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    Journey Beyond Divorce Podcast

    Divorce provides a perfect opportunity to begin identifying and practicing new ways of thinking, being, and doing. Our Journey Beyond Divorce podcasts help you to navigate the shifting world that you currently inhabit, and utilize your struggles as stepping-stones that lead to inner strength, clarity, and confidence. If you are seeking personal one-on-one coaching visit www.JourneyBeyondDivorce.com.
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    Episodes (324)

    HC Divorce Demystified: Navigating the Storm: The Psychological Battlefield of Divorcing a Sociopath or Narcissist with Kerrie Droban-Zhivago

    HC Divorce Demystified: Navigating the Storm: The Psychological Battlefield of Divorcing a Sociopath or Narcissist with Kerrie Droban-Zhivago

    I’m excited to share today’s conversation with you as my guest, Kerrie Droban-Zhivago, offers profound insights into the minds of sociopaths, psychopaths, and narcissists. For those of you undergoing high-conflict divorces, understanding these characteristics is crucial. As you know, these personalities can significantly impact the emotional and psychological well-being of their partners, often leading to highly contentious divorce proceedings. 

    By educating oneself on the traits and tactics of these individuals, you will be able to better navigate the complexities of your circumstances. This knowledge empowers you to make informed decisions, establish boundaries, and pursue a path to healing and recovery.  Kerrie’s insights provide a roadmap for identifying these personality types and implementing strategies to protect oneself from their debilitating effects.

    Today’s guest, Kerrie Droban-Zhivago, is an award-winning, critically acclaimed true crime author, accomplished criminal and matrimonial attorney and television journalist. She is an expert on criminal pathology, narcissistic personality disorder, and sociopathy and has a fascinating story of how she developed her expertise.

    More ways to connect with Kerrie:

    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:


     

    Voices of Celebration: I'm Healing From Regret, Resentment and Codependence and Living My Best Life!

    Voices of Celebration: I'm Healing From Regret, Resentment and Codependence and Living My Best Life!

    When Maria reached out for support she was still resentful at her ex and regretting staying so long in a marriage that had been over for 2 years. 

    Maria shares her journey to self awareness and acceptance of herself and her circumstances. In a short time, Maria developed an understanding of codependence and began shifting her behavior to more self loving and less fearful about what other's thought about her.

    Maria also shares her 'hot pepper moment' and the powerful impact our signature Emotional Energy tool had on both her healing and her new romantic relationship.

    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:

    HC Divorce Demystified: Facing the Fire: Divorce Strategies with High Conflict Expert Bill Eddy

    HC Divorce Demystified: Facing the Fire: Divorce Strategies with High Conflict Expert Bill Eddy

    Our guest is none other than Bill Eddy, a leading expert in managing high-conflict personalities. As the pioneer in understanding and navigating the tumultuous waters of relationships with individuals exhibiting narcissistic or borderline traits, Bill brings a wealth of knowledge and practical wisdom.

    In this episode, we'll unravel the intricacies of his acclaimed book, "SPLITTING: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Narcissistic or Borderline Personality Disorder". If you're facing a high-conflict divorce, this conversation is an essential guide to maintaining your sanity and safety in the face of adversity.

    Bill Eddy, co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute, is a renowned figure in managing high-conflict personalities. He developed the influential High Conflict Personality Theory and has a rich background as both a Certified Family Law Specialist and a licensed clinical social worker.

    Bill’s work extends beyond the courtroom and therapy sessions to the academic realm, serving as faculty at the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at Pepperdine University and a Conjoint Associate Professor at the University of Newcastle Law School.

    As an author of over 20 books and co-host of the podcast "It's All Your Fault," Bill's expertise is sought after worldwide, having lectured in over 35 U.S. states and 13 countries worldwide. His popular Psychology Today blog has garnered over 6 million views, making him a leading voice in understanding and navigating complex interpersonal conflicts.

    More ways to connect with Bill:

    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:

    Design Your Alter Ego to Help Step Into Your Future Self!

    Design Your Alter Ego to Help Step Into Your Future Self!

    High Conflict Divorce is hard and in the beginning you may struggle with self doubt and uncertainty.  I found this mind hack a while ago and was fascinated by the concept.  So here goes.  Activating your alter ego engages a mind hack that can support you in creating the change you desire.

    The Alter Ego Effect, written by Todd Herman teaches you how to adopt a different mindset and get motivated by cooperating with an alter ego of your own. By implementing this mind-hack, you can awaken your hidden talents or certain skills that you are afraid to show and quiet down fears and other unhelpful emotions that keep you stuck. It is a powerful and effective tool to begin recreating the new you!!

    There are 5 key lessons in the book, I am going to quickly walk you through the basics of a few of them. One is to use the five categories of change to improve your life and find your alter ego.

    The second exercise is to give your unproductive, paralyzing emotions a different alter ego so that you can detach from those in difficult times. And finally align the attributes of your alter ego with your goals, and then access this super persona when you need them.

    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:

    JBD Team Talks: I'm Losing My Mind! Honoring the mental and emotional toll of divorce

    JBD Team Talks: I'm Losing My Mind! Honoring the mental and emotional toll of divorce

    If you feel like you are losing your mind as you enter divorce, I want you to know that it's totally normal.  Today I share what happens when you begin the journey through divorce and how your mental and emotional overload show up in your life.  I discuss the changes you begin to see in yourself and why things like brain fog, ADD tendencies, short triggers, and memory problems arise in the short term.  

    Tune in as I share what you can do to support yourself and what you are ill advised to do.  Seeing the value and benefit in all things divorce is hard and yet when you are looking for the hidden gems, you learn more about yourself, grow in ways that bring value to all you do and set yourself up to be more effective and productive through and beyond your divorce.    

    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:

    Extra Resources:

    Behind Closed Doors: The Hidden Struggles of Abused Husbands

    Behind Closed Doors:  The Hidden Struggles of Abused Husbands

    Welcome to today’s special episode, where we shine a light on a topic that often remains in the shadows. While we’ve dedicated much of our discussion to the challenges and triumphs of women navigating the turbulent waters of high-conflict, abusive relationships, today, we pivot to honor a group whose struggles are equally profound, yet less often heard. This episode is dedicated to the men—the unspoken victims of domestic abuse.

    Abuse knows no gender, and the pain it inflicts bears no prejudice. Men, too, find themselves caught in the grip of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse within their intimate relationships, battling the stereotypes that question their experiences and silence their voices. Today, we stand with you, acknowledging your struggles and affirming that your pain is real, your experiences are valid, and your journey towards healing is deserving of attention and support. Together, let’s break the silence and build a bridge of understanding and empathy for all emerging from the shadows of high-conflict and abusive relationships.

    My dad was a victim of domestic abuse, here’s his story…

    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:

    Extra Resources:

    Voices of Celebration: A journey of lost custody, heartbreak and healing

    Voices of Celebration: A journey of lost custody, heartbreak and healing

    Geri was the primary parent for the entirety of her children's lives. During the four years of their court battle, dad never took the boys for an overnight...not even once. Yet she lost custody in an expensive, drawn out court battle.

    Listen as one woman tells her journey of heartbreak and healing, her court ruling on custody and the grief, personal growth and gifts that followed.

    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:

    JBD Team Talks: How to Tell The Kids in High Conflict Divorce

    JBD Team Talks: How to Tell The Kids in High Conflict Divorce

    Telling the children about your impending divorce is always a fragile, emotional conversation. The general rule is both parents tell the children together, refer to the decision as mutual and assure them that they are loved and their lives with continue with limited change.

    However, when facing a high conflict divorce, such advice may be unwise and even dangerous. If you are expecting your high conflict ex to blame you, create undo chaos and emotional overwhelm and catastrophize your choice, telling the children together may not be in their (or your) best interest.

    Listen as Karen walks you through another, one that you don't typically hear and that may resonate as safer and more aligned with your reality.

    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:

    Valentine's Day: A Toast to You, The Star of Your Own Love Story!

    Valentine's Day: A Toast to You, The Star of Your Own Love Story!

    Ah, Valentine's Day! That time of year when love is in the air, and heart-shaped chocolates seem to pop up everywhere. For some, it's a day of romance and roses. For others, it's more like a scene from a tragicomedy – minus the comedy. But fear not! 

    If Valentine’s Day feels like just another blip on the calendar, that's great.  Carry on!! However, if you find yourself feeling a bit blue as heart-shaped balloons float by, here’s an invitation to consider…why not turn the day into a celebration of the most enduring love of all – the love for yourself? 

    After all, you are the one person who you can always count on and whom you would benefit from getting to know more deeply. You are beautifully unique and loving… with so much to offer, and who better to recognize that than, well, you? Why not make it a day to remember by creating your perfect Date with Yourself.

    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:


     

    Voices of Celebration: I Found My Truth and Authenticity Through My Divorce

    Voices of Celebration: I Found My Truth and Authenticity Through My Divorce

    Ann Margaret shares her struggles around faith and family when deciding whether or not to seek a divorce from her spouse of 19 years. As a devout Catholic, she needed to be 'right with God' and sought to understand if and how her desire to leave her marriage was aligned with her deep faith. She goes on to share her concerns for the impact the divorce would have on her children, the challenges of living under the same roof during Covid and keeping the 'secret' of the impending divorce from her kids until the school year ended. Finally, Ann Margaret had a huge fear of being alone and shares the unfolding journey of her dating and relationship life after divorce.

    Ann Margaret describes her divorce as amicable and post divorce co parenting relationship as respectful. She offers great wisdom and guidance around the power of coaching and the importance of tuning into and listening to the soft voice of intuition that is there to guide you.

    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:

    JBD Team Talks: Tips for Choosing a Divorce Attorney and/or a Mediator

    JBD Team Talks: Tips for Choosing a Divorce Attorney and/or a Mediator

    Stepping into the legal divorce process can be scary and overwhelming. Not knowing what to expect, how the process works, and what the options are can be daunting. Choosing the right divorce attorney and/or mediator is one of the most important first decisions you will need to make. It could mean the difference between a long, drawn-out, expensive, acrimonious divorce or an amicable, less expensive, shorter process.

    But where do I start? What should I look for? What should I ask? What should I consider? How will I know who the best fit is? 

    Listen and you will learn useful tips for interviewing and choosing a divorce attorney and/or mediator and begin the process with greater confidence and clarity.

    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:

    Special Guest: Discernment Counseling - An Alternative Approach to Deciding to Mend or End your Marriage with Brian Burns

    Special Guest: Discernment Counseling - An Alternative Approach to Deciding to Mend or End your Marriage with Brian Burns

    Deciding whether to mend or end your marriage is a tender and complex decision.  Today we speak with Brian Burns about Discernment Counseling and how it is a safe and gentle process that brings immense value to the couple during this difficult time.

    Brian walks us through how Discernment Counseling works, the reason it is a short term process, under 2 months and how it differs in many ways from Marriage Counseling.  The goal of this approach is very simply clarity and confidence for each member of the couple.  He explains how there is often a ‘lean in’ spouse and a ‘lean out’ spouse, how meeting with each individually and together makes the perfect recipe for both honesty and transparency.  

    If you are having difficulty deciding to mend or end your marriage, this episode may be exactly what you are looking for!!

    Brian Burns has a Private Practice in Woodbury, MN. 23 years as a Marriage and Family Therapist. Specialize in working with couples in long-term, committed relationships who are at a crisis point in their relationship. Also experienced in "uncoupling" counseling, and healthy parenting in divorce. Podcast host - Bad Weather Podcast. Brian lives in Western Wisconsin with his wife of 28 years and the two pets. Raised four daughters who are now spreading their wings across the country and the world.

    More ways to connect with Brian:

    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:


     

    Special Guest: Divorce, Faith, and Three Little Hearts - One Man's Journey Through Divorce, Dating and Single Parenting with Chris Espinoza

    Special Guest: Divorce, Faith, and Three Little Hearts - One Man's Journey Through Divorce, Dating and Single Parenting with Chris Espinoza

    Join me as I speak to a christian man about his journey through a high conflict marriage where he owns his part in the dissolution and shares the challenges of parallel parenting post divorce. Chris Espinoza of Men's Divorce Recovery speaks deeply about his recovery and healing journey and the vital role his faith played in keeping him tracking true to his desires to be the best dad and the best ex husband.

    Chris recently began dating, met the love of his live and is engaged and about to merge his three kids with her two kids and all that comes with that. This is a story of resilience, deep faith and the gift of healing that God has for us when we keep the focus on Him and our own healing and character refinement.

    More ways to connect with Chris:

    Special Guest: Breaking the Barriers of Parental Alienation - Strategies for Recognizing Signs and Restoring Connections with Charlie McCready

    Special Guest: Breaking the Barriers of Parental Alienation - Strategies for Recognizing Signs and Restoring Connections with Charlie McCready

    Parental alienation is a deeply complex and emotionally charged issue, where one parent, influences the child to reject or fear the other parent. This process distresses the alienated parent, who experiences profound loss and heartache. It also inflicts psychological harm on the child. The child, caught in the crossfire of adult conflicts, might develop issues with trust, guilt, and self-esteem, often carrying these emotional scars into adulthood. The alienated parent grapples with feelings of helplessness, grief, and frustration, sometimes leading to severe emotional and mental health challenges. In severe cases, this form of emotional abuse can create long-lasting rifts, affecting the child's ability to form healthy relationships in the future.

    It's crucial for the alienated parent to adopt a long-term perspective focused on healing and self-care. Healing oneself is not just a pathway to potentially rebuilding the relationship with the child; it's essential for leading a fulfilling life, irrespective of the outcome. This approach underscores the importance of patience, self-compassion, resilience and the relentless pursuit of personal growth and emotional balance.

    With us today is Charlie McCready, who has himself been an alienated parent for over 20 years.  Charlie has taken his pain and his experienced to fuel his passion to support other parents to navigate this emotional storm with more hope, grace and perseverence by providing invaluable insights and effective strategies.  Charlie has a comprehensive 9 step program to navigate the challenges of PA and rebuild relationships with your children. 

    More ways to connect with Charlie:

    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:


     

    Special Guest: The Power Trio - Unleashing Strength in Divorce Through Values, Habits, and Behaviors with Shannon McGorry

    Special Guest: The Power Trio - Unleashing Strength in Divorce Through Values, Habits, and Behaviors with Shannon McGorry

    In the turbulent waters of high-conflict divorce, finding your anchor is essential for staying afloat. In this episode of "The Power Tria," we dive deep into how valuing your values, honoring your habits, and breaking down your behaviors can be the lifebuoy you need during this challenging journey.

    Discover the profound impact of aligning your actions with your core values. Today’s guest will discuss a process of self-discovery, helping you identify what truly matters to you and how to use these values as a compass to navigate even the stormiest seas of divorce.

    You will also learn how your daily routines and habits can either empower or hinder your progress. And finally, we dive into behavior change and why letting go of destructive behaviors is crucial for your emotional well-being. We discuss actionable steps to break free from behaviors that no longer serve you, helping you reclaim your power and control.

    With me today is Shannon McGorry, a Certified Professional Coach, specializing in Divorce and Women’s Empowerment. She is certified through the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching, is a woman of faith, a mom of two daughters, and a lover of yoga, the beach, being outside, and laughter.

    More ways to connect with Shannon:

    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:

    Special Guest: Love Rehab - Transforming Toxic Bonds into Healthy Connections with Stephanie McPhail

    Special Guest: Love Rehab - Transforming Toxic Bonds into Healthy Connections with Stephanie McPhail

    Living in a toxic intimate relationship can feel like being caught in an emotional maze—depleting your energy, disorienting your sense of self, and clouding your judgment. The journey to disentangle from harmful behaviors and limiting beliefs, deeply ingrained in such relationships, often appears daunting, terrifying, and isolating.

    Today, I’m thrilled to have Stephanie on the show, a beacon of light for women embarking on this transformative journey. Stephanie specializes in guiding women from the murky depths of toxic love to the shores of healthy relationships and enriched lives. Tune in as we delve into her innovative approach to healing and get a sneak peek into her game-changing new podcast, Toxic Love Transformation.

    Stephanie is a Toxic Relationship Recovery Expert, certified Crisis Counselor, Certified Coach, and a Reiki Practitioner. She is also the author of "Being Loved Shouldn’t Hurt", both a book and workbook. Stephanie specializes in helping professional middle-aged women to discover who they are and create their best lives after leaving a toxic relationship. She is also the host of the NEW Toxic Love Transformation Podcast!!

    More ways to connect with Stephanie:

    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:


     

    Special Guest: Transforming High-Conflict Divorce Through Conscious Uncoupling with Katherine Woodward Thomas, M.A., MFT

    Special Guest: Transforming High-Conflict Divorce Through Conscious Uncoupling with Katherine Woodward Thomas, M.A., MFT

    Welcome everyone to today's exclusive interview with Katherine Woodward Thomas, the best-selling author of the groundbreaking book, "Conscious Uncoupling."  In a world where divorce often turns into a battlefield, Katherine offers a revolutionary approach to parting ways amicably and with acceptance and peace.

    We will delve into the 5 transformative steps and core principles that Katherine lays out in her book, shedding light on how these can be life-changing tools for anyone navigating the tumultuous seas of a high-conflict divorce. 

    So if you're seeking a path that turns antagonism into understanding, and resentment into acceptance, you won't want to miss this enlightening conversation.

    Katherine Woodward Thomas is the New York Times bestselling author of Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After and Calling in “The One”: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life, as well as an award-winning licensed marriage and family psychotherapist. 

    Over the past two decades, Katherine has taught hundreds of thousands of people from all corners of the globe to create conscious, loving relationships. Her virtual learning communities include the Conscious Uncoupling & Calling in “The One” Quests with Mindvalley. She also trains and certifies Calling in “The One” Coaches and Conscious Uncoupling Coaches and provides ongoing supervision and development to a vibrant community of coaches from around the world. 

    More ways to connect with Katherine:

    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:

    Thoughts on Attitude, Gratitude and Intentionality as we Wrap Up 2023

    Thoughts on Attitude, Gratitude and Intentionality as we Wrap Up 2023

    Thoughts on Attitude, Gratitude and Intentionality as we Wrap Up 2023

    If you're in any stage of divorce, it can feel especially lonely, unfair, tender, confronting…today I want to talk about the gift of Attitude and Gratitude!

    Charles Swindoll Quote:

    The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.  It will make or break a company... a church... a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

    And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes”

    Gratitude: 

    Focusing on what IS working / good and pleasing in your life… leads to a release of serotonin and dopamine, chemicals in the brain that are associated with happiness and pleasure. Acknowledging gratitude also decreases stress hormones. The short-term result is a reduction in anxiety and an improvement in mood.

    Rather than RESOLUTIONS - I invite you into a practice of daily Intentions **choosing your attitude going into the New Year**

    Share your deepest feelings of gratitude and your commitment to more life enhancing / possibility producing attitude.

    Create a daily practice - begin and end your day. 

    Happy New Year! 

    Special Guest: Untying the Knot After 50: The Complex Landscape of Grey Divorce with Karen Covy

    Special Guest: Untying the Knot After 50: The Complex Landscape of Grey Divorce with Karen Covy

    Married couples over 50 are the fastest growing segment of the population divorcing.  There are numerous unique challenges with Grey Divorce.  Your children are older, which means you may need boundaries around their opinions and your desire to lean on them emotionally or financially.  

    You most likely have more life behind you than you have ahead of you. This limits your ability to recoup funds lost in the divorce.  It may impact spousal support if the monied spouse is close to retirement age.  You also may have more assets to split up. You may have to go back to work after decades of being a stay at home parent.  Tune in as our expert shares the challenges and solutions to navigating divorce in later years.

    Karen Covy is a Divorce Coach, Life Strategist, Lawyer, Mediator, Speaker and Author. She coaches busy professionals and business owners who want to make clear, confident decisions during highly-charged emotional situations. Karen also helps her clients become the CEOs of their own divorce, so they can navigate through their divorce with less conflict, less expense, and less damage to themselves and their children. Karen is the author of When Happily Ever After Ends: How to Survive Your Divorce Emotionally, Financially, and Legally; the creator of The Divorce Road Map 2.0, an online program, and host of the podcast, Off the Fence.

    More ways to connect with Karen:

    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:

    Special Guest: The Financial ABCs When Entering a High Conflict Divorce with Amy Irvine

    Special Guest: The Financial ABCs When Entering a High Conflict Divorce with Amy Irvine

    Regardless of whether you are the monied or non-monied spouse, when facing high conflict divorce, it is vitally important that you get your financial ducks in a row. Divorce is largely about shared parenting and money…today’s guest helps set you up for success on the financial front.

    Your high conflict spouse is making threats and telling you how it’s going to shake down. However, unless they are a matrimonial attorney, it is crucial that you turn a deaf ear to their narrative, gather your numbers…what you have, what you owe, what you need and what your marital income is.  For the non-monied spouse, we will also talk about how all income is OURs, not HIS or HERs.  

    With me today is Amy Irvine, the founder of Rooted Planning Group and host of Wine and Dime, a weekly podcast.  Amy has also written “Uncork Your Finances”, which she is offering as a  free gift for our JBD listeners!!   Amy specializes in working with X-Gen women (as one herself) who want to form a long-term relationship that includes not just financial advice, but financial education as well.

    More ways to connect with Amy:


    Journey Beyond Divorce Resources mentioned in this episode:

    • Book a Free Rapid Relief Call: http://rapidreliefcall.com
    • Take the "Relationship Health Quiz" Quiz: https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/relationshiphealthquiz