caregiver spouse

When life handed Tracy Donaldson the unexpected role of a dual caregiver, it carved a path of profound transformation, from corporate VP to the intimate realities of supporting both her mother and spouse through their personal health battles. This episode takes you through her candid journey, sharing the complexities of caregiving intertwined with the process of self-reinvention. Tracy's experience serves as a beacon for those navigating similar terrains, offering wisdom on harnessing your strengths and the courage to accept help without shame.

If there's one thing that my own brush with personal loss has taught me, it's that self-care isn't just a luxury—it's an essential part of the caregiving equation. This conversation unravels the self-care strategies that have been my lifeline: from meditation and exercise to the power of connection with friends. Discover the delicate art of maintaining your own well-being while fulfilling the demanding roles of a caregiver, and why it's crucial to find moments of joy and fulfillment amidst the responsibility.

In the rich tapestry of family dynamics and personal fulfillment, this episode explores the emotional depth and practical aspects of caregiving. As Tracy and I share our family experiences, we shed light on the importance of embracing each family member's unique contributions, finding personal strengths, and navigating the guilt that often accompanies the balancing act. Our exchange culminates with a focus on actionable steps to enhance the caregiving journey, emphasizing why it's essential to find joy and satisfaction even in the midst of life's most challenging chapters.

Get my free resource:  17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

• ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
• If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
• CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration

ok, let's get real this week - how are you currently showing up as a caregiver?  Do you feel energy and joy?  Or do you feel drained and exhausted?   

You are providing a beautiful gift as a caregiver and you should be proud of yourself.  But if it's consuming every ounce of your energy, time and identify, it's time to redirect things.  You can't keep going without energy and fun.  You deserve to be happy.  You deserve to be vibrant. 

You can take care of your loved one with the best possible care and love them, but you also have to take care of yourself with love and giver yourself the best possible care.

It's possible - to live a caregiver life with joy, spark and vibrant energy.  It's also possible to have your passions, goals and time away. 

Grab the show notes here  ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode118

Join the Caregiver Cup Circle  ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
The small group meets every other Tuesday.  We would love to have you!

1:1 Coaching  ➡️   DM Cathy at @cathylynnvan
>>CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/

Get my free resource:  17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

• ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
• If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
• CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration

In today's episode, I'm sharing a story where I overcame my biggest fears and the lessons I learned about mindset.   These lessons regarding fear, the stories we tell ourselves and reframing your mindset have helped me as a caregiver too.    Hope you enjoy it.  

As a caregiver, I want you to reflect on these questions:

• what fears stand in your way?
• what stories are you telling yourself?
• how could you reframe your thoughts?
• what does your new normal look like?
• what shifts do you have to make to feel good about your new normal? Grab the show notes and full episode transcript here?

 ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode115

Join the Caregiver Cup Circle  ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
The small group meets every other Tuesday.  We would love to have you!

>>CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/

Get my free resource:  17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

• ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
• If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
• CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration

In this episode, we're talking about something we don’t normally talk about but it is something we think about more often than necessary.    When things don’t go well or when challenges happen, our brain likes to go to that “bad” side. It’s funny how our brains like to think the worst and we spend all that time in our heads with negativity, anxiety, sadness and worry.  

One of the biggest mistakes I see caregivers make when they are juggling it all and extremely exhausted is that they start giving in to the overwhelm and their own stress.

Why do you think the worst?  Why are you so hard on ourselves?    Stop beating yourself up for something you  forgot or missed.

 Grab the show notes and full episode transcript here. 
 ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode113

Join the Caregiver Cup Circle  ❤️ https://www.cathylvan.com/caregivercircle
The small group meets every other Tuesday.  We would love to have you!

>>CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration
https://instagram.com/cathylynnvan/

Get my free resource:  17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

• ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
• If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
• CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration

As caregivers, we make assumptions and let our negative thoughts tell us that we have to be a martyr or stop enjoying life.  We convince ourselves that we have to give up happiness and joy.  Life is now full of sadness, challenges and difficulties.   Some of that is true and the good news is: joy is possible, even in your caregiver season.  It’s also one of the most important mindsets and practices you need right now.  

• Joy makes you resilient.  
• Joy makes us resistant. 
• Joy makes you healthy

What's the difference between happy and joy?  People favor happiness.  But should happiness be our priority over joy?  I don’t think so.  Happiness is a fleeting emotion based on external circumstances.  But, If you’re laughing with friends, you have both happiness and joy.  Versus joy is an internal positivity that’s connected to hope. It’s the feeling that everything will turn out okay.  With joy, you don’t have to put on a happy face.  You can be joyful in the midst of the toughest situations.  

You and I don’t live in a happy world right now.  Our world is filled with sadness, difficulties, and challenges.   With joy as your priority, the hope that things will be ok, this season will not be forever and right now you are providing a beautiful gift to your loved one - will help you push to your best self.  

Joy is what you need now more than ever.

Experiencing joy while caregiving isn’t always easy, but I believe it’s more than just a nice thing to do: It’s a crucial to your well-being.  Every moment of joy fills your cup a bit so you can keep going. And a little bit of fun can go a long way to relieve stress, motivate, activate and connect — as well as relieve boredom.

During this season in your life, at times it may feel as if you’re in auto pilot as you move through your day to day responsibilities of caring for a loved one. It may feel as if you have forgotten what makes your heart sing with joy. And you may even suppress it out of guilt or resentment. Infusing joy and laughter back into your life will help you better deal with the stress of being a caregiver. Laughter specifically strengthens your immune system and releases certain 'feel good” endorphins.

Cathy's tips to finding joy   (Screen print this and share on your social media and tag me @cathylynnvan telling me what sparks your joy. ) 

• Create a joyful journal.  
• Write a joyful mantra to post on your computer or refrigerator to say each morning. 
• Celebrate. Find ways to celebrate. 
• Eat joyously. 
• Exercise always boosts your mood.  
• Surround yourself with happy, vibrant friends and family
• Be joyous around your loved one. 
• Cultivate gratitude. 
• Enjoy music, movies, and/or a sporting event
• Enjoy a hobby.
• Children, Grandchildren, Pets
• Find joy with your loved one too

Notice your 

Get my free resource:  17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

• ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
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• CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration

• Refresh your grab and go bag   
• Clean your car 
• Make your personal space special - a place where you feel peace and joy
• Clean your closets and drawers . My wardrobe changed as a caregiver.   Get rid of expired items.
• Refresh your loved one’s space.  Ask then to help clear out the clutter, wash the blankets and maybe you can even rearrange some things to make things look new.  
•  Evaluate your time stressors.  April is Stress Awareness Month so now is the perfect time to take a look at the stressors in your life.
• Spring clean you mind.    Take some time to really look at your thoughts, feelings and emotions.   Journaling is a great way to do this .   Be honest with yourself.

• Removing clutter reduces stress and is can simplify things.     Less is more
• Housekeeping actually makes you happier.  
• Keeping a clean home is healthier.  Individual cleaning tasks such as vacuuming, ironing and gardening are physical activities that can burn between 150 and 300 calories an hour. 
• Letting go of stuff saves you time and money.  
• It’s a perfect time for a fresh start.  

Spring cleaning is a time of renewal – out with the old, in with the new. For caregivers, spring cleaning is also a time for planning ahead and being prepared for the remainder of the year. 

Click here to get the complete podcast notes.  

Get my free resource:  17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

• ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
• If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
• CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration

One of the biggest regrets,  I see caregivers make is declining time with a friend.  Your friend calls or texts you and wants to get together.  You want to get out and you're yearning for someone else but you say no.

You feel guilty, sad, frustrated, and/or angry that you can’t go.  

Top reasons why caregivers decline:  

1.  You don’t have any time.   
2. You're embarrassed about how you let yourself go.   
3. You can’t leave due to quarantining order for your loved one.  
4. You can’t afford it.
5. You are depressed.    

Prior to caregiving your friendships meant so much to you and now, it’s a thing of the past.  Don’t you miss those fun girl chats, laughs and deep conversations.  Or maybe you miss getting out and shopping or going to a movie and making new memories.    You most likely are grieving your friends.  

Reality is that you can’t go back to the way it was. Life has changed but what if you could find a way to enjoy your friend again.  Spend some time together without it causes extra stress or upsetting your caregiving.  

Can you really afford to take time away.  Is that really going to help you?   Is this really what you want and need right now?  

I see most caregivers want to live their life with friendships while caring for their loved one.  It requires them to prioritize the activities in their life while still going through the process   

Can you continue to stay isolated and carry all of this alone and never fuel your soul by meeting up with your friend.   

The real question is, if you continue to say no, what are the impacts?   

Tips to become start socially interacting again:  

• Being aware
• Look for things to do that are free
• Do something inside your home.
• Be open to kindness of your friends.   
• Talk with your loved one.
• Simplify your social life right.  
• Don’t hold yourself to high expectations.   

You don’t have to feel lonely.   You don’t have to sacrifice friendships.  You deserve breaks.  You deserve to have some fun without guilt.  You deserve to laugh.

I hope you think about connecting with your friend this week.   Talk to him/her and say I want to try this again.  I know I have turned you down many times but I’m trying to figure this caregiver life or this new normal out.   Explain to them that caregiving and my other responsibilities take up almost all my time, but I want to continue our friendship.   We may have to do things differently for awhile and I hope you are ok with it.   

Then share your needs, limitations and wants.    You’ll be amazed and maybe even surprised how your friendship may flourish, as well as your health and well-being.    

This caregiving journey isn’t easy but when you focus on focus on fill your cup with small bits each day, you can find those moments of joy.   

DM and tell me if you reached out to your friend or be

Get my free resource:  17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

• ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
• If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
• CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration

How often have you been in a crisis situation or maybe an emergency situation as a caregiver?  It usually happens unexpectedly and it disrupts your caregiving and causes major issues or stressors.  How do you handle this?  

When life throws you another challenges, your normal reaction is to think “ why is this happening to me - couldn’t this just wait?   My cup is already full and now it’s overflowing”  

It’s a normal reaction to get frustrated, angry, upset, and more.   You’re human and doing the best you can as a caregiver and now it’s more.   

Your body takes in the stress through your adrenal glands that make and release the hormone cortisol into your bloodstream  Often this stress hormone, cortisol causes an increase in your heart rate and blood pressures.  It’s your natural “flight or fight” response.  

So let’s do a bit of a science lesson here….

Normal levels of cortisol also are released when you wake up in the morning or exercise. These levels can help regulate your blood pressure and blood sugar levels and even strengthen your heart muscle. In small doses, the hormone can heighten memory, increase your immune system and lower sensitivity to pain.

The danger of a fast-paced culture, however, is that many of us are constantly in high-stress mode. If your body experiences chronic stress, you may begin to feel unpleasant and even dangerous effects, such as fatigue, irritability, headaches, intestinal problems, anxiety or depression, weight gain, increased blood pressure l ow libido or problems with regular ovulation or menstrual periods, difficulty recovering from exercise and/or poor sleep.

How Cortisol Works… When the adrenal glands releases cortisol into your bloodstream, the hormone triggers a flood of glucose that supplies an immediate energy source to your large muscles. It also inhibits insulin production so the glucose won’t be stored but will be available for immediate use.

Cortisol narrows the arteries, while another hormone, epinephrine, increases your heart rate. Working together, they force your blood to pump harder and faster as you confront and resolve the immediate threat.

If your entire life is high-stress and always in high gear, your body may constantly pump out cortisol. This has several negative effects.

1. Increased blood sugar levels. 
2. Weight gain.
3. Suppressed immune system. 
4. Digestive problems. 
5. Heart disease. 

So how do you get through these extra crisis  or challenges that add to an already stressful caregiving journey?  

No one can give you the exacts steps to managing your stress - you have to find what works best to  you.   

There are days where you need to recharge.  Check out Episode 59 for tips

Grab the show notes at https://www.cathylvan.com/episode103

Get my free resource:  17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

• ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
• If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
• CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration

In today's episode you'll hear from Patty Metropulos from Kathy’s House. You all have been listening to my journey for the last few weeks and months regarding Denis' stem cell transplant journey and where we stayed.  Kathy's House taught me so much about controlling what I can control, as well as taking care of myself. 

• If you're looking for housing in the near future for you and your loved one for an extended length of time, you'll get  info on finding a place to stay nationally.  
• Even if you're away from home in anyway, you'll get gold nuggets to help you and your loved one through these challenging times.
• Or even f you don’t foresee leaving home, there's great advice, tips and motivation to improve your caregiver experience right now.  

In this interview you'll hear Kathy's House's history, mission,  the facility, branding and most importantly how they work with the patients staying as well as the caregivers.

Patty shares her experiences with the caregivers as well as her experiences as a caregiver too.  She shares the importance of finding your energy and trying to incorporate daily activities to fill your cup and sustain your energy as a caregiver. 

Stay to the end and get information on Kathy's House (and if not in Milwaukee), where you can find the right "home-away-from-home" for you .   

Grab the show notes and full episode at https://www.cathylvan.com/episode102

To find more information about Kathy’s House go to kathys-house.org.  

You can also find Kathy House on Facebook, Linken, and Instagram.  

To find more about Healthcare Hospitality Network go to:  hhnetwork.org

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

• ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
• If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
• CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration

I spent the last week processing the past 6 weeks.  It’s funny how you think the time goes so slow but now when you look back, how fast this went.  It feels like a big blur.   But as I was processing everything, I learned so much about myself.   As hard as the challenge was, there were little golden nuggets that make me who I am now - what I am trying to say is - if I didn’t go through this, I wouldn’t have learned new things, made mistakes that helped me grow and the darkest times showed me the courage and strength I have.  

As I was preparing to share this episode,  I struggled at first but I know you can benefit from some of my thoughts, experiences and lessons learned.  It feels a bit uncomfortable.  Some of these are hard to share, some feel braggy and some feel selfish.  But if caregivers don’t share these, we'll think caregiving is all unicorns and sunshine. 

We all walk into each caregiving experience with little, to no experience or practice.  No matter if you're a new caregiver or a veteran, each experience or struggle is different.  

As much as we do research, plan and prepare, we really don’t know what is coming, how we will react or perform. 

Go to cathylvan.com/episode101 for the detailed notes.  

Get my free resource:  17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

• ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
• If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
• CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration

In today’s episode I’m saying it.  That thought that you think and say every so often to yourself.  That thought that you don’t dare say to anyone else and if you do, you share it in confidence to your therapist, coach or best friend.  That thought that may be true.  You feel guilty thinking it.  You feel stuck.  You’re not happy.  You don’t know if you can do this anymore.  

Have you thought it?  Have you felt it?  Or maybe you are feeling this right now.  Drum roll ……..  It is…..I hate caregiving.  I don’t want to do this anymore.   

If you feel this way or felt this at any time, you are not alone.  

So let’s talk about your feelings, your valid feelings and thoughts about caregiving.   Psychological stress makes you feel this love-hate caregiving relationship.  You get that feeling of mixed emotions for your loved one.  That’s when those feelings tell you “you can’t go on, or you can’t do this anymore or when stress is super high, you use that hate word - I hate caregiving and I just want to run away”.  

Let’s now break down some reasons why.   Maybe one of these applies or maybe more than one.  

1.  Your relationship has now changed.   

2.  Past experiences with your love one.

3.   The timing is horrible and now you are expected to put things on hold or adjust and balance. 

4.  You are not good at caregiving.   It feels like you can’t do anything right or it’s a struggle.  There are many job responsibilities with caregiving.  

5.  Your not in good health emotionally or physically

6.  You miss your friends, passions and personal time

7.  You get no support or very little.   You see other family members enjoying life and you are doing it all. 

8.  Your situation is not optimistic, challenging and down right hard

9.  This journey has been going on for years.  

10.  Hard decisions have to be made and you are not ready to make them.  

These reasons are valid.   I felt so much better understanding that it wasn’t me.  It was the reason.

So how do you get beyond these thoughts and feelings.   Like I said before -  it starts with understanding and acceptance.  

Now let’s talk about how to move to more joy and less of these hate feelings.  

1.   Do you hate it all or just bits and pieces of it?  

2.  Do you have to do it all?

• Outsource  check out some ideas at way to outsource 
• What is your level of stress and burnout

3.  Do you need to talk with someone (friend, therapy, coach)? 

4.  Self-care and respite care

5.   Think like a CEO  

You can’t let caregiving consumer YOU.   I know there no such thing as balance but there is a life of joy with less stress.   

You can quit - yes, I said you can quit.  Check out Episode 62   Quit feeling guilty.  Quit getting down on yourself.  Quit saying yes

Get my free resource:  17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

• ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
• If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
• CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration

I want to share the  true aha moment that came to me this week.  I've been beating myself up lately.  When I say beating myself up, I mean those internal thoughts asking myself why.   Why am I not being productive?  I have all this time and all I want to do is sit around, sleep and do nothing.   Why don’t I have the energy and drive?  Why I am shutting down?    

These feelings were becoming so heavy that it was affecting my mental health.  I tried to fight the demons in my head by going for a walk, journaling and continuing my self-care.  That helped a bit but I had to be honest with myself, I still felt like I was not myself.  I was yearning for the good old days.  

Do you believe things happen for a reason?  I do.  Kinda like, you have to go through the hard shit to enjoy the good times and you have to go through the crazy seasons to enjoy the boring times.  

Last week, I attended a coaching session on the DISC - This is a personal assessment tool used to help you deepen your understanding of yourself and others.  DISC stand for D  dominance, I  influence,  S  steadiness, C  conscientiousness.

The DISC training provided me with more self-awareness.  Constructive change begins with self-knowledge. DiSC profiles show you how you respond to conflict, what motivates you or stresses you out, and how you solve problems.

To understand more information about the disc, you can pretty much google this.  And, to note,  there are other assessments that can help you get a better understanding of yourself.  

During the DISC, training the instructor went through the basic behavioral styles and personality indicators.   It was so eye opening for me.  This presentation was just what I need knowing my situation.  

I learned that my challenges and situation right now are stressing my personality traits and behaviors.    I love security, being organized and in control.   I am very task orientated and an high achiever.  I love my alone time since it fuel me

My coach hit it on the head  and said when you lose control or fear security or can’t have consistency.  You go into reserved mode.  I am outgoing usually but clam up.  

What about you?   Think about your personality and behaviors.   Your emotions, feeling and mental state may be suffering and you shouldn’t be blaming yourself.  

My coach when on to tell me.  Control what you can control right now.  I can’t control the schedule, my location and my spouse’s condition.  But I can control my self-care right now.  

When you better understand yourself, you can then dissect your situation, your emotions/feelings, your behaviors in this situation you are in and most importantly - how you can handle the situation.  

For me right now, I get Denis appointment times 24 hours before.  So instead of intense planning out each day like I love to do - I am focusing on my top 3 priorities.  (Self - care<    Caregiving, Workload )

Too many times car

Get my free resource:  17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

• ➡️ Get my free resource: 17 SHIFTS TO RECUDE CAREGIVER STRESS & SAY GOOD-BYE TO CAREGIVER BURNOUT
• If you're interested in 1:1 Coaching ➡️ schedule a 30 minute FREE chat
• CONNECT WITH CATHY ON INSTAGRAM @cathylynnvan for daily tips and inspiration

I want to talk about “new normal”  that we as caregivers move into either suddenly or over time.  This set of words have been used more in the last couple years than ever before.  Think about the overall world in general.  People that worked in offices and buildings are now working at home.  Children experienced virtual learned.  Caregivers and family members in some cases weren’t allowed to visit their loved ones in the hospital or nursing home.  Isolation became the new normal when we tested positive.  Grocery pick up and online shopping rose to the highest numbers ever.   You fill in the blank.  What has changed for you that you now call the “new normal”,  But is it really a new normal or a a temporary new normal.  Thats what I want to break down today.     There are benefits to look at things temporary vs normal.  

"Pain is temporary.  It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place.  If I quit, however, it lasts forever."  Lance Armstrong

When we look at the temporary new normal it may be a day, a week, a month, a year.  

When you look at your caregiver journey right now, are there things that are temporary like therapy for your loved one.   Or, the snow season (if you are getting snow) or maybe a work project that is tipping you on the work side.  

Denis finished his 3rd full week of his stem cell transplant.  Last Friday was his infusion which went as planned.  This week they are monitoring his vitals, labs, fluids and overall health.  My spouse and I know this is temporary.  

I am not calling this my new normal because it’s only temporary.  This is my new temporary normal.  Meaning that I am adjusting to his caregiving needs, meals, cleaning, working from our one hotel room at Kathy’s house, using a badge to open your doors and parking and much more.  

In this temporary normal, there are stressors, frustrations, anxiety and loneliness.   The first few weeks were fine.  It was new and I call it the honeymoon stage when you are learning everything as well as it’s kind of fun.   

Now the routine is in place and I am feeling a bit like a caged animal wanting to be in my home.  It makes me sad thinking about my grandkids, my mom, my sons, my furbabies.   I miss the luxuries of home.  

I see my spouse, Denis going through each day and I know he can’t wait to leave this place and not have to go to the doctor or a hospital.  

But what’s the saying? This too will pass.   

There has been so many family and friend sending prayers and support which makes us feel gratitude.  

So when you are in your normal.  I want you to ask yourself …   

1. What  is your temporary normal?  
2. What things are you doing now that you won’t be doing after this is done?  
3. What emotions and feelings is the temporary causing?  
4. And most importantly, how are you working through this tem

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Today I have an admission…..I feel uncomfortable asking for help.   I usually don’t ask for help because of it.  Yes, it’s my personal struggle and something I continue to work on.  Even when I need the help.  Even when I am overwhelmed and stressed.   

Can you relate?  Most caregivers avoid asking for help for numerous reasons.  In today’s episode I want to unpack all the reasons (those whys) and I bet there are some that you are going to say - ah that’s me.  I also want to talk through When you really need to NEED to ask for help and how important it is.  

If I would ask you, why are you not asking for help, what would you tell me?  

Some of the reasons why caregivers don't ask for help are: They don't know what kind of help to ask for. They don't want to bother anyone. They feel guilty if they don't do everything for the person in their care.

In some cases, a caregiver's reluctance to reach out for help could come from their sense of responsibility or duty to the person they are caring for. They may feel that if they reach out for help, they are slacking on their responsibility.

Others are:

• Protective Instincts
• Caregiver Guilt
• Fear of Strangers

Overcoming a tendency to prioritize a loved one’s needs over your own can be challenging. Ask yourself these questions to discover what’s preventing you from reaching out for help.

•  Do you believe asking for help is selfish?
• Do you feel inadequate?
• Is it difficult to put your needs first?
• Could you be codependent

Saying yes to help when you are a caregiver is difficult. I’m not sure why, but it’s true. And most caregivers find it even harder to ask for help. 

I learned that I could respond to the question, “What can I do to help?” with this statement: “Right now I am good but I am going to reserve the right to come back to you when there is something you can do to help”. Not one person told me “No” when I went back and asked for help.

Caregiving for a loved one is a selfless role that many step into out of love and obligation to someone that they are deeply devoted to. Any caregiving role is challenging in its own right.  However, unique challenges come with caring for you loved one (ie elderly, disabled),   

Here are the top three times when you should ask for help.

1. Your own wellness is compromised
2. Your “fuse” is getting very short (theirs too)
3. You no longer feel like a wife, husband, daughter, or son

Becoming a caregiver often means finding a way to reframe your relationship.  It’s confusing, conflicting and can leave the caregiver grieving their former life and former role within the relationship.  In this process it is important that you learn how to wear different “hats” in order to maintain your sense of identity within the relationship.  

There is no doubt, you want to give the very best to your loved one, that’s why

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Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

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As Caregivers, we wear this invisible caregiver badge of honor and are just trying to stay healthy, grateful and positive.   We are struggling and challenged, but when we focus on gratitude, staying healthy and positive, we can make the best of our caregiving journey and the challenges we are facing.  

If you are sick, burned out, tired, angry, frustrated or overwhelmed, your loved one and whole family will sense it or even model it.  Your physical and emotional state affects everyone else. So you must take care of yourself. You’ll be a better caregiver if you take care of your own needs and put yourself first.

When our loved ones are not feeling well and/or they are inpatient.   It’s easy to just not eat or grab the junk food but food gives us energy and boosts our mood. Sure you can’t be perfect with your eating all the time but you can plan ahead.  

You also have to think through things that can pass time and are fun to do.   Couple fun things I do was journaling more.  I find cubby holes in the clinics or home to journal and my gratitude.  I also taught myself to knit.  It’s not pretty and there are tons of mistakes.  But I am embracing a new skills and when you have both hands on the needles, you can’t multi task.  You have to let yourself knit.  I loved the fact I could think and just be. I also colored (library).  Yes, the had adult coloring books and fun colored pencils.  I just sat at the desk in our room and colored.  I quieted all my negative and worrying thoughts and just colored.   It was so relaxing and fun.  

Mental well-being is just as important for you and I.   What can you do to release your feelings and thoughts?  If you are feeling worried or angry or guilty or frustrated, what is your “go to” hobby or passion.   Maybe it’s cooking or baking or reading or prayer or meditation or a bath.  

As you move into this week I want you to think through how you are going to take care of yourself FIRST,  Yes, first.   Where can you add time in for movement, eating healthy, time to recharge, some fun and rest.     I only skimmed the surface on self-care here today but these 4 are important  (movement, nutrition, mental well-being and fun).    

If you haven’t listened to Episode 59:  The importance of recharging each day - put that as one to listen to for further inspiration and motivation this week.   Go to cathylvan.com/episode59

Lastly, I want to hear what you are doing to take care of yourself.   Just one - don’t overcomplicate it.   Start simple.   Go to The Caregiver Cup Facebook Page or tag me on Instagram @cathylynnvan.   Let’s do this together and help each other with some ideas.     I would love to see pics - maybe you love to dance, or paint or meal prepping.  

Take care friend and as always, don’t forget the importance of filling your cup first.  You

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Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

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How do you carry on when times are hard or you received more bad news or the challenges are becoming heavier every day and it feels like nothing is going to change.    Unfortunately bad news or challenges happen to people every day.    

The worst thing you can do in challenges and difficult times is hide away.   But it’s often what we want to do.  We don’t want to talk to anyone.   They won’t understand what you are going through or your thoughts are silly.  If I talk to someone, it will be painful so laying in bed and hiding away feels better.   But reality is someone understands what you're going through.  

 Science has proven that the healthiest and most effective way to get through tough times is to get support.  To ask family and friends for support.  

 The most important thing is to realize you are not alone.  

The second thing is to define the meaning.   Ask yourself , what does this truly mean to me.  What is actually happening and how is this affecting me.  

But once you reflect on it and find positive meaning from your challenge or situation, you will get strong and it will teach you something  and maybe even give you a new hurdle or purpose.   There will be something there for you - just think, maybe it will give you more patience, or kindness or you will find new love.   

Hold on to the good happening around you in this difficult time.  It may be hard to see all of it right now, but just make note of it and when things are better, you can go back and reflect on you and how this have positively affected you and all the good people around you are doing.  

You have to realize you have the power of choice. You can react to the situation negatively - bitter, anger, sadness, resentment, or you can choose to start your transformation with positive energy.    

How many times in your caregiving have you heard the words “New Normal”?   Or your new reality   It’s true that life is no longer as it once was.  If you are going through new challenges, Your daily routine has changed and so has your thought process.  Well now that is all changing.   Most adults don’t like change. 

Instead, I'm going to look at this as a new chapter and a new beginning. The definition of “New Beginning” is a start. the point at which something begins.  It’s filled with apprehension, anxiety, fear of the unknown.  Don’t most New Beginnings start out that way? I think I prefer the term New Beginning. Just the words alone bring a sound of HOPE!

In this New Beginning, nerve wracking emotions are coming into play. Things will settle down in due time; but until then, it’s “one day at a time.” We’ve heard that before, too, right?  The New Beginning will have a few obstacles here and there; but with perseverance, I’ll see the fight I never knew you had in you.

With each New Beginning, you learn something:  how much stronger you were than you ever imagined. You’re grateful for another day, another chance at life

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Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

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It’s strange to plan out the next 6 weeks of your life.   It’s figuring out everything.   Denis won’t be able to come home and if I do, it will be for a short day or so (if that’s even possible).  I sure wish it was planning a trip for 6 weeks vs this

The unknown and uncertainty can bring up a whole lot of things.   Emotions, anxiety, stress, and more.  But it also can be a reminder that we don’t have control over what happens.  

To be honest, I hate it.   I want to be in the driver’s seat. And If I can’t drive, I want to be sitting in the passenger seat, giving them the navigation instructions.    The transplant coordinator is scheduling everything out right now.  Dates, times, a calendar that looks like a project plan.   But the plan also reminds me of a school schedule - each day is a time/ procedure, location (building, floor, room and where to park each day).  Each procedure has preparation, during care and after care instructions.  

At any given time as a caregiver, our loved ones disease, illness and path can change.  When that happens, our role as a caregiver changes.    Just when you think you are “getting it” and mastering all the skillsets, it changes.   Your caregiver role pushes you to another level and you may not even asked for it.  

As I am reading this Blood and Marrow Transplant  / Autologous Transplant Guidebook this week,  it had over 300 pages of very good information explaining the process, procedures, and therapies.  It goes over diets, resources, maps, and all the care instructions from pre transplant through post transplant.     But again, what I found is that there is very little information for caregiver instructions.  

People who undergo a transplant need a personal caregiver to help with their treatment and recovery. Your caregiver should be a responsible family member or friend who can provide physical care, observation, and emotional support for you throughout the transplant process. As part of planning ahead for your transplant, it is important to decide who can be your caregiver.

This next stage of my journey is like  a new job and the job description isn’ written.   I kind of know what I have to do but not exactly.  So I took a step back and listed out my new responsibilities

• Getting him to every apt and accompanying as his advocate
• Providing emotional support
• Physical care (meds, cooking, bathing, cleaning, laundry), monitoring his medical changes
• At lodging and at home care will look different - grocery shopping, pharmacy 
• Home - maintenance for next 6 months
• Home sitter and dog sitter 
• Communication with doctors and coordinators
• Insurance process, filing claims
• Finding time for myself - volunteer services 

As caregivers, we'll never be able to figure it all out.  But we have to do our best.   Part of doing our best is being real with ourself and the situation.     Things will not go as pl

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Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

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In just a few days, we welcome in a new year, 2022.   A new year means new year’s eve celebrations  or a quiet night at home.  For others it’s just a change on the calendar and to remember putting 2022 on documents vs 2021.

It also can mean 

• New year’s resolutions,
• A fresh start, and
• Thinking back on the last year.

For me the New Year is all of these combined.  As  caregivers , we can think through these to improve our situations.

1.  New Year’s Resolutions.  Take them or leave them.   So if you are setting a new year’s resolution think through your thoughts, motivation and commitment.

For me this year, I’m choosing a word of focus.  I love the idea of choosing a Word of the Year vs. New Year’s Resolution because it helps bring focus and clarity to what we want to create in our lives.

Here are a few easy steps to choosing your word of the year.

• Reflect on this past year and ask yourself questions.  What could I use more of in my life and caregiver life?  What could I use less of in my life and caregiver life?  What characteristics would I like to have?  By the end of the day, I feel (fill in the blank).  How do I want to feel?
• Visualize what the perfect day would feel like. 
• Create a list of the words that come to mind, no self-editing! 
• Review and refine your list  Do any of the words jump out at you, make you feel excited, nervous, scared, uncomfortable, or at ease? Sometimes the words that scare us most can mean we’re on the right track because change isn’t always easy. At the same time, I think finding your word can also bring peace and empowerment.  Think about the words, try them on, and see what feels right. 

 What’s your 2022 Word of the Year?  Which word can you say you’re 100% committed to? Choose that 1 or 3.     

 2.  Next a new year can mean a fresh start.  A new year is a new beginning. It's like a new birth.  As the new year begins, we feel that we need to make changes in our life, start on a new path, do new things, and say goodbye to old habits, problems and difficulties.

Often, we start making new plans and new resolutions. We might feel elated, inspired and hopeful, but sometimes also apprehensive.

But this may be time to make changes.   It may be your time to look at what’s work and what’s not working.  You could even get your loved one involved.    

3. The most impactful to do this time of year is reflecting back on the year.   Whether this year is one that you want to say good-bye to or one that you thought was one of your best year’s ever, it’s really impactful to think back on it.   

• What were the highlights of the year?   The happy celebrations (weddings, birthdays, babies, anniversaries, etc)  
• What were the challenges, sad times, hard times and more?   This may bring back some tears and emotions.    But there is something therapeutic about writing

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Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

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Here are my top 5 lessons I’ve learned from my mistakes  

1. Shift your mindset  - focus on the positive and abundance side of your mindset vus the negative.   To change your mindset is not easy—but it is one of the most powerful things you can do. Learning how to recognize a negative mindset is the first step. Once you do, you will be empowered to make those changes and start seeking out the positive. Doing this can often turn your entire life around!
2. Ask questions and then ask more questions.   Don’t ever assume anything.   Doctors, Loved One, Family - everything and everyone.
3. Be honest with yourself.   Embrace your emotions.  It’s ok to be unhappy or not happy all the time.  You’re human and you will need to process things as they happen.   
4. Know where you are at with your stress.   Take a moment weekly and process.   https://www.cathylvan.com/caregiverstress
5. Put yourself first - you can please everyone.  You can’t do everything.  You can’t keep going.    Putting yourself first means planning your schedule first.  

If you are feeling stress or beating yourself up about your mistakes, I hope you take my lessons learned and grant yourself grace and embracing each lesson.   

And if you’re still struggling I have a resource that you might want to look into.   It’s my health boundaries tool.   It’s just $14 and you can get it at https://www.cathylvan.com/products/setting-healthy-boundaries

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

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Do you remember the easy button?   It acknowledging the frustrations and challenges of small business. It's also a statement about Staple's responsibility to make things easier for their customers.

What if you could push an easy button when you were frustrated or facing challenges?  

Everyone wants to make their life easier - simpler.   Caregivers too.  Trying to avoid extra unnecessary work, complex advocacy tasks, and reducing errands, to name a few.  Our time is valuable and our physical and mental wellbeing are priceless.  

Think of all the things that make our life easier today.   Online shopping, deliveries to our doorsteps, apps (doctor/clinics, lab results, scheduling appts), bills, applications, our phones do so much (maps, texts, music), - just to name a few.  

As I enter into 2022, I’m continuing to think about how I can simplify my life.    As a matter of fact I picked 2 words that I am focusing on in 2022 - simplify and sustainability.    I want you to think of your word or words.   I am not a big new year resolution person but I am all about thinking about my focus and intention for the new year.  

Why did I pick simplify?   As I move into 2022, my spouse, Denis will be moving into his cancer fight with a stem cell transplant hopefully.  We meet with the Lymphoma / Stem Cell doctor on 12/30.  

If all goes well, January/February will be pretty intense.   So I am already prepping to simplify things.  What things do I absolutely need to do,  where do I have to be and what things can I take off my plate or make simpler.    If you listened to Tuesday’s episode, I started this process already.   

My second word flows into this…. Sustainability.   You have to come to the realization that you can do everything.   You may think you can, but you can’t.    You need to preserve your energy, your well-being so that you can continue to be the best caregiver you can be.  

Let me share a few of my thoughts and plans.   Before I do that though, I want to remind you that each of us are different and our situations are different.  So as you are listening to mine, I want you to think where you have opportunities to simplify and why you need to sustain.  

So here are my thoughts - in no specific order

• What appts do I need to be at and what appts don’t I have to be there for   (Denis can drive, apps keeps me informed, notes to Denis, My mom appts - my brother is helping now)
• Automation, automation - bills, reoccurring ordering (amazon), pharmacy refills, supplements, 
• Asking for help - meals, finances, shoveling, house sitting, dog sitting, cleaning
• How can I do things more efficiently -  Sunday Funday, working with my business coach, discussions with my boss, Holidays
• Prioritizing my self-care -  eating, hydrations, exercise, rest, 
• Gratitude
• Sunday Planning - time to reflect on what went well, what needs to shift and how to plan.  

Get my free resource:  17 SHIFTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF CAREGIVER STRESS that will take you to the best version of yourself.

Thank you for listening. If you know of another caregiver who could benefit from this podcast, please copy and share this episode.

Follow me by clicking on the links below:

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