Pathway to Recovery

In this episode, hosts Tara McCausland and Justin B. discuss strategies for moving forward after the discovery of betrayal in relationships. The episode emphasizes the emotional turmoil that follows discovery, and the importance of establishing safety and stabilization. They share personal stories, including Justin's own missteps post-discovery and the journey towards healing. Tara and Justin advocate for setting boundaries, seeking support outside the marital relationship, and the necessity of finding a supportive community for both the betrayed and the betrayer. They stress that healing from addiction and betrayal is a shared but individual journey that requires patience, understanding, and outside help.

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In this special episode, therapist Dorothy Maryon presents on communication after betrayal for the SAL 12-Step Men's Online Workshop.  Dorothy delves into the drama triangle—a concept explaining common unhealthy communication patterns that hinder relationship repair. She discusses strategies for breaking free from these patterns by understanding attachment and trauma. Additionally, Dorothy discusses the difference between 'drama' and 'trauma' and  highlights the importance of partners recognizing and responding to betrayal trauma sensitively and constructively to establish safety.

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In this Q&A, hosts Tara and Justin provide some final commentary on the subject of setting boundaries and bottom lines in the recovery process.  They emphasize how boundaries and bottom lines can effectively help break the cycle of addiction and  suggest that the creation of these action plans should take place during moments of relative peace prior to the triggering event or emotion.  They also consider the benefit of having a sponsor to use as a sounding board  and accountability partner when establishing boundaries and bottom lines. They end with encouragement to those struggling to implement boundaries, assuring that persistence and time will slowly rewire the addicted brain and strengthen a person's ability to follow through and experience the healing fruits of this vital recovery practice.

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In this episode, host Justin B.  speaks with SAL 12-Step members Karin and Jan to discuss the importance of setting healthy boundaries in recovery from betrayal trauma. Both Karin and Jan share their own experiences navigating relationships affected by betrayal. They describe setting boundaries as a way of protecting themselves and their own peace. They also discuss the necessity of maintaining personal commitment to recovery work, regardless of the outcome of their relationships. 

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In this Q&A episode, host Tara McCausland interviews Steven and Rhyll Croshaw,  co-founders of S.A.  Lifeline Foundation, who share their experiences and insights on setting boundaries and bottom lines in relationships and personal recovery. They discuss the differences between boundaries and bottom lines. Steven explains how he sets his 'bottom lines' - personal safeguards established to protect him from negative triggers. Rhyll talks about the importance of allowing individuals to set their own bottom lines and that boundaries give betrayed partners choice in responding to behaviors that cause them to feel unsafe.  They conclude with how a lifestyle of setting and holding boundaries and bottom lines has healed and enriched their marriage which has been affected by sexual betrayal and addiction.

Find the Circles Model here.

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In this episode, Tara McCausland talks with Dr. Sheri Keffer about the importance of setting and holding boundaries in relationships, particularly when dealing with sexual betrayal and addiction. Dr. Keffer shares her personal journey of recovery and emphasizes the need for betrayed partners to have courage and patience with themselves as they practice setting and holding boundaries. 

Questions addressed include:

-What are boundaries and why are they so critical if you’ve been affected by sexual betrayal? How are they different from punishment? 

- What are some signs in my relationships that I need to create boundaries? 

-What are some of the biggest barriers in creating and holding effective boundaries? 

Dr. Sheri provides some specific examples of boundary setting and the benefit of holding boundaries to empower and create safety for betrayed partners. The discussion also covers themes of fear, abuse, the necessity of honesty to heal the relationship, and being brave enough to make tough but necessary decisions.

Find Sheri at www.braveone.com and register for her March 2024  retreat here. 

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In this Q&A, hosts Tara and Justin briefly review the origins  of the 12 steps and touch on each one in preparation to take a deep dive into each of the steps in future episodes. They talk about the foundation, cornerstone, and keystone of the 12 steps, as well as the importance of first admitting powerlessness, turning to the God of your understanding, and making amends with others in the process of healing from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. They also touch on the benefits of working these steps and the significance of step 12, which involves carrying the message to others and practicing the principles in all aspects of life.

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In this episode Justin B talks with Josh Walpole, a sex addict living in long-term recovery as well as a therapist who specializes in treating sexual addiction and betrayal trauma.  We discuss the importance and perhaps necessity of qualified therapy to help all involved prepare and brace for impact.  Both the impact of the consequences of the addiction and betrayal; as well as to prepare all parties for the impact for good that they can and will have in the world as they recover.  Listen in on this vulnerable and powerful conversation and get motivated to recover, heal, and impact the world for good.

Find Josh Walpole at circlesofgrace.health

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Hosts Tara and Justin explore how their New Year's resolutions have evolved in the context of recovery learning and application. They discuss the significance of incorporating a higher power into their goal-setting process. The conversation delves into the concept of surrendering personal will and allowing divine guidance to shape goals and actions. They emphasize the transformative power of embracing a one-day-at-a-time mindset and employing humility and openness in the pursuit of progress and growth. Ultimately, the hosts encourage listeners to start their goal-setting process by humbly asking God for His guidance, surrendering their own agendas and believing that it is in this practice that divine power to change one’s  heart and behavior will be given. 

Link to Men's Workshop coming soon

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Host Tara McCausland and therapist Dan Drake  discuss the importance of finding a qualified clinician that has specialized training in sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. They suggest questions/ways to vet a therapist to ensure best therapist-client fit. They explore  how having a therapist during the disclosure process is helpful, and paint a picture of what the therapeutic process might look like in the first year. They also touch on  the value of combining the 12-step program with therapy. Dan points out the importance of seeing qualified therapy as one part of a wider community of support available to those healing from sex addiction and betrayal trauma.

Links for this episode:
Dan's website
Disclosure Workbooks
Questions to Qualify Your Therapist

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In this episode, host Tara McCausland is joined by her assistant and friend, Jeni Brockbank. They discuss the concept of "surrender" as part of recovery, especially during challenging times such as the holidays.  A three-step surrender process "on your knees, on the phone, in a box" is also shared which includes prayer, reaching out to a trusted person for support, and writing out issues and setting them aside. The episode ends on a reminder about a blog post Jeni wrote on the topic found at www.salifeline.org and the announcement of a break for the podcast until January 2024. The essence of this discussion lies in finding a peaceful state amidst uncontrollable circumstances through the act of surrender.

01:25 The Concept of Surrender

03:50 Understanding Surrender through the Serenity Prayer

05:55 The Three-Step Process of Surrender

11:58 Recognizing the Need for Surrender

13:05 The Impact of Practicing Surrender

14:10 Surrender during the Holidays and Conclusion

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In this episode, Tara McCausland interviews Kahi Winget, the SAL Women's 12 Step executive director. Throughout the interview, they discuss the structure and benefits of SAL 12-Step meetings for individuals suffering from betrayal trauma, the hurdles to joining the meetings, as well as the journey of recovery. Both encourage newcomers to attend meetings and push through the early challenges of the process - emphasizing the life-changing impact of the program. They also discuss faith, spiritual connection with God or your Higher Power, and how these play crucial roles in the recovery journey.

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Host Tara McCausland speaks with two leaders of the SAL 12-Step program, Kahi Winget and Andrew Schmucker. They discuss what originally brought them to SAL 12-Step meetings and how the reasons for their participation have evolved through the recovery process. Kahi and Andrew share unique blessings from working the SAL 12-Step program as well as how their conception and relationship with the God of their understanding has been strengthened during this time. 

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In this episode Tara talks with Andrew S, the men's Executive Director for SAL 12 Step and a recovering addict. Andrew explains what someone can expect when they attend a 12 Step Meeting, and how SAL's 12 Step differs from other programs. Tara and Andrew discuss spiritual connection, one of the pieces in our Recovery Puzzle. How does a relationship with the God of your understanding  help in recovery work? Listen to find out more. 

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In this Q&A, hosts Justin and Tara compare and contrast healthy vs. unhealthy sexuality using a document prepared by Dr. Jill Manning. See the post here.  Understanding the broad scope of this question, they suggest that personal values and a God-centered approach are helpful starting points for thoughtful individuals seeking guidance on this  sensitive subject which has been hijacked by popular culture. 

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This week, Justin B takes some time to talk quality education, the value of rigorous honesty in recovery, and experience in the school of life with Steven Croshaw.  In this episode, Steven addresses if shame is the driving factor in addiction, the process of surrender,  and helpful educational resources are discussed. Access those resources in the links below.  Come walk this Pathway to Recovery with us and experience the healing that those on this pathway are experiencing.

Resources in this episode:
Dopamine Nation by Dr. Anna Lembke
Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
Self-Identifying as a Sexual Addict: Shameful or Empowering?  by Steven Croshaw

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In this Q&A episode, hosts Justin and Tara discuss the importance of having a common language and vocabulary to use when it comes to important recovery words and definitions.  They discuss importance of having a strong sobriety definition as a basis for recovery that is understood and agreed upon and consider the S.A. Lifeline definitions of the terms trigger, slip, lapse, and relapse, and the key differences between them. These definitions can be found in the S.A. Lifeline publication Understand Pornography Addiction & Betrayal Trauma at salifeline.org.

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This week Tara talks with licensed marriage and family counselor, author and podcaster Geoff Steurer. Part of the recovery puzzle for both pornography addiction and betrayal truama is to find quality education and therapy. How does one go about this? How do you know what sort of sources to trust? Tara and Geoff discuss these issues as well as timelines for healing and if there is such a thing as a "quick fix" in recovery. 

Connect with Geoff at https://www.geoffsteurer.com/. 

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Tune in for the second portion of the 2023 S.A. Lifeline Conference Q&A Panel. Some of the questions answered in this episode include:

-What are some effective methods you use, therapists, with your clients to help them process difficult emotions?

-How can you navigate being in recovery, addict side, while being a nurse, or in the medical field where you are subject to seeing undressed patients, and show up for your wife as a man showing up in his recovery?

-What do I need to do to help my very young children heal from the trauma they've experienced growing up in the unhealthy attempts to heal from the betrayal trauma and addiction?

-Who do you determine who to allow into your recovery journey?

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John H is a recovering sex addict with more than 3 years sobriety and member of SAL 12-Step.  In this conversation with Justin B, he discusses the miracles and benefits of rigorous honesty in recovery after many years of continuous dishonesty.  We discuss the SAL Recovery Puzzle with the emphasis on rigorous honesty.

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Support the show

SA Lifeline Foundation
SAL 12 Step
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Contact to ask questions or make comments
Transcripts