personality development

When you change the way you perceive set backs, you overcome them faster, you change how you respond, and you create more opportunities for yourself in the future. This episode breaks down actionable steps to tackle setbacks in your life in the most productive way possible.

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Most of us would like something about ourselves or our lives to be different, but how easy is it to actually change?

Drs Chris and Xand van Tulleken are looking at whether people can change and how they do it. Exactly how much of any aspect of personality is genetic destiny and how much are we shaped by the world around us?

Chris wants to be a better doctor, friend, husband and father. But most urgently he wants to be a better brother, and is determined to improve his relationship with Xand. They’re best friends and talk to each other every day, but they are also business partners who find it very hard to work together without having a visceral row.

Chris wants to change how he relates to his brother and believes it is possible, but Xand is less convinced that we can or that he needs to change. In this series, Chris confronts that pessimism.

In episode 3 - Nature via Nurture - the psychologist Wendy Johnson explodes some home truths around the great nature vs nurture debate. The twins speak to their younger brother J about some changes he’s been trying to implement in his own life that he hopes will improve the way he interacts with his kids. It leaves Chris wondering what he needs to exploit to continue trying to convince Xand to improve their relationship.

Presented by Drs Chris and Xand van Tulleken Produced by Hester Cant and Alexandra Quinn Series Editor: Jo Rowntree A Loftus Media and van Tulleken Brothers Ltd production for BBC Radio 4

Today we welcome Dr. Lisa Miller, the founder and director of the Spirituality Mind Body Institute. Her innovative research has been published in more than one hundred peer-reviewed articles in leading journals, including Cerebral Cortex, The American Journal of Psychiatry, and the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. She is the New York Times bestselling author of The Spiritual Child and The Awakened Brain.

In this episode, I talk to Lisa Miller about the new science of spirituality. Despite what skeptics might believe, science and spirituality don’t necessarily contradict each other. Lisa’s research has found that humans are born with a natural capacity to connect with the spiritual. By being open to the transcendent, our brains can reap the benefits of resiliency, creativity, and more. We also touch on the topics of neuroscience, existentialism, mindfulness, and empiricism.

Website: www.lisamillerphd.com

Twitter: @lisamillerphd

Topics

01:34 The Awakened Brain

06:14 Conversations with Martin Seligman

13:20 The spiritual child

15:16 Science augments spirituality 

17:26 Defining spirituality and devotion

25:04 Personality correlations with spirituality

27:25 A monism approach to consciousness 

31:27 Searching for life’s meaning

37:08 Schumann resonances 

39:56 Religious war is outdated

43:34 Transcendence is a process

46:57 Meditation practice with Lisa

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The personal shadow is created as a normal part of development, as we learn what behaviors, values and feelings are not acceptable in our family, school, or religious tradition. In order to be accepted by needed significant others, parts of ourselves have to be split off from consciousness and are therefore relegated to the unconscious as shadow. A major part of becoming more whole is discovering these exiled parts of ourselves and integrating the feelings they carry. Deb, Lisa and Joseph discuss some of the ways that shadow can be confronted and given a place at the table of consciousness.

The Dream:

I’m in my Dad’s wood shop, in the basement of the home where I grew up. I need to unscrew a panel on a metal box, and I’m finding the right screwdriver. The first one I pick up is too small, Mom hands me a better-sized one, a Phillips head with four fins. Somehow it is a very large size, and I notice the fins on the head are rusty. I sand away some of the rust on one of the fins, but when I come to the second, it is covered in masking tape. Instead of peeling off the tape, I try to sand away the masking tape, but the sandpaper continues to sand into the screwdriver fin itself, which is somehow made of corrugated cardboard. I am puzzled. I feel a pit in my stomach, like I’ve made a mistake. I find that only the first of the four fins is made of metal, the rest are cardboard. I “undo” (like you would on a computer) to get back to where I was after sanding the metal fin. The cardboard fins are intact again and I’m relieved. I then unscrew and open the panel of the box.

We live in a world that puts a premium on being “authentic” and “showing your true self.” 
But what exactly is your authentic and true self?
For example, is it your natural tendency to be a curmudgeon, or your concerted effort to be kind and generous? 
Which one is the “real” you?
My guest today has grappled with those questions for most of his career as a psychologist, with a focus on personality research. His name is Brian Little and he’s the author of "Me, Myself, and Us: The Science of Personality and the Art of Well-Being," as well as the recently published book, "Who Are You, Really?"
Today on the show, Brian and I have a fascinating discussion on the world of personality science that will leave you wondering who you really are. We begin our conversation discussing the various factors that influence our personalities, including genetics, social environments, and self-direction. Brian then digs into the debate on whether our personalities are set in stone or if they can change, even into old age. We then discuss whether personality tests, like the Myers-Briggs, actually tell you anything about your personality, and if there are better assessments out there. 
We end our conversation discussing how simply changing environments can change our personalities, how we can willfully change them ourselves, and what the “real” you actually is.
You're in for an enlightening existential conversation that also provides actionable insights on how you can live a more flourishing life.