Parenting Decoded

Kids of all ages need to feel connected and loved unconditionally.  How can you set up a system in your family for creating and keeping those connections?  In this podcast we go over connections for kids between 2 and 10.  The next podcast covers what you can do for teens and tweens, a much harder demographic than younger kids who still think the world of you. 

In this episode we explore ideas on how to have regular "quick" connections on a daily or weekly basis while also considering longer "dates" with our kids.  We talk about how the intention is for each parent to have one-on-one time with each kid in their family. 

There are examples of how some families have accomplished this as well as resources for ideas on what to do for "short" connections as well as times to connect in longer, more meaningful ways.

The goal is to set up connections that can go deep and will continue on into their tween and teen years. 

Hint:  Start young! 

Resources for this podcast:
30 Joyful Ways to Connect by OneTimeThrough
56 Ways to Connect With Your Kids by TalkingParents.com

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Grumpy kids can really put your home into a foul mood.  What can we do to help tame these dark clouds and bring some sunshine back into our lives?

In this episode we'll cover these four steps:

Step 1 – Keep Your Cool 

Step 2 – Offer Empathy and Hugs 

Step 3 - Fix the Broken Connection 

Step 4 – Go on a Trigger Quest and Brainstorm

The transcript for this episode is HERE

Here are the resources mentioned in the podcast:

• Kings Corner Card Game YouTube Instruction Video 
• Mood Meter Graphic 

Parenting Decoded YouTube Videos 

• Communicating with Teens and Tweens Parenting Decoded YouTube Video 
• Getting Kids to Listen 
• Being a Calm Parent 

Parenting Decoded Podcast Link 

• Anger Management for Parents 

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Parents struggle with how to motivate their children toward certain behaviors. Typically rewards and bribes are used. 

In this episode learn about when bribes and rewards are most likely to motivate your child.  There are pros and cons of both types of motivations.  Bribes tend to reinforce negative behaviors, while rewards are commonly thought of as something that's planned ahead and well-thought-out, used for positive behaviors. 

However, sometimes our plans backfire!  When? How? What do we do?  Listen and learn!

Click HERE for a written transcript on my website. 

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Kids being bullied isn't new.  What's new is the extent at which they are being bullied and, with the internet, in new and harmful ways.  

In this episode, we'll cover the different types of bullying:
Verbal - teasing, name-calling, taunting, etc.,
Social - spreading rumors, leaving kids out, embarrassing them, etc.
Physical - hitting, spitting, tripping, etc. 
Cyberbullying - using digital devices to cause others harm

Why does bullying occur?

What can families do?

How you can role-play and brainstorm with your child.  

Here are resources referenced in the podcast that are also on the transcript that is available and on my website blog:

·       https://router-network.com/education/anti-bullying-guide

·       https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/bullies.html

·       https://www.pacer.org/bullying/

·       https://www.stopbullying.gov/

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Do you have an anxious child?   Does it worry you or drive you crazy?  Either way you need to listen to this podcast!

In this podcast, hear from Stephanie Pinto, founder of Let’s Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids and author of the best-selling book From Chaos to Connection.   We talk about how parents can support their kids who have anxiety.  

Learn about the 4 different types of anxiety, then the 4 parenting traps that we fall into when we attempt to "help" that wind up having negative impacts.

• Being over reassuring
• Swooping in/Jumping in too soon
• Allowing avoidance
• Being too tough or critical

What can we do to help?  Listen in!

Find Stephanie and her resources at www.Stephaniepinto.com. She’s amazing!

Here’s a link to her FACEBOOK and INSTAGRAM if you’d like to follow her. 

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Today with the launch of the Barbie movie and so much emphasis on selfies and having perfect bodies, it's worth considering how we help out the millions of kids who aren't "perfect". 

In this episode I interview Pam Luk, Founder of Ember & Ace, a clothing brand for plus-sized kids.  We talk about how to support our kids both socially and emotionally as well as how we as parents need to tamp down our own feelings about perfection that harm our kids in emotional ways that hurt more than help.

Here is a link to Ember & Ace if you'd like to take a peek at their offerings and learn more about them:
https://www.emberandace.com/

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

What do you with kids who are wired differently?   Who might be on the spectrum (ADHD, Asperger's, OCD, etc.)?  Maybe they've had a diagnosis, maybe you just can see they are off the charts brilliant and some things but a total failure at socializing with kids their age. 

If you have such challenges with your kids,  take a listen to Sam Young of Young Scholars Academy in this episode as he explains how his online community for neurodivergent and gifted children works.  He brings a strength-based approach to getting our kids to connect in healthy, positive ways while learning at the same time.   Lots of topics for kids to connect in small group classes with mentors who help them connect while teaching.  What a concept, like minded-students can finally find "their people"!

Young Scholars Academy can be found at YOUNG SCHOLARS ACADEMY.

A list of their classes for FALL 2023 is at FALL 2023 COURSES.  If you listen and need this link after Fall 2023,  just go to the main website and choose "Courses" from the main menu.

For anyone listening, there's a special discount of 15% off any classes booked for first-time students! 

Use Code: YSAPARENTINGDECODED15

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Some kids seem to be born not caring where stuff is.  They rely on us to find things and if we can't find them they blame US!  Yikes! 

This episode gives you ideas about how to let go of the responsibility for items in our kids lives that should be THEIRS but seem to have become OURS.  

Learn how to keep a calm head as we turn over the job of owning "stuff" back to our kids in loving ways.  

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Most parents seem to get hit with this at some point in our parenting journey.  It can start at around 6-7 months and usually goes away gradually throughout early childhood.  But… sometimes we’re just put to the test with separation issues and we wish someone would let us know what’s normal, what’s extreme and give us some ideas about what to do.

In this podcast we have Jessica O’Connor, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist to help step us through ideas in dealing with separation at different ages and stages.

For more details about separation anxiety and what do to:
LINK TO BLOG FOR PODCAST 56

To reach Jessica O'Connor:
www.jessicaoconnor.org

Lastly,  if you are having issues in dealing with yourself or your child please reach out to the 24/7 National Helpline for Substance abuse and mental health services administration 1-800-662-HELP (4357).

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Listen to Heath Wilson, co-founder of Aro, talk about their innovative technology that helps families develop good screen habits in a positive and fun way. 

There's a smart tech "box" to hold your devices when families decide to have non-tech time and an app that will track how long technology has been in the box.  It's the complete opposite of our normal "get off your device" that many families fight about now,! This is more like: "hey, how fun to see how long you been off your device" twist! 

You can use the app to have contests with both adults and kids and even track what you were doing while your devices have been in the box.  So cool! 

Here's a link :  GOARO.COM

I have a few other podcasts mentioned that can help parents looking for more info in dealing with screen time :
Podcast 11: Screen Time Issues - Part 1 
                            ages preschool through elementary
Podcast 12: Screen Time Issues - Part 2
                           ages middle to high school
Podcast 44:  Screen Time Struggles 
                           how to deal with screen addictions with Emily Cherkin

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

There are so many pressures we face as parents but one of the most challenging can be managing our own parents when it comes to gifting to their grandkids.  It's enough to drive some of us crazy!

In this episode we'll talk about the types of interference we might be dealing from our family values being over run to dealing with huge amounts of clutter that we have to organize not to how too many toys can interfere with creativity in our kids.  Take a listen to hear more possible issues.  

What can you do? 
Start by having Family meetings with your parents and in-laws.  COMMUNICATE!  
Set clear boundaries and offer ideas of what you'd like to see happen.  Be willing to compromise and, again, communicate with those you love.

Ideas for gifts they can give:

• The gift of time from movie passes to tickets to museums or water parks
• Lessons - music, art, karate, whatever!
• Donations to a college or savings fund
• Coupon Book made by the grandparents with fun events from sleep overs to paint your nails
• Lots of other ideas when you listen!

Materials mentioned in the podcast about too many toys and kids:
Psychology Today Article
Today's Parent Article

TRANSCRIPT

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

When you have a child who refuses to read or is delayed in their reading compared to their peers it can be a very stressful time for parents as we try to navigate the what-to-dos and the why-is this-happening-to-my-child thoughts that constantly run through our minds.  The same stress can hit us when our kids don’t want to write and then again if they start falling into the “I hate school” mode which really tears us up. 

Having learning differences can contribute heavily to this stressful time but knowing what to do and what resources you can employ in your home and in child’s school environment can make a huge difference. 

This is why I’ve interviewed Dr. Victoria Waller on this podcast, to provide you with ideas for getting to those resources that your child needs. She’s recently released her book YES! Your Child Can: Creating Success for Children with Learning Differences in which she’s poured her 40 years of experience working with and studying learning differences in children.  It’s an invaluable resource and I want you to all know about it. 

Take a listen to hear amazing ideas of how to creatively activate the passions of our kids to ignite their abilities to learn.  Also find out how to engage teachers and tutors to help leverage those passions to get your child onto a path of success.

Here's a link to order the book:  YES!  Your Child Can

If you'd like to contact Dr. Waller:  Website

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this third installment of my manners series we discuss how to train your kids to chew their food with their mouths closed.  It can be a challenge but with some consistency, love and a bit of fun and games it's possible to move your kids into the social graces. 

There are two books for younger kids that might come in handy:
“How Dinosaurs Eat Their Food” by Jane Yolen
“Dinner with Olivia” by Emily Sollinger

Here's a copy of the TRANSCRIPT on my website.

Also,  feel free to email me with other questions -- mary@parentingdecoded.com.

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

When kids drain our energy by doing things that drive us crazy we need to respond in a loving and empathetic manner.  However,  when we're so tired of them doing things that drain us -- like whining, talking back, fighting with their siblings, or ignoring screen time limits -- we just don't know what to do. 

In this podcast you'll learn not only how to recognize things that drain your energy but how to let your kids know and then ask them to do things for you that help replenish that energy.   

Our kids to need to learn to recognize how their poor decisions to misbehave affect other people.  We want to raise kids who are respectful and responsible and this energy replacement can help do just that!

Click here for a list of Energy Drain Replacement Ideas

TRANSCRIPT HERE

If you have questions, email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com. 

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

What was Mary like as a parent?  In this special episode hear from Mary's two grown sons on what it was like growing up with Mary as a parent.  They talk about how natural consequences shaped them and how energy drains encouraged them to make better decisions among other topics.

This episode was created at the request of Mary's Facebook Group, Parenting Decoded, who were curious about the long term impact of good, solid parenting techniques on children.  What better examples than Mary's boys who went from having a helicopter mom to a consultant mom when they were in middle school.  A big change!

What grade did Mary get from her boys on her parenting skills?  Take a listen and hear it for yourself!

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this episode we learn how to get our kids to say “thank you” and how to help develop a general sense of appreciation for not only “things” but also training them in thankfulness which will help to promote an “attitude of gratitude”. 

• Start Early 
• Be Consistent
• Give Praise for using Thank You 
• Use Family Meetings to Set Expectations
• Set up Family Thanking Events
  • Dinner time thank you routines
  • Bedtime blessings routine
  • Thank you note practice for birthdays and holidays
• Make it FUN!  We'll talk about a few ideas for setting up a "fancy dinner" so we can practice all our manners in a creative and fun way. 

Lastly,  we'll go over how important modeling good "thank you" practices can be in helping bring thankfulness in our homes.  

TRANSCRIPT AVAILABLE HERE

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

We all want our kids to grow up being kind and courteous.  In this episode I talk with Teresa Ramirez, a motivational speaker and Kindness Koach.  Listen to lots of fun ideas on how to promote kindness inside and outside your home.  

Here's some of the ideas we talk about!

- Model it INSIDE your home

•  Use Family Meetings to talk about how to be kind to each other 
• Come up with a list of ideas from putting sweet notes in lunch boxes to doing surprise chores for some one
• Make a meal for everyone, 
• Give an extra long hug, pick some flowers for someone
• Plan a "date" with one of your family members including taking care of the plans and making all the food

- Model it OUTSIDE your home

• Help neighbors, hold doors open, help someone with packages at a store, pick up garbage a a park
• Do service projects together - help at a fundraiser,  work at a food pantry,
• Send letters or draw pictures to friends who are shut-in 
• Visit a senior center
• Write fun and cheerful messages with sidewalk chalk outside your home
• Have a lemonade stand to raise funds for a charity or cause

To get to Teresa's Facebook Page and order your FREE BUBBLES OF JOY!: 
JOURNEY IN KINDNESS

 To read the full article from Happy Family Happy You:  38 ACTS OF KINDNESS

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

This is the first podcast in a series relating to getting our kids to learn manners which are fundamental to their becoming responsible, respectful adults.  Starting with Life Lessons early has the biggest impact but in this series of podcasts, whether you have a toddler or a teen, it's worth investing in their future through manners.

Here are the basics of what's covered in this podcast:
1 - Start young!  The earlier the better.  Using "baby sign language" if you have a very little one. 
2- With Older Kids Set Family Rules around Manners.  Use a Family Meeting to talk about how important manners and and that you're going to start with focusing on the use of "please" in your home.
3 - Practice!  It takes lots and lots of practice to get your kids to use please but you need to do it OVER and OVER again.  When they don't ask with a "please" just ask them again. 
4 - Expect more from older kids.  Once they have the basics of using "please" have them incorporate "may I please" instead of just "please can I have".
5 - Role Play!  Enjoy some of the learning with your kids by setting up fun events that you can practice and exaggerate what you're doing.  Maybe a special candlelit dinner once a month?  Maybe a Game Night where you exaggerate asking for dice or cards using "please".
6 - Model What you Want.  You as the adult are constantly watched by your kids.  Make sure you're using "please" appropriately.
7 - Leverage the Please Request.  Your kids WANT something from you.  Use this as "currency" that is so valuable to them that they're willing to use "please" to get it.  Follow through with it even if they're sassy.  Don't get distracted if they are snarky!

TRANSCRIPT AVAILABLE HERE

Email Mary at mary@parentingdecoded.com.
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Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this episode I interview Liz Bayardelle author of Clean Your Plate! 13 Things that Good Parents Say that Ruin Kids’ Lives.   This book covers all sorts of unintended consequences that good parents say regularly like Get Straight As, Don’t Hit, Sit Still, Don’t Be a Quitter and many more.   She goes into detail in all these areas and has wonderful ideas about how to combat our natural tendencies to push our kids in ways that might backfire.   

We talk specifically about the impact of parents choosing to say GET STRAIGHT A'S often sends our kids looking for extrinsic motivators like money, extra computer time or other external rewards.  These rewards often work in the short run but can put a damper on intrinsic motivators that allow our children to own their own success.  

In order for our kids to have their own internal motivations there are four key factors:

1. Autonomy - this is where they "own" the ideas, doing things because they're invested in them and not doing them for other people
2. Competence - that kids believe they are capable of a skill
3. Relatedness - kids are social and if they can see how what they are doing relates to other people they want to be with or emulate they can motivate themselves to push past the work at hand
4. Purpose - the task at hand relates to some other passion or goal they are trying to achieve

By encouraging a GROWTH MINDSET we can move away from nurturing kids who aren't fulfilling their potential to growing kids who WANT to achieve goals and move forward. 

Get a copy of Liz's book here!
CLEAN YOUR PLATE! 13 Things Good Parents Say That Ruin Kids' Lives

As always, email Mary at mary@parentingdecoded.com or join her Facebook Group: Parenting Decoded 2021 to hear from Mary more. 

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Some of us struggle with trying to figure out if our kids are addicted to screens.  In this episode Emily Cherkin, The Screentime Consultant, and I discuss what causes screen addictions and what resources might help to determine if our kids are addicted.  We also go over different levels of intervention in overcoming screen issues in our homes. 

Emily is launching a new course for parents that will help train parents week by week to get their arms around the issue.  With parenting practices and live one-on-one coaching and support from other parents you will be able to make changes to support new behaviors that will set a balance between screens and life. 
The Screentime Consultant

We also discuss resources for more extreme screen addictions.  Links to those resources are:
RestartLife.com - Washington based treatment and therapy center to treat screen addiction.  Residential treatment program is available.

Restart's link to their assessment quiz:  TAKE ADDICTION QUIZ

GameQuitters.com - Online resources for anyone who games but special courses for parents.  Links to therapy centers and therapists world-wide.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me:  mary@parentingdecoded.com.

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!