Relating to Self

In this episode of Relating to Self, I have a conversation with Mary Bajorek.

Mary guides professionals through transition points in their careers towards feeling agentic, confident, and capable so that their work can become aligned with who they are and the impact they want to make in the world. You can follow her on Twitter/X.

Topics mentioned in the episode:

• Relating to self and the importance of relationships with others
• Self-love and spending time with oneself
• Identity, autonomy, and connection
• Exploring and understanding different parts within oneself
• Emotions and the importance of acknowledging and understanding them
• Autonomy and making decisions for one's present self
• Building intimacy with oneself and accepting all parts
• The concept of 'nothing days' and indulging in leisure activities
• Prioritizing self-love and self-care, setting boundaries
• Authentic expression and exploring emotions
• Managing difficult emotions through writing and self-reflection
• Holding space for intense emotions in oneself and others
• The value of experiencing a range of emotions in life
• Nuanced understanding of emotions and connecting with the body
• Practices for improving the relationship with oneself

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In this episode of Relating to Self, I have a conversation with Elena Lake

Elena transitioned from a career in mathematics and physics to bodywork, massage therapy, and being a forest spirit.
You can follow her on Twitter/X.

Topics, resources, and useful links mentioned in the episode:

• The importance of self-trust and enjoying one's own company
• Growth in accurately witnessing oneself
• The process of unlearning
• The realization of unmet emotional needs
• Pursuing a more holistic life
• The power of a good question in self-discovery
• Elena's journey into the body and embodiment
• Bodywork and its benefits
• Learning and teaching through feeling
• The inner dialogue and its relation to bodywork
• Fulfilling the primal need for attachment through nature
• Relationship with nature and the forest

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In this episode of Relating to Self, I have a conversation with Bryan Kam.

Bryan is a philosopher and writer, exploring the history of ideas, amongst other things. He has a podcast called Clerestory, works for the British Library, and is an InterIntellect Fellow. You can also follow him on Twitter/X. 

Topics, resources, and useful links mentioned in the episode:

• Relating to Self, the mundane, and identity
• The role of the observer and the inner voices
• Meditation and the concentration states called "Jhanas"
• The influence of meditation on Bryan's relating to self
• Noting practices
• The breaking down of the Ego
• "Faking it" and authenticity
• Improv, performance and responsiveness
• Communication as collaboration
• Aliveness and playful states
• The importance of compassion (for the self)
• What happens when you stub your toe
• The meaning of "spirituality"
• Compassionate practices
• What about free will?
• Changing perspectives
• Internal Family Systems and Bryan's Muse
• On inspiration and creation
• On coherence, multitudes, and cognitive dissonance
• The ability to tolerate high uncertainty
• Hume and the stable self
• The enjoyment of not knowing and the beginner's mindset

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In this episode of Relating to Self, I have a conversation with Richard D. Bartlett.

Richard helps people grow high-trust communities & decentralized organizations.
He's a co-founder of tech co-op Loomio, community building network Microsolidarity, non-hierarchical management consultancy The Hum, and director of the social impact collective Enspiral.

Topics, resources, and useful links mentioned in the episode:

• Why Richard is suspicious of the Self
• Relating to Self as inner conversations with mischievous kids
• Coming to a more agentic state of mind
• Relating within a group
• Good company as a privilege, how to create it?
• Extending co-regulation into our identity
• How to be a good mammal
• Cultivating trust as a practice
• Making relationships themselves as the object of curiosity
• The meaning of "grace"
• The balance between our animal and human sides
• The illusion of free will
• Meeting people where they are
• Non-attachment to outcome and wonder
• Not pushing your reality onto other people
• Being famous for values that serve people
• What's difficult for Richard
• Optimism as a lens

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In this episode of Relating to Self, I have a conversation with Helena Roth.

Helena Roth wrote the book Doing Gentle with an Edge and leads the project tankespjärn.
You can read her thoughts on Twitter.

Topics, resources, and useful links mentioned in the episode:

• what does Relating to Self mean to Helena?
• the sense of returning to Self
• healing by getting out of your own way
• what does that mean for trauma?
• the voices in our head
• who's in the driver's seat?
• dependent, independent, interdependent?
• how to find your tribe
• asking for what you need
• Helena's edge - tankespjärn
• a challenge a day makes for a good day
• the idea of cross-pollination
• the difficulty of relating to self around and with others

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This is a bonus episode that is not really about Relating to Self.

My friend Bryan Kam and I have been experimenting with a new podcast format.
An epistolary of sorts, in which we send each other voice notes.

In this episode, we explore beauty, quality, and esthetic enjoyment.
Sit back and relax while listening to Bryan and me exploring our thoughts on the subject.

This bonus episode is the second epistolary we have published.
You can find the first one on Bryan's podcast Clerestory:
Joachim & Bryan on choice, desire, and purpose

Follow Bryan's podcast Celerestory here.

Or read more about his work on his website:

https://bryankam.com

In this episode of Relating to Self, Mary Lemmer (S02E01) comes back to ask Joachim all the things she wants to know about how he relates to himself.

Mary Lemmer brings joy to empowering people to improve themselves and the world around them. She believes that improvisation is a practice that can lead to a better relationship with yourself. Mary is the founder of Improve, a company that improves people’s lives by using techniques inspired by improv comedy and behavioral research. 

Topics, resources, and useful links mentioned in the episode:

• What does Relating to Self mean to Joachim?
• "Yes, and...". What is the "and" of Relating to Self?
• Relating to Self while out in the world, what is helpful?
• What we can and can't control
• How to act when triggered
• Is it possible to know too much about oneself?
• Compassion, compassion, compassion
• Contradictory desires and how to navigate them
• Relating to Self while in a family or partnerships
• Relationship role models and outward thinking
• The shifting of community and friendships
• Loneliness 
• And some fun rapid-fire questions 🔥

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In this episode of Relating to Self, Joachim speaks with Meg Pagani who when relating to self sits with her Council of 12.

Meg is an entrepreneur, speaker, and impact strategist. She writes and teaches about power, leadership, and the Way of Nature

You can find Meg and her work here:

• https://www.megpagani.com/
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/margheritamegpagani/
• https://www.instagram.com/meg_pagani/

Topics, resources, and useful links mentioned in the episode:

• Relating to self first
• The practice of pausing and choosing
• The practice of silence
• Checking where the energy is
• Previous and future versions of the self
• The Council of 12
• The Way of the Forest
• The adult self vs the mature self
• Everything is a story and relates to the self
• All stories are wrong, some stories are useful
• Different interpretations of the same story
• Relating to the mundane
• The parts we hold in shame

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In this episode of Relating to Self, Joachim speaks with Ana Zarzosa for whom success in relating to self means getting comfortable with the crap too.

Ana is a yoga teacher and a project manager for the biotech industry.

You can find Ana and her work here:

• https://www.instagram.com/az.yoga
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/ana-zarzosa/
• Ana's YouTube Yoga channel

Topics, resources, and useful links mentioned in the episode:

• Relating to Self as permanent change, and not always up
• How to get out of negative or violent self-talk, out of necessity
• Discipline and commitments vs. flow
• Using fiction to examine difficult questions
• Dreaming as a practice for aliveness
• And much more!

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In this episode of Relating to Self, Joachim speaks with Asmaa who relates to herself by slowing down and creating a supportive community.

Asmaa Guedira is a Moroccon-born, French-adopted, queer digital nomad who works as a catalyst, facilitator, consultant, artist, writer, and designer.

You can find Asmaa and her work here:

• http://www.asmaaguedira.com/
• https://www.instagram.com/asgued
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/asmaaguedira
• https://twitter.com/asgued

Topics, resources, and useful links mentioned in the episode:

• Community and Relating to Self
• Meditation and other ways into compassion
• the importance of awe
• Slowing down as a practice
• Asking for help
• Doing the work
• Building trust and confidence
• Art as a practice

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In this episode of Relating to Self, Joachim speaks with Patrick Pitman whose jiu-jitsu practice has helped him unlearn mental patterns by getting comfortable operating in a vulnerable position.

Patrick is a business leader and owner of ebusiness brands, Inc. 

You can find Patrick and his work here:

• https://ebusinesspros.com/
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/patrickpitman/
• https://twitter.com/patrickspitman

Topics, resources, and useful links mentioned in the episode:

• the desire to connect to something greater
• the visceral experience of self in the body
• noticing what you need as a basic practice
• Jiu-Jitsu as a path to self-exploration
• connecting to the breath while being strangled
• looking for an easier way, not forcing anything
• vulnerability in personal relationships
• equine therapy and its brutal honesty
• seeing what's real
• uncomfortable but safe spaces
• the 15 commitments of conscious leadership

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In this episode of Relating to Self, Joshua Keay (S01E07) comes back to ask me intriguing questions.

Joshua does some things in a different and peculiar way. When he craves change, he focuses on changing his environment instead of his mindset. He acts chaotically when the world is stable. Then he settles down when everything is chaotic.

Complement this talk with Joshua's essays at http://bit.ly/jkessays

Topics, resources, and useful links mentioned in the episode:

• do I get angry? - how does anger manifest?
• emotions and their expression
• the inevitability of death and how to get comfortable with it
• euthanasia
• the meaning of life - creating meaning
• the illusion of free will - "Behave" by Robert Sapolsky
• attention as the most valuable resource - where to put it with intention?
• creation vs consumption
• my shift away from Art toward entrepreneurship
• the verbs in my day
• couraging - going towards resistance or fear
• 5 seconds of courage to change your day
• ecstatic dance - my relationship with my body
• self-definition and how it holds us back - having the courage to be disliked
• when I'd want to live in history
• my favorite age to be

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In this episode of Relating to Self, Joachim speaks with Aida Murad for whom life is a copy machine of one's thoughts.

Aida is an impact artist and entrepreneur who transmuted a severe illness into her biggest gift. Her mission is to help people feel seen, heard, and loved through her art.

You can find Aida and her work here:

• aidamurad.com
• https://www.instagram.com/muradaida
• https://twitter.com/aidamurad
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/aida-murad/

Topics, resources, and useful links mentioned in the episode:

• life as a mirror of our inner reality
• trauma as an opportunity
• what humans crave
• art as a tool for healing
• thoughts, words, and actions and finding joy in small acts
• joy as a measure of life
• everything is a muscle
• stepping away from the stories of the mind
• the importance of habits that serve the life you desire
• boundaries and how they impact social relationships
• having conversations with younger selves
• spaces and their impact on the self

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In this episode of Relating to Self, Joachim speaks with Chris Wray for whom authenticity is shared.

Chris is a lawyer and philosopher and exclusively works on projects that are meaningful to him.

Chris has almost no internet presence, and you can find him in and around Lisbon, usually.
You can reach him via email: contact@christopherwray.eu

Topics, resources, and useful links mentioned in the episode:

• representation of the self
• an exploration of the primary trauma of coming of age
• being on time
• keeping agreements and the influence of culture on them
• meditation and awareness
• the wisdom of knowing what we can commit to
• the lie of authenticity
• the work of J. David Velleman

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In this episode of Relating to Self, Joachim speaks with Willo Sana for whom relating to self is mostly about listening.

Willo is a transformational business coach and gives emotional and strategic support to visionary entrepreneurs around the world.
She also wrote a book called "Double Down on your Genius".

You can find Willo and her work here:

https://willolovesyou.com/

https://twitter.com/WilloLovesYou
https://www.instagram.com/willolovesyou/

You can find Willo's book "Double Down on your Genius" here:

https://willolovesyou.com/book/

Topics, resources, and useful links mentioned in the episode:

• recommended books
• listening as a practice of relating to self
• shadowwork and the ways in which we can acknowledge what we resist
• exaggerating the expression of your feelings
• ego narratives and deconditioning
• a simple somatic practice
• identity death and reinventing oneself

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In this episode of Relating to Self, Joachim speaks to Suvarchala Narayanan for whom wealth is a state of mind and who cultivates her eroticism.

Suvarchala is a tech and business journalist and has a business as a consultant designing and guiding identity change, next-level relating, and eroticism.

You can find Suvarchala and her work here:

• https://www.instagram.com/life_of_audacity/
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/suvarchalanarayanan/

Topics, resources, and useful links mentioned in the episode:

• The foreign concept of Self-Love and the problem with it
• Centering the Self
• The Nature of Self as Love
• Love as Acceptance
• Learning to Remember
• Letting Go (what is good)
• The Paradox and Multitude of Life
• Pain without Suffering
• Tension
• And much, much more!

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In this episode of Relating to Self, Joachim speaks to DanRam who has continuously reinvented himself.

DanRam is an MC for huge conferences, a 5 times TEDx speaker, a transformational coach, and a powerful influencer.

You can find DanRam and his work here:

• https://www.iamdanram.com/
• https://www.instagram.com/iamdanram/

Topics, resources, and useful links mentioned in the episode:

• The tools we are given vs the tools we find in our journey of Relating to Self
• Using different personas to explore who we are
• Self-development in community
• Getting better at re-seeing ourselves
• The dark side of self-development
• Habits and DanRam's 5G routine
• Start Now, Start Simple

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In this episode of Relating to Self, Joachim speaks to Khuyen Bui who sees the self as inherently relational.

Khuyen Bui wrote the book "Not Being: The Art of Self-Transformation" with co-author Steven D'Souza. He is an executive coach and has talked at TEDx, the Drucker Forum, Creative Mornings, and companies like Danone.

You can find Khuyen and his work here:

• https://twitter.com/gkhuyen
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/buikhuyen/

Topics, resources, and useful links mentioned in the episode:

• Contact Improv
• "Follow your bliss" by J. Campbell
• Boundaries and true intimacy
• The importance of awe for our wellbeing
• Aliveness

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In this episode of Relating to Self, Joachim speaks to Rhea who takes better care of herself than anyone in the world. 

Rhea Mehta is the founder of Living Rhea, a scientific wellness consultancy with services including 1-on-1 health coaching (Institute for Integrative Nutrition), scientific communications (writing, research, talks, interviews), and strategic advisory. 

She is the co-founder of Bowhead Health, a cutting-edge Canadian company leveraging blockchain and smart contract technology to help individuals safely track, own and manage their health and wellness data.

You can learn more about Rhea and her work here:

• https://linktr.ee/rheamehta

Topics, resources, and useful links mentioned in the episode:

• How to practice kindness towards yourself 
• Mindvalley events and workshops 
• Neuroplasticity and how to retrain your mind
• Joachim & Rhea's combined experience as musicians 
• Fibromyalgia
• Burning man 
• Ayahuasca 
• How suffering can catalyze self-transformation
• Mantras to practice openness & acceptance 
• The relationship between openness and holding strong boundaries 
• The power of saying no
• Heuristics to assess the transgression of boundaries 
• How to build a strong support system 
• Creating space by detaching from relationships that no longer serve you 
• Discerning fear vs. intuition 
• Breathwork to develop willpower 
• Rhea's music & mantras
• And much, much more!

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In this episode of the Relating to Self podcast, Joachim speaks to Eleonora, who relates to the woman in the mirror.

Eleonora is a Ph.D. candidate who helps researchers and businesses access "neuroscience-as-a-service."

Learn more about Eleonora and her work here:

• https://www.linkedin.com/in/eleonora-borda/
• https://www.instagram.com/bordina93/
• https://linktr.ee/whattodonext.podcast

Topics, resources, and valuable links mentioned in the episode:

• Improvisation to break the chain of fear 
• How improv can improve your most important relationship {with Mary Lemmer}
• The joy of experiencing solitude 
• The toxicity of "not being enough" 
• Joachim's appearance on the "What to do Next Podcast"
• Visualization meditations from Joachim on Insight Timer
• The correlation between internal and external tensions
• The importance of acceptance and quieting your inner critic 
• Practices to cultivate self-kindness
• And much, much more! 

A parting quote from Eleonora:

"You can’t prepare the path for the person, You can only prepare the person for the path."

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