caregiver joy

We as caregiver don’t get that many good days, let alone good weeks.   

I want to talk more about this bowling thing I joined.  Why in the world would I bowl when I know nothing about this game and I was deep into caregiver, right?  

My best friend, Julie asked me during the summer if I would consider doing something fun with her one day a week during the winter months.  My thoughts and guilt said no. How could I when my Mom’s lung cancer came back,  Denis was still recovering from his stem cell transplant and I could barely juggle everything else.  

But my friend convinced me that we could find something that didnt’ take a lot of time and we could just get away from everything for a bit.  

With a little convincing,  I said yes.   Julie found a non-competitive mixers bowling league on Wednesdays that were from 5-6pm  I went to a practice night and met everyone and it seamed comfortable and fun.  

However, honestly,  I didn’t like bowling because I totally stunk at it.  It seemed hard and after the practice night, every muscle ached.  

I remember my Mom telling me, that this would be good for you.  

My first official night was hard.  My mind and heart were with my Mom in hospice care.   I bowled 84, 86 and 92.  Well..  I definitely was a rookie and had room for improvement. The next week, I had one game over 100, barely.  

As the weeks went on I got better and starting enjoying the time with Julie and the other teams we met.   

Now I look forward to that time out and come back from bowling with a spring in my step.  I took a deep breath last week in the car, had tears running down my eyes because bowling brings me joy.   And  it gave me something fun to focus on.   

I found myself look at bowling videos which was a nice distraction.   

It’s ok to have fun and enjoy yourself as a caregiver.   Even in the hardest times of your caregiving journey.    You don’t have to feel guilty for it.  

I call this a shift that has changed me in my caregiving journey.     These are things you try to less your stress and reduce that burnout that creeps in.  

Another shift that I made about a year into my journey was find a community.  Check out the Caregiver Cup Circle and join the waitlist.   The December Circle is in progress but we will open up registration again right after Christmas for just a week.  

My last shift I want to share with you (and if you are on my email list, you may have heard this).  It’s one that I started just a few months ago.   You know what it is?!

Hugging yourself.  

Well, my friend,  I wish you more good days than bad.  More joy than stress and More hugs than tears.  Remember to keep your cup full.   When you fill your cup each day, you’ll be able to be a better version of yourself.  

Get my free resource:  17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

• ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
• If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
• CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration

As caregivers, we make assumptions and let our negative thoughts tell us that we have to be a martyr or stop enjoying life.  We convince ourselves that we have to give up happiness and joy.  Life is now full of sadness, challenges and difficulties.   Some of that is true and the good news is: joy is possible, even in your caregiver season.  It’s also one of the most important mindsets and practices you need right now.  

• Joy makes you resilient.  
• Joy makes us resistant. 
• Joy makes you healthy

What's the difference between happy and joy?  People favor happiness.  But should happiness be our priority over joy?  I don’t think so.  Happiness is a fleeting emotion based on external circumstances.  But, If you’re laughing with friends, you have both happiness and joy.  Versus joy is an internal positivity that’s connected to hope. It’s the feeling that everything will turn out okay.  With joy, you don’t have to put on a happy face.  You can be joyful in the midst of the toughest situations.  

You and I don’t live in a happy world right now.  Our world is filled with sadness, difficulties, and challenges.   With joy as your priority, the hope that things will be ok, this season will not be forever and right now you are providing a beautiful gift to your loved one - will help you push to your best self.  

Joy is what you need now more than ever.

Experiencing joy while caregiving isn’t always easy, but I believe it’s more than just a nice thing to do: It’s a crucial to your well-being.  Every moment of joy fills your cup a bit so you can keep going. And a little bit of fun can go a long way to relieve stress, motivate, activate and connect — as well as relieve boredom.

During this season in your life, at times it may feel as if you’re in auto pilot as you move through your day to day responsibilities of caring for a loved one. It may feel as if you have forgotten what makes your heart sing with joy. And you may even suppress it out of guilt or resentment. Infusing joy and laughter back into your life will help you better deal with the stress of being a caregiver. Laughter specifically strengthens your immune system and releases certain 'feel good” endorphins.

Cathy's tips to finding joy   (Screen print this and share on your social media and tag me @cathylynnvan telling me what sparks your joy. ) 

• Create a joyful journal.  
• Write a joyful mantra to post on your computer or refrigerator to say each morning. 
• Celebrate. Find ways to celebrate. 
• Eat joyously. 
• Exercise always boosts your mood.  
• Surround yourself with happy, vibrant friends and family
• Be joyous around your loved one. 
• Cultivate gratitude. 
• Enjoy music, movies, and/or a sporting event
• Enjoy a hobby.
• Children, Grandchildren, Pets
• Find joy with your loved one too

Notice your 

Get my free resource:  17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

• ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
• If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
• CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration

In today’s episode I’m saying it.  That thought that you think and say every so often to yourself.  That thought that you don’t dare say to anyone else and if you do, you share it in confidence to your therapist, coach or best friend.  That thought that may be true.  You feel guilty thinking it.  You feel stuck.  You’re not happy.  You don’t know if you can do this anymore.  

Have you thought it?  Have you felt it?  Or maybe you are feeling this right now.  Drum roll ……..  It is…..I hate caregiving.  I don’t want to do this anymore.   

If you feel this way or felt this at any time, you are not alone.  

So let’s talk about your feelings, your valid feelings and thoughts about caregiving.   Psychological stress makes you feel this love-hate caregiving relationship.  You get that feeling of mixed emotions for your loved one.  That’s when those feelings tell you “you can’t go on, or you can’t do this anymore or when stress is super high, you use that hate word - I hate caregiving and I just want to run away”.  

Let’s now break down some reasons why.   Maybe one of these applies or maybe more than one.  

1.  Your relationship has now changed.   

2.  Past experiences with your love one.

3.   The timing is horrible and now you are expected to put things on hold or adjust and balance. 

4.  You are not good at caregiving.   It feels like you can’t do anything right or it’s a struggle.  There are many job responsibilities with caregiving.  

5.  Your not in good health emotionally or physically

6.  You miss your friends, passions and personal time

7.  You get no support or very little.   You see other family members enjoying life and you are doing it all. 

8.  Your situation is not optimistic, challenging and down right hard

9.  This journey has been going on for years.  

10.  Hard decisions have to be made and you are not ready to make them.  

These reasons are valid.   I felt so much better understanding that it wasn’t me.  It was the reason.

So how do you get beyond these thoughts and feelings.   Like I said before -  it starts with understanding and acceptance.  

Now let’s talk about how to move to more joy and less of these hate feelings.  

1.   Do you hate it all or just bits and pieces of it?  

2.  Do you have to do it all?

• Outsource  check out some ideas at way to outsource 
• What is your level of stress and burnout

3.  Do you need to talk with someone (friend, therapy, coach)? 

4.  Self-care and respite care

5.   Think like a CEO  

You can’t let caregiving consumer YOU.   I know there no such thing as balance but there is a life of joy with less stress.   

You can quit - yes, I said you can quit.  Check out Episode 62   Quit feeling guilty.  Quit getting down on yourself.  Quit saying yes

Get my free resource:  17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

• ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
• If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
• CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration

Every year, before Christmas, I get that feeling.  That warm and fuzzy feeling that Christmas is coming.  Even as an adult.  I get kinda excited.   Today, running errands and listening to Christmas music, got me thinking back to my childhood memories.

This time of year seems so magical.   I so remember Christmas Eve Day waking up and could hardly wait to go to my Grandma’s house.   That’s when it all started.     (explain gramma Z) 

Do you still get that fuzzy feeling, Friend?

 But then reality kicks in.  This year may look different for you?  It may not even feel like the Christmases of your pasts.  

 If you are feeling like the Grinch stole your Christmas, you are not alone.  

 As caregivers (or as we age), the holidays no longer seem very jolly, and we don’t feel like celebrating much anymore. What used to be a joyous occasion can change and take on new meanings as life throws us curve balls.

 We think we’re supposed to be exceptionally happy this time of year, but that expectation alone can cause people of all ages to become sad or depressed. Caregivers and our loved ones are especially susceptible to the holiday blues.

While the holidays may not be the same as they were in the past, there can still be plenty of reasons to celebrate. One of the most important things to remember is that it’s okay to enjoy them as they are now. Old memories hold a special place in your heart, but there is always enough room to add new ones.

What can you do to find bits of  joy this holiday season and reduce holiday stress and the holiday blues.  Let me share just a few things I'm practicing this holiday season.    

• Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.  
• Be realistic.  
• Accept help when others offer it and ask for help when you need it. 
• Do not feel guilty for picking and choosing which holiday plans you and your loved one can commit to.  
• Be grateful for the little things.      

Before I end this episode, just 2 days before Christmas, I want to thank you for being my listener.  I am truly blessed to have this platform and for you to listen.  If there is every anything you want to hear, please reach out.  

Merriest of the holidays to you and your loved one.   I wish you peace, hope and a joyful Christmas.  

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

• ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
• If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
• CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration