Parenting Decoded

In this episode enjoy hearing from Emily Cherkin, The Screentime Consultant, as we talk about strategies to deal with kids and screen time use in our homes.  Emily works with families all the time to help put "tech intentional" ideas into homes.  Listen for ideas on how to set clear and reasonable limits in a way that can be integrated into your home, one step at a time.

Emily can be found at:  https://thescreentimeconsultant.com/

You can learn about her new course on Becoming a Tech-Intentional Parent.

Emily has also generously offered to all our listeners access to her e-book resource for free!
Mastering Screen Time

If you have any questions feel free to contact me at mary@parentingdecoded.com

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Siblings who hate each other is unfortunately all too common an issue for parents to ignore.  In this podcast we explore what a parent can do with their kids who aren't getting along, who are unbearably mean to each other. 

Our kids fighting all the time can be:
1 - draining for the ENTIRE family
2 - full of opportunities to learn some life lessons about getting along

In order to help stop the energy drain and actually learn those lessons that will help later in life we cover  three possible solutions to try:
1 - Use FAMILY MEETINGS to help set boundaries and Family Rules of Respect
2 - Set up SPECIAL TIME to make sure your parent connection is secure and each of the siblings feel listened to and heard.
3 - Use LOVE LANGUAGES to help the entire family understand what motivates each person in a language that speaks to their inner being where love and acceptance is florishing

There are a few other resources mentioned in this podcast that can give you further examples and information:
Episode #9: Sibling Rivalry - What to Do
Episode #10:  Punishment vs. Consequences: What's the Most Effective Discipline?
Episode #17: Creating Calm with Family Meetings
Episode #33: Loving Your Family Using Love Languages
Pint-Sized Treasure's article: “What to Do When Your Kids Hate Each Other”
Mary's Energy Drain Idea List

TRANSCRIPT IN BLOG HERE

If you have questions,  please email me mary@parentingdecoded.com.

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Setting limits for our kids can be such a challenge.  We set them, they ignore or break them.  Ugh!  In this episode learn how to set better boundaries that we can stick by so that our kids know that we mean what we say.

Learn to say:
1 - "AND WHAT DID I SAY"
Using this phrase helps stop the whining and begging that gets so annoying that we often times give in just to quiet our kids down.
2 - Set consequences for whining and complaining when our kids try to push our boundaries in directions we don't want them to go.  Use ENERGY DRAINs if you are wondering what to use.

We review why our boundaries fail and what good boundaries look like:
1. Clearly define the boundaries to our kids
2. Make the boundaries positive
3. Have consequences
4. Be consistent
5. Be reasonable
6. Be calm and loving

Here are some useful links for you:
EPISODE 20: Creating Calm with Boundaries and Limits (Transcript)
EPISODE 20: Creating Calm with Boundaries and Limits (Podcast)
ENERGY DRAIN IDEA LIST

For a full transcript of this podcast see my blog:
TRANSCRIPT

If you have questions please email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com.

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this podcast learn how to deal with disrespect in your home by teaching and modeling respect while keeping calm. 

The truth is, disrespectful behavior is one of the inappropriate ways kids, especially teenagers but not limited to teens, try to solve their problems. Kids can feel powerless in the face of rules and expectations and talking back and showing disrespect is one way they try to take some power back. If they can drag you into an argument, that’s even better: Now you’re arguing about respect instead of focusing on their curfew or their homework or cleaning up their toys!

Listen in on how to tame the disrespect monster:

1. Avoid the Fight in the Moment

2. Use Family Meetings

3. Don’t Take Everything Personally or Overreact

4. Model respect

5. Don’t Take Our Child’s Side

6. Don’t Demand Respect

7. Respect Their Choices

8. Use Restitution

FULL TRANSCRIPT ON MARY'S BLOG

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Life isn’t fair it never has been.  How we deal with life is what matters.  In this episode learn how you can nurture an understanding of fairness in your child's life as well as ideas on how you can respond to unfairness.

We want our kids to be able to:

• Let them know it's ok to express their emotions when life is unfair
• Encourage them to give praise to others when things aren't fair
• Help them continue with life when things aren't fair
• Have them lead by Example, using grace and humility, when unfairness hits them
• Support them learning from the opportunity when fairness happens

For a full transcript look here:  TRANSCRIPT

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this podcast I cover a few things.  First, what do bad teachers look like?  How do they behave? Next, what can you do about it as a parent and, lastly, what can your child do about making it through the year in once piece having learned what they need to. 
Three types of bad teachers:
Fluffy - ones that are nice but don't teach the material
Boring - ones that put you to sleep they are so uninspiring
Mean - ones that yell and are just plain mean; they might have favorites in the class and spend all their time with them; they might get mad at kids who don't understand

In the podcast I go over a step-by-step approach on what to do.  Read the transcript listed below if you'd like more details. 
1 - Wait and See while doing research
2 - Communicate with the school

• Start with meeting the teacher and discussing the issues
• If needed, escalate to a combo meeting with the principal and the teacher
• If your lone parent concerns aren't addressed then gather together a group of parents to go collectively to meet with the administration

3 - Teach your child ways to cope with the bad teacher

• encourage them to approach the teacher and ask for help
• augment their learning in whatever way makes sense - online, tutors, study groups
• be there!  empathize! love them through it

Julie Plagens at Mom Remade's article: 
https://momremade.com/survive-bad-teacher/

FULL TRANSCRIPT HERE

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this episode I talk with Dr. Weisinger about their approach of transforming harmful parental pressure into healthy pressure.    He has just released a new book with Dr. Christopher Thurber, The Unlikely Art of Parental Pressure: A Positive Approach to Pushing Your Child to Be Their Best Self. This book provides a roadmap for parents to engage in healthy pressure with our kids, ways that will help them grow and succeed instead of stifle and crush them.  

We, as parents, often struggle with kids who we think aren’t trying their hardest and we want to push harder.  We know they can do more.   It’s a natural instinct to push but in today’s world it seems like we can go too far and wind up doing more harm than good.  

Send me an email at mary@parentingdecoded.com or join my Facebook Group, Parenting Decoded 2021.

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Do you have a kid who is always seeking attention?  They are pulling on you, saying “Mommy, mommy, watch me!”  Or maybe they try to one up anyone just to make themselves look bigger or better than others.  Maybe they’ll even make things up to do that?

In this episode you'll learn why your kids are acting that way and how to bring new skills into the mix so you can work with them in a positive way so they go from annoying to adorable. 

Take a listen!

Send me email at mary@parentingdecoded.com if you have any questions!

FULL TRANSCRIPT HERE

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this episode Mary interviews author Elaine Taylor-Kraus from ImpactParents about her new book: The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and More

This guide gives all parents a guide in how to best help their children overcome their challenges in healthy, loving and practical ways. 

Whether or not you have a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, Asperger’s, any other executive function issues or you’re just worried that your child is out of step with their peers, please listen in for some great advice on how her book can help you in your journey. Personally, I think we all have complex kids and can learn from Elaine’s wisdom. 

She also discusses her parenting class that is a combination of online learning and coaching sessions called Sanity School that is a great compliment to her new book.  

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this episode learn how to get to the heart of your child and teach them how to apologize. 
Learn how to:
1 - Wait till the emotion has passed
2 - Brainstorm with your child to encourage ideas of how the apology can work for them
3 - If their hearts won't melt then allow consequences of their poor decision to not apologize guide them to make better choices. 

Did your parents ever force you to apologize? Did it really make you feel sorry? I’m guessing that, like me, you probably just felt worse, felt embarrassed and it made you even more mad at whatever/whomever caused you to be rude in the first place. 

Apologies are really important, however; what we want is for the heart of our kid to change, to have them understand that their behavior was unacceptable and caused hurt in another human being.  In this podcast are some ideas that might be more effective at changing your child's heart instead of just forcing them through the motions of an insincere “I’m sorry.”

See TRANSCRIPT HERE. 

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this episode we’ll talk about how to get our older kids, teens and tweens, to experience the bigger picture stuff and expose them to some of the messiness of life in a loving, supportive environment where they might even mess up some.  Everything from chores they should know how to do on their own to handling money, cars and how to get a part time job.  I’ll talk about planning vacations in addition to how to handle routine paperwork and cooking.  It’s sort of a laundry list of items I think any parent should consider when training your kids for the future.  

 Here's a list of topics that are covered:
Laundry
Cooking
Cleaning House
Yard work
Painting
Money
Filling out forms
Getting a part-time job
Keeping track of time
Vacation planning
Car driving, care and maintenance

SEE FULL TRANSCRIPT HERE

If you have questions, email Mary at mary@parentingdecoded.com.

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Understanding how a person perceives love is essential for knowing how to communicate  love to them.  In this interview I'm so happy to have Bec and Holly who have a podcast called ILoveYouTooMuchToArgue  to explain what Love Languages are and how to use them in your family. 

Five Love Languages are:
Acts of Service
Gifts
Words of Affirmation
Physical Touch

Take the free online quiz!


Find Holly and Bec anywhere you listen to podcasts and you can contact them at iloveyoutoomuchtoargue@gmail.com or on their Instagram page - @ILoveYouTooMuchtoArguePodcast

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this podcast I interview Richard Carpriola an expert in addiction counseling with over 20 years of experience.  He's the author of The Addicted Child: A Parent's Guide to Adolescent Substance Abuse.

I found the book and talking with Richard really useful in learning about the different substances – marijuana, alcohol, vaping, inhalants and more, and what signs to look for in determining addiction and where to turn if you need help. Leave a review and let me know what you think!

Leave me a review or email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com.

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Do you have kids who are always running to the car and saying: “I’m first!”?  Or maybe they argue over who mom or dad reads to first at night?  How about who gets to sit where at the dinner table?  Or who does dad pour the catsup on French fries first?  I know my boys would have a battle each time we got into an elevator over who gets to push the buttons.  It’s exhausting, isn’t it?  You might even say it “drains your energy” if you’re a Love and Logic parent. 
 
 In this podcast I want to help you turn that constant bickering into an opportunity for modeling cooperation and fairness.  You'll learn to use a problem solving method with your kids that allows everyone to have a say in how things that were once competitions can become fair and equitable situations. 

You'll learn:
Step 1 - how to set up a Family Meeting
Step 2 - how to start the Family Meeting
Step 3 - How to brainstorm ideas of what possible solutions there could be
Step 4 - How to select which idea you'll experiment with first
Step 5 - Run the experiment
Step 6 - Review the results and revise ideas for another round of experiments
Step 7 - Celebrate a win!

By modeling these problem solving steps together as a family your children will learn that it's possible to come up with solutions and that the best solutions take time and effort to come to. 

SEE FULL TRANSCRIPT HERE

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Parents are often baffled by their kids not listening and totally ignoring them.  In this seminar which was taped during a Zoom presentation, parents learn that how we talk to our kids and when we talk to them has a huge impact on their ability to listen to us. 

In this talk you'll learn not only WHEN to communicate but about these techniques to be more impactful when you do:

• How to go "brain dead" when our kids are emotional
• How to use loving limits to state what you're willing to do
• How giving choices can activate your kid's brain while sharing control about things you don't really mind sharing
• How letting our kids solve their own problems instead of hovering and telling them what to do can allow our kids to feel supported and listened to

If you'd like to watch the YouTube video,  here's a link for that:  YouTube Link

If you have questions, email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com.

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

This is special podcast recording of a seminar at Prospect High School meant for all of you who are having a tough time communicating with your teens.  I also have a YouTube version from Evergreen High School that includes all my PowerPoint slides that you can find on my Parenting Decoded YouTube Channel.  Whether you prefer podcasts or YouTube I want get you as much help as I can in supporting your teen.  

In this seminar I go over how we currently talk to our teens, what that might be communicating to them and finally ideas on how we can break through to our teens using good choices, setting loving limits, and allowing them to solve their own problems. I’ll show you how to come alongside your teen in a loving and empathetic way that allows them to own their lives and lets us be a helpful consultant instead of an interfering helicopter or drill sergeant. 

YOUTUBE Communicating with Teens

If you have an organization who’d benefit from hearing this presentation either on Zoom or in person, please contact me.  I’d love to reach more folks and it’s seminars like these that seem to reach the most parents. 

If you have questions, please contact me at mary@parentingdecoded.com. 

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

In this episode I interview Bianca D'Agostino.  She's a family and child therapist in Ottawa Canada who has lots of experience help families with issues around anxiety.

Here's the link to Bianca's helpful graphic on the different levels of anxiety, A through F:
ANXIETY GRAPHIC

Bianca's contact info and professional information:
BIANCA D'GOSTINO

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

This is the audio version of my online seminar which is also available on my YouTube Channel, Parenting Decoded.  There is also a  YouTube link to this seminar if you'd like to see all the slides that go along with this presentation.  YouTube LINK 

In this expanded conversation we go over tips to handle our anger that is triggered by our children and family situations.  
 The most important of these is setting up a RELATIONSHIP SAFETY TEAM. 
#1 - YOU
#2 - Your Spouse or Partner
#3 - Your Children

In each area we talk about how to use the Team Members to optimize communication in our homes.  It is good COMMUNICATION that will make all the difference in your homes.  Each Team Member can help make this happen.

#1 - YOU

• Start to recognize when your anger is coming on and how to stay out of Fight or Flight mode.
• Use Brain Dead so you DON'T engage when kids are annoying
• Separate if you have to
• Learn a few mindfulness techniques or get mindfulness apps on your phone
• If you really can't get your anger under control, consider seeking professional help

#2 - Your Spouse or Partner

• Develop verbal signals to help signal that you are needing help with anger
• Develop non-verbal signals as well by using physical queues or touch
• Help set up Calm Down options 
• Make sure each partner has "Me Time" to recharge

#3 - Your Children

• Set up verbal and non-verbal signals for your kids to use with you
• Hold regular FAMILY MEETINGS to discuss sensitive topics
• Model problem solving skills to show how communication about things that bother us helps to keep anger and resentment under control

Use other techniques to prevent anger triggers from happening:

• Setting Loving Limits - set up what YOU will do for your kids in a loving and positive manner
• Choices - use them A LOT!!!  Give our kids as much control over things you don't care about
• Problem Solving - let kids make mistakes with love and empathy

BOTTOMLINE: Communication is going to make a HUGE difference in your parenting journey. 

Email me mary@parentingdecoded.com if you have questions!

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

26: Lying, Cheating, and Stealing

Many parents get very upset when they catch their children lying, stealing, or cheating. We all hate the feeling of betrayal, being lied to, or cheated. But we all lie for lots of reasons. Sometimes to cover up bad behaviours. Other times, we do it out of fear because we want to spare ourselves of punishment or avoid sanctions.

The same goes with our young ones. But one thing is certain, it’s often not as intentional as we adults think and do.

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, your child keeps on lying? Why do they do it? How can you encourage your children to tell the truth?

Join me in this episode as I go into detail about why our children lie as well as the strategies you can use to address lying! 

What you will learn in this episode:

• Why lying bugs us so much?
• Why do kids lie and why does it come so easily to them?
• The different categories of lying and where your child might fit into
• The 3 main goals for parents when dealing with lying
• Teaching your kids how to apologize from the heart
• How to teach and help your kids learn from their mistakes
• Age-based ideas on dealing with lying
• Earning back your child’s trust
• How to encourage honesty
• Communication will always be key in a loving relationship

Resources Mentioned:

• How to Handle Your Child’s Dishonesty by Child-Psych.org
• Why Kids Lie from ChildMind.org by ChildMind.org
• Cheese Pizza Idea from Natasha at ReadingIsBetterThanChocolate.com
• Lying Guide By Age from Parents.com
• Honor Code Ideas by ReadBrightly.com
• Favorite Picture Books on Honesty from ChildrensLitLove.com
• How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Faber and Mazlish

Share this episode with a friend! Please email your questions to mary@parentingdecoded.com or join my Facebook Group for more chatter on parenting topics.

Join the FREE Lecture on Anger Management for Parents this Thursday, February 25, 2021 8-9pm SIGN UP HERE

TRANSCRIPT OF ENTIRE PODCAST

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

Tantrums continue to be a huge problem for parents.  Take a listen to this one hour Zoom seminar Mary did with a live audience with lots of practical advice on how to get a handle on tantrums in your home.  Learn about:

• Why tantrums happen
• What to do while the tantrum is happening
• What to do AFTER the tantrum is over
• How to avoid tantrums in the future

If you'd like to see the full video with slides go to the Parenting Decoded YouTube channel:
WATCH VIDEO HERE

Mood Chart:
LINK TO MOOD CHART

Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.

Have a blessed rest of your day!