Boob Tube Boys

We're back for our second part to this year's Creepy Pasta episodes with stories written and performed by the Boob Tube Boys!

There's no prompt this time around so expect chaos and mayhem as Van, Brian, and Spencer present their stories. First up is Brian's horror story "The Paleontologist 2: No Bones About It: Part 1" being read by Van. In this tale of intrigue several horribly vapid young people head to a rural city where stories of a terrifying figure who kills people with his monkey echo throughout the land...

Brian next reads Spencer's tale "The New Deal... for the Undead." We transport ourselves back to that fateful day in 1933 when a strapping lad named Roosevelt was ready to give his famous inaugural speech to a crowd of adoring onlookers but just as he gets started something terrifying happens. He calls upon his friends and the power of his four mighty rings to save the country desperate for change

Finally Spencer takes the reigns and reads Van's story "A Scoundrel's Tale." Look, we know you're not stupid. You know what happens here. The question is always "which two Star Wars characters do it?" The answer may surprise you

Thanks for tuning in this year and stick around for another 365 days worth of Boob Tube Boys!

It's spooky season yet again and that means yet another of the BTBs annual tradition of writing and reading their very own Creepy Pastas! This time around Spencer decided he wanted to give a writing prompt that each of the boys would then use to craft their story. The prompt? A father and son hunting trip

For your ear-pleasure you'll get to hear Van's tale "Hunting the Hunter," featuring a mysterious beast as well as several hard to pronounce names that Brian does his best to blurt out. There's also "The Hunt for Meaning," in which Spencer narrates a terrifying story that delves into a young boy's belief system that suddenly is called into question after a chance encounter with a slightly disheveled demon (oh and Kevin Sorbo is involved, which is par for the course). And finally from Spencer's brain comes "The Black Brumby," our final father-son hunting saga where a boy's impetuous nature changes his life forever... because of a brumby (look it up, but then forget all about it because it's a different thing here)

You won't be let down by this year's edition of one of our most beloved traditions! And stay tuned for part 2 which features even more bone-chilling stories written and read by Van, Spencer, and Brian, all ad free!

None of the Boob Tube Boys felt particularly enamored with Tim Allen last time around, but the disgust level reaches new highs as the podcast's coverage of Home Improvement continues

Jill wants Tim to be nice to her friends at a baby shower, but is bummed out when Tim returns to being a hot dog slob later on. Van reminds everyone that Tim Allen has been working out more since becoming famous, everyone debates why Richard Karn appears only as nailed-up clothes, and Tim Allen is talked about as a sexual being. It's a real circus (or demolition derby)

The BTBs wrap up the episode with a discussion of '90s comedians who got TV shows, and Brian doles out Spencer's assignment for the next two Boob Tube Hot Potato episodes

Boob Tube Hot Potato kicks off with Van giving Brian Home Improvement, a blunt '90s sitcom that turned Tim Allen into the biggest star in America. Tim Allen! Seriously!

Allen plays Tim "The Toolman" Taylor, a TV host, family man, and charisma void. This week, Tim has to juggle family night and the surprise arrival of an old friend. Will Tim leave his wild youth behind him, or will he forsake his family to drink two-for-one Long Island iced teas with Stu Cutler at Club Piranha? The Tubers navigate this rather pedestrian plot while talking JTT, Richard Karn's film career, and perhaps the worst intro song the podcast has encountered

Before you listen to this episode you should ask yourself one question- are you ready to rock harder than you've ever rocked before? If so, then hit play and prepare to have your mind blown as a fusion of flute and shag carpeting is blasted through your senses

This episode of Wonder Woman takes place in the 1970s and it sure as hell shows as top rocker Hamlin Rule is playing sold out concerts to 20 or 30 people all across the nation. But something is amiss. Every time he has a concert the venue gets knocked off by a mysterious band of theives who leave no clues behind as to their identity. It's up to Wonder Woman and everyone's favorite superhero Joe Atkinson to get to the bottom of this

Stay tuned until the end of the episode for the debut of Red Dress' new hit song Love Conquers All (Hamlin Rules) inspired by the Pied Piper (but written by Seals and Crofts)!

CAUTION: APE FOOTAGE AHEAD

The debut look at the 1970s Wonder Woman television show picked by Van is a pretty damn good one as the BTBs are introduced not only to the Nazis, but also to their greatest weapon... no not the Panzer, or that giant gun that didn't really even work, we're talking about the trained attack ape Gargantua!

You see Higgens from Magnum PI has defected from his science post in Nazi Germany and the evil Axis powers themselves are on a mission to retrieve their defector before he can spill all of the Führer's biggest secrets. Wonder Woman is on the case however she's never dealt with an adversary this hairy and ape-like. She does her best to stop the Nazi ape, but is her best enough?

Hyaahhh! Cattle! Whip noises! Racism!

Welcome back to the world of Rawhide, the show that dares to legitimately name one of its characters “Mushy.” This time around ol’ Rowdy (Clint Eastwood) is off doing some cow thing, so Army Scout Pete Nolan (some actor) makes an appearance as he has negotiated a peace between the Pawnee Native Americans and the US Government

Unfortunately the General in charge of delivering the US half of this peace deal simply hates anyone who isn’t himself or his melty-faced butler. So General Ironpants decides instead of giving 500 cattle to the Native Americans, he’s going to instead take their chief captive and then start a massive war. Chief Gray Hawk doesn’t exactly think this is a fair deal since he’s already held up his end of the bargain, and it all culminates in a man vs son vs man vs son brawl for all

Rawhide is a show about cowboys and the cows that make them boys. Usually it's about the difficulty of herdin' cattle throughout the frontier of the New World, but sometimes you need to take a detour to the big city. And that's where Rowdy (Clint Eastwood) runs into the most nefarious grandma you've ever seen. This woman is not only rootin', but also tootin'

As the show's grandma expert Spencer takes the reigns and leads us through the harrowing tale of an old lady trying to get to St. Louis with her life savings. But there's a problem... bandits! Or so we're told anyway. Rowdy winds up befriending and bossing around said grandma but things aren't what they seem. After a rash of calculated thefts in whatever hole of a town this is supposed to be pop up, Rowdy is blamed. Can he set the record straight and find out who did this? (psst, it's grandma) Listen to find out!

Poor Jesse Mach. He's constantly falling in love with celebrities or old flames. It's a difficult emotional heft to carry while on the back of an ultra-motorcycle going 300 miles-per-hour. The BTBs are back for more Street Hawk, ready to see whether Jesse chooses love over vigilantism

Jesse's ex is back in town and in need of help. Her friend is in trouble with the Tong gang, an adversary too mighty for even the authorities. Good thing Jesse is also Street Hawk. Brian offers listener corrections, Van promotes a new spice, and Spencer questions a character's true romantic motivations. Hop on those hogs and hit download!

What if motorcycles were even faster and could blow things up? The 1985 cop-and-machine show Street Hawk dares to ask this question and many others of similar import. The Boob Tube Boys travel back to a time of bigger hair to find out why this show only survived one season

This week, police officer and Street Hawk rider Jesse Mach needs to convince a rock star to record a PSA for his department. Little does Jesse know, he's about to become tangled up in a web of VHS cassette intrigue! Brian, Spencer, and Van talk about Street Hawk's exemplary theme song, Frank from Murphy Brown, and music video sets of the 1980s

For our second trip to the forge the guys get to meet four competitors who are also making a return trip as return combatants. Each one had been on the show previously but lost, so this is actually a shot at redemption for the contestants

This time around we've got Josh, a man who infuriates Brian. Robby, a man who calls himself "the blacksmithing cowboy of the Great Smokey Mountains." Chad, who says the word "forge-a-licious" at least 63 times in the episode. And finally a very orb of a man that captures the hearts of all that see him, Ray

Watching Forged in Fire is quite the experience so join us as Van (blacksmithing verb)'s Brian and Spencer over the coals and into the quench tank. There's also a super bonus surprise here for you... it's a skit! (note: skit will get its own YouTube video soon... so keep an eye out for it)

This one was a lot of fun so check it out!

The Boob Tube Boys have traded their microphones for cold, hard, steel hammers for a few weeks as Van covers the History Channel's reality competition Forged in Fire. The show features several amateur home bladesmiths (or blacksmiths? We don't know if the titles are interchangeable) competing against one another to earn the title of Forged in Fire Champion as well as a check for $10,000

Along the way we'll learn about tangs and Bowie knives and all sorts of other cool stuff. Of course the best part of the competition isn't when the contestants make knives, it's when the judges take those knives and do all sorts of crazy things with them to test their strength, durability, and sharpness. These things include choppin' up some fish as well as slitting the throat of what's apparently called a warm water bladder. Knives!

Friends! That's not only the people who record this podcast, but also the television show those same friends are talking about. Friends on Friends, that's what's going down here!

This time around Spencer regales us with tales of Monica and Chandler bangin' each other in front of every window they can find, Ross having anger issues but wanting a new apartment, and of course Joey just wanting all of this to be over with. Evidently this is one of the most beloved episodes of this show, so we'll see if it lives up to the hype

So grab your best stuffed penguin buddy and tune in for some BTB hijinks, Friends style!

Friends is a show about several friends doing friend things like revealing their love for each other while drunk. Well at least that's the gist of the show based on our episode today, anyway

Spencer, Brian, and Van look back at one of the hottest sitcoms of the 90s and try to determine whether the show is deserving of its lofty praise. Watching Friends of course means that they have to look at both Chandler AND Ross, and that doesn't get the whole thing started off well. We'll also see if Phoebe can get laid, if Monica can have her spirit broken, and if Ross still has that monkey or not. So let's go dance in that fountain!

Just when you thought the world of Doug was safe and cozy, a green-faced demon wrought by the pain of love and life lost shows up. Wait, we'll back up. Doug and Skeeter want to experience The Threshold of Death, a scary new ride at Bluffington's disco-themed amusement park this Halloween. Roger helps get the boys into the ride after closing, but a theatrical new character rises from his crypt to throw a wrench/curse into things

Spencer and Van passionately state the adult importance of eggs and toilet paper, while Brian admires Doug's respect for mechanical safety protocols. Patti's dad makes a notable appearance, but another character steals the show as the episode hits its climax. Later, Spencer drops a bomb on his co-hosts by picking the group's next show to cover

Nicktoons were sweeping the classrooms and playgrounds of America in the 1990s. You couldn't whack a tetherball without someone mentioning Tommy Pickles, Ed Bighead, or the subject of the next two BTB episodes, Doug. C'mon, everyone! Honk honk! Let's go to Bluffington!

This week, the Tube Team talks about Doug's horny dog Porkchop and his cool house. Doug doesn't have a house (still a kid), but he does have a panic attack about the size of his nose. Van and Brian grew up on Doug, but will they find it just as charming now that they are super old? Will Spencer be converted to the Doug fan club?

The BTBs are back for more Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal, a movie about a shock-rock singer who either takes a plane over or saves it. Will the FBI learn the truth about Slade? Will Nick the Hacker prove he is the smartest and best man to Kate? Is there a cool Angelfire page with skulls on it that makes morning zoo radio boner noises? This episode will answer all of those questions and more!

Brian shares his imagined ending for Turbulence 3 and forces his co-hosts to play a game suggested by Slade Craven himself. Van and Spencer appreciate Rutger Hauer and ponder his character's role in the cult hierarchy. Later, everyone picks their favorite character and the BTBs announce the show they're covering in their return to television!

The final film of the Boob Tube Boys' transformation into the Motion Picture Men has arrived! Brian takes the yoke (planes!) as the team tackles Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal, a direct-to-video sequel to a couple of movies no one liked much in the first place. The face-painted industrial goth singer Slade Craven and his band are set to give their final performance on an ugly plane to a dozen stock characters and a massive online audience. Things do not go as planned

Brian, Spencer, and Van talk about their history with T3: HM, what draws them to it as a good bad movie, and whether or not shoving a camera in an actor's mouth is a good directorial decision. Clean your finest bucket hat, apply some eyeliner, and join the BTBs at their highest elevation yet for the first half of this deadly adventure!

Considering how important The Room is to the lives of the Boob Tube Boys/Motion Picture Men, is it any surprise that they were able to talk about it for so long? Today’s episode covers the back half of the Tommy Wiseau-led ‘movie’ and the guys encounter what could be the greatest couple of scenes ever put to film

There are angry old ladies, water bottles being flung, a couple of full-blown heel turns, and of course the many, many bizarre costumes, actions and words of an Eastern European man with a dream and a boatload of money to try and make the dream come true. Oh and Denny is still here! So grab your football and your photo of a spoon and tune in!

Skit 1 Featuring Lauren Schill: 50:10
Skit 2 Featuring Ruan Willow and Lauren Schill: 1:57:10

The greatest bad movie of all time gets the Boob Tube Boys... err... Motion Picture Men treatment this week as Spencer guides Brian and Van directly into the titular room, where a sexy red dress is waiting for them. Of course coming along with the red dress is the heaving undead corpse of Tommy Wiseau, aka the mastermind behind everything that is wonderfully wrong with this movie

The guys recount their stories about the first time they encountered this masterpiece, and they talk about how impactful seeing it has been on their lives. They'll also go over the cast, behind the scenes information, and finally do their best to explain the unexplainable and cover the 'plot' of this thing. And keep an ear out for some more skits!

Oh hai end of description!