Going Dutch

In today’s episode, the message I want to give you all is that of forgiveness. Forgiveness of others and yourself.

This coincides perfectly with the digital course I am launching. Initially, I wrote and recorded this course as part of what I hope to be a larger digital course on self-sabotage in the future, but I wanted to bring something to you all sooner and without the overwhelm.

Since an early age, I have been learning about forgiveness. Forgiveness from my parents if I did something wrong, forgiveness from God, and more recently, forgiveness for myself. Through my divorce and eventual reconciliation with Aaron, I learned to forgive him too. What I have learned about forgiveness is that it is not about saying what happened was necessarily okay or that you give permission for someone to do something again. Forgiveness means you let go of the burden. FREEDOM!

Recently I attended a women’s circle being held by the Seeking Sapphire girls. I was excited to go and finally get to know them. We went around the circle and were given an exercise to connect. I thought, “what is it that I really want?” As I thought on this, I realized I have been a people pleaser since I was very little in order to make quick connections.

I realized that I am so tired of pleasing everyone else. I realized that I want to be free. What does that look like? I thought back to when I last felt free and it was letting go of the anger and bitterness of my divorce. It takes time to release all the pain and anger and release those attachments.

How do you access that feeling of freedom? Start with forgiving yourself. Make it a daily practice. Find your own freedom.

In today’s episode, the message I want to give you all is to JUST SHOW UP! Coming off of the Shine Bright Retreat and all the healing we did, the subject of this podcast came to me.

A few weeks ago, a lady at church talked about a time she was asked to teach a class. She didn’t know how she would be able to do it, or where to start. Her leader’s advice to her? “Just show up.” Leading up to the Shine Bright Retreat, I felt the darkness creeping in and was feeling heavy with self-doubt. I was ashamed that I was having these thoughts and making myself feel wrong for feeling those feelings.

I thought to myself, “I am just going to show up and bring my words and my knowledge to help others.” After my family helped me pack up everything, I started the two-and-a-half-hour trip. About an hour and a half into the journey, I hit heavy traffic and a road closure. As I neared the front, I learned that there was a tragic accident and I knew that it would be a long, long delay.

I called my dad and my husband to get directions for a detour. However, just before I made that call, I did have the thought that I should just give up. That I should turn around and hide away, that this was a sign. That moment was brief, and I recognized it for the lie that it was. The extra time on the road allowed me the peace and thinking time to understand that this wasn’t my retreat to teach at – it was the will of God. Just show up and He will lead you where you need to go.

Also, I have launched my Digitial Course "A Course in Forgiveness". You can find the link to this course in my Instagram bio. I am so excited to share it with you that I am offering it for $13.79 for the rest of November. So, grab it for yourself, for your family and friends. I hope you'll take advantage of this offer!

Join me on Instagram: @perfectlyimperfectranda

In today’s episode I want to talk to you about the message I received last week surrounding anxiety and being anxious for nothing.

I have struggled with anxiety throughout my life, as I’m sure many of you have. I worry about social situations, whether or not I’m being the best mother, or even the smallest thing about my day’s plan going wrong. While I meditated on this and thought about how anxiety shows up in my life, I realized something: I love to be in control of every aspect of my life and what’s around me.

All the things I am anxious for, I am not handing over to God. I want it my way, on my terms, and that is not how it works. He has a plan and my ways are not His ways. Think about Philippians Chapter 4:6 – “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God..” Think about what experiencing anxiousness looks like for you. You can do things with those that strengthen you in Their way when you rely on and partner with Them.

Control is a distractor. You don’t need to be in control of everything all the time. I tend to be a helicopter mom, but that is not agency. My kids have the divine right to make their own choices. We all have that divine right.

I know this message means to release the fear. I know I’m not going to be perfect in it, but I have seen enough miracles to know that when God wants something to change, it will. The Divine has you in their sights.

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This time I am talking about the one-year anniversary of the podcast and reflecting on the support and love that I feel from all of you.

13 is a lucky number for me. Today’s episode is number 13, I was born on the thirteenth and so was my husband, Aaron. It’s only fitting that the one-year anniversary of the podcast falls on the thirteenth episode.

I have just returned from a weekend retreat with my coach and several other wonderful women. The healing and vibrancy I felt there was very powerful. Just creating and being in that energy is incredible. It has refreshed my spirit and given me new ideas for the upcoming Shine Bright Retreat in November. If you feel like you need this kind of refresh, if it calls to you, please click the link below to find out more about the retreat and if it is right for you. The Shine Bright Coaching program is also launching a few days after the retreat. There are so many exiting things on the horizon.

Coming back from the retreat, I didn’t want to let go of the spiritual high I had experienced. I was holding so tight to the feeling that I couldn’t see how to come back to this plane. Together, Aaron and I discussed my need for a transition period when I come home, so I can be creative but also acclimate myself back to everyday life.

Once I had this realization, I had another. When the light is dimmed, we must be willing to step into the dark, turn on the lights, and see what we need to work on. No matter what is in the dark, God still loves you. You are never alone.

Join me on Instagram: @perfectlyimperfectranda

My links: https://linktr.ee/randastrattondutcher

Shine Bright Retreat Application: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfKSo1i0FO_TGElkuR1h6zbHuZzwac2hCV4Io6Vae_HF5NyLw/viewform?usp=sf_link

In today’s episode, I am once again joined by my husband Aaron. We discuss the differences between infidelity and adultery, including how to rebuild and heal from them.

Infidelity is lying or omitting something, and results in a loss of loyalty and trust. Adultery is the act of cheating on your spouse. Thinking on it, I realized I don’t have fidelity with Aaron regarding finances, so Aaron talks to us about why he needed to control finances closely.

We are always taking things on and facing trials. It is important to do your work whether it is with a therapist, counsellor, coach, or God. There has to be fidelity in a relationship and it is crucial to communicate. Don’t let things fester – have the conversations and make sure you have a safe space to do so. Realize that you cannot fix the other person, all you can do is love them and work on yourself.

Adultery tends to come from infidelity. Adultery is the symptom and not the root cause. Aaron discusses how our past relationship shows this, and how we worked through it when we got back together. We both had emotional affairs, and I couldn’t communicate or hear him when he tried to talk to me about our problems. It almost always takes two to tango.

We all change and develop over time, and that can be a cause of discomfort. It’s about creating a safe and secure space for your partner and yourself. If you are both willing to work through it, you can get through anything.

Join me on Instagram: @perfectlyimperfectranda

Aaron on Instagram: @thisisdutcher

The Heal from Infidelity podcast: https://andreagiles.com/understanding-infidelity-with-dr-jennifer-finlayson-fife/

Let’s talk about what my highest and best good is, what it means, and how it changes depending on where you are.

Life is not simple. We all experience trials and hardships that are made for us to help us grow. The suffering from those trials is what is optional. It is okay to be sad or grieve, but what you don’t need is to focus on other peoples’ part in your trials and to wallow in sadness. Find forgiveness in your situation and find someone to work through it with.

I am an empathic person and I have to be careful about what I intake. The news about Afghanistan, worrying if my son is going to be deployed, politics, all of it weighs heavily on me. I even have to be careful what movies and books I take in because I feel everything so much.

These feelings came to a head when I was staying at my dad’s place in Arizona. They have had so much rain that the pasture the horses are in was waterlogged and one of the horses had a hoof that didn’t look great. I decided to put them in the stalls out of the wetness and filled their water trough. No matter what, Rosie didn’t want to drink. She wanted the water out in the pasture.

I realized that God was saying to me “I still have water for you.” I wasn’t willing to let go of my suffering and go in a new direction. It is not in my highest, best good to ignore what God is telling me. I urge you all to look at your life and your day-to-day choices in the same way. Ask yourself “is this serving my highest good?”

Join me on Instagram: @perfectlyimperfectranda

Welcome back my husband Aaron. We describe the art of self-sabotage as this: the sum of actions and habits formed to protect, and therefore shut down, from that which would propel you forward into growth. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, because earlier this year I was in a really dark place. My husband joins me in this episode to contribute to the discussion.

Sabotage really is an art form. I’ve called it out, and I’m aware of it now. This gives me choice. Getting it out really is the first step.

My husband and I have had our share of sabotage moments in our relationship. It was definitely more a part of being young and figuring it all out. Now we’re in our 40s and we still see it in other people, and it often comes down to a difficulty with communication. For whatever reason there are things we don’t say, but it’s not always a conscious decision.

Sabotage can come in many forms, such as busy work, procrastination, or letting other people control your emotions. It’s easy to play the victim and let these things destroy what you want or need that day. The end result of sabotage is always regret, and it perpetuates a focus on the past.

Sabotage doesn’t always come in the form of negative things, either. Sometimes it’s a good thing, but given too much of it is what turns it into sabotage. Take going to the gym for example. It’s a perfectly healthy activity, but if you become addicted to working out and you start spending endless hours in the gym, it becomes an unhealthy form of sabotage.

At the end of the day, we always have a say on what the saboteur is or isn’t. We can always choose whether we listen to it or not.

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In Christianity, God created everything spiritually first and then physically. What does that mean? How do we spiritually create something? It’s through thought, but God also uses words. That’s how the world was created.

Have you ever considered how you were created? I believe He created us in His image, and we’re here to be like Him. To learn, grow, experience, fail, get back up, and try again. Just as the earth, we’ve also been created by God using words.

With that, take a second and think about how powerful words can be. Words created the earth. They created you and me. What are you creating with your words? Think about the words you say to yourself on a daily basis. What are you saying to yourself?

I’ve experienced so many examples in my own life where words have proven to be powerful. When I say words that aren’t in my best interest and I dwell on them, I do something I call journal and burn. I scribble it down to get it all out of my brain and onto the paper. Later on, I burn the journal entry.

When your thoughts are rooted in light, your energy and future will follow. What is it in your future that you want to have that you haven’t realized yet? Remember that all things are created spiritually first, so pay attention to your thinking.

Our thoughts can actually change our DNA. I feel it in my core that prayer can transcend space and time. I’m ending this episode with the chorus of my song “Let Your Light Shine”. With that, sending you lots of light and love.

Join me on Instagram: @perfectlyimperfectranda

In today’s episode, I want to talk about how depletion invites the darkness, how to fight it, and how to bring in the light.

When I spoke to my coach Keira earlier this week about all the great things happening in my life recently, we talked about how I still felt exhausted and low. She told me “depletion invites the darkness.” I had heard this before. It reminded me of taking our kids to the USS Midway Museum and seeing a sign that said “if you take care of the ship, she will take care of you.”

I realized I was not taking care of my house, my body, or my spirit. If I am exhausted, I can’t do all that God is inviting me to do. At the time, I taught my kids about the value of chores and how it can help us all. Now, in the present, I’ve been working on music, moving house, rodeo, and one of my girls had a birthday. While all these things are nourishing, I was exhausted and still am.

I was given this podcast about depletion to record last week, and I didn’t. I didn’t give it away, so it stayed with me and weighed me down. When you make a promise to yourself and don’t keep it, it becomes dead weight.

My surface way of being is to just do. I have not been listening to my creation and taking on more and more instead of sending this message out. If you are feeling depleted, look at what you have been ignoring, acknowledge it, and either reschedule it or consciously shelf it if it isn’t in your heart right now.

Celebrate the effort, not the results. All God asks of us is that we try.

If you'd like my free print out for tracking your "Happy Activities" send me an email at randastratton@randastratton.com

Join me on Instagram: @perfectlyimperfectranda

In today’s episode, I want to talk about some things I have touched on in past episodes as well as some new messages.

When my son was at boot camp, I wanted to give him strength to continue to go through his training. I sent him a verse from the Book of 2 Kings 6: “FEAR NOT: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them.”

The story of Elisha resonates so much right now. There is so much chaos and fear that reaching across is just going to give you more of the same. You need to reach up to change your perspective. Everything is meant to be, but you need to plan peace into your life; make it purposeful. Look for what is missing and what is stopping you from feeling it. In my life, I have only known peace to come from divinity, and it isn’t always the easy path.

I use a method with these principles: stop and be still, breathe in, light up. This means practice stillness, look for the light, and ask it to enter into your presence. Ask what to do with the information that has sent you spinning, and you’ll receive one of three answers. Either do nothing, think on it, and come back or act on it. When we follow God’s direction, He gives us more. Personally, if I procrastinate on it, I begin to stagnate and feel worse and worse.

I want to remind you that comparison is the thief of joy. If it doesn’t empower you to do better and do good in the world around you, it is a comparison that doesn’t serve you. Shift your perspective to know that God has a plan for you and it is all in His plan.

Join me on Instagram: @perfectlyimperfectranda

I have learned that when you lean into your purpose, despite doubts and imperfections, that purpose gives you passion. It gives you excitement and makes you feel alive. There is peace in purpose. You can know that you are aligned with God and His purpose for you. It isn’t always a comfortable place, but there is peace in it.

If you are struggling, I urge you to get the darkness out. Whether it’s on paper or talking to someone you can rely on. If you keep it in, it will consume you. Until you speak it, it will continue to have power over you. We are not made to be powerless. We are meant to shine.

Join me on Instagram: @perfectlyimperfectranda

In today’s episode, I’m continuing my discussion about rebuilding our relationship with my husband Aaron Dutcher. Our main focus is about shifting perspectives, looking for positives, and embracing the God-given gift of agency.

Whenever you tell people that you got divorced, or that you got married again, the focus is always on the negative. Both of these things are seen as failures when they should be seen as positives. The tendency to focus on the negative should be shifted. Come from a place of love and abundance, and look at where you are, knowing it is where you are meant to be.

The same thing is often said of getting married young. The simple fact is, it has no positive or negative, it just is. Look at things as just simple truths. Wedding vows are for better or worse, there are no exceptions.

No one ever said it would be easy, nor should it be. The question is, can it be overcome? What do you choose? There is a phrase, ’choose your love and love your choice.’ That reminds us that choice is one of the greatest spiritual gifts you can receive. Remember that God has granted us agency.

It takes work on both sides to rebuild. It is a process, and you must continue to choose the choices you have made. It is a commitment and it isn’t always going to be sunshine and rainbows, but it can help you build a solid foundation.

Learn to be comfortable with yourself and honor the choices of others. Differences don’t divide you and fear doesn’t rule you.

Join us on Instagram: @perfectlyimperfectranda   .@.thisisudutcher

In today’s episode, I am joined by my husband Aaron Dutcher. This podcast is partially named for him, so today I wanted to explain what Going Dutch means to me. Aaron speaks about his tips for rebuilding relationships and we both discuss the way in which partnering with God led us back to each other.

For me, Going Dutch has many meanings. To most people, it means going it alone in some way. I tried that. I went it alone in our marriage and I went it alone as a single woman. Now, Going Dutch reminds me that we brought our family back together. When I rely on God, I thrive and I want to be in a partnership with Him. For Aaron, it now means commitment and going in it together.

Aaron and I have been married, divorced, and re-married but have been in each other’s lives since 1995. He is an organized man and that compliments my creative brain. I keep a list called the Aaron Truth List that I refer to, to keep me grounded. He has what he calls the Randa Playbook.

When we rebuilt our relationship, we started from the ground up. Aaron takes us through his 3 tips for rebuilding that he used during that process. A big takeaway is to let go of the victim mentality, the what-ifs that you have been carrying around and begin to understand that you are in your purpose.

It is a long and difficult road to rebuild, but we can tell you from experience that we are grateful for the hardships and the lessons we learned. Without them, we would not have found each other again.

Join us on Instagram: @perfectlyimperfectranda and .@.thisisdutcher

In today’s episode, I want to talk about a topic that is very difficult for me. I’ve been resisting it. I want to tell you about my beautiful friend Julee Brady, other women in my life, and how I realized that comparison was making me the robber of my own happiness.

I have a bad habit of comparing myself to the amazing women in my life. I would think that if I could just have what they have, I would be happy. I can testify to you now that that thinking is wrong. It doesn’t matter if you get what others have, that is not the path to happiness.

When I was reunited with my high school friend in 2013, she invited me to join a group called The Cowgirls Historical Foundation. A group of accomplished, confident, and happy cowgirls. For a long time, the comparison part of me kept me away and told me I wasn’t good enough. Being a part of that group was life changing for me.

Julee taught me that when you live into your gifts and stop comparing, it doesn’t matter what anyone else does. You are doing what you are meant to do.

Julee passed away a couple of months ago from cancer. She taught me so much and I think of her often and know she is an unseen angel.

Remember that we aren’t meant to be perfect, but we are perfected in Christ as we take a part of Him and work in His name. We are meant to work together to share our gifts, not to compare ourselves to others. God has a plan for each of us - we just have to listen.

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In today’s episode, I have been called to share a message of power and strength with you. A message that will help you re-connect with your divine purpose and find your spiritual gifts. These gifts aren’t wrapped, they aren’t tangible, and they can’t be bought. These gifts are already yours, divinely appointed by God.

Let me tell you how I came to find my spiritual gifts. I had a wonderful childhood, filled with family. My parents married young and divorced when I was 5. I lived with my mom and her parents as she went back to school. There were struggles, but there was gratitude. I was nurtured and cared for, and I learned to look to God for answers and guidance.

In 2012, I was married with 4 children and we found out our fifth was on the way. The stress of the situation led to our separation and eventual divorce. While we eventually reconciled and re-married, at the time I experienced grief. I experienced pain for what was lost and my situation. I turned to God, who had helped me through so much as a child. He wanted my whole heart and in return he showed me my gifts.

I have been blessed with the ability to see Angels. It is not a physical sight, but emotional and spiritual. Knowing I’m not alone helped me through my struggles and I cherish those miracle moments.

I believe our experience on this Earth is all part of His plan. Learning and using your spiritual gifts to help others and yourself is His will. This will keep you in remembrance of Him and lead to your return to His presence.

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In today’s episode, I want to share messages from my heart, given to me from God. I want to talk about how to overcome your struggles and help you understand that you are not alone. When you open yourself up to receive a hand up from God, you are open to do anything without fear.

In 2012, as a single mom of 5 kids, I was so scared of being alone. Even though there is so much support for single mothers, I felt unsupported. I would pray every night for help to get me through the next day. It was through prayer and my experiences that I learned to reach up, not across.

I opened a bakery out of my home and sold cattle out of my backyard. Through this, I learned confidence. This process taught me to look to God, look to your family, friends and peers and ask for their advice.

I want to share with you my 4 steps to help reduce struggle. Try it for 3 days, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I call this method L.O.V.E.

Look to God.

Open your eyes and heart.

Verify truth.

Enjoy the ride.

A miracle is a shift in perspective. Look to God and know that you can relate to Him. Be brave, open your eyes and heart to Him, and know that he will show you the way up. Look for the truth of the situation. The truth is what happened, not your feelings. Finally, strap in and enjoy the ride. Thank God for your blessings and for where you are. Know that wherever you are is where you are meant to be. Know that you will be greater for what you are going through.

Click here to get this amazing freebie...A 3 day digital course,  "The Practice of L..O.V.E. https://randastrattondutcher.vipmembervault.com/products/courses/view/1048387/?action=signup

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With Light and Love, Randa