for every day.
• The reasons by young children and youth decide to run away, and how it's much more complicated than simply rebelling against household rules deciding to go on some kind of adventure.
  • You'll learn how children who decide to run away are often not able to effectively articulate the reasons why, because they are afraid.
  • They've been silenced and running is a way for them to try to speak out.
  • How the very act of running and living on the streets is not some glamorous adventure, or a fun time of memories to look back on later in life.
• The 40th anniversary is coming up of her last runaway experience. The memories and wounds are still as fresh as ever, and the struggles are still difficult. This milestone is something that she continues to process, but the difference now is that even with those struggles, she has tools and knowledge to help her cope.
  • Seeing how far she's come is inspiring and validating, but also heartbreaking because there is still so much work to be done to help the children and youth today.
• Realizing that while she has met so many people who are supporting her work and helping to spread her message and raise awareness, there are also many who do not support her; people who she was close too before she began speaking her truth.
• Her work with Covenanent House and her goal of doing "sleep outs" for all 31 Covenant Houses in North America, this calendar year, to raise funds and awareness for runaway and homeless children and youth.
• Consider taking a moment and give a smile, some change, or a moment of kindness to someone who is struggling. You never know the difference it can make to a child, youth, or adult who feels like nobody is listening and nobody cares.

I hope you'll consider joining Marnie in 2019, and participating in a Sleep Out or Donating. There is one near me and I will definitely be there to

The work I do now in overcoming anxiety and working with survivors, ultimately began in a therapists office and coming to the realization that I was a survivor, and what that meant was a revelation that has changed my life in countless ways. It took that first step though, of asking for help, which is at the heart of the conversation with my guest on this episode of the podcast, Emily Samuelson, Ph.D.

Emily is an author, and passionate activist on behalf of sexually abused children and adult survivors. Based on her experience as a psychologist and a survivor, she knows it is possible to heal. With over 35 years of experience, Emily specializes in the treatment of trauma. While living in Philadelphia, she was on the faculties of Temple University, Thomas Jefferson University and Hahnemann Medical College.

She has served on the Board of Stop the Silence and was a member of the Baltimore City Health Commissioner’s Sexual Abuse Task Force. Emily has been a consultant to the Ms. Foundation and RAINN, and has been a guest on numerous radio shows. She also wrote a chapter for the book, Celebrating the Wounded Healer Psychotherapist: Pain, Post-Traumatic Growth and Self-Disclosure, edited by Sharon Farber, PhD.

As it turned out, her practice is not far from where I live, so we decided that it might be a great idea to do my very first in person podcast. Everything went great, and it was an honor to chat with Emily and hang out with her awesome dog, Sam, while we recorded some thoughts about her book, "Soaring Above the Ashes, Thriving Beyond Childhood Sexual Abuse":

• Emily shares how she became inspired to undertake this project, which involved years of interviewing of interviewing survivors across the country; giving them the opportunity to break their silence and inspire others.
  • How she continued to work through her own healing journey as she spoke with the survivors, and through their insight, learned so much more about herself.
• You'll learn how her abuser was her father; yet her family never believed her and threatened to alienate her if she wrote about her experiences. Ultimately she did lose much of her family because she refused to be silent and came to the conclusion that her healing journey was more important.
• We discuss the struggles of shame and blame, and how carrying that on your shoulders as a child is so difficult. The ability to put the blame on yourself as a child allows you to feel some control in the wake of events that were anything but in your control.
  • Emily shares the importance of working towards a place of placing the blame and shame where it truly belongs, at the feet of those who were the abusers, or enabled those acts.
  • We also talk about the struggles of reaching out and talking with someone, when staying silent seems like the safer move.
• The survival skills that served you for a time; such as dissociation and hypervigilance, should be acknowledged and appreciated for how they helped you.
  • How can you take the positive aspects of dissociation and hypervigilance, and allow them to serve you and others.
  • On that note, actually understanding that there are positive aspects of those struggles in the first place.
• We share more about the survivor community, and how much healing is out there when you simply look for it.

All this and much more during my powerful conversation with author, advocate, survivor, and Psychologist, Emily Samuelson.

If you are a survivor, at any stage of your healing journey, and even if you haven't started it yet, the insight that Emily shares will surely speak to you and inspire you. Please consider this important chat with someone who may need it, and consider checking out "Soaring Above the Ashes, Thriving Beyond Childhood Sexual Abuse"