Don't Tell My Therapist

We’re BACK…for now. Sophia and Jenna finally left Harry’s House and are back in Portland. Sophia is leaving in a few days to start a new chapter of life, or a whole new book, we’re not sure. Before she jaunts off to Europe, the girls rendezvous for one last podcast episode while they’re in the same timezone. While Sophia is off living her White Lotus life, Jenna has to find a new hobby (or 3) to surprise her with when she gets back. Everyone place your bets on what Soph’s hair color will be when she returns!

Bonjour! The new year is already in full swing: Sophia's dog died at a drag show, Jenna had surgery, and our friend Jacob is trying to get better at being alone (without looking like a creep). The girls confront Jacob for ghosting their friendship and start planning Soph's Eiffel Tower excursion. Jacob offers insights about men's perspective on dating apps while Jenna translates his advice to French. Will Sophia find love in another country? Was Jenna's doctor actually a ghost? Is Jacob the reason pets die? Listen now to find out...Au revoir!

This week, Jenna's wheelchair-bound mother embarks on a wild goose chase to track down a phone-stealing criminal. With her wannabe-CSI cap on, everyone is a suspect, especially the customers at Dave's Hot Chicken. Despite her best efforts to solve the case, the thief successfully avoided walking the plank. Unfortunately, this means the girls had three phones stolen in 2022 alone. They also read 30 pages of one book, took one trip to the ER, recorded 24 podcast episodes, and went on 17 first dates. Hey, we'd call that an eventful year.

This week, Sophia goes on a date with a 48 year old David Beckham lookalike and the girls discuss the pros and cons of relationship age gaps. Hint: men do NOT get better with age. Meanwhile, Jenna gets rejected on Facebook Marketplace and plans a covert operation to get the headboard of her dreams. We also learn that Sophia hates Jenna and everyone close to her, so she’s leaving them and moving to Europe. No, really. She believed she could, so she is.

This week, Jenna and Sophia went through a roller coaster of emotions when a little known artist by the name of Harry Styles rescheduled his show not once, but twice. This is not what dreams are made of. The girls had to hang up their feather boas and make the most of LA, where they gained a collective 10lbs and pole danced with 70-year olds. As if that wasn’t eventful enough, Sophia visits a sex club where anything goes, as long as you don’t bring a black light.

Well folks, it’s finally raining in Portland. We really needed this. You know what else Jenna needs? A new pair of pajama shorts. This week, the girls give a pop culture recap, reminisce on MTV classics, and cancel Kanye West. Have you ever wondered what corn and 9/11 have in common? Tune in and find out!

Strap in and strap on, Jenna and Sophia are back again. Soph may be older, but Jenna isn't any wiser. The girls talk about Sophia's X-rated birthday gift (courtesy of Bank of America), intrusive thoughts, the consequences of trying to be an extrovert, and the audacity of men...I'M FAT.

We began this podcast by sharing dating horror stories and trying to improve our mental health…Now we talk about shitting our pants and accidentally flashing a handyman. It’s crazy how far we’ve come! Enjoy Jenna and Sophia’s selection of the best moments from the past 30 episodes - the good, the bad, and the stories they definitely shouldn’t have put on the internet.

If he wanted to he would...right? If you're looking for shitty relationship advice, you've come to the right place. This week, the girls had the honor of receiving their first listener submission and they cut right to the chase: those two definitely aren't "just friends." But don't take our word for it, listen for yourself. Also, Sophia attempts to give a guy sex advice and Jenna hit a bicyclist (he's fine).

No one asked, but Jenna has peed 16 times today (so far). This week we are reminded that wherever Sophia goes, chaos follows. From a failed solo adventure to meeting a white girl wasted lawyer, she really can't catch a break. Jenna unplugs for the weekend (we're just as shocked as you are) and gets a free EDM show against her will. P.S. - If your birthday already happened this year, happy belated!

In this eventful session, Jenna gets in a bar fight (with a shelf) and lives to tell the tale (kind of). Luckily, Sophia was there to tell us what *really* happened. The crew finally meets Jenna's mom and were on their best behavior, but the waiter sure wasn't. Sophia's having fun building and dismantling her dating roster, one vegan at a time. The strongest contender may just be her refrigerator repairman... #FreeTheNip

This week, the girls took a trip to Tahoe where they climbed Mt. Everest to get to a secret beach and spent 8 hours learning how to build a sex room. Jenna and Sophia get turned down by Portland’s hottest new bar and meet an emotional support snake. Jenna contemplates cosmetic surgery and we learn that we could all be much prettier if we simply had access to baby foreskins. Hey, we can’t all be Hailey Bieber.

This week, Sophia goes to the Big Apple, gets her phone stolen (again) and has a big epiphany. Back home, Jenna pees in a stranger's yard (allegedly), learns about "vabbing," and BuYs A hOuSe??? Very off brand.

Happy Dead Dad Day to all who celebrate! This week, Sophia and Jenna go after Big Milk and the Supreme Court - who needs rights, right? The girls road trip to Seattle and take some detours down memory lane. We learn Sophia was in a cult and Jenna went to bible camp (not scientology - sorry Tom Cruise). Strap in, relax, and enjoy the show as Jenna and Sophia make their karaoke debut for the locals - "THANK YOU SEATTLE!"

In celebration of Pride month, Jenna and Sophia play with 8 balls at once, discover Leonardo Da Vinci was gay, and party with "SluttyJesus," the dog trainer/stripper. Sophia starts dating again and naturally, chaos ensues - right on brand. Jenna gets a surprise update on the phone sex operator from Session 1 - let's hope he's not back for another round.

Sophia returned from EDC, but we can't say the same for her phone. In Session 22, Soph recaps the wonders and horrors of EDC, including the great Wiener War, flirting her way onto rides, and opportunistic phone thieves. Jenna reveals a new pet peeve and the girls explore replacing their therapists with horses - giddyup, mentally ill cowgirls!

Things here on Earth have been a little crazy lately, so Jenna and Sophia plan their trip to space - fingers crossed they don't get lost on the way there. This week, our directionally-challenged queens discuss being caretakers for boyfriends and horny cats, being bad at math, and hot people privilege. We're still trying to figure out if Sophia was actually abducted or if she's just making it up for attention...KACHOW!

Start spreading the news…he’s leaving and gayyyy! We’re kicking off our 20th session with another special guest and the newest New Yorker: Michael! In the middle of packing up his entire life, Michael found the time to grace us with his presence before ditching us for the big apple. (Take a shot every time we reference New York in this description.) Michael shares his fears about starting over, exploring the gay dating scene in NYC, and opens up about everything from his drag queen ex to being sexually awakened by a cartoon. Is Michael ready for the concrete jungle where dreams are made of? Let's find out!

It turns out that Sophia DOES have a hobby: she’s now a professional bully! Session 19 is off to a unique start when Sophia cyberbullies a comedian and admits she has the hots for King Triton. The girls recall their “scandalous” high school days, with 16-year old Jenna throwing a “Project J” house party that got a little too out of hand. Luckily she called the cops and no didgeridoos were harmed. Let’s just say, both Jenna and Sophia are very happy they’re not the same people they were in high school (and that dinosaurs no longer exist).

We are sad to say that this will be the last session of Don’t Tell My Therapist… just kidding. This week, Jenna takes April Fools pranks too far, turns 26 and gets a special birthday wish from Kimberly J. Brown (Marnie from Halloweentown, obviously). Sophia has yet another dating blunder which sparks a much-needed discussion about men who come on too strong, the importance of consistency and the power of words. If a man plans a trip together one week into dating, is it too good to be true? Did everyone and their children see Sophia’s bare naked ass at a bowling alley? How do you maintain long distance friendships? Find out in Session 18!