great sex

In Episode 214, Mark and Steve respond to a PBSE listener who finds herself in an all-too-common situation. After several years of marriage, her spouse has owned up to his porn addiction and is in active recovery. However, during their entire relationship, his porn addiction ruined what could've been healthy, connected, mutually-satisfying sexually intimacy. Now, they both want things to be very different going forward. Here are the questions she submitted to PBSE—

-  In what ways could we reset our dating and early stages of marriage?

-  We have discussed trying to redo our dating experience by doing a partial separation and cutting out sex so that we can both have a time period of “dating” that we can look back on and be happy with and commemorate the ending of our dating redo by coming together sexually in a way that is mutually desired. Is this a bad idea?

-  Do we just need to accept that our dating, wedding, and first months of marriage were terrible and entirely shaped by my husband and his pornographic desires?

-  Our sex life has always been about him and what he wanted and was never a safe place for me to explore my own wants and/or desires. How do I learn to enjoy and desire sex with my husband after he criticized everything I did sexually before and after marriage?


Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Episode 211 is in response to a very raw and heart-felt submission by a PBSE listener. She is about to turn 40, is married to a guy who struggles with porn/sex addiction and they have 3 children. About 10 years ago, she found out that he had been regularly viewing porn for the first decade of their marriage. She was devastated and let him know she considered it cheating. In the years that followed, every time she would bring it up, he promised to stop but never did. He gaslit her and claimed it was "normal" behavior. Then over the last 12 months or so, he engaged in a "trickled disclosure" about just how bad his porn/sex addiction has been their entire marriage. Finally, about a month ago, he started into serious recovery. But, over that same year, she was so deeply impacted by his betrayal that she went to every possible length (money, time and energy) to try to modify her body to compete with or match up to what he had been seeking in his porn use.  This even drove her to struggles with anorexia and a complete mental breakdown. She realized she could never win this competition/contest!

At the end of the detailed recounting of all she's been through (which was heart-breaking), she asked the following—"Will his addiction keep him from seeing me the way I so desperately want to be seen in his eyes? Or are all the signs pointing to me just never being able to be enough?"

-  Why is sex and sexuality such a high priority and singular focus in our culture?

-  What does it mean to be "sexy" and "sexual"—what are the deep needs behind these?

-  Why is it unrealistic, inauthentic and unhealthy to seek to compete with sexual fantasies?

-  After more than 20 years working with partners suffering from betrayal trauma, what have Mark and Steve found that these individuals actually and truly want/need from their addict partners?

-  How has our culture confused sex/sexuality and true, human intimacy?

-  For the partners of porn/sex addicts—In what ways can your partner choose, pursue and create safety for you? How can your partner authentically meet your wants and needs on a consistent basis? 


Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In this episode Mark and Steve address a super common question—if "sex is optional" in a relationship, then how can a couple possibly stay connected?!  This question actually came in recently from a PBSE listener. Here's how she asked it—

"Hi, I’ve been binge listening to your podcast for a few days now to try to understand my partner’s addiction. I have been able to take away a ton of great stuff, but I have a question. You often say that sex is optional. I think I understand the sentiment, but is it truly reasonable that a couple can sustain a relationship without physical connection for the rest of their lives?"

-  Yes, it IS possible for sex to be optional in a relationship!

-  Sex is "part" of physical connection, NOT the "be all, end all."

-  A couple can be "sexual" while not achieving "intimacy."

-  In the "True Art of Intimacy," there are 8 areas of intimacy, only one of which is "sexual."

-  We can build a relationship based on sex and hope that the rest of our intimacy follows—OR—we can first build an emotionally-intimate/vulnerable relationship and allow the physical side of the relationship to "reflect" and naturally flow from the emotional intimacy foundation.

-  What does "sex" and other forms of physical intimacy "mean" and represent for you in your relationship? If sex were to be removed from the relationship would your overall connection and intimacy still be fulfilling; would it be enough? Why or why not?


Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services 

We have all suffered from "communication trauma" in our life experiences! This can too easily get in the way and/or sabotage healthy communication and connection in our current relationships. Here's how a PBSE listener expressed the challenge she is having with her partner who is an addict in recovery—

Hi. I was wondering if you could do a podcast on communication. My partner is a recovering sex addict and he has a hard time with communication and working on fixing issues that come up because he basically freezes and doesn’t know what to say. With years of verbal abuse from an old employer, plus the life of addiction that he’s battled- he learned to not argue or say anything to avoid confrontation. This becomes a battle for me as I’m really trying hard to work on communicating with him and making it a priority for myself. This is something we are battling and I don’t want to lose out on what is an amazing relationship (even with the addiction) just because we can’t communicate effectively. Even simple things as asking for help with something he’s struggling with can be to much, and then he’s just angry because he’s struggling but won’t reach out to me and it causes conflict.

-  What are the potential "causes" of Communication Trauma?

-  What is the first step to shifting into healthy communication styles?

-  Why finding "safe" people to share with is CRITICAL!

-  How to begin daring to engage in the SCARY process of "Collaborative Confrontation/Conflict."

-  What are some simple "healthy communication" tools and strategies? 

-  How to PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Kelly Myles and I go back many years. I am very grateful to have been with her on her journey to become an author and watch her courageously transition out of many decades in the hairdressing industry and into a coaching career that she is loving. Kelly is now having a powerful and profound impact on many lives through her coaching business. It's interesting how many of her clients are finding challenges with their relationships and sex life. So, in this conversation we discuss it.

We all love sex, and we all want great sex, yet for so many people - including myself for many years - sex has been more a source of stress and anxiety than one of joy and pleasure. Whilst there are many short term, quick-fix, and gimmicky suggested solutions out there to help people improve sexual performance, the key seems to have very little to do with sex at all. It's all about communication and connection.

Kelly talks in detail about some very simple things we can all do to improve connection, improve communication and significantly improve intimacy. None of which involves tablets, toys, or toe-touching! This is one of those conversations that is relevant to every person, no matter age, gender, or relationship status. This is a wonderful conversation with Kelly that I enjoyed immensely and hope you do also, 

Find out more about Kelly here.

My website is www.andrewjobling.com.au

Paul sits down with women's intimacy coach and former sex crimes prosecutor, Rena Martine to discuss ethical non-monogamy (ENM) and her mission to help women love their bodies, experience deep intimacy and have great sex, shame-free.

Rena Martine is a fascinating and dynamic woman who, at first glance at her career track from then to now, could be seen as a massive divergence. But upon closer examination, her evolution is both logical and beautiful.

Rena Martine was a Los Angeles County Deputy District Attorney for 14 years, where she specialized in sex crimes, child abuse and domestic violence cases. She continues to serve women today as an intimacy coach, educator, TEDx speaker and author.

She holds a Juris Doctor from Loyola Law School, where she was also a law review editor and twice-published author. She graduated summa cum laude with a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology from California State University Los Angeles and also holds a certificate in Positive Psychology through the University of Pennsylvania. She is a Certified Life Coach through Lumia Coaching and recognized as a Master Coach by High Impact Coaching, an international community of the world's top coaches.

Episode Chapters

Fantasies - 4:10
Who was and is Rena Martine - 10:00 
The inequity of morality - 13:16 
The true elements of pleasurable and authentic sex - 16:21 
Monogamy falling away - 20:33 
ENM & Polyamory 101 - 20:56 
Polyamory defined - 26:11 
The 5 W's of Polyamory - 32:55
Dismantling trauma within a relationship - 35:31 
27 sex bucket list questions - 40:17
Coming back from infidelity/lack of trust - 43:23

Connect with Rena

Instagram

Twitter

RenaMartine.com

SMART FUNNY TORTURED

Website

Instagram

Copyright © 2022 • Cerebral Itch Labs, LLC / Smart Funny Tortured • All Rights Reserved

Today on the podcast I’m chatting with Mackie Swan, the CEO of Woo More Play. Mackie is one hell of a powerhouse who has helped define and put on the map some of the largest brands in the sexual wellness category. Today she joins me on Bedside to chat all things sex, intimacy, routines, and product! Have you ever wondered how you can begin to tap into your playful side?  Loosen up around sex (get out of your head)? Mackie has the answers! Honestly, this chat was just a blast. You’re going to love Mackie, you’re going to love Woo, and if you’re not already familiar I can’t wait to introduce you to this incredible brand and mission. 

We cover: 

• Play + connecting with your inner child
• Everything you need to know about lube
• Vibrators are your BFF 
• Sexual expression (in & out of the bedroom)
• Scheduling sex + sexting 
• CBD + WMP's biggest finding around stress
• Sexual wellness routines 

Mentioned Resources: 

• Woo More Play Products: 
  • CBD Pen (sold out!)
  • Vibez
  • Love Oil Lube
  • Nightcap 
• Dripstick (on Mackie's bedside table) 

USE code: BEDSIDE15 FOR 15% OFF ALL PRODUCTS! Mackie and her team were so generous to give listeners a discount code.

Oh and if you've gotten this far in the description, I'd PERISH if you left a rating or review. Even a post to your IGS or text to a friend! It all makes an impact and means the world to getting episodes like this into as many ears as possible. 

Be sure to rate, review, and share this episode with a friend! LOVE YOU!

In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a scenario and question from a PBSE listener—

"Since my husband and I have gotten into recovery I struggle with still feeling like we are supposed to be having sex every three days or my husband will fall and it will be my fault. I still struggle with his decreased libido now that he isn't hyper-sexualize and can't help but feel triggered that he must be acting out, I'm ugly or there is something wrong with me. I can confidently say he is in good recovery and he is not echoing the things I am feeling.

So how do I come to terms with this healthier sexual norm? How do I move through feeling like I wasted my sexual "prime" and now have to be ok with sex once or twice every two weeks? We both enjoy sex together but with work, kids, responsibilities it's hard for us to get good connection time in that can open the door for healthy physical intimacy."

Mark and Steve take this topic HEAD ON, including the VERY important principle of "engaging in holistic intimacy which can then lead to sex, vs. using sex as the way to attain healthy intimacy."

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Can your marriage survive sex and porn addiction?  Check out this article to learn more—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

Acupuncturist, herbalist, and author, Christine DeLozier, is sharing the ins and outs of cultivating a better diet to experience greater pleasure in our sex lives. In this episode, she’s diving into some of the juicy topics found in her book, Diet For Great Sex – from the specific foods to eat, tips and recipes, to even a date night sex menu. So get ready for a heaping dose of science-backed food sex education on how you can boost your current diet to restimulate those pleasure centers.

And always available to my podcast fans!
Grab Natalie's special FREE gift... 6 Pre-Made Mind Movies
Just watch these 3-minute creative visualization videos every day, and manifest more courage, more love, health, and an abundance mindset…
anything you desire to manifest this year, find it here:
https://www.mindmovies.com/mm4/6premadesgift.php?30718

There are plenty of situations where an addict spouse wants to have sex all the time. There are situations where the spouse suffering from betrayal trauma does not feel safe having sex with their sexually addicted spouse, even when that spouse is in successful recovery.

But what about a situation where a spouse is yearning for the healthy connection of sex, but her husband in recovery will NOT engage with her sexually?

In this episode, Mark and Steve address a PBSE listener who submitted a question about this very scenario that is taking place in her life and marriage.

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Curious about "why" porn/sex addicts do the kinds of things they do? Check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Want to learn more about how to move out of "toxic sex" in a marriage relationship and into "True Intimacy"?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

Do you reckon you’re great at sex?

New stats show we’re not as confident as we think. 

So we’ll find out what makes someone *good* in bed.

In this episode of the Coach’s Corner, I cover several topics.  We start out with some breaking news regarding this podcast, and then I answer the age-old question – what’s better for fat loss: cardio of strength training?  After that I talk about the seven primal human movements and discuss ways we can improve these, and then give an update on my client Broc’s progress.  I do a quick book review of Diet for Great Sex by Christine DeLozier, and finish with a recap of my main takeaways from some of my recent podcast guests.  Below are the time stamps for each section in case you want to jump ahead: 

1:59 – Breaking Podcast News
3:10 – Is Cardio or Strength Training Better for Burning Fat?
11:07 – 7 Primal Movement Patterns
17:34 – Broc Coaching Update
22:58 – My Guilty Pleasure – Magic Spoon Cereal
28:42 – Book Review – Diet for Great Sex by Christine DeLozier
32:22 – Podcast Guest Recap 

I mentioned a bunch of resources in this episode – below are links to everything we talked about: 

Mind Pump Website

Mind Pump Podcast

Magic Spoon

Midlife Mastery Website

Dr. Gabriel Lyon Podcast Episode

Dr. Gabrielle Lyon’s Website

Book - Diet for Great Sex: Food for Male and Female Sexual Health by Christine DeLozier

Christine DeLozier Podcast Episode

Dr. Stefan Zavalin Podcast Episode

Shelly Stettner Podcast Episode

Dr. Alyssa Kuhn Podcast Episode

Want to rewrite the narrative of your life and health? Visit the link below to see if our 1:1 coaching services are a perfect fit for your long term goals:

https://calendly.com/thesilveredge/coaching-inquiry

Want more over 50 health and wellness goodness? Check out our private Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/silveredgefitness

If your partner is a porn addict, is it even possible to have any level of "healthy connection"???

In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and open about what is possible and real when it comes to healthy connection when one spouse is recovering from porn addiction and the other is healing from betrayal trauma—

• How does Porn Addiction destroy connection?
• Can there be any healthy connection before he gets into recovery?
• Once in recovery, what does healthy connection look like?
• How can we be connected while allowing each other to work our own individual processes?  

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about what "healthy connection" looks like in a marriage relationships:  https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

In working with people all over the world, we often get questions from couples regarding what IS and what is NOT healthy and connecting in their sexual relationship.

In this episode, Mark and Steve get really DIRECT about WHY we bring certain expectations, practices, attitudes, etc., to the bedroom and HOW to begin opening up an authentic, vulnerable, healthy dialogue as a couple to take your Sexual Intimacy to a truly healthy and connected place.

 Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about what "Healthy Sexuality" looks like in a marriage relationship—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

In this episode, Mark and Steve address a HUGE issue many partners struggle with. Here's how a PBSE listener expressed it—

My question is with all the porn videos and images he has seen how does the wife know what he is thinking while having sex with the wife? By this I mean how do we know, even after getting help, which he is not in any recovery, that he is not still bringing some porn scene, scenarios or acts he's seen, into the bedroom?

The raw answer is:  "You don't know!" and you CAN'T control what he does or does not think about. So WHAT do you do with that reality???  HOW can you ever have a healthy relationship or healthy sex KNOWING this is true???

 Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about what "Healthy Sexuality" looks like in a marriage relationship—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

In this episode, Bruce and Justin invite their wives, Sarah and Jessica (respectively), on to the show to talk about the new book by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatsky, The Great Sex Rescue.

The book is written as an answer to how badly the church has handled, and hurt people (primarily women), when it comes to the issue of sex and purity.

A PBSE listener recently sent us this comment and request—You speak of the importance of establishing boundaries.  While we understand that each couple is unique can you address more specifically or give examples of what healthy boundaries look like during recovery?

Let's get real—based on how we were raised and what was "modeled" to us, nearly all of us have some issues with setting and enforcing boundaries. In fact, a lot of us STINK at setting healthy boundaries! (Mark and Steve REALLY STUNK before learning how to do this!)

In this episode, Mark and Steve get SUPER RAW about what unhealthy, dysfunctional boundaries look like and HOW to start setting and enforcing HEALTHY BOUNDARIES in your life and most important relationships.

Summertime can be a HUGE trigger for porn addicts in recovery and for spouses healing from betrayal trauma! As individuals and as couples, HOW can you SUCCESSFULLY navigate the visual and emotional "minefield" of summer?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article that can help you in recovery from Porn Addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/what-got-you-into-your-porn-addiction-can-help-get-you-out

If you're a spouse suffering in Betrayal Trauma, this article can help—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/why-would-your-husband-who-loves-you-gaslight-you

Trying to heal your marriage relationship? Check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/do-sexual-entitlement-and-a-healthy-marriage-go-together

My guest today on the Over 50 Health & Wellness show is Christine DeLozier. Christine is an acupuncturist and herbalist who specializes in sexual health. She holds master's degrees in acupuncture, traditional Chinese medicine and counseling, and is a certified holistic nutrition counselor. She is the author of the book titled Diet for Great Sex: Food for Male and Female Sexual Health, which uses scientific evidence to uncover the best dietary habits for great sex merging modern science with traditional Chinese medicine.  Join us this week as Christine discusses in detail what we should all be eating – and why – in order to optimize ourselves for great sex!  You can connect with Christine on Instagram @dietforgreatsex.

Visit Christine’s website at www.dietforgreatsex.com.

You can buy Christine’s book Diet for Great Sex at Amazon or your favorite book seller.

Christine mentioned Host Defense during this episode.  You can learn more at www.hostdefense.com.

Download this episode wherever you get podcasts, or listen on website.

Want to rewrite the narrative of your life and health? Visit the link below to see if our 1:1 coaching services are a perfect fit for your long term goals:

https://calendly.com/thesilveredge/coaching-inquiry

Want more over 50 health and wellness goodness? Check out our private Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/silveredgefitness

Being comfortable in my own skin and not being mired in fear are two very important reasons why sex is sooooo much better in recovery than it was before recovery! Being able to be vulnerable with your partner and communicate directly also helps. Listen in to hear ways you might be able to improve your sex life from being in recovery!

The two links I mention are here:

FREE webinar "Myths and Misconceptions about Boundaries" Mon 12/14/20 at 7 pm EST
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/myths-and-misconceptions-about-boundaries-webinar-tickets-130356213945

Pilot group coaching program "6 Weeks to Better Boundaries with Barb" Tuesdays 1/5/21-2/9/21
https://higherpowercc.com/betterboundaries

Please follow me on Instagram @HigherPowerCoaching, 
and check out my podcast website fragmentedtowhole.com. 

Be sure to leave a rating of my podcast on your favorite podcast app (it helps other people who need this info to find me!)

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