Your Encore Life

Planning for Retirement: AARP

Expecting a Resurrection When Life Falls Apart: Rick Warren

enApril 21, 2020

4 Couples, 4 Views on Retirement and Their Encore Life Part 3 028

Due to this unprecedented pandemic all of us are experiencing 2020 very differently from what our 2020 vision may have been. Many have had their careers, retirements, travel plans, and just day to day living disrupted that may cause us to lose our vision for what we want in our encore life, or even wonder if we will ever get there. It is OK and quite normal to experience some levels of fear over the unknown (episode 24), grief over loss of loved ones, loss of health, loss of jobs or careers, and loss of what may have been plans and dreams disrupted. I recently listened to a special Easter message by Rick Warren titled “Expecting a Resurrection When Life Falls Apart”. I found his explanation of the normal emotions people go through starting with fear, then grief, then ultimately transforming to joy, relating it through the experiences of Jesus’s disciples and how we will experience this many times through our life to be extremely insightful. We must have hope to get through the hard things, and how we respond to these emotions will determine how we move through these emotions to a point of having hope again for the joy that we look forward to once we move through major disruptions and tragedies that we are going to face in life. I encourage everyone to listen to this message by Rick Warren.

In this episode we talk with Fred and Becky, both who retired within the last few years from a lengthy career with the same school system that my wife and I recently retired from. Becky retired twice from the system, while Fred spent some time in the department of corrections as an educator before moving to a public school system. You will also get to meet my wife Kelli as she discusses our retirement and encore lives from her perspective.

Topics that were discussed in this episode include:

Find new identity/purpose.

Selling house/downsizing/lifestyle transition to affordable desirable.

Find purpose to help and do more for others.

More reach out/be the Church.

Roadblocks have been caring for parents.

Caring for Grandchildren.

Action Item: Your action item for this week is a repeat of the last two weeks which is to check out the resources that I have provided or others that you know of and plan your next step to get you closer to where you need to be to live your encore life. If you have done this in the previous 2 weeks, then plan what your 2nd or 3rd steps may need to be.

Isaiah 61:3 To those who have sorrow in Zion I will give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes. I will give them the oil of joy instead of sorrow, and a spirit of praise instead of a spirit of no hope. Then they will be called oaks that are right with God, planted by the Lord, that He may be honored.

Please check out the show notes for resources that I have included during this entire series

Resources:

Planning for Retirement: AARP

enApril 14, 2020

4 Couples, 4 Views on Retirement and Their Encore Life Part 2: Bill and Sharon 027

For the next few episodes we will be playing and discussing an open conversation that 3 other couples along with my wife and I had while getting together in our North Carolina homes. The discussion was around the difficulties and joys of retirement and what each of the individuals and couples hopes and dreams are for in their encore lives.

This week we feature Bill and Sharon. Bill was forced into retirement along with many others by a large utility company by using insurance benefits to leverage cutting the workforce. Sharon was offered a package that she couldn’t refuse to retire early from a national travel and insurance company.

Listen how preparation enabled them to retire. Listen how they describe the stress, success, and excitement for what still lies ahead in their encore life.

Bill and Sharon:

Action Item: Look at the resources that I have provided for this series or other resources you know of regarding preparation for retirement and take one step you know you must take to get closer to living your best encore life.

Next week we will play the conversation from another couple that both retired after lengthy careers in the last few years from the same school system my wife and I spent over 30 years with.

Resources:

enApril 07, 2020

4 Couples, 4 Views on Retirement and Their Encore Life Part 1 026

I hope that you have been able to take something from episodes 24 and 25 and respond in such a way that during this time of uncertainty you have been able to spend time thinking about what this makes possible and how can I respond in uncertain times to move forward, to learn a new appreciation for some of the simpler things in life. It is encouraging to hear how churches have looked outside of their walls to reach people. God is on the move. If you didn’t listen to those 2 episodes I encourage you to go back to them at some point after you have listed to this episode. And if you did but didn’t do the action items, here they are from last week: (1) Write out by hand a note of thanks or encouragement to someone that has added value to you. I’ll bet whoever you choose to write that note to really needs to hear the words you write this week. (2) Do what you can to support local small businesses. They are suffering from this and adjusting the way they do business, such as focusing on take out and delivery and offering online substitutes, such as fitness centers.

In this first episode, we will hear from Tom and Diane. Tom is a longtime successful business man in the construction industry who is seeking an exit plan but struggling to define what that looks like. Diane recently retired from a successful 30 plus year career in the health care industry.

Did you hear the frustrations of not having a defined exit plan from a business and the struggles of the already retired spouse. Did you take note of the changes in the voices as they move from the frustrations they go through to the anticipation of what is to come by living their encore life. Tom doesn’t want to walk away from his God given talents, he wants to use them once he is free from the business by serving others. Diane is finding ways to make her retirement valuable through helping her family, through finding new hobbies and interests, and through being in community with others while she waits for Tom to retire so they can enjoy their encore lives together.

Tom & Diane:

Action Item: If you are in a position where you know you need to move toward retirement but can’t put together an actionable plan, similar to Tom, I have included a couple resources that I encourage you to check out and take one step to get you closer to where you know you need to be.

Next week we will play the conversation from another couple that both ended up retiring earlier than anticipated and how they adapted to an early retirement to live their encore lives.

Resources:

1 Thessalonians 5:11 [Full Chapter]

enMarch 31, 2020

How Will I Respond? What Does This Make Possible? 025

The COVID 19, or Coronavirus pandemic has led to what seems like an avalanche of events and change that continues to evolve hour by hour, none of which we have control over. We discussed the formula E+R=O in episode 7. Go back and listen to that episode if you want to hear specifically about E+R=O. We don’t have control over the current pandemic or necessarily the actions that our leaders are are taking to limit the spread. We don’t have control as individuals over the fall of the stock market as panic selling has taken place. We don’t even have control over whether we purchase toilet paper or not. What we do have control over is our response to these events. There is power in our response.

What I have seen as many respond to this is an outpouring of compassion. I hear stories of many people who have offered to serve others in this difficult time by helping watch other’s children, picking up groceries for neighbors who are unable to get out or at risk. There was a story about a teacher who was handwriting notes to her students to encourage them while they are out of school. What a cool idea. Think about how it makes you feel when you get a handwritten note of thanks or encouragement. It is great to get an email or text note from others, but it is something special to get a handwritten note. I recall after my mother passed away finding the notes from many years that she received and kept close by. When I was nearing my last days in my office prior to my retirement, I found 26 hand written notes of thanks and encouragement from a school administrator that he had written me over the 32 years of my career. I had literally received hundreds of kind emails from others I worked with and appreciated them tremendously, but those hand written notes were very special and I reached out to the gentleman and told him how much they meant to me over my career. There was a story of a man who couldn’t visit his mother in the facility she was in so he went to the window and played the guitar for her. Harbor Freight donated their inventory of masks to the health care industry to protect them. What stories of compassion have you seen related to the events of this pandemic? What could be your story? How can a response you have to this event add value to someone else?

We are experiencing challenges on many fronts that are resulting in creative ways to work and live. Many small businesses are getting hit hard by directives designed to keep people from being exposed. What opportunities might be opened up or explored as a result? Many are finding new business opportunities by providing online services such as gyms and fitness centers. I heard of a pizza restaurant and brewery that went beyond going carry or delivery only by making pizza kits to sell and advertising them as one way to provide an opportunity to entertain and educate kids that are out of school. They provided the kits and instructions for families to put together the ingredients and cook the pizzas at home. I have heard of breweries and distilleries producing and selling much needed hand sanitizer to make up for the loss in sales of their other products. These are all examples of taking a very difficult event that has come quickly and responding in compassionate, creative ways that has and will continue to soften the blow of this world crisis and ultimately will lead to a more positive outcome than if the response was to throw your hands up in the air and do nothing.

I believe our responses to this event has led many people and organizations to think about what this situation can make possible. Churches are expanding outside of the walls of the building and finding very effective and creative ways to reach not only their members, but others outside of the church by providing many online opportunities to worship beyond just recording their services for viewing on the internet. We hear about “being the Church” by serving people and the community. This could lead to many more people being exposed to God’s word and ultimately lead people to Christ. I heard of a church in our area that had toilet paper that you could get from them for no charge if you were in need. Sounds simple, but that is being the church. Schools have been forced to ramp up online offerings, and many businesses have ramped up work at home programs. These responses, this “what does this make possible” thinking, I believe will ultimately lead to long term benefits as we change the way we do things. Think about what a move, even a small one, to more work at home opportunities would bring. Think about the impact on traffic, the environment, and saved time on commutes could mean to a healthier world. Think about what more online opportunities for education could mean for teacher shortages and overcrowded schools throughout this nation. Think about the possibilities as we learn to engage with others during times of isolation. Think about what it could mean to someone you know if they received a handwritten note of encouragement from you.

Ask yourself what this time of uncertainty makes possible. As Zig Zigler would say, change your “stinkin thinkin”, and take this difficult situation to think about what this makes possible. Dare to dream, then move.

Action Item: (1) Write out by hand a note of thanks or encouragement to someone that has added value to you. I’ll bet whoever you choose to write that note to really needs to hear the words you write this week. (2) Do what you can to support local small businesses. They are suffering from this and adjusting the way they do business, such as focusing on take out and delivery and offering online substitutes, such as fitness centers.

Romans 12:2

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Romans 1:11-12 English Standard Version (ESV)

11 For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you— 12 that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine.

Matthew 6:27

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Matthew 6:34

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Next week we will have an open discussion with 4 couples who are or have transitioned to retirement and talking about what their encore life could or does look like.

Resources:

Dave Ramsey on Potential Stock Market Crash

enMarch 24, 2020

Fear: When is it Healthy or Unhealthy? -24

Google says fear can be defined as, “an unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by expectation or awareness of danger.”

Zig Ziglar has said that there is an acrostic for FEAR which is False Evidence Appearing Real.

It is not my intention to make this podcast another discussion about COVID19, or CoronaVirus. Nobody can deny that as the world has turned its attention to this, it has at best dramatically disrupted normal. Education, business, finances, travel, entertainment, and just our ability to purchase necessities like toilet paper and hand soap have been impacted. We have seen it bring out the best in people and organizations, as well as the worst. From companies like Zoom and Spectrum offering free access to enable internet based instruction, to fist fights in stores over getting access to toilet paper. A local store had to move hand sanitizer to wipe cart handles down from the front to customer service because it was being hoarded And has been sadly the norm, it has created divisiveness based on whether people feel there is an over-reaction or an under-reaction. We have seen the financial markets suffering huge losses, with wild swings from the stock market. On a recent Dave Ramsey Show he quoted Art Laffer, one of the leading economists in the world as saying “People don’t make good decisions when they are drunk, and they don’t make good decisions when they are panicked.” He goes on to talk about the loss of value in Southwest Airlines and the cruise line industry. He makes the point that even though they have lost huge percentages of value in the stock market based on panic selling, people are “fools” to believe they have really lost that much actual value and that they won’t bounce back from this once the frenzy settles.

A recent post by friend and pastor Al Squitieri said: “So many polarizing posts about fear during this mind boggling situation. Ridicule for being afraid and ridicule for marginalizing it. As a Deputy, narcotic detective and Swat operator, I learned very quickly how to appreciate her. As odd as this sounds, don’t be afraid of fear. It was fear of the situation that caused me to properly assess and choose the best course of action, for all parties involved. Succumbing to the fear was as much of a mistake as dismissing it. There is a balance we must find to operate effectively, with an eye on success as the end result. Stay calm, weigh the dangers, respect the fear and keep moving!”

In an article by the Center for Life Change titled “Healthy Fear Vs. Unhealthy Rear, they say the difference between healthy fear and unhealthy fear in two simple lists. The author writes that healthy fear is stimulated by real threatening danger and then disappears when that danger is no longer present. Being faced with what could be a matter of life or death, healthy fear encourages or requires us to take action. Taking action out of healthy fear rarely results in any feelings of shame. Good reason stands to have been fearful, and the fear-based action had clear motives: to get out of the way of danger.

Unhealthy fear, on the other hand, according to the author, is stimulated by perceived or imagined danger- which usually isn’t dangerous at all. While healthy fear recedes after it serves its purpose, unhealthy fear tends to carry on because there is no real end goal. Since there is no clear directive from unhealthy fear, rather than inspiring us to take action it causes paralysis. Neither defending ourselves nor confronting the fear can lead to shameful feelings. Lastly, since there is no real definition of the fear, there aren’t any clear motives for taking action on it. Unhealthy fear is illogical, oftentimes irrational, and mostly without use.

Through recovery, we learn to face our fears- both healthy and unhealthy. We feel equipped to do so because of our trust and faith in God, or the Higher Power of our understanding. It is impossible to be in faith and fear at the same time. If we replace our unhealthy fears with unending faith, we will be amazed by how quickly our fears will fade.

Woodrow Wilson once said, "Fear God and you need not be afraid of anyone else.” So what does it mean to fear God? We are to love Him and take great pleasure in serving and obeying Him, to marvel at His glory and majesty. If we are to believe that God is ultimately in control and wants what is best for us, then there is nothing left to truly fear but God

In an article titled “Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Fear” by Mercy Multiplied, they say that “yes, fear is unpleasant, but the emotion of fear is not a bad thing! In fact, God gave us fear as an innate form of protection.

So why do we hear so many things about fear and the negative effects it has in our lives? When fear is distorted from its intended purpose, to protect us from dangerous situations, fear becomes unhealthy. This distortion leaves us with a problem: distinguishing healthy vs unhealthy fear.

Unhealthy fear develops when we allow the emotion of fear to spill out into other areas of our lives that aren’t life or death situations. This unhealthy fear causes us to make decisions based on an emotion that doesn’t correspond to the circumstance. Unhealthy fear can often be caused by trauma or hurtful experiences that we have gone through. Left unchecked, unhealthy fear can begin to manifest as anxiety or worry, playing a role God never intended it to play in our lives!”

Author and podcaster for “48 Days to the Work You Love” Dan Miller states “Yes, these are challenging times. And yes, we recommend you carefully protect yourself.

Stay away from people spreading fear
Stay away from those trying to damage your dream
Don’t spend time with complainers and those pointing blame
Protect your confidence and optimism
Be creative about seeing new opportunities - as always
And yes, wash your hands.

Is the media creating an out of bounds atmosphere of fear? Probably. Are people who are trying to marginalize this pandemic being unrealistic? Probably. What am I going to do during this time? I plan to exercise caution while living my life and looking for what this makes possible. I am going to enjoy my family and friends. I will protect myself and my family and friends by avoiding close contact with crowds, and yes, washing my hands regularly. We eat out a lot, more than we should. We still will do that but we are looking at expanding our cooking options at home and have fun with that to limit going out for meals a bit. We are planning to get out and ride bikes and kayak and take walks in the park. I believe that I will come out of this with a new appreciation for things that will ultimately lead my wife and I to have a healthier and more joyful life. These are activities that can easily be enjoyed to take the place of visiting theme parks, events, and travel that aren’t options right now. I will absolutely not have the TV blaring the news constantly. And I will not make decisions if I am drunk or fearful.

Action Item: Ask yourself what this time of uncertainty makes possible. Plan to do one thing that allows you to do something new or something you haven’t done in a while that will calm your mind. Maybe visiting someplace you haven’t been, getting outside, exercising

Psalm 27:1

The Lord is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 27:13-14

I remain confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Matthew 6:27

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Matthew 6:34

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Resources:

Healthy Fear Vs. Unhealthy Fear: The Center For Lifechange

enMarch 17, 2020

Finding Lasting Joy: Relationships 023

Welcome to episode 23 of “Your Encore Life”. In this episode we are continuing our series on finding joy. The main source I have been using for this series is the book “The Joy Model” by Jeff Spadafora. In episode 17 we talked about what the joy model is, which is based on “Being” and “Doing” on horizontal and vertical axis’s. Beginning with episode 18 we began talking about what Spadafora has landed on as a process for integrating “being” and “doing” in a healthy way that that leads to lasting joy, which has 6 components that make up the acronym “MASTER”. So far we have discussed Margin in episode 18, Abide in episode 19, Self-Awareness in episode 20, Treasure in episode 21, and Engagement in episode 22. I encourage you to go back and listen to the previous episodes in this series if you haven’t already, but they stand alone well so you don’t need to do that prior to listening to this episode. This week we will be talking about the last component in the acronym MASTER, which is about Relationships. I would say that one of the most important components of joy has been saved for last.

In a blog post by John Maxwell titled “Five Steps for Connecting with Others, John says “Connection is a critical part of leadership, because you can’t lead if no one will follow. You have to connect with others in order to be a leader.

With that in mind, I want to share the following five steps for connecting with anyone. It can be a someone new, someone familiar, or someone you’re attempting to re-connect with after time. No matter who the other person is, if you’ll follow these five steps, you’ll be certain to create a genuine connection with them.

Step One: Set aside your agenda—if you want to connect with other people, you must make their agenda your priority in that moment. Genuine connection isn’t about making sure people understand you; it’s about making sure you understand other people. Clear your mind of your own worries, fears, ambitions, and plans, in order to focus on what the other person has to say.

Step Two: Ask curious questions—this goes hand in hand with my first point, because the practical step for getting out of your own head is to ask questions that help you get into the head of someone else. Curious questions have a layering effect; they build on one another and help drive the conversation to new and interesting places. Curious questions also help the other person know you’re engaged with them and want to keep the connection going.

Step Three: Lean into the conversation—this is the mid-point of connection, and it’s where self-discipline is most important. Leaning into a conversation is NOT the same as taking over a conversation. Leaning in does not mean shifting the rest of the conversation to you and your interests. Leaning in means increasing your curiosity and adding in thoughts that spur the connection deeper. It’s renewing your interest in your connection with the other person.

Step Four: Make a memorable moment— memorable moments don’t need to be manufactured, but they do need to be sought. A connection becomes memorable when both parties walk away with something positive to hold onto. Making a memorable moment doesn’t require a lot, but it does require authenticity on your part. You can make a memorable moment by zeroing in on a significant lesson you learned, or a statement that impacted you. It could be a shared laugh, a moment of grief, or a deep sense of community with the other person.

Step Five: Keep the connection alive—while it’s hard to create a connection, keeping one alive is considerably easier. It’s an intentional decision to keep the other person with you in some way. You might exchange encouraging texts or send one another helpful emails from time to time. Maybe it’s just the courtesy of remembering that person’s name so you can greet them and quickly reconnect the next time you see them. Do what you need to do to keep the spark alive, so you can build on it in the future.”

An article by Northwestern Medicine titled: 5 Benefits of Healthy Relationships they state that “As humans, the relationships we form with other people are vital to our mental and emotional wellbeing, and really, our survival. Humans have an inherent desire to be close to other people. To connect and build relationships. While a man stranded on an island, talking to a volleyball (you remember the movie!) isn’t necessarily “healthy,” his compulsion for company is. That’s because the fact of the matter is, healthy relationships (romantic relationships, friendships, familial relationships -- they all count!) can help make for a healthier overall life. Everyone is unique and has their own needs and desires when it comes to relationships, handling stress and living a healthy, meaningful life. If you’re the type of person who enjoys being alone, that’s okay too, but attempting to make a couple close relationships could mean noticeable benefits to your mental and physical health. Sometimes having at least one good friend (or trusted co-worker, therapist or counselor) to help walk you through issues like social anxiety or depression can end up being more than worth it. It might be difficult, but it also might be exactly what you need. Even just having one or two strong, healthy relationships in your life can have a positive effect on health.”

In the book “The Joy Model” by Jeff Spadafora, he starts out the discussion on relationships with a quote by Charles Spurgeon who said “Discernment is not knowing the difference between right and wrong. It’s knowing the difference between right and almost right”. He says that is the consideration we are faced with in considering our relationships and deciding how much time we should dedicate to which relationships. Spadafora goes on to say that “poorly managed and neglected relationships are far and away the most common reason for self-inflicted pain in peoples’ lives. I can remember people saying “quality over quantity” when trying to reason with not spending time with family and those closest to you. The fact is that time itself is the most valuable gift you can give anyone. And while you are spending that time, it is important to be present, really present with the person or people with the time you do spend. Quality and quantity are both important to having a deep relationship. Being in the same room while working on your computer or answering emails or being on social media on your phone is not quality time or being present. The book states that “if we had a crystal clear picture of what we want our most important relationships to look like twenty years from now, we might have more motivation to be more strategic about how we treat those closest to us. Or, conversely, if we had a sense of what life twenty years from now with obliterated relationships would be like, we’d be motivated to make some positive changes right now.” Think about your relationships you have outside of family. What are they motivated by? Do you think it could be selfish ambition or self promotion? How can relationships you have bring true joy by being motivated to serve and add value to others? Spadafora says to “be brutally honest with yourself about the heart issues (ego, pride, fear, insecurity, greed) that are deteriorating your relationships. Self-deception about what really drives your thinking and interpersonal interactions will hold you back. Your relationships and life will never be all you want if you can’t get real with yourself. Self-authenticity is an unequivocal prerequisite to growth and joy.

Philippians 2:5-8 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus Who, being in very nature[a] God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature[b] of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!

One of the most important elements of cultivating healthy relationships is the area of communication. We will talk more about this in future episodes, but I believe the key to effective communication is the lost art of listening. Truly listening and being present in the situation is a huge gift to others. Listening isn’t just waiting for your turn to talk or finishing others thoughts for them. When it does come time to speak, choose your words carefully. Spadafora states that you can ruin a relationship “with wrong word choice, inappropriate tone, bad timing, or offensive body language.

Proverbs 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Action Item: Spend time thinking about a relationship that is very important to you and consider these questions:

Do I take the real time and quality time needed to have a deep relationship?

Do I listen intently and make sure the person knows what they say is important?

Is my motivation in this relationship to serve and add value?

In a blog post by Rick Warren titled: “Life Is All About Relationships” Warren says “ Nobody ever asks for things in the final moments of life. They always ask for people, because eventually everybody learns that life is all about relationships. Why not learn that sooner? It sure would relieve a lot of stress.

Life is not about achievements. It’s not about accomplishments.

Life is about relationships.”

Resources:

Five Steps for Connecting With Others: John Maxwell

5 Benefits of Healthy Relationships: Northwestern Medicine

Life is All About Relationships: Rick Warren

enMarch 10, 2020

Finding Joy Part 7: Engagement 022

Welcome to episode 22 of “Your Encore Life”. In this episode we are continuing our series on finding joy. The main source I have been using for this series is the book “The Joy Model” by Jeff Spadafora. In episode 17 we talked about what the joy model is, which is based on “Being” and “Doing” on horizontal and vertical axis’s. Beginning with episode 18 we began talking about what Spadafora has landed on as a process for integrating “being” and “doing” in a healthy way that that leads to lasting joy, which has 6 components that make up the acronym “MASTER”. So far we have discusses Margin in episode 18, Abide in episode 19, Self-Awareness in episode 20, and Treasure in episode 21. I encourage you to go back and listen to the previous episodes in this series if you haven’t already, but they stand alone well so you don’t need to do that prior to listening to this episode. This week we will be talking about Engagement.

This step is all about getting in the game, or taking steps to get from where you are now to where you know you want to be, where God has called you to be. I have talked about “analysis paralysis” and my struggles with that. In an article titled “Avoid Decisions, Avoid Life” by Jeff Stibel in the Harvard Business Review, he states “People get overwhelmed with choices, bombarded with information, and become afraid of the risk of drawing a line in the sand. Psychologists have a term for this — choice overload. In the presence of an abundance of information or too many choices, people often become overwhelmed and frozen. Those individuals inevitably revert to what is easiest, effectively making no decision at all. That can be dangerous in business and in life. One study showed that when presented with many products (jelly, in this case), most consumers tend to default to the easiest choice: buying nothing at all. Isn’t this what happens to us when we aren’t sure what our “next thing” should look like. What do we do next to be able to live our “encore life”?

We talked earlier about doing low cost probes, or trying things that you feel might resonate with you without investing too much money or time. That is a very effective method of finding what really makes your heart sing without feeling overcommitted or stuck doing something that you realize doesn’t make your heart sing. Go back and listen to episode 20 or look at the show notes for more information on low cost probes.

Stibel goes on to say in the article that “Another painful lesson in choice aversion is the fact that far too many people choose not to choose, by default allowing decisions to be made for them. They go through life trying to avoid risk, and that often means avoiding decisions. As a general rule, “losses loom larger than gains” and that is what causes people to regret bad decisions and reflexively avoid them altogether. Part of the fun in what we accomplish is learning, exploring, and trying new things. You just can’t do that without making decisions.”

Jeff Spadafora in “The Joy Model” states that he “can predict when you will take that first step to engage in the work that represents your life purpose. It’ll happen when one of two things occur: (1) when you realize that the blessings you have are so clearly from God and your gratitude becomes so overflowing that you can’t help but pay it forward, or (2) when you truly-deep down in your bones-recognize the emptiness and folly of self centered living.”

So what might this look like for you as your are at or near retirement and want to live your best encore life? It could mean starting a business, working for an organization, or volunteering for a non-profit or charitable organization that aligns with a passion you have or a hobby you love. It could be spending time and listening to people close to you that you haven’t given much of your gift of time to. It could be supporting aging parents or helping care for grandchildren. We will talk more about this in a future episode. It could and should include hobbies, interests, and travel that the promise of more freedom of time will allow. Spadafora states that he has “seen people transform their love for hunting, snowboarding, quilting, and car racing into their callings. Think about the hobbies and activities that you enjoy and how you might use them to get people together that will provide the opportunity to bless other, perhaps give the opportunity to share God’s love. Remember that God gave you strengths, talents, and your heart and passion for what breaks or makes your heart sing for a reason and purpose.

Let’s take a moment to circle back to review the Joy Model. Remember it has “Being” on the horizontal axis and “Doing” on the vertical axis. The bottom left box following the Being axis is “The Frustrated Believer”, the bottom right box is “The Heartless Hypocrite”. Following the “Doing” axis begins again with “The Frustrated Believer in the bottom left box, with “The Weary Worker in the top left box. If we are out of balance with being or doing we will fall into the heartless hypocrite or weary worker box. A balance of being and doing leads us to the upper right quadrant called “The Joyful Follower”. Now let’s talk about the difference between volunteering and calling as it related to the model. Spadafora puts volunteering in the lower left frustrated believer quadrant and calling in the upper right joyful follower quadrant. He goes on to explain that the two ways to serve others is to pitch in where and when needed, and the other is through our callings, which he says is the “full stewardship of how God wired us”. Both are important for serving others and society, and good for our souls, but it is true that God has wired us with unique talents and strengths that He gave us for a purpose. With that in mind, Spadafora says that “in addition to selfless volunteerism, we should also be intentional about discerning and engaging in our calling.” He says “missing out on your true calling leads to missing out on the full joy God has available to you.”

The key is to be patient and try low cost probes that we talked about in the last couple episodes. If your first probe comes up short, consider it part of the learning process. Give yourself margin and abide and trust God.

Proverbs 3:5-6 New International Version (NIV)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.[a]

Romans 12:2 New International Version (NIV) 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Ephesians 2:10 New International Version (NIV)

10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Action Item: Think about the one thing you have been wanting to do but have put it off by going through the “analysis paralysis” process? Take one bold step that will get you closer to accomplishing this without further analysis, perhaps by doing a low cost probe.

Join us next week we complete this series by talking about the “R” in the acronym MASTER, which is Relationships. I believe we are saving the most important for last, so don’t miss it.

Resources:

Avoid Decisions, Avoid Life (Jeff Stibel) : Harvard Business Review

enMarch 03, 2020

Finding Lasting Joy Part 6 Treasure 021

Welcome to episode 21 of “Your Encore Life”. In this episode we are continuing our series on finding joy. The main source I have been using for this series is the book “The Joy Model” by Jeff Spadafora. In episode 17 we talked about what the joy model is, which is based on “Being” and “Doing” on horizontal and vertical axis’s. Beginning with episode 18 we began talking about what Spadafora has landed on as a process for integrating “being” and “doing” in a healthy way that that leads to lasting joy, which has 6 components that make up the acronym “MASTER”. So far we have discusses Margin in episode 18, Abide in episode 19, and Self-Awareness in episode 20. I encourage you to go back and listen to the previous episodes in this series if you haven’t already, but they stand alone well so you don’t need to do that prior to listening to this episode. This week we are taking about the “T” in MASTER, which is “Treasure”.

The Joy Model book refers to treasure as “The Green Monster” that is the number 1 reason “people hold back from courageously pursuing the lives that will lead them to true joy.” Let’s be honest here. Money tends to dominate most of our thinking. When money is considered above all else, it can be said that it has become an idol and could keep us from doing what we know in our hearts we need to do to build a life of greater joy. When you put money in the proper perspective where it belongs in relation to God and family, money will lose its idol characteristics and will no longer dominate your thinking. So is money evil?

1 Timothy 6:10 [Full Chapter]

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

Take note that it does not say “money is the root of evil” but rather, ”the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.” Money is a gift from God, and the more money an individual has, the more they are able to bless others who are in need.

The book references a “recent study of US adults that showed while money matters, the incremental impact on a person’s joy starts to diminish dollars for dollar after the $75,000 annual income mark. In another study, Martin Seligman, the author of “Flourish” notes that “Life satisfaction in the United States has been flat for fifty years while GDP has tripled. GDP being Gross Domestic Product, which measures the value of economic activity within a country.

Realizing that money and joy are not as aligned as you may think is a huge step toward joy and freedom.

How many of you can look back on your careers and say that as you worked your way up the ladder you experienced more joy? Do any of you look back and think about a role in your career that you felt was fulfilling what you were meant to do, but because of success you moved up the ladder and out of your calling, actually feeling less joy as you earned more money and what was considered a better position. I experienced that with my position in the school district. As I have said in the very first episode of this podcast, I had to find a way within my position to align my passion with my role because I had worked my way out of my passion. I began to buy into the lie that so many people buy into, that my self-worth was directly correlated to my income. I wasn’t strong enough to not care about what others may think of me and to care more about what God gave me strengths to do best.

So are we saying that having significant amounts of money and a life of joy can’t co-exist? Not at all. Spadafora says “You can have the life you’ve always wanted and lots of money. You and God would both be pleased with that. The problem is when we think it’s the money that will give us the joy we crave.” He goes on to say “There are plenty of poor people who have chased the money and missed out on the joy too. At the end of the day, both the rich and the poor run the risk of being exhausted-and regretful-about the time and relationships that slipped away while they chased the next buck.

If you are a person of faith, then you realize that God gave you your talents, strengths, and relationships that give you the ability to earn money, making it His.

Action Item: Regardless of how much or little you make, try boosting your joy by seeing using some of His money to bless others. Search your heart to see if an unhealthy focus on money could be standing in the way of experiencing lasting joy.

Luke 16:10

“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.

Hebrews 13:5

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Join us next week we will be talking about the “E” in the acronym MASTER, which is engagement.

Resources:

enFebruary 25, 2020

Finding Lasting Joy Part 5 020

Welcome to episode 20 of “Your Encore Life”. In this episode we are continuing our series on finding joy. We have discussed the difference between happiness and joy, The Joy Model from the book with the same name with the emphasis on being and doing and the importance of balance between those. Episode 18 we began talking about the acronym MASTER from the Joy Model, with the importance of having “M”argin in your life. Episode 19 we talked about “A”bide, or to be with or live with, referring to making God the center of our lives. Today we will be talking about the S in MASTER, which is self-awareness.

An article by Tchiki Davis, Ph.D. in Psychology Today, they state Self-awareness involves, thoughts, emotions, and beliefs. It is important, because it’s a major mechanism influencing personal developmentSelf-awareness involves monitoring our stress

Self-awareness requires self-examination to become more aware of your strengths and weaknesses regarding your well-being). Be aware, though, that an honest, non-judgmental self-analysis isn’t easy. We tend to berate ourselves for our failings or fantasize about how great we are, when neither is actually the case. We all have a mix of good and bad traits, but we are largely unaware of them. In order to self-reflect objectively, we need to quiet our minds and open our hearts, forgiving ourselves for our imperfections and offering ourselves kudos, but only where we deserve them.

Increasing self-awareness of false attitudes or inappropriate behaviors requires peace of mind, time, attention and focus. Knowing ahead of time that we can indeed change in positive ways through deeper self-awareness makes it worth working on those personal qualities we most value. But first we must look within ourselves through self-examination to see what’s there, which is often less obvious than we think.

In the book “The Joy Model” that I have been using as a guideline for this series, Jeff Spadafora say self-awareness “is more than just knowing your skills and talents. It’s about knowing how you relate to God, how you communicate with others, how you think and process information, what things you avoid, what you are passionate about, and other components the are unique to you. He goes on and talks about the false attitudes as a false self, saying it “is a character, personality, title, position, and identity that we have built up for public display over the years. The energy we put into portraying this False Self to the world is rooted in the emotions of fear, anger, shame, guilt, greed, pride, lust, jealousy, etc.” “People only detach from these emotions and the False Self when they are confident they have a safety net of God’s love to fall into.

Why do we create this False Self for a public display? Why can’t we be comfortable with who we are, who God created us to be. The realization that God loves us unconditionally and invites us to come as we are to Him gives me a tremendous sense of calm and peace. I know how often I have used my False Self to be accepted, to make an impression, to try to climb the corporate ladder, to make people like me or impress them. We seek acceptance so much that we often stifle our true selves. If we can rest in the acceptance that the all powerful Creator of the Universe loves us as we were created to be by Him, we can give up the False Self and experience joy as our True Self.

The article in Psychology Today I referenced earlier writes of several ways we can build self-awareness. They include:

Walking, especially in the quiet of nature, can be useful in building self-awareness. The mind tends to wander along with our feet, so with a little conscious nudging (and walking), we can examine our part in something that is happening in our lives now — at work, in social situations, in our relationships, or within the family.
Practicing mindfulness can increase self-awareness.Mindfulness includes focused attention in the moment to whatever one is doing, and involves practices such as meditation or quieting of the mind.
Becoming a good listener can increase self-awareness. “Getting out of ourselves” by focusing on another person is a good antidote to stop downward spirals of self-destructive thinking.
Journaling is a good way to become more self-aware. By writing your thoughts or stream-of-consciousness ideas, you begin opening up to those vulnerable places within. It is here that the mother lode of self-awareness dwells.
Feedback from others can help you be more self-aware. Since we are our own best audience, we may miss something in our self-appraisal. That’s where the objectivity of others can be most helpful in self-assessment. If you have the courage, ask a friend or acquaintance their opinion of you, or ask about how you managed some project you worked on together or how you handled yourself in some quirky situation.
Self-awareness can help you know your strengths and weaknesses.

There are many assessments that can help you become more self-aware. One of my favorites is the Clifton StrengthsFinder assessment. I am a certified Strengths Champion Coach and truly believe that this assessment has tremendous value in clarifying your strengths and how to best utilize them and how to manage what may be weaknesses while focusing on your strengths. There are many others as well, such as the DISC profile and the Enneagram, which has gained popularity of late. If you would like to discuss any of this with me please reach out. I will offer my podcast listeners a special on the Clifton Strengths assessment and a 60 minute coaching session to clarify your results.

Spadafora warns that “if you are truly honest as you examine yourself, you will start to get some clarity on what to do at both the spiritual (being) and practical (doing) levels, but rarely will you get full clarity. The temptation for many is to stay in the introspection mode of building self-awareness for too long.” He refers to this as “perpetual naval gazing”.

Bob Buford in his book “Halftime”, suggests doing what he refers to as “low cost probes” that move you from introspection to action. Things such as volunteering to serve meals at a homeless shelter if your heart aches for the homeless, or at a pregnancy center that promotes life if abortion breaks your heart as it does the heart of Jesus. If kids that don’t have a father figure or are on the foster care system tugs at your heart, be a mentor to a kid through the school system or local foster care program.

As you become more in tune with your true self, start dreaming again. The sad truth is that most adults stop dreaming when they reach their mid 20’s.

Action Item: Write down your answer to the following question: If time, money, and failure weren’t obstacles, what would you do with your life?

That is a powerful question to ponder, but allow yourself to dream again.

Join us next week we will be talking about the “T” in the acronym MASTER, which is treasure.

Resources:

What is Self-Awareness, and How do You Get It?: Psychology Today

Half Time Institute: The Joy Model and HalfTime

enFebruary 18, 2020

Finding Lasting Joy Part 4- Abiding 019

Here we are with part 4 of Finding Lasting Joy. If you have followed this series since the start at episode 16, you will remember the discussion about the difference between happiness and joy, episode 17 talked about the Joy Model from the book by Jeff Spadafora and how we need to balance being and doing to end up being a joyful follower of Christ. This will resonate if you are a person of faith, but if you are not, the concepts of being and doing still apply and the balance is still the same to lead to joy and satisfaction.. In episode 18, we talked about the importance of having margin in your life so you have time to do the things that are most important. Margin was the "M" in the Acronym MASTER. I am getting this acronym from "The Joy Model" book that I have referenced often in this series and point to in the show notes. I am getting some of the material for these episodes from that book, but am also pulling from other resources which I will reference and from experience.

In this episode, I want to talk about the "A" in the acronym, and it stand for abiding. What do we mean by abiding? For purposes of this discussion, we will define it as "to be with" or "to live with", and I am referring to God. This falls on the Being axis as part of the question who is God, who am I. Next week we will discuss the "who am I?" question as we talk about self awareness, the S in the acronym MASTER.

I am stating boldly that true joy can be yours when you are spending your time and living with God at the center of your life. John 15:4 says "Abide in Me, and I will abide in you". Hear the words of Jesus promising that He will be in true relationship with us if we will be in true relationship with him. He wants us to experience the lasting joy with Him.

Many may feel the Bible is filled with rules that are meant to stifle our joy, but they are the Word of a God that wants us to experience lasting joy filled with peace and purpose. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV says: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

The world bombards us with thoughts that true happiness and joy come with money, prestige, cars, sex, elaborate vacations, and so on. None of these things are necessarily bad if they aren’t “idols” in our lives, putting them on a higher level than God, and we need to have them while honoring God and having gratitude for them. But seeking these things to see joy is like “chasing the wind” as we talked about last week, leaving us seeking for what’s next since we still feel empty.

Romans 12:2 New International Version (NIV) Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Spadafora states that:

Our lives won’t change until we change what we focus on and put our energy into.
Our focus and energy won’t change unless what we value in life changes.
Our values won’t change unless our thinking changes.
Our thinking won’t change unless we start putting the right stuff into our brains in the first place.

Garbage in - Garbage out

Philippians 4:8 New International Version (NIV) Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

How do we abide?

Read and study the Bible: The Bible is truly the Word of God. It can speak to you as you read. Even particular scriptures can speak to you differently depending on how God wants to speak to you. That is why they call it the living word of God. There are many ways to “read” the Bible. It can be confusing and frustrating for many just to try to read it cover to cover. Our church did a series called “The Story” and you can purchase the book, which is the Bible written in chronological order. It really helped bring each book of the Bible into perspective. You can read or listen to it with Bible apps that are available. I have the YouVersion Bible app on my phone and it has many reading plans that are topical, plus a verse of the day. You can read it from your computer or phone or listen to it. I take the verse of the day every morning and expand it to the entire chapter and listen to it during my devotional time.
Meditate/memorize: Take quiet time while reading to be still and listen to what you are reading, asking God to open your eyes and ears to what He would have you hear.
Prayer: Matthew 7:7-12 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Silence/Solitude: Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God
Christian Camaraderie: We are better together. Find a small group or group of friends that you can spend time with and support each other. We still need to spend time with non-believers and show them love like Jesus did.
Fasting: This is a way to become more mindful of God through disrupting our routine by doing without. It doesn’t necessarily need to be food, but something that you intentionally do without that will make you focus on God. Make sure you do it safely, especially if you have any medical conditions that you should seek your doctors permission before proceeding.
Music/Nature: As I am putting together this podcast, I am spending a time of solitude in the mountains. I feel closest to God when I am surrounded by His beautiful creation, and I am listening to music while I am here, particularly when I get lonely, which helps me know that God is with me.

Lastly, Spadafora states that “Abiding in God moves us from focus on the self to focus on God.”

Action item: Commit to a daily routine to read scripture, spend quiet time, and be in prayer. Find margin in your life to spend at least 15 minutes daily, longer if needed and able. Do this instead of filling your head with garbage from the morning or evening news. I promise you if you commit to do this, you will find more peace and clarity in your life. Abiding is the key to finding true and lasting joy!

Next week we will talk about the “S” in MASTER: Self-Awareness

Resources:

The Story Chronological Bible on Amazon

enFebruary 11, 2020

Finding Joy Part 3- 018

Today we will continue our topic on finding joy. During the previous 2 weeks in episodes 16 and 17, we talked about the difference between happiness and joy. As you may recall, Jeff Spadafora in the book “The Joy Model” states that “differentiating joy from the term most often used interchangeably (and incorrectly) with joy: happiness. Happiness is circumstantial. Joy, on the other hand, continues despite circumstances. I also talked about the model itself and how you need a balance between being and doing. In review:

Being - Who is God….Who am I?
Doing - What should I do with my time, talent, treasure, temple, and tribe?

The Joy Model is based on four quadrants with a vertical axis labeled as doing (what should I do with my time, talent, treasure, temple, tribe) and the horizontal axis labeled as being (Who is God, who am I). The bottom left square is “The frustrated believer”. The bottom right is labeled “The Heartless Hypocrite”. The top left is labeled “The Weary Worker”, and the top right is labeled “The Joyful Follower”. As you may have figured out from the quadrant, moving to the top right is the goal and it requires a balance of being and doing. Without the balance, focusing on being will lead you from a frustrated believer to a heartless hypocrite, where focusing only on doing will lead you from a frustrated believer to a weary worker. Integrating your being and your doing, knowing who you are and using your strengths and talents to add value to others, the community, and world which we live will bring joy.

Today’s episode, number 18, we are going to take a deep dive into the “M” of the acronym, MASTER. We will spend the entire episode on this because it is such a key ingredient in leading a joyful life. The M is for margin.

Futurists back in the 50’s and 60’s predicted that with the advent of technology and other innovations that would free the human race from menial tasks, the average work week would be 24 hours, giving us unprecedented time for rest and relaxation. So how has that bold prediction worked for us? A Harris poll indicated that the average time for leisure has shrunk by 37% since 1973, and the average workweek since that time has gone from 41 to 47 hours.

In his excellent book, Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, Richard Swenson, M.D. describes margin like this:

Margin is the space between our load and our limits. It is the amount allowed beyond that which is needed. It is something held in reserve for contingencies or unanticipated situations. Margin is the gap between rest and exhaustion, the space between breathing freely and suffocating.

How do we find margin? If we look at efficiency, we just need to do what we are already doing faster. Building quality, realistic margin in your life isn’t so much about efficiency and time management as it is about exploring our personal values. We must remember that saying yes to one thing always means saying no to something else. If you don’t know what your values and priorities are, you will say yes to anything that looks like it could bring benefit to yourself and bring joy. The problem is, what brings you lasting joy?

Jeff Spadafora in “The Joy Model” says “There’s something one level deeper than our values that compels us to work so hard and overcommit ourselves. It’s the False Self, which is rooted in fear, guild, comfort, pride, and/or greed and drives us to act in a way that we desperately hope will lead to the approval of others. He poses these questions to answer what is at the root of your business:

“Is it fun, energizing activity and work that is a natural outflow of who you are and what you really believe in? Or is it driven by
Fear
Pride
Jealousy
Selfishness
Greed
Boredom
The desire to impress others
Low self-esteem”

I know from working for many years for a large organization that many see business and rushing from one task to another as a badge of honor, but when you look hard at their accomplishments, they are really just running themselves ragged without accomplishing quality work. What I did see far too often is broken families and relationships, poor health, living for the weekend, and living for when they can retire. That is not joy.

It isn’t hard to find people or hear of people who boast (or complain) of long hours, little sleep, no breaks, and many may move up the career ladder. But many of those people end up in crisis, which can happen at any point in your life.

What about as we retire, shouldn’t we have margin then? How many people retire and you hear them say they are busier than ever. That’s OK if the business results in fun and energizing activities that are an outflow of who you are and what you believe. But so many have things they want to accomplish in their encore life but keep repeating the phrase “I don’t know where the time went.” They have goals and dreams for their encore life and they find themselves 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, or 10 years later still hoping to have time to accomplish them, and still are not experiencing joy.

In an article by Lifehacker Magazine titled “Why You Need More Margin in Your Life (and How to Get it), they offer a few tips to help you find more margin. They include:

Get more sleep - 6.5 - 8 hours of sleep is needed by most people. Make that non-negotiable
Take advantage of Pareto - The Pareto principle (also known as the 80/20 rule, the law of the vital few, or the principle of factor sparsity) states that, for many events, roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes. Focus on the 20% that gives you the best results and let some of the rest go. We will talk more about the Pareto Principal in a future episode.
Give yourself an extra 15 minutes more than you think to get places and accomplish things. I am a master at underestimating how much time it takes to get places and do things.
Find ways to limit time on social media - Yes, this one comes up again. Take advantage of some of the new features like screen time on iPhones and iPads and make it a point to reduce social media time, even impose limits on yourself.

They go on to say:”Margin has to be cultivated. Spend time every three months looking at your schedule and how you spend your time. Is there anything that can be removed? Are there 15 minute opportunities that you're missing? Are you using your down time to truly recharge? By being honest with yourself and ruthless about your priorities you can increase the likelihood that you stay happy and engaged at work and at home.

The Bible says that King Solomon is the wisest and richest man to ever live. Economic historians state that in terms of percentage of the worlds total wealth, King Solomon was wealthier than John D. Rockefeller and Andrew Carnegie combined. For reference, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet don’t make the top 10 all time list. King Solomon states in the Bible:

Ecclesiastes 1:14 New International Version (NIV)

14 I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

I leave you with this action item. Don’t chase after the wind, be still and listen to it for a moment as you consider what your values and priorities are and what one thing you can do to make more time for them. Start by taking care of yourself.

“As long as habit and routine dictate the pattern of living, new dimensions of the soul will not emerge” -Henry Van Dyke (Writer, Professor, Clergymen)

Resources:

How to Create More Margin in Your Life: Michael Hyatt

Why You Need More Margin in Your Life: Lifehacker

Psychology Today: Joy vs. Happiness

enFebruary 04, 2020

Finding Joy Part 2- 017

Last week we discussed the difference between happiness and joy. In review from last week, let’s look again at a what Psychology Today stated:

Happiness is external. It's based on situations, events, people, places, things, and thoughts. Happiness is future-oriented and it puts all its eggs in someone else's basket. It is dependent on outside situations, people, or events to align with your expectations so that the end result is your happiness. But happiness is not joy because joy is not external, it can't be bought and it is not conditional on someone else's behavior. In fact, joy is not contingent on anything in order to exist.

If you are someone who is at or near retirement age and facing a time of transition, the opportunity to experience joy can be more within reach as you can focus your time on what is most important, or more fleeting as you move from having your course charted for you, at least partially by your job or career, to seeking what’s next and how to best spend your time. Today we will be introducing The Joy Model from the book written by Jeff Spadafora, director of the halftime institute. You will find the references to this book in the show notes.

As you know I am a man of faith and place my trust in Jesus Christ. This book is very faith based and the joy model is based two principals:

Being - Who is God….Who am I?
Doing - What should I do with my time, talent, treasure, temple, and tribe?

If you are a person of faith the message of joy from this book will resonate. If you are not, there are concepts that you will be able to relate to. Everyone ponders the question of being and doing and asks themselves the questions who am I and what should I be doing, or what is my calling. We will start with how joy is defined in The Joy Model which relates very well to last weeks podcast. If you haven’t listened to episode 16 from last week, I encourage you to go back after finishing this episode.

Jeff Spadafora starts by “differentiating joy from the term most often used interchangeably (and incorrectly) with joy: happiness. Happiness is circumstantial. When things are great at work, in our marriages, in our bank accounts, and with the kids, we are happy. But when our relationships get rocky, work becomes a drag, our investments tank, or the kids start misbehaving, happiness evaporates. Joy, on the other hand, continues despite circumstances. Spadafora often uses the words peace, comfort, and fulfillment interchangeably with joy.

We discussed the formula E + R = O in episode 7, or how your response that you can control can have a positive impact on the outcome of any event, which you may not have any control over. Understanding this can impact your joy ultimately, and here is why. Even though Spadafora states that joy is not dependent on circumstances, he does say “you can improve your circumstances and your levels of joy by taking action on things that are within your control, such as your health, relationships, finances, career, and getting them in alignment with God’s ways, and subsequently your’ll find both your circumstances and your joy will improve. He goes on to say “It’s about obedience, about applying God’s principals to the parts of life you have control over”.

If you are a person of faith and you don’t feel you are experiencing the joy that is supposed to come as a result of that faith, you may feel guilty, resulting in a negative mindset that you don’t have a strong enough relationship with and trust in Jesus to experience joy, or the being question. It could result in feeling that you aren’t reading the bible enough, aren’t sharing your faith enough, or aren’t DOING enough to experience joy from your faith.

Galatians 5:22-23 New International Version (NIV)

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Ephesians 2:10 New International Version (NIV)

10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Action Item: Think about theses questions: Where are you on the continuum of being, knowing you are and who God is? Where are you on the continuum of doing, knowing what you should do with your time, talents, and treasures. Are they balanced and is the point of convergence heading to the upper right? What one area do you need to focus on this week to get the balance you need to point toward joy?

“The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.” Russel M. Nelson

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” Theodore Roosevelt

Next week we will look at a specific plan, a MASTER plan, to help fill the gap from where you are to the joy you so desire.

Resources:

Psychologies: Joy vs. Happiness

enJanuary 28, 2020

Joy and Happiness, What's the Difference?-016

During the next few episodes we will be talking about joy and experiencing a life of joy, even in times of sadness. In this episode we will discuss the difference between happiness and joy.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary definition of joy and happiness: Joy is the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires.

Happiness is a state of well-being and contentment; a pleasurable or satisfying experience.

An article in Psychologies Magazine states: Joy and happiness are wonderful feelings to experience, but are very different. Joy is more consistent and is cultivated internally. It comes when you make peace with who you are, why you are and how you are, whereas happiness tends to be externally triggered and is based on other people, things, places, thoughts and events. They suggest 3 things that you can do to help foster joy.

1. Meditation.

It's important to be able to tap into your heart rather than your head, your intuition rather than your thinking mind. Quietening the chatter in your mind and creating space within allows you to listen more closely to what brings you joy.

2. Cut down on social media.

We are so heavily influenced by what we 'should like/do/have/buy' that this so often is not in line with what truly brings us joy. For many of us, social media has become a necessity in our day. If ditching social media altogether is not an option, think about how you can cut down on it.

3. Keep a journal and practice gratitude for the things that bring you joy.

Cultivate gratitude wherever possible and even have gratitude for the things that challenge you, as these help you to grow and build strength. This also helps to define what brings you joy and what doesn’t.

Having an attitude of gratitude makes us more appreciative and trusting, gives us better self-esteem and helps us bounce back from stress. It allows us to view the world, and our situation within this world, in a more positive, healthy way.

An article I reference in Psychology Today states: Happiness is external. It's based on situations, events, people, places, things, and thoughts. Happiness is future-oriented and it puts all its eggs in someone else's basket. It is dependent on outside situations, people, or events to align with your expectations so that the end result is your happiness. But happiness is not joy because joy is not external, it can't be bought and it is not conditional on someone else's behavior. In fact, joy is not contingent on anything in order to exist.

Making a large purchase of something that you have wanted can make you happy, but does it cause you joy. How many times have you been so happy because of something you acquired, such as a new car, house, boat, clothes, and the list goes on. How often can you say, knowing what we have heard about the difference between joy and happiness, has the acquisition ended up giving you joy? How often has it resulted in regrets?

We will be talking about why joy can be so elusive, even when we experience happiness. We will talk about why people experience joy even while living in the darkest places or experiencing great difficulty. Much of the discussion will take place around the book The Joy Model by Jeff Spadafora of the Halftime Institute.

Action Item: Send me a comment about what makes you experience joy, or what you feel is keeping you from experiencing a sense of joy. Email your comments to craig@craigcoilecoaching.com or put them in the comments section under the show notes for this episode at craigcoilecoaching.com/encore. While you are doing this, please take time to leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast platform.

Joy, feeling one's own value, being appreciated and loved by others, feeling useful and capable of production are all factors of enormous value for the human soul. - Maria Montessori

The exercise of benevolence is joy to loving hearts: the more pain it costs, the more joy it is. Kind actions make us happy, and in such joy we find communion with the great heart of Jesus. -Charles Spugeon

Resources:

Psychology Today: Joy vs. Happiness