Parenting in the Trenches with Karen Peters

If you are a parent of a child in therapy or are considering it in the future, it may seem like a bit of a mystery what happens in that room when the door closes.  Chris offers us a look into the process of therapy that is informational and comforting.  As one who specializes in trauma therapies and serves a wide variety of clients, he helps to demystify some of the unknown.  

Through this conversation, Chris gives us some insight into the practical aspects of what therapy might look like for our children. He also shares his trust in the wisdom and intuition of children working through trauma and explains how providing a safe, open environment and a strong connection is the most powerful tool that we have in helping children heal, not only in the therapist’s office but also in the family home.

I’m grateful to Chris for having this conversation and he provided us with some great resources which are linked below.  

https://www.treehousetraumacentre.com/

The International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation https://www.isst-d.org/

https://drdansiegel.com/books/

https://www.complextrauma.ca/

And the earlier episode we mentioned of Parenting in the Trenches with Lisa Dion: https://www.my.thrive-life.ca/parenting-in-the-trenches-s8e3

Welcome to Part Two of this conversation!  

In Part One, Dr. Lark and I set the stage with some discussion around the types and forms of Anxiety we are seeing in our kids and the clear need for us to help them so that they can learn to manage their Anxiety.  If you missed Part One, please go back and listen - Lark helps us understand Anxiety in a way that honors its complexity and nuance while simplifying some of the more difficult concepts that we can find confusing as parents watching our children struggle.

Children are experiencing increasing rates of Anxiety and it is imperative that we provide them with help to stay connected and to work through their Anxiety. Unfortunately there’s no silver bullet to ease the worry and fears for our children, but there are many things we can offer them from connection and mindfulness to meeting their basic physiological needs that can bolster their ability to grow and build resilience.  Dr. Lark and I offer some tools and strategies in this episode that are known to be helpful.  

We also paint a no fault, no guilt picture of why we are where we are, with our children experiencing Anxiety that may at times stem from our own.  In naming what is happening in this process we are not laying blame, but instead acknowledging the reality that we are all affected by stressors around us, and that the resulting Anxiety exists.  It actually can’t be avoided, and none of us are immune.  It’s part of the human experience.  

Understanding the Anxiety we see in our Children is important so that we can support them and know when and how to reach out for additional help.  You are not alone, watching your kiddo in this hard space.  

Here with you,
Karen

 In this episode Lark and I set the stage with some discussion around the types and forms of Anxiety we are seeing in our kids; the possible roots of it, the manifestations of it, and the differences between as well as the commonalities of situational anxiety and Generalized Anxiety. 

This conversation offers insight into the current increasing overall state of Anxiety that we are seeing our kids experience on a massive scale due to the last few years of isolation, fear and stress that we have all lived through and continue to process as a global community.  The picture is not pretty, with Anxiety and Addition rates skyrocketing. We’re making an effort to look honestly at the reality of the situation, which enables us to foresee the challenges and offer hope through strategies based on connection which promote resilience.  

This episode is sure to inform and hopefully clarify some things around Anxiety for parents with children struggling in this area.  For practical tools and common sense reminders, but sure to tune in next week to Part 2 when Lark and I dig into supporting our children through connection, co regulation and more.

If you'd like to explore Dr. Lark's work, you can check that out here:

https://www.larkeshleman.com

I’m really excited to share this episode with our community.  We are looking at Anxiety, Our Kids and School.  This is a topic so many of us have challenges around.  For many, our child’s anxiety and how it relates to and shows up at school is troubling, baffling and oftentimes anxiety provoking for ourselves.  If you are a parent of an anxious child or a professional who supports children in the classroom, this episode is very likely to resonate with you. 

We are joined by Shannon Sullivan, a School Counselor who has worked with the entire span of school aged children and has a wealth of knowledge and experience observing and supporting children in school with many challenges, including Anxiety.   Shannon insightfully explores with us anxiety in our kids and youth, how it shows up for them in their school environments, and what parents can do to support their children's mental health and collaborate effectively with educators.

We are seeing growing anxiety in school aged children and conversations like this one are becoming increasingly important to have as we navigate this in our families and with our children’s schools.  The good news is that you are not alone in this, nor is your child.  There is help available for you and for them.  Some options you can explore include the listening ear of a parent who has been through something similar (peer support), school support staff, counselors, and other resources such as those listed below.    

https://www.anxietycanada.com/

https://familysmart.ca/

https://www.my.thrive-life.ca/cbtforthefamily-course

And if you are an educator looking for supportive resources for the classroom, email karen@compasscounsellingservices.ca for more information about my custom made anxiety-reduction curriculum for grades 1 through 4. We'd love to support you in the incredible work you do with children and youth.

Best,
Karen

It’s difficult to put into words the depth of openness, vulnerability and realness with which our guest today shares his story - not just on this podcast episode, but in his work as an advocate for mental health and in his willingness to share his journey through grief and loss on a public platform. 

I am joined on this episode by Dylan Benson, a father, adventurer and photographer.  

Dylan generously shares with us his story of loss, grief, mental health challenges and road to healing.  Through his experiences and journey toward wholeness, Dylan displays what we know to be true about processing grief and loss - that moving toward healing is done in safe spaces with safe others, and that integrating hardships into everyday life is what enables one to go on to live fully.

Dylan’s honest and insightful portrayal of his life’s circumstances intertwined with his choices along the way is hope-filled.  His conviction that healing and moving forward require conversation and connection comes through loud and clear.  Reaching out to others who may be able to support you or offering a lifeline to someone else who may need support weaves a web of connection that is invaluable.  

I hope you’ll take the time to listen to Dylan’s story. I’m grateful to him for spending his time with us to share it.  We can learn so much from the experiences of others.  If you find it helpful or inspiring, please pass it along to someone you know who might benefit from hearing it.  You can connect with Dylan on Instagram at 

https://www.instagram.com/betterwithadventure/

Here are the resources he referred to:

https://gtf-outside.com/pages/about-us

https://campwidow.org/

Walking alongside you on your journey,
Karen

Supporting a child or youth who has experienced significant trauma in their life can feel overwhelming, complicated and sometimes impossible. Attachment struggles, intense emotions and behaviours, layers of diagnoses and constant appointments with professionals can leave parents, foster caregivers and teachers feeling helpless, despite their deep love for these deeply hurt kids. Dr. Geddes goes beyond describing the challenges and lays down a roadmap we can all use to cultivate long term healing as well as help us get through the hard moments. He's concrete, specific and practical - and it comes from experience of using these tools and strategies with hundreds of kids over the last decade.

If you listen to this episode and want to know more, please invest in a copy of his new book, Children and Complex Trauma: A Roadmap for Healing. This book will be an effective guide for social workers, physicians, coaches, teachers, parents, caregivers of all kinds, and counsellors dedicated to the heart-work of supporting kids along their healing journeys.

And if you want a compact 45 minute webinar on co-regulation strategies, you can find it HERE to get you started.

We're in this work to support you - the people who directly impact the lives of kids. THANK YOU for being there for them!

Dear New and Expecting Dads,   (Mamas - get ready to send the link to this podcast episode to your male partner!) 

I think we all recognize the disparity between the information and content available addressing the roles and needs of mothers in the perinatal arena and the same geared toward our male partners.  My hope is that today we can open up the conversation and share some information and resources to start to close that gap.  

In this episode we are hitting a topic that rarely gets put in the spotlight:  the male partner's perspective on new parenting, supportive roles, shifting assumptions about involvement and contribution and more.  

I’m grateful to be joined by Dr. Dan Singley to help us wade through these waters. Dr. Singley is a San Diego-based dad and board certified psychologist and Director of The Center for Men’s Excellence. His research and practice focus on men’s mental health with a particular emphasis on reproductive psychology and the transition to fatherhood. He conducts training and presentations around the country to assist individuals and organizations to enhance their level of father inclusiveness, and founded the grant-funded Basic Training for New Dads, Inc. nonprofit and Padre Cadre social networking application  just for dads in order to give new fathers the tools they need to be highly engaged with their infants as well as their partners.

Listen along as we learn about truly partnering together in a way that will contribute to the health and wellbeing of ourselves, our partners and ultimately, our families.  

If you are a couple who are soon to be or new parents, we are all rooting for your relationship to stay strong, feel connected and for you to thrive as an attuned family. Until the end of April/22, you can access my online course for couples When You & Me Become Three at 25% off when you enter the coupon code: BABYPROOF.  Don't miss out on this deal - once you own a copy, it's yours to keep and work through when you're ready. 

With you, 

Karen

PS.
Dr. Singley offers a virtual Expectant Dads Class, available here: https://www.menexcel.com/parenting-classes-in-san-diego-for-dads/

Expectant fathers enjoy an informal, hands-on class that provides practical information and a real boost of confidence about handling the baby's impending arrival.

Participants connect with other expectant dads, and also have the opportunity to talk with a “veteran dad” who has been through the class and brings his infant with him to the class. Dads-to-be get to hear directly from the new dad about his experience—and practice diapering, swaddling, soothing, and burping the baby.
Because this is a learning course and not "therapy", you can join from anywhere around the world!

Also check out his book: Parental Mental Health: Factoring in Fathers

Website:  Www.menexcel.com

And follow on: 

FB  @MenExcel

IG @Men.Excel

Twitter  @MenExcel

Have you ever met a new parent who described themselves as “well rested”?  Neither have I.

When Baby comes home, many of us are baffled and exhausted by the sleeping patterns of these new, tiny humans.  Why do they sleep all day and stay up all night?  Why don’t they stay asleep?  Why do they cry like that?  What should we do about it?  How will I survive the next day if I’m up all night with them?  

The stresses and complexity of adding a baby to your family are already challenging to navigate, and throwing on top of it the wonky sleep situation you’re in for only exacerbates the intensity of those things.   

If there were a silver bullet for this challenging topic, this wouldn’t be a conversation we’d need to have.  There is not a one size fits all manual for this.  There are, however, people who are up on all the research and specialize in the sleep of babies!  Our guest on this episode is one of them.  

Johanna Snyder is the owner of Sleep Soundly Consulting in Westchester, NewYork.  Johanna successfully helped countless friends and colleagues work through their children’s sleep struggles. She was inspired and ready to instill confidence in others regarding their children’s sleep. Johanna earned her certification as a Child Sleep Consultant through the Family Sleep Institute. This program gave her the opportunity to connect with, and learn from, the industry’s top sleep experts. The FSI program provides the most comprehensive, evidence-based child sleep education. Johanna is also a member of the International Association of Child Sleep Consultants.

Johanna’s experience and knowledge have helped many families and we’re grateful she’s sharing with us. The practical tips she offers are great tools for you to keep in your pocket.  

Be encouraged, weary, bleary-eyed parent.  It may feel like this stage of development will last forever.  I promise you it won’t.  But while you’re stuck in the mud of exhaustion, know that you’re not in it alone.  

Been there - survived that (barely),

Karen

Johanna’s website:

https://sleepsoundlyconsulting.com/about/

Find her on instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/sleepsoundlyconsulting/

It’s an all too common experience: we bring baby home with the expectation- or at least the faint hope- that we’re going to be high functioning and capable only to find that we’re exhausted, scatter-brained, sore, overwhelmed, covered in vomit and frustrated by any number of factors.  Oftentimes the part that’s not going to plan is how you are being supported (or not supported) by the village you counted on being there for you in this huge time of transition. You don’t want to decline the “help” offered to you, but it’s also not helping, and no one is offering what you need.  If you can relate to this, or foresee this in your future as an expecting parent - you are normal and WE. SEE. YOU.  

In this conversation we talk with Dr. Veronica Eyo, a therapist and mom who understands the many important facets of new parenting, perinatal mental health, relationship wellness and self care.  Speaking from her professional experience and transparently sharing from her personal experience as well, Veronica helps us intentionally look at what it means for each of us to feel supported and gives us permission to be very honest with ourselves and others in order to make it through the initial stages of motherhood well.

“You are not meant to do this alone” Veronica says - and I could not agree more.  It’s not an easy road, but addressing our expectations and allowing ourselves to change our minds about our needs and express them to those in our circles is crucial.  It is worth having hard conversations and cultivating safe relationships for us to be real and vulnerable in.  Veronica kindly helps walk us through very practical steps for identifying our own needs and sharing those needs with others so that they can support us in meaningful ways.

I hope this episode leaves you feeling seen and heard.  You are certainly not alone if this has been your experience.  

You can check out Veronica on instagram for uplifting and practical content.

And you can check out her website too. 

If your couple relationship needs fortifying (or maybe don’t wait until it feels like a “need”), When You & Me Become Three will give you the skills you need to improve communication, clarify and express boundaries, plan the future together and refine your attunement to one another’s needs (including your baby’s). For the month of April, you can download this online, self-paced course for 25% off using the coupon code BABYPROOF. 

We’ve got your back, folks.

Karen

If you are a new parent, soon to be parent, one day hoping to be a parent or if you love someone in the aforementioned categories,

Please join us for this episode on perinatal mental health.  In it, we touch on the power of being understood and supported, the challenges of birthing and parenting in a pandemic which complicates an already complex life change, releasing ourselves from parental expectations and guilt, acknowledging the mental load of parenting, trusting and advocating for yourself,  and much more.  

Our guest this week is Candice Thomas.  She is the Owner of the Evergreen Wellness Studio in downtown Barrie Ontario. She is a Registered Massage Therapist and Certified Athletic Therapist. Through her own journey with Anxiety, depression and postpartum, Candice has become a fierce and outspoken advocate for Mental health and Perinatal Mental Health reform in Canada. Candice has two beautiful daughters, Olivia and Ada. Motivated by the lack of resources for mothers struggling with postpartum, Candice founded The Liv Mohr Project, helping to raise awareness and funds for Mental Health Programs within her community.

Candice transparently and generously shares with us her personal experience with mental health and her birthing and mothering journey.  She offers hope and direction to help us acknowledge a current system that doesn’t always support new parents well so that we can move toward a collaborative, partnership based, multi faceted approach of care and support.  We know that families thrive when mothers are well cared for and that starts with us taking care of ourselves, building in relational supports and ideally having well functioning, accessible systems of care.

I’m so grateful for Candice bringing the subject of perinatal mental health to the forefront, raising awareness and change going forward - together.  My hope is that this episode serves as a catalyst for more conversation and movement toward real and meaningful support for new parents. Please check Candice out on IG via @livmohrproject and @evergreen_rmt.

If you're wanting more support in terms of preparing your couple relationship for the intensity of the early parenting phase, we've set up a discount for you to access my online, self-paced course When You & Me Become Three, valid until Apr.30, 2022. Grab it now with coupon code EVERGREEN50 and journey through the 10 modules together whenever you're ready!

Got your back, 

Karen

To all those who work with, parent and support our children,

Have you ever come across a child who is so agreeable, sweet and seems to read people so well? It can feel lovely and easy to relate to kids who present this way, but you might also find it's like pulling teeth to get them to say what they want, like and think. Kindness is not a problem, but "fawning" indicates the child doesn't actually feel safe enough to be themselves - they've learned somewhere along the way that if they don't please others and keep them happy and unagitated, that they might be abandoned emotionally. That their attachment depends on their good and easy behaviour, how compliant they can be.

Fawning is one of the 4 F responses to feeling unsafe or threatened, but it typically has a unique profile and function - it's an attempt to preserve safety in the context of relationships. I've had so many teachers and parents asking amazing questions about this type of trauma response, wanting to understand it better. Let's explore this further today. Join me?

Karen

PS. Here's some further reading if you're interested:
https://www.amazon.ca/What-Happened-You-Understanding-Resilience
https://www.pacesconnection.com/blog/the-trauma-response-of-fawning-aka-people-pleasing-part-one
https://drarielleschwartz.com/the-fawn-response-in-complex-ptsd-dr-arielle-schwartz/#.YjFCUXrMIT0
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/unlearn-fawn-response

Dear adopting and fostering parents and those who support them,

I need you to know about my guest today, Dr. Julia Bledsoe. When we began our adoption journey, we did not know people like her existed, and I cannot tell you how profoundly helpful it would have been to have access to her expertise both during and after the adoption application process. Some of the most difficult questions we needed to tackle but felt hugely ill equipped to answer, were related to understanding the risks associated with in utero trauma and prenatal substance exposure. We had no clue how to compare the impacts of alcohol and drug use, the differences between types of drugs and the expected long term effects on development. We so desperately wanted to ensure we were signing up for something we could handle well, but that's a tough thing to do when you don't have the information required to articulate those boundaries.

If you're in a similar position, or want to know what adoption medicine all entails, this episode is going to be very enlightening!

Julia Bledsoe, M.D., is a board certified pediatrician at the Pediatric Care Center at UWMC-Roosevelt and the Center on Human Development and Disability at UWMC and a UW professor of General Pediatrics. She also works as a faculty pediatrician at the UW FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) Clinic, the longest standing FAS center in the US. She earned her M.D. at the UW. She lectures and teaches on topics related to international and domestic adoption, especially as these overlap with fetal alcohol syndrome.

Dr. Bledsoe specializes in adoption medicine: the care of children and families touched by adoption. She strives to create active partnerships with her patients to achieve the best possible outcomes. Her work with the Center for Adoption Medicine includes: pre-adoption consultations, on-call travel support and pediatric care for fostered and adopted children. To learn more, check out their website or read more about Dr. Bledsoe's work here. 

If you've subscribed to my podcast, you will have heard about my online course for couples who are in the process of adopting. You can access Adoption: What to do while you wait at 50% off for a limited time if you enter the coupon code ADOPTSTRONG.

If you haven't had the chance to listen to the rest of our adoption series on Parenting in the Trenches, please download those episodes into your listening list! We love it when our community of parents grows!

Follow me on FB or IG for more resources,
Karen

Dear adoptive parents and in particular those who adopted transracially,

I'm inviting you to come learn with me. We can never know it all, mitigate it all or avoid the reality that our transracially adopted children have experienced loss and trauma in so many ways, so what we need to do it learn as much as we can in continuous and humble ways. Our kids deserve it. The best perspectives we can glean from is those who have lived it.

My guest today is Lydia Faye, an adult adoptee adopted as a newborn and raised by white parents in essentially an all-white community. She had a pivotal, eye opening experience in college that shone a light on so many unexplained experiences she had throughout her life. She shares openly about her own experiences and also what she's learned through her work, mentorship and educating roles. In today's episode we hone in on loss and microaggressions and how white parents can support racial identity formation with their transracial adoptees. Please join us and share this episode with friends and family. Also check out the recommended resources below!

Check out Lydia's Becoming Lydia Faye website for more about her personal journey and her work as a mentor and educator, or follow her on IG.

Recommended reading:
I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness, by Austin Channing Brown
TIME article as food for thought: Realities of raising a kid of a different race.

If you are a couple in the process of adopting, I'd encourage you to take a look at the details of my online course which includes a module video on transracial adoption by adult adoptee and social worker, Angela Tucker. You can read all about it here.

And if you'd prefer to feel like you're in our living room for our conversation, you can tune in on YouTube for our video version!

Dear caregivers of kids who have been through really messy and hard stuff,

We are so grateful for you - the way you show up for the kids in your lives even when you feel lost with how to best support them, when their behaviours look so overwhelming, and when you start to wonder if things can get better. Relationship trauma takes a long time to heal from, and when a young, vulnerable child is in an environment that for whatever complex reasons can't be present for and responsive to their innate needs for security, it can feel like the resulting wounds might be too hard to repair. When you are in a parenting role with a child who is relearning how to trust their adults, their expressions of their trauma, fear and mistrust can feel insulting, personal, and unsafe for YOU. We know this and we understand.

We're here to get real about the impacts of attachment trauma but also to provide models of understanding about what we can do to give our futures their best chance. Humans are shockingly resilient. Let's stay open to surprises, particularly when parts of us are convinced there's no way through to healing.

Renae is a Registered Clinical Counsellor and parent (both biological and adoptive) and she uses the P.A.C.E approach - a model developed by Dr. Daniel Hughes which Renae refers to as a "game changer" both personally and professionally.  Today she'll walk us through what P.A.C.E. means, how and why it works, and she's even agreed to come back for a bonus episode in follow up to this conversation which will serve as a "lab" of sorts. I'll provide her with some situations and scenarios that come up with kids who have had relationship traumas in their past, and she'll demonstrate how the P.A.C.E. approach would sound like in response.

If you want to check out Renae's work, you can find her information HERE.
To read more about Dr. Daniel Hughes' approach, go to his website http://www.danielhughes.org/
And if you want to learn more about complex trauma and brain development, we'd encourage you to listen to our previous podcast episode {S8E6} with Dr. Chuck Geddes, which you can listen to HERE or wherever you listen to Parenting in the Trenches.

If ever there was a deep trench of mud, it's parenting kids who have a history of trauma. We want you to have support and resources to stay well and to help your child find healing. 

Holding steady with you,
Karen

Parents, soon-to-be parents and hopeful parents,

Be honest - what thoughts, associations, pictures in your mind come up when you hear the diagnosis "Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder" or "FASD"? What have you been told about it, what are your assumptions, what are your worries? If you're parenting a child with FASD, what has your journey been in learning about it, supporting your child and adjusting your parenting approaches and expectations?

This week's episode is a discussion with parent-in-the-trenches, Natalie Vecchione. We talk about the misconceptions, the stigma, the need for person-centred parenting and resources, and what "interdependent" living can look like throughout development. She has lived experience home educating her two children (who joined their family through adoption)and advocating for resources, increased awareness and policy change for assessment and treatment support services around the 5 diagnoses that fall under the FASD umbrella. She's real, she's wise, and she's filled with hope and light.

Natalie left us with some amazing resources and I hope you'll check out her podcast and book!

CANFASD

natalie@fasdhope.com

https://www.fasdhope.com/

Instagram - @fasdhope

Facebook- @fasdhope1

Twitter - @fasdhope 

Clubhouse - @natalievecc

FASD Hope Podcast on Apple or find it wherever you listen to your podcasts!

Blazing New Homeschool Trails: Educating and Launching Teens with Developmental Disabilities

Have you ever met someone and immediately felt safe? Like this person is trustworthy, warm, would see you through the hardest of things? Meet Dr. Eshleman - Lark, as she prefers to be called. She embodies the work she does by modeling safe relationships, bringing her deep knowledge and experience of attachment and trauma, and by demonstrating her life long passion for helping children heal from ruptured connections early in their life.

I don't know about you, but relationships and healthy attachments feel so foundational to all other wellness in our lives and also the most complicated to understand and repair when things have been severed. Lark brings so much understanding, grace, warmth and clarity around both the hardest of the experiences and the steps towards healing.

If you are parenting a child who has experienced ruptures in their early attachments, Lark wants you to know what you can be actively doing to facilitate healing in your families. So please tune in for this episode, you won't be disappointed.

If you want to read Dr. Lark Eshleman's book, you can find it here: Becoming a Family

To learn more about Dr. Lark's work and the resources she mentioned in our episode, check out these links:

https://www.larkeshleman.com/

https://www.facebook.com/AttachmentandTrauma/

Lark’s colouring book: https://forallseasonsinc.org/product/color-me-closer/

Other resources mentioned in the recording:

https://www.amazon.ca/Neurofeedback-Treatment-Developmental-Trauma-Fear-driven/dp/0393707865

https://drdansiegel.com/

Dr. Lark talks in this episode about the healing qualities of Coregulation. To learn more about how to do this effectively with your children, check out 10 Strategies for Coregulation.

And if you are a couple waiting to adopt, I'd encourage you to check out this self-paced online course: Adoption: What to do while you wait, available for the month of February at 50% off when you enter coupon code ADOPTSTRONG

With you in the trenches,
Karen

Adoptive and foster parents, you are in for a treat!

In my practice, I frequently get asked about how to help current children in the family unit adjust well to folding in a newly adopted sibling - understandably - it's not straightforward. We want everyone involved to transition well! I wanted to know more about the transitions experienced by the adoptive triad directly from people who have walked the journey.

Low and behold, we found the amazing Jeanette Yoffe! She shares her experience as a child in foster care and what her transition was like into her forever adoptive family. We're learning today about the stickiness and the incredible importance of establishing permanency for children who have had attachment disruptions and what we need to know about the transitions adoptees and adoptive parents/sibs often experience. As a psychotherapist supporting adoption processes in the US, she has witnessed and been intimately part of many transitions, including reunification, and has generously shared her wisdom through a number of resources including YouTube videos and books she's written. I wanted you to know about them ALL, so please take some time to check out the following links, spread the word with adoptive and foster parents you know, and soak in the knowledge so we can all do better in our family relationships and in our mental health.

https://yoffetherapy.com/

Jeanette Yoffe's YouTube Channel

Follow Jeanette on Facebook

What is Adoption: Just for Kids

And here are some of the resources Jeanette talks about in the podcast, in case you want to learn more!

https://www.attachmenttraumanetwork.org/

https://www.pactadopt.org/home.asp

https://celiacenter.org/

https://postinstitute.com/

https://nacac.org/

https://affcny.org/

https://www.infant-parent.com/

https://adoptionsupport.org/

For all the couples out there preparing to adopt, we want to equip you with the tools to do this well TOGETHER. To know ways of partnering well, managing conflict, finding ways to attune to one another's needs and to the needs of your child, learning about openness, transracial adoption, attachment trauma, post adoption planning and SO MUCH MORE! I've combined what we know to help adoptive families thrive into my online course, Adoption: What to do while you wait. And until the end of February, 2022, you can register for this at 50% off using the coupon code YOFFE50. Invest in your family - it's soooooo worth it!

Truly with you on your journey,
Karen

Are you an adoptive or foster parent or someone interested or in the process of waiting to adopt? Rita has years of leadership experience in agencies and foundations that strive to create permanence for vulnerable children and youth. The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and specifically the Wendy's Wonderful Kids program are resources you should know about.

When I was in the process of adopting our girls, I remember how completely nebulous and complicated it felt to try and decide (and then explain to our social worker and adoption agency) what we thought we could parent well, who we could envision folding into our family and how we would see ourselves navigate family life, connections with birth families, and so much more.

If you're curious about the process of adopting from government systems of care, if you have questions or concerns about what that would look like, or want to think through the ins and outs of advocating for a really strong match, I hope you'll spend this 30 minutes with us. I found our conversation so helpful and I hope you will too.

To learn more about the work and programs Rita is connected to, check out these links:
Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption

DTFA on IG

DTFA on FB

Wendy's Wonderful Kids

Let's stay informed, connected and supported through our fostering and adoptive journeys!

And if you are a couple waiting to adopt or early in the growth of your adoptive family, we want to provide you with the resources to be at your best. If you're interested in cementing your couple relationship and learn about crucial adoption and parenting related topics to prepare you well, please check out the online course Adoption: What to do while you wait. You can use coupon code DTFA50 to access it at half price for the month of February! Once you have it, you can use it at your own pace!

Wishing you connection and fortitude,
Karen

Dear parents,

I will not be delivering the 12 days of Christmas - who has time for that?! What I WAS able to do, was spend some time with my amazing friend and fellow parent in the trenches, Kim, to explore 12 tips for the holidays, particularly applicable if you have neurodivergent kids.

If you approach the holidays with apprehension, feeling the stress begin to build as you imagine all the ways in which you will need to carefully construct the Christmas landscape for your neurodivergent kiddos, we get it - wholeheartedly. And today we'll be sharing some of the strategies, adjustments and tips we've collected (and done ourselves) over the years that help our families address the social dynamics and expectations, the sensory overload, the varying thresholds for tolerating change, and so much more that comes with the holiday season. We know the importance of the tribe when it comes to parenting, and exchanging tips and tricks is one way we can be there for one another. No formula is the same for every family, and that's especially true for neurodiverse ones, so Kim and I will not pretend to be Christmas elves with perfectly wrapped gifts of peace here. What we do know though, is that there are things we tend to encounter that feel extra daunting, complicated and nuanced, and that there are helpful themes to pay attention to and give ourselves permission to adapt around. Today we'll highlight those in an effort to partner up with you this Christmas, sharing both the joys and the trials of the holidays with you.

May you experience connection and meaning this December break. Happy Holidays from us at Parenting in the Trenches! See you in the new year!

{P.S.}
If you find some quiet time in the weeks ahead, we'd invite you to scroll through the previous episodes and if you'd like to do some reading, check out our Living Room Learning resources page. Several of our online courses are currently being offered at reduced rates until the end of 2021, and there's a whole library of free articles and videos you can soak in at your leisure.