Healing Starts with the Heart

Grief, pain, and suffering are three concepts that are often used interchangeably when discussing the experience of loss. However, they are distinct and can have different impacts on an individual's emotional and mental well-being.
Grief is a normal and natural response to loss. It is an emotional and physical experience that individuals go through when they lose someone or something that they care about deeply.

Grief is often accompanied by feelings of sadness, loneliness, and emptiness. It can also cause physical symptoms such as fatigue, insomnia, and loss of appetite. While grief can be painful, it is a natural part of the healing process and can help individuals come to terms with their loss.

Pain is the physical and emotional discomfort that is often associated with grief. Pain can be caused by physical or emotional stressors, and it can manifest as physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, and muscle tension. Emotional pain can also cause feelings of sadness, anger, or anxiety. Pain is a normal response to grief and can be managed with proper self-care, including exercise, nutrition, and stress management techniques.

Suffering, on the other hand, is a state of mind that occurs when individuals get stuck in their grief and are unable to move forward. Suffering is often characterized by feelings of hopelessness, despair, and helplessness. It can cause individuals to withdraw from others, feel isolated and alone, and lose their sense of purpose and meaning. Suffering is not a normal or necessary part of the grieving process and can be detrimental to an individual's emotional and mental health.

It is important to understand the differences between grief, pain, and suffering to ensure that individuals receive the appropriate support and care they need to heal from their loss. While grief and pain are normal responses to loss, suffering can be avoided by seeking help from mental health professionals, support groups, or trusted friends and family members. By recognizing the differences between these concepts, individuals can take steps to manage their grief and avoid unnecessary suffering.

In conclusion, grief, pain, and suffering are distinct concepts that are often used interchangeably when discussing the experience of loss. While grief and pain are normal responses to loss, suffering can be avoided by seeking help and support from mental health professionals, support groups, or trusted friends and family members. Understanding the differences between these concepts can help individuals manage their grief and avoid unnecessary suffering.

Sit with Sharon and Erica as they share their experience of caring for someone with illness and the grief that happens after the death. 

Experiencing a long-term illness and caring for a loved one can be one of the most difficult and emotional experiences one can go through. As a caregiver, you may have spent weeks, months, or even years, tending to your loved one's needs, providing them with physical, emotional, and spiritual support. Your life may have revolved around their care, leaving little time or energy for anything else.
After your loved one passes away, the sudden absence of their presence can feel overwhelming. Along with the grief and pain of losing someone close to you, you may also experience a sense of emptiness and loss of purpose that comes from the end of your caregiving journey.

As a caregiver, your routine may have revolved around your loved one's needs. You may have spent countless hours providing care, running errands, and attending appointments. Now that your caregiving role has ended, it can be challenging to adjust to a new routine and figure out how to fill the hours that were once dedicated to your loved one's care.

In addition, the stress and exhaustion of caring for a loved one can leave you feeling physically and emotionally drained. It's not uncommon for caregivers to experience burnout and other health issues as a result of the physical and emotional demands of their role. After your loved one passes away, you may find yourself struggling to regain your energy and take care of your own needs.
All of these factors can contribute to a sense of loss and grief after the passing of a loved one. You may find yourself struggling to come to terms with the fact that your caregiving journey has come to an end, and that you must now adjust to a new normal without your loved one.

It's important to remember that grief is a natural and necessary part of the healing process. You may experience a range of emotions, from sadness and anger to guilt and regret. Allow yourself to feel these emotions and seek support from loved ones or a professional counselor if needed.

While the loss of your caregiving role may feel overwhelming, it's important to recognize that you still have value and purpose in the world. Take time to reflect on your own needs and interests, and consider how you can use your experiences to help others who may be going through a similar journey.
Remember that it's okay to take things one day at a time and to focus on self-care during this difficult time. Be patient with yourself, and know that with time and support, you will find a way to heal and move forward.

Losing a spouse is one of the most difficult things that anyone can experience. The grief, pain, and emotional turmoil that come with such a loss can be overwhelming, and it can take a long time to heal. But what happens when a widow finds love again? Is it possible to move on from the pain of losing a spouse and find happiness with someone new? For many widows, the answer is a resounding yes. But for others, the process of moving on can be fraught with guilt and conflicting emotions.
Meet Sarah. Sarah was married to her husband for 15 years before he passed away from cancer. They had a beautiful life together, and Sarah loved her husband deeply. But after he passed, Sarah found herself struggling to move on. She tried to keep busy with work and friends, but the pain of losing her husband was always there. Sarah felt lost and alone.
It wasn't until a few years after her husband's death that Sarah met Mark. Mark was kind, compassionate, and understanding. He listened to Sarah's stories about her husband and was patient with her as she worked through her grief. Sarah was initially hesitant to start a new relationship, but she eventually opened up to Mark and they started dating.
At first, Sarah felt hopeful that she had found someone who could help her move on from the pain of losing her husband. But as their relationship progressed, Sarah started to feel guilty. She would think about her husband and feel like she was betraying his memory by being with someone else. She would cry and feel overwhelmed with sadness, and she didn't know how to reconcile her love for her husband with her growing feelings for Mark.
Sarah's guilt was compounded by the fact that Mark was divorced. She felt like she was taking away someone else's chance at love, and that she didn't deserve to be happy. The pain of losing her husband was sometimes unbearable, and she would lash out at Mark when she couldn't control her emotions.
Despite her guilt and conflicting emotions, Sarah loved Mark. She saw in him a future that she never thought she could have after losing her husband. But her grief was always present, and it made it difficult for her to fully embrace her new relationship.
Sarah eventually sought help from me as a grief specialist,  I  helped her understand that her feelings were normal and valid. \ Sarah work through her guilt and helped her see that it was possible to love someone new while still honoring the memory of her husband.
It wasn't easy, but Sarah slowly began to let go of her guilt and embrace her new relationship. She still missed her husband, but she was able to find happiness with Mark. It was a process of healing, but Sarah found that she was able to love again without betraying the memory of her husband.
Sarah's story is a reminder that grief is a process, and it looks different for everyone. Moving on from the loss of a spouse is never easy, and it's okay to feel conflicting emotions when starting a new relationship. But with time, patience, and understanding, it's possible to find love again and honor the memory of the one you've lost.

Grief should never be taken lightly. It can shape us and help us understand our place in the world, but it’s also an important part of healing that shouldn't be ignored or looked over.

This grief is mine to treat how I see fit. Please do not try to correct me or change the way I am grieving. My grief belongs entirely to me, and what I make of it, is my business and mine alone

Grieving is a deeply personal journey - my pain, and what I make of it, ultimately holds its own special purpose. Although well-meant advice may be offered with care by loved ones during this time, at the end of the day only I can take control over how to best cope through sorrows unknown.

"Welcome to our podcast for grievers. In today's episode, we will be discussing the idea that self care is important, but it is not the only thing that will help us move past the pain of grief.

Many of us have been told that practicing self care can help us to cope with the pain of grief. This can include things like exercise, journaling, talking to a therapist, or spending time with loved ones. These are all great ways to take care of ourselves, but they are not the only solutions.

Grief is a complex and multi-faceted experience. It is not something that can be fixed with one solution or a quick fix. It takes time and patience to work through the pain. Sometimes, even after doing all the self care that we have been suggested, we may still find ourselves struggling with the pain of grief.

It is important to remember that grief is a natural and normal response to loss. It is not something that we can simply will away or ignore. It is a process that we need to go through in order to heal.

So, even if self care is not making you feel better as much as you would like, it is still important to keep practicing it. In addition to self care, it is also important to reach out for support. Talk to friends and family, or consider joining a support group for people who are also grieving.

Remember that healing takes time and that it is okay to still be grieving even after you've tried different self care practices. Be patient with yourself, and know that the pain will eventually fade. You are not alone in your grief, and there are people who care and want to help." ~ Sharon

Grief is a deeply personal and individual experience, and there is no "correct" way to grieve. Some people find it helpful to express their emotions through writing, art, or music; others find solace in spending time with loved ones or engaging in activities that bring them joy. Some people may find it helpful to seek support from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor. It's important to remember that it's okay to feel a wide range of emotions, including sadness, anger, and guilt, and that it's okay to take the time you need to heal. Here are a few additional tips that may be helpful:

Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions. It's normal to feel a wide range of emotions when you're grieving, and it's important to allow yourself to experience and express these emotions. This may involve talking to friends and family, writing in a journal, or participating in activities that allow you to express yourself creatively.

Take care of yourself. It's important to take care of your physical and emotional well-being during this time. This may involve getting enough sleep, eating well, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and provide a sense of accomplishment.

Seek support from others. It can be helpful to talk to friends and family about your feelings and to seek support from others who are grieving. You may also find it helpful to join a support group or seek the guidance of a mental health professional.

Find healthy ways to cope. There are many healthy ways to cope with grief, such as spending time in nature, engaging in physical activity, or finding ways to feel connected to the person you've lost. It's important to find what works for you and to be patient with yourself as you navigate this difficult time. ~ Sharon

Death by Suicide

I have never known what it feels like to want to end my life. But I do know what a broken heart feels like, and I know it is not good.  I do know that losing someone to suicide is possibly the worse loss anyone can suffer.  No one can ever be prepared to deal with it.  
When someone we love is lost to suicide, the aftermath is clouded with the misunderstandings and shame that surrounds both mental illness and suicide.
One of the most common misunderstandings regarding suicide is the thought that the primary cause of suicide is mental illness.  Also, there is a belief that only people who are mentally ill attempt suicide.  None of these myths are true. 

Keep in mind that there are hundreds of other factors, including but not limited to abuse, trauma, alcohol use, poor problem-solving capacity, and chronic illness. Sadly, even the simple feeling of social isolation can be a cause for attempted suicide.  It comes from the feeling that you have no one to talk to or that no one will understand what you are going through. 
Ignorance concerning mental illness contributes to suicide.  The element of shame keeps many from seeking help.  The risk increases when thoughts of what others may think of them stands in the way of doing something about their problems or seeking help.

He is me. 
The announcement of tWitch’s death by suicide hits insanely close to home. He has been described as love and light. 
I feel, in a way, that is how people tend to see me:
Love
LIGHT 
High energy
Humor/Laughter
What people don’t see:
Major Depressive Disorder
Addict
Heartbroken
Hopeless 
Empty 
When people say they don’t understand how this happens…
I do. 
I get putting on the show. Performing to keep the people around you happy and feeling completely empty when the lights go down and the show is over. 
I have never been in a place where a world without me sounds better than a world with me, but I see how people arrive there. 
It is not far off. 
I share this to say, it is not only the quiet ones or the overtly sad ones that need a hand. We can do better.
Consistently check-in. 
Ignore the highlight reel that is social media. 
Make sure everyone in your life knows that you love them and knows that this world is better with them in it. 
Listen for understanding and without judgment. 
Ask “Are you ok” and let them know they are not a burden but a blessing in your life.
"The very nature of someone struggling with suicide and depression is that they're not likely to reach out. They feel like a burden to others.
People who are having thoughts of suicide often feel trapped and alone. Even if you can't find the exact words to say, the aspect that somebody cares makes a big difference”
I hope this helps. 
I hope we can each be the difference in the life of someone who is hurting. ❤️
Stephen tWitch Boss
Brody Stevens (The Hangover)
Kate Spade
Kurt Cobain
Chester Bennington (Lincoln Park)
Anthony Bourdain
Robin Williams
Daisy Coleman (Audrie and Daisy)
Dave Mirra (X Games)
Mark Salling (Glee)
Naomi Judd
Houston Tumlin (Talladega Nights)
Chelsie Kryst (Miss USA) 
... just to name a few of the loved and recently lost...

How long will it take for you to heal?

Do you have days when you feel so overwhelmed while grieving? 

Some days is it impossible to get through the simple stuff?.

By all means do not attach a timeline to your healing.

Do not allow anyone to attach a timeline to your healing.

There is no timeline for how long grief lasts, or how you should feel after a particular time. After 1 year it may still feel as if everything happened yesterday, or it may feel like it all happened a lifetime ago. 

Grievers will say...

All I want to do is go to sleep. But life is still going on around me. I yell at everyone in my household. I have no patience. "You need what?" "By when?" 
I remember thinking this about my family...Don't they know that I am grieving.  I don't care about that paperwork.  I don't care if you need help with your project.  I AM GRIEVING!

The process is going to take what it takes.   This grief will be with you for a while.  Trust us just because someone says it should be gone does not make that true for you.
 
• You are human.  Let yourself feel the pain.  All of it.  Even the ugly parts.  That means yes you may need to excuse yourself and go to a quiet place for a good cry.

• The truth is most likely if you are anything like us this does not feel natural.  We would go days without processing the pain and we know that things would start to build up.
• You are not the only one that has ever felt this way.  I promise you that you will not be the last.  But more importantly showing everyone around you that grieving will help them with their grief also.  Imagine that!
• Remember we never told you that this would be easy.  If not one of the most painful things you will do.  It will surely make the top five.
• The one thing that you can tell yourself is that you can do this. I am going to feel these feelings.
 
Things we know about grief:
• Grief is normal.  Grieving is natural. (even though it does not feel that way all of the time).  We have never been taught how to do it.
• Grief is emotional.

• You are allowed to process this pain.  

• You have to tell everyone around you what you want
• You also have to tell them what you don't want.

When our losses first occurred, we had family and friends descend upon us like a sea of people.  
Although I appreciated their concern their presence was very overwhelming, and I found myself sitting alone on my front porch in search of a quiet place where I could be left with my pain.
After a loss occurs the pain is so unbearable it seems only natural that you would want to isolate yourself and be alone.
At times, that can be comforting because it’s hard to be around people when you’re hurting, especially if you think they do not understand how bad you feel.
But the comfort of isolating can easily become a routine and before you know it, you’re cut off from everyone around you.  
Don’t let that happen to you.  Find ways to communicate what it is you’re needing form your inner circle. 

Grief is ugly.

Grief hurts.

Grief will bring out the worst in you.

Grief will bring out the worst in people around you.

We were not taught how to grieve properly.

Most of the people that have gone before you on this journey will still tell you that they never figured it out.

But they will give us the worst advice ever..."I Know How You Feel My...Just Died"

Please know that telling a griever that you know how they feel because you have just had your cat die is one of the most disrespectful things that we can say to a griever.

Just sit with them and listen.  The trust is you do not know how their heart feel.  You only know your own pain.  Now is not the time to share your pain.

Processing the pain from grief means allowing yourself to feel the pain, honestly communicating about how bad it feels and acting.  You must be an active participant in your grief and come to your own aide because there is no one out there who can save you.  You must be your own hero.

You cannot get over the pain that is a true misconception, you have to go through the pain to get to the other side, which is recovery.  As soon as I started to allow myself to feel the pain and the tears to come, I started healing.  I also had to tell my truth about how bad I was feeling and not hide from my real feelings.  

More importantly you must use your healing tools for the rest of your life.  Grief will never be one and done.

The Joy of the Season and Grief

When we lose someone we love, our hearts struggle on a daily basis to figure out how to navigate our world without them.

When the holidays roll around, our hearts are on overload because everywhere we turn, we are reminded that this is a time for family, for love, and for being together.

This holiday season will be particularly hard on all grievers because we now have to contend with our broken hearts as well. Your traditions and norms are already being challenged because of our loss, and now we are forced figure out how to spend the holiday.

In the first months after the death of someone important to you, you may struggle with enjoying yourself. Many grieving people are unable to laugh, sing, or celebrate in any way.

The truth is that it is hard enough to be missing them, and now we have to go to a party and pretend we are having fun or enjoying ourselves.

The amount of pain you are currently feeling and the fact that you are missing all the family events does not mean that you do not love them.

We know that your emotions are like a rollercoaster going up and down.

But here’s the deal—it is okay to have a laugh. It is okay to share a story about the one you lost. It is okay to cry when talking about them. All of these are good things and they do not make you a bad person.

It is even okay to go to a family party and enjoy everyone’s company. It your decision which events to attend and which ones not to because the truth is that wherever you go, you will be carrying your broken heart with you.

Do keep this in mind—if you are around people you love you will be able to, we trust, laugh, cry, and even share a jolly story with them.

We get this question all of the time.  How do I support my sister while she is grieving?  I do not know what to do...

Just show up for the grievier.  Show up as the person that you would want to be your support if you were the griever.  Show up as the amazing person that did show up for you when your loss occured.  

Supporting the griever is most likely one of the most important things you will do in your life.  I considered the support that I was giving Erica so powerful.  I called her every day.  I wanted to be the resource for her if she needed to talk.  Yet, I was making a big mistake.  I was not allowing my grief to release.  I was not allowing my pain to surface.  One of the things that Erica and I teach is processing the pain in your heart.  Unfortunately, I was so busy taking care of her I did not acknowledge it.

So many times, that I called her, she would cry or just tell the story of her brokenness.  She thought I was helping her, but the truth was I was judging my level of pain by how she was doing that day.  I needed to hear her voice just as she needed to hear mine.

In 2006, I lost Austin. The grief from his loss was beyond belief. I could not breathe and there were days when I didn’t get out of bed. I did not think that I would ever live again.

The Erica from that day is forever gone.  I am not sure who she was and now as I think about that day, I know that I am a stronger, funnier, and yes sometimes sadder version of her.

So many people kept telling me to just give it time. But this was not helpful for me. How much time? WOULD giving it time help? I remember hearing that one never gets over the death of one’s child. I was starting to believe that was true. I thought my life would be like this forever....

The truth is that the Erica from June 17, 2006, we will never see her again.  I not only had to do my grief work I also have done the much-needed work on the old Erica.   You hear Sharon and I say all the time that there are layers to grief.  Losing who you once were is a layer of loss my friend.  All layers of the grief pain and loss must be grieved for true healing.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hope.heal.recover

The key to healing from emotional wounds is to be

able to release the pain from those wounds.

The number one way to do this is to call it by

its correct name.  Grief

1. When you’re hurt, your body responds by

producing hormones and neurotransmitters

which affect your emotions.  ~ Your heart hurts.

2. The tendency is to keep thinking about what

happened to you. This causes your brain to

produce more hormones and neurotransmitters,

resulting in greater anxiety and depression.

3. The emotions which resulted from what

happened also continue the cycle.

To stop this cycle, you’ll need to access your inner

power, release the past, and form your new future.

moving forward.

There isn't a person in the world who hasn't been

hurt by someone. Releasing the pain from these

wounds are difficult for many, if not most.

Grief Healing Facebook Group

Funerals are not the only way to remember someone after they pass away. There’s a lot of alternatives these days- from memorial services and other creative expressions, all the way down to no funeral at all! The truth is there really any set rule for what you should do when it comes time plan your send off in life; so many different options exist just waiting on one person's preferences or ideas about how best commemorate their legacy.

The death of a loved one is always an emotional time for the whole family. There are no rules when it comes to planning their funeral, so you can choose whatever option suits your needs best - whether they were traditional in nature before their passing

What kind of ceremony would be fitting?  Some families prefer elaborate services with lots of honor guards and flowers while others may only want quiet prayers offered up by friends at graveside; still other folks might have something radical like sky burial where someone throws dirt onto them self-shot video rather than having any sort formalities whatsoever!

Hey, if you’ve been feeling down lately and need someone to talk too - our Facebook Support Group for women is open! We can help.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hope.heal.recover

When people experience the death of a loved one, they may feel that their world has come to an end. This can lead them into feelings such as anger and depression which are all very common in those going through grief though it's important not just for yourself but also other friends or family members who love you dearly when dealing with these tough moments

-It’s normal at times feeling angry because your whole life changed right before your eyes - Some might say "I'm coping well" however what this really means maybe more along lines.

The loss of a person does not give you the right to be mean. Human decency and respect for others still apply, even if it's difficult sometimes.

Hey, if you’ve been feeling down lately and need someone to talk too - our Facebook Support Group for women is open! We can help.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hope.heal.recover

No Pill Can Fix This

Grief can be uncomfortable, but it's important to remember that your grief is specific and personal. You might feel self-conscious or think you're not "doing it right" when there are no rules for how somebody should grieve - just as with any other life event! The best thing we could do during these moments of discomfort would probably lie on letting go so we don't get caught up worrying about what other people say instead thinking only about ourselves

Grief, like any other emotion is personal. We all have our own way of dealing with it and feeling uncomfortable in the process but there’s nothing wrong if you're not "doing" anything right because this feels incredibly authentic to who we are as individuals - even though sometimes hard for others around us (or ourselves)

Hey, if you’ve been feeling down lately and need someone to talk too - our Facebook Support Group for women is open! We can help.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hope.heal.recover

Dolores is a beautiful soul with an amazing story of grief and healing. Thank you friend for sharing your life with us. More importantly thank you for sharing your healing journey with us.  Join the sisters as they sit in awe with Dolores as she shares her beautiful healing grief journey.

www.BellaHW.org