nate scharff

“Grit is a devotional discipline of self-love and self-care,” says Nate. “It is about having enough respect for yourself to be able to show up for the things and the people that make you feel good.”

Nate kicks off the first of The Solitude Chronicles with a discussion on the power of grit.

After a few months of dealing with bladder cancer, through two surgeries and 12 sessions of chemo, Nate has been on a promising road to recovery, keeping in mind that it is almost always better “to let unanswered things stay unanswered.”

This experience taught Nate a thing or two about grit. The term is traditionally defined in one of two ways: “a small loose particle of stone or sand” or “courage and resolve, strength of character.” To him, both definitions hold weight.

Grit is traditionally thought of as toughness that involves a lot of teeth-gritting and fist-clenching. Nate invites us to consider what it means to have grit in a different light: grit as self-love.

That is, instead of allowing our inner critic to shame us for not doing, having, or being enough, we replace that destructive voice with one that forgives, has compassion, and allows us to show up for ourselves and others.

Key Topics:

• An update on Nate’s cancer journey (02:04)
• The traditional definition of grit (03:33)
• Grit as self-love (05:05)
• Showing up for ourselves by showing up for others (08:42)
• Moving forward regardless of how you feel in the present moment (10:39)
• Allowing love to flow by visualizing the people you are grateful for (12:48)
• Moving forward with a new definition of grit (14:48)

Resources:

• Cold Water Hot Coffee
• Jay Shetty, 8 Rules Of Love
• Quoted:  Angela Lee Duckworth
• Endurance Photo in blog post by Jon Tyson via Unsplash.com

Today, Nate continues his discussion with psychologist and psychonutritionist Colette Sinclair, where they discuss alternative therapies for mental health. They talk about plant medicines, and whether they address the problem or the symptom. Colette explains that it depends on how it’s being done. 

Orthomolecular medicine, she explains, is the treatment of disease and disorder on a molecular level. Psychonutrition is a specific branch of that, which deals with addressing the symptoms of any disorder that is related to mental health. 

Colette unpacks the type of work she does with patients, and the reward she gets from seeing successful relief in the long-term for them. She explains the most common issues she sees are anxiety and depression, describing the ways they’re connected to physical health. She tells listeners who might be struggling to not give up, because the right solution is out there. “Humans are dynamic,” she says. “And I have so much respect for people that have the courage to change and do things differently in their life.”

Key Topics:

• Introduction (00:12) 
• Colette Sinclair (00:43)
• Does it address the problem or the symptom? (2:05)
• Psychonutrition (3:53)
• Patient development (10:23)
• Common mental health issues (14:19)
• Advice from Colette (16:05)

Resources: 

• Colette Sinclair
• Cold Water Hot Coffee

Today, Nate is joined by Colette Sinclair, a licensed psychologist and psychonutritionist practitioner who uses nutrition and mindfulness practices to optimize brain performance and reduce psychological symptoms. They met at Glen Ivy Spa, where they both braved the cold water plunge as other visitors stayed closer to the jacuzzi.

Colette explains the benefits of cold water therapy, for both the nervous system and the brain. Alternating between hot and cold, she says, creates vasodilation, which has a detoxification effect on the body. It also mimics the effects of exercise, which stimulates dopamine, acting as a natural kind of antidepressant.

Additionally, cold water tones the vagus nerve, which is the nerve in the body which all other nerves feed into. When the vagus nerve becomes dysfunctional, for instance as it is with someone with PTSD, the nervous system is in a hyper-vigilant state. This can be regulated through natural remedies, like cold water therapy.

Key Topics:

• Introduction (00:12) 
• Introducing Colette Sinclair (00:48)
• Cold water therapy (02:56)
• Vasodilation (05:14)
• The vagus nerve (09:40)

Resources: 

• Colette Sinclair
• Glen Ivy Hot Springs Spa
• Cold Water Hot Coffee

Today, Nate explores getting happy. “Let’s start living,” he urges. He lists the causes of unhappiness: overworking, poor diet, no routine, staying inside, not allowing yourself to feel too much, social media, not getting ready for the day, and skipping self-care. Those same areas serve as starting points on your road to happiness. Nate then lists ways to increase your happiness: make time for self-care, practice gratitude every day, consistently exercise, get outdoors daily, find your tribe, find a way to give back, and develop a spiritual practice.

He poses some questions: Is your life an endless to-do list? And does completing that to-do list really fulfill you or make you feel good in the moment? But is tomorrow filled with yet another to-do list? What if you had no to-do list? These questions can help you identify what is actually fulfilling for you. But to take action to use those identifications to make yourself happier requires courage.

Nate then outlines the steps for happiness goal scenarios. Step one: identify and understand what you want to change. Step two: rid your life of negativity. Step three: exercise more often. Step four: be kind to others. Step five: build a support network. Step six: eliminate the non-essentials. And step seven: take baby steps. He outlines some methods of self-accountability in enacting these steps, like using post-it notes to remind yourself of your goals. Nate shares some of his own goals he set for himself, and how he worked to achieve them.

He reminds listeners of the importance of modifying your goals so that they feel achievable to the stage of life you are in, and to be deliberate in your actions. He challenges listeners to pick one or two things to invest more time into in building your happiness, adding that he hopes you take on a stretch goal.

Key Topics:

• Introduction (00:12) 
• Getting happy (00:43)
• Life as a to-do list (03:46) 
• Action requires courage (06:59)
• Steps in happiness goal scenarios (07:39)
• Nate’s changes (09:54)
• Modify your expectations (14:54)
• Stretch goal challenge (18:11)

Resources: 

• Cold Water Hot Coffee Website
• 10 Causes of Unhappiness
• How to Be Happy
• 7 Tips to Make a Positive Change in Your Life

Today, Nate explores how to get busy being in service. “When we're ready to contribute to the world, we're ready to be in service,” he says. “This is a fulfilling and energizing place to live in.” There are two components to service: selflessness and willingness. 

In order to be in service, we have to be in a place of unconditional love for both others and ourselves. He talks about Paramahansa Yogananda, whose practices Nate himself has adopted. Icons like the Yogi, as well as Mother Teresa and Gandhi, share characteristics of selflessness: they have no ego, want nothing in return, give from a place of completeness, and are completely connected to their spirituality. 

While he still gets caught up in day-to-day distractions, Nate has found he is moving in the right direction. Something he finds useful is exploring our motivations when we are in service to others. 

One of the teachings of self-help author Cheri Huber is to get out of the ‘dark room’ of self-reproach, and learn the conditioning of the ego that is stuck in survival mentality. Her teachings mention Sangha, a Sanskrit word meaning association, assembly, company, or community. “Willingness is really about giving ourselves the grace to believe that we deserve to live the life that we want to live,” Nate says. Huber’s book explains that one thought process doesn’t lead to a different outcome. For example, working hard may earn you money, but it doesn’t always earn you happiness. Instead, we should focus on what will make us happy now–which is often service. 

In closing, Nate challenges listeners, and himself, to release from your ego trappings and allow yourself to live authentically, and return to love, support, and service. 

Key Topics:

• Introduction (00:12)
• Service (00:43)
• Selflessness (01:57)
• Icons of selfless service  (02:48)
• No ego (06:55)
• Nothing in return(07:29)
• Giving from a place of completeness (08:11)
• Connected to spirit (09:10)
• Motivations of service (10:05)
• Willingness (10:55)
• Sangha (14:09)
• Giving ourselves grace (14:48)
• One thought process doesn’t lead to a different outcome (15:19)
• Nate’s challenge (16:53)

Resources: 

• ColdWaterHotCoffee.com
• Awake documentary
• Autobiography of a Yogi
• What You Practice is What You Have: A Guide to Having the Life You Want (Mind Body Spirit Thought Pract) by Cheri Huber
• Man and Superman by George Bernard Shaw

Today, Nate explores moving through resistance. Most of us have a higher version of ourselves, but we are often impatient with ourselves and set unrealistic goals. “What if we could let go of focusing on the result of our change, and instead being on a path of change itself, be its own reward?” He references a book from Dr. Joe Dispenza, which advises having a higher vision of yourself that is so clear and associated with positive emotions, that there is no mental space for resistance. 

Resistance starts with feelings, and then the thoughts that we attach to those feelings. When we have thoughts of resistance, we are not beholden to them. Sometimes, he explains, we can make an energetic choice. In making these choices, and being disciplined with them, we build new neural pathways. Being present, as self-help author Cheri Huber explains, can be achieved through simple practices. This is reiterated in the work of Julia Cameron, whose work outlines exercises that help you move into a creative flow state.

Nate shares two personal experiences in which he encountered, and eventually overcame, mental resistance. Most life challenges, he believes, can be boiled down to three choices. One: leave a situation, two: modify the situation, and three: accept the situation. Peace comes from knowing that you have the ability to make the choice. In closing, he explores the idea that death is not to be feared, which is the final lesson of letting go.

Key Topics:

• Introduction (00:12)
• Moving through resistance (01:05)
• The path of change as a reward (02:35)
• Breaking the habit of being yourself (02:59)
• What causes resistance (04:17)
• Making energetic choices (04:58)
• Being present (07:03)
• Moving into the flow state of creative energy (07:59)
• Personal anecdotes (08:26)
• Three approaches to life challenges (21:12)
• Letting go (25:05)

Resources: 

• ColdWaterHotCoffee.com
• Break the Habit of Being YourselfDr. Joe Dispenza 
• I Don’t Want To, I Don’t Feel Like ItCheri Huber
• The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity Julia Cameron
• The Tibetan Book of the Deaddocumentary

Today, Nate builds off the previous episode’s theme of loss. You’ll now use the mission statement built in the said episode to remember why you are here in times of fear. “When our mission is clear, it's a light,” he explains. “It illuminates our path.” Everyone faces challenges in life, but control comes from the way we react to them. Fear-based behaviors often feel instinctual, and it takes effort to return to calm. Humans, unlike most animals, hold grudges. Being minded in the past results in choosing anger over peace and can lead to anxiety and depression.  

Many conflicts, Nate advises, can be avoided entirely just by being present. In being present, we can recognize bad situations and avoid them. He references the concept of attraction, which says that if we are agitated and fearful, we will see people through that lens, and are more likely to attract conflict. The opposite is also true: approaching life with calmness will result in less conflict. 

He then addresses the ultimate fear: death. It is inevitable for all, so why do we fear it? Nate references a Buddhist text, The Tibetan Book of the Dead, which outlines the liberation and enlightenment that death offers. There are many things we can do to release ourselves from worry, like meditations, chanting, prayer, breath work, plant journeys, and mind-emptying activities. Another simple, everyday practice to help us get outside of our minds is service, which is selfless, connects us to others, and allows us to get beyond ourselves. 

Key Topics:

• Introduction (00:12)
• Enacting mission statements (00:43)
• Reacting to fear (03:38)
• Fear-based behaviors (03:59)
• Grudges (05:24)
• Avoiding conflict (10:03)
• Fear of death (12:51)
• Releasing from worry (16:55)
• Utilizing service (17:33) 

Resources:

• Cold Water Hot Coffee Website
• Cold Water Hot Coffee Episode 3: Starting Over
• The Power of Now Eckhart Tolle
• The Tibetan Book of the Dead Saint Padmasambhava