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    131. “We’re worth $5.5M but I feel like it doesn’t belong to me”

    enNovember 21, 2023

    Podcast Summary

    • Effective communication about money is key to a healthy relationshipRegular money conversations with honesty and openness can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts, sign up for newsletter for simple agenda.

      Effective communication about money is crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship. The speaker shares his experience of hosting events where couples come to discuss their financial issues and reveals that many people don't read his book, which provides answers to common money-related questions. He encourages listeners to read the book and have regular money conversations with their partners. In the conversation with Matt and Ruan, a married couple from Toronto, they share their experience of differing financial attitudes leading to a disagreement about buying a condo. The husband bought it despite the wife's objections, which highlights the importance of open and honest discussions about money to avoid misunderstandings and potential conflicts. The speaker also mentions the importance of having regular money dates and provides a simple agenda for such conversations, which can only be obtained by signing up for his newsletter.

    • Miscommunication in financial decisions can lead to disagreementsClear and open communication is essential for making financial decisions in partnerships to ensure both parties feel valued and aligned.

      Effective communication and alignment are crucial in any partnership, especially when it comes to financial decisions. In the discussed situation, a disagreement arose when one partner made a unilateral decision to purchase a condo without consulting the other. This left the other partner feeling left out and undervalued. Despite the perceived value and affordability of the condo, the long-distance management aspect was a concern for the other partner. Effective communication and consideration for each other's opinions and concerns could have prevented this misunderstanding and potentially led to a better outcome for both parties.

    • Effective communication and decisiveness in financial decisionsClear and open communication is crucial for making financial decisions in a relationship, and both parties need to be on the same page before making significant commitments. Being proactive and decisive can help avoid missing out on good deals.

      Effective communication and decisiveness are crucial in relationships, especially when it comes to financial decisions. In the conversation between Matt and Roanne, it became clear that they have different approaches to risk and decision-making. Roanne expressed her comfort with risk and her tendency to buy when others are hesitant. On the other hand, Matt seemed more cautious and hesitant to make a move. However, their communication broke down when Roanne felt that Matt had made a decision without consulting her, despite her initial agreement not to move forward. This incident highlighted the importance of clear and open communication, as well as the need for both parties to be on the same page before making significant financial commitments. The incident also showcased Roanne's regret over missing out on a good deal, which underscores the importance of being proactive and decisive in financial matters. Overall, the conversation between Matt and Roanne serves as a reminder that effective communication and decisiveness are essential for making successful financial decisions in a relationship.

    • Clear communication about money mattersOpen and honest communication about money is essential for maintaining healthy and equitable relationships. Failing to discuss financial matters can lead to imbalances and misunderstandings.

      Clear communication about money. or lack thereof, can significantly impact relationships. In this discussion, the speaker, Ruan, shares an experience from the beginning of her relationship with Matt, where Matt made it clear that their money would remain separate. This left Ruan feeling hurt and unsure about their future together. Despite this, Ruan now understands that Matt was protecting himself and his assets, and she respects his decision. However, the lack of communication and disagreement on financial matters created a dynamic that persisted throughout their marriage. They never signed a prenup and kept their finances separate, leading to an imbalance in wealth between them. This conversation serves as a reminder that open and honest communication about money is crucial in maintaining healthy and equitable relationships.

    • Balancing Finances and RelationshipsFinancial success doesn't ensure relationship happiness; prioritize personal time and connection.

      Despite having a significant income, prioritizing family needs and personal sacrifices can lead to feelings of neglect and longing for personal time and connection in a relationship. The speaker in this conversation, Ruwan, expresses her desire for her husband's attention and quality time together, which she feels has been lost amidst the demands of raising two young children and working full-time. Despite their financial means, they have forgotten to prioritize themselves and their relationship. This situation highlights the importance of balancing financial responsibilities with personal needs and relationships. Money alone does not guarantee happiness or fulfillment in a relationship, and it's crucial to find time and energy for personal growth and connection.

    • Misunderstandings due to complexity and scarcity mindset in financesEffective communication and recognizing shared resources are crucial for financial harmony in relationships. Scarcity mindset can hinder understanding and enjoyment of present wealth.

      Complexity and scarcity mindset can hinder effective communication and understanding between partners, particularly when it comes to money. The speaker, an investment banker, shares his experience of trying to explain financial models to his spouse, who expresses disinterest and lack of comprehension. He also mentions the issue of feeling like his income and assets belong solely to him. The root cause of these issues seems to be a scarcity mindset, stemming from observing their parents' financial sacrifices for their benefit. The speaker acknowledges the need to shift from a focus on saving and accumulating wealth to enjoying the present and sharing resources with their partner. The conversation highlights the importance of open communication and recognizing that financial resources are shared within a relationship.

    • Effective communication in relationshipsOpen dialogue and appreciation for each other's love languages can strengthen bonds and build a more fulfilling life together.

      Effective communication and understanding of each other's needs and desires, particularly regarding financial matters, can significantly improve relationships. The discussion highlights how a lack of open dialogue and appreciation for each other's love languages led to misunderstandings and fears in a relationship. By acknowledging each other's passions and making an effort to engage in those areas, partners can strengthen their bond and build a more fulfilling life together. It's essential to address past fears and concerns and focus on the present and future, rather than dwelling on what might have been. Effective communication and understanding of each other's needs can lead to a more harmonious and loving relationship.

    • Clear communication and understanding in relationshipsEffective communication leads to a healthy relationship, but misunderstandings can occur when feelings are expressed indirectly. Prioritize clear understanding and protect personal information online to build a strong foundation.

      Effective communication and understanding are key to a healthy relationship. The speaker expresses her desire for her partner to understand her perspective and for her to understand his, leading to a united front. However, they struggle to express their feelings directly and instead use humor or indirect methods. This can lead to misunderstandings and frustration. The speaker also values efficiency and productivity, using an email software called Superhuman to save time. Additionally, she emphasizes the importance of protecting personal information online and using a service like DeleteMe to remove it from being sold on data brokers. Lastly, she shares a personal example of wanting to achieve a shared goal, but feeling overwhelmed by the responsibilities that come with it. Overall, the discussion highlights the importance of clear communication, understanding, and prioritizing what truly matters in both personal relationships and productivity tools.

    • Struggling to prioritize relationship timeCommunication and effort are crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship, even when faced with work schedules, children, and personal feelings.

      Despite having successful careers and financial stability, many couples struggle to prioritize quality time for their relationships due to various reasons such as work schedules, children, and personal feelings. The speaker in this conversation acknowledged that she didn't like her husband for a long time and that their second child put a strain on their relationship. She also emphasized that they both need to make a real effort to prioritize their relationship and questioned the point of working hard if they can't enjoy the money and their life together. The conversation highlights the importance of communication and effort in maintaining a healthy relationship, even when faced with competing priorities and challenges.

    • Recognizing intangible contributions to wealth and well-beingA rich life goes beyond quantifiable numbers, acknowledging unpaid labor and intangible contributions is crucial for household wealth and well-being

      A rich life is not just about having a high net worth or income, but also recognizing and valuing the unpaid labor and contributions each person brings to the table. The numbers discussed in the conversation, with a net worth of $5.7 million and an annual income of $649,000, may seem impressive, but the couple's perspective on their worth went beyond just the quantifiable numbers. The wife shared the many unpaid tasks she handles in the family, and how those responsibilities don't show up on a spreadsheet but are essential for their household to function. This conversation highlights the importance of acknowledging and appreciating the intangible contributions to a family's wealth and well-being.

    • Starting early and prioritizing savings are keys to building wealthStart early, prioritize savings, automate finances, and focus on experiences and relationships to build wealth.

      Saving money and managing expenses are crucial aspects of building wealth, regardless of income level. The discussion between the podcast participants highlighted the importance of starting early and prioritizing savings, even if other areas of life seem more pressing. Matt and Ruane, with their high income but zero savings rate, were identified as missing an opportunity to grow their net worth significantly. The conversation also touched upon the importance of guilt-free spending and the potential benefits of investing time and money in experiences and relationships. Additionally, the podcast host emphasized the value of automation in managing business finances and the importance of having a clear understanding of key performance indicators (KPIs) to drive growth and improve margins.

    • Protecting loved ones' personal information onlineConsider gifting DeleteMe to loved ones for online privacy protection. Identity theft can lead to financial and credit damage. Outsource tasks to gain time for valuable experiences.

      Protecting personal information online is essential, especially for loved ones who might not prioritize it themselves. The sponsor discussed in the podcast, DeleteMe, offers a solution by removing personal information from over 580 data brokers. Identity theft is a serious issue, affecting millions of Americans each year, and can lead to financial and credit damage. The speaker personally uses and values this service, and encourages listeners to consider signing up their parents or loved ones as a thoughtful gift. Another topic touched upon was the idea of outsourcing tasks, such as laundry, to buy back time and spend it on more valuable experiences with loved ones. The speakers acknowledged their own reluctance to let go of control but saw the potential benefits of delegating tasks. Overall, the discussion emphasized the importance of prioritizing time and privacy for ourselves and our loved ones.

    • Making Time for Love: Finding Solutions for Busy CouplesBusy couples can buy back time for their relationship by prioritizing regular date nights or weekend getaways, even if it means using financial resources.

      Despite having a high net worth and income, finding quality time for the couple and their family remains a challenge. The couple relies heavily on family for childcare, but hiring a babysitter is a difficult decision due to trust issues. They have discussed reducing kids' activities and spending less money, but these solutions don't seem feasible. The coach suggests using their financial resources to buy back time through regular date nights or weekend getaways. However, the couple struggles to find consistent availability for these activities due to busy schedules and family commitments. The coach encourages the couple to prioritize and make a commitment to regular date nights or weekends away, starting with every two weeks and potentially increasing frequency as availability allows. The couple agrees to schedule their next date night for every other week, starting with August 7th. The coach emphasizes the importance of making time for each other and prioritizing their relationship, as this will have a positive impact on their overall well-being and family dynamics.

    • Challenges of committing to quality time togetherBe mindful of fixed costs and obligations, consider couples therapy for deeper issues, and prioritize relationships by investing in solutions despite potential costs.

      Committing to spending quality time together can be challenging even for those who genuinely want to, due to fixed costs and obligations that make it difficult to cancel plans. It's essential to be mindful of what we add to our fixed costs and calendars, as they can become hard to remove once they're there. Couples therapy can be a helpful solution to address deeper issues that prevent commitment to spending time together. Additionally, people with significant wealth can sometimes play small and miss opportunities to solve logistical problems with money. By being open to wasting a little money for the greater good, such as investing in a long-term solution like couples therapy, we can prioritize our relationships and make progress towards our goals.

    • Overcoming financial and personal growth challenges through effective communicationEffective communication and constructive conversations are vital for addressing financial and personal growth issues. Prioritize quality time, reduce debt, set savings goals, and consider therapy to enhance relationships and financial situations.

      Effective communication and constructive conversations are essential for building and strengthening relationships, especially when it comes to addressing financial and personal growth issues. Matt and Roanne, despite their intelligence, success, and accomplishments, struggled to prioritize spending time together and making important decisions due to underlying fears and misunderstandings. Through their candid conversation with a financial advisor, they gained valuable insights, identified areas for improvement, and made concrete steps towards enhancing their relationship and financial situation. These changes included prioritizing quality time, reducing debt, setting savings goals, and potentially seeking therapy. The process of self-reflection and open dialogue allowed them to overcome obstacles and move forward together.

    • Using Money to Enhance Our LivesAccumulating money without purpose is meaningless. Use it to foster relationships and live richly, while saving and investing wisely.

      Key takeaway from this episode of "I Will Teach You to Be Rich" is that accumulating large amounts of money without a purpose is meaningless. Money is not meant to be hoarded, but rather used to enhance our lives. While saving and investing are important, it's equally crucial to use money to foster relationships and live richly. Ramit Sethi emphasizes the importance of leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts to support the show, and encourages listeners to read his book for specific tactics on implementing the I Will Teach You To Be Rich system into their personal finances. Ultimately, the goal is to use money as a tool to improve our lives and relationships, rather than just accumulating it for the sake of having it.

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    E482 Ask Nick - Addicted to Toxic Work Situationship

    E482 Ask Nick - Addicted to Toxic Work Situationship

    Welcome back to another juicy and exciting episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! On this show, we’re here to help with all your burning questions about dating and relationships! We bring on our first caller, who has been in a long distance relationship for a long time with her boyfriend. After it looks like they are able to move much closer and no longer have to do long distance, our caller wonders how to best transition into this new phase, being able to enjoy each other but also respect the space they might need. Our next caller finds herself stuck in a toxic work environment when a situationship starts to go astray. Having an intense  emotional relationship with someone you work with everyday, our caller feels stress when not being able to set proper boundaries both at work and in the situationship with her coworker. Our last caller struggles when her husband's friend continues to try to insert himself and befriend our caller’s family. After her mother says she’s getting DMs from this friend, our caller is unsure how to read his intentions and how to set boundaries while also potentially being supportive if need be. 

    “My therapist called him a drug” 

    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@kastmedia.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. 

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    If you would like to get some advice on Office Hours send an email to asknick@kastmedia.com with “Office Hours” in the subject line! 

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    238: Belonging is a Critical Part of Identity & Purpose

    238: Belonging is a Critical Part of Identity & Purpose

    How Do You Belong to Yourself and to Others While Building Your Own Identity?

     

    Listen in as Sarah Elkins is joined by Paul Haury in an engaging conversation about the journey in self-belonging and Paul's story. Check it out today!

    Discovering Clarity One Bite at a Time course is now available!

     

     

    “Every single one of us is born without self belonging…somewhere along the way our self belonging forms in that space” - Paul Haury

     

    *podcast show notes contributed by Tracy Ackeret

     

    Mentioned: 

    Brown bottle flu reference

    Belonging by Owen Eastwood. 
     
    Brain Rules by John Medina. 

    ---

    About Paul Haury:

    “I guide people to experience belonging, in self-belonging, in their own brilliance, and within their company tribes, to really live & perform better than they ever imagined. In my most recent endeavors, I've served as VP of people & culture and as a professional coach, specializing in belonging and optimal performance for individuals and OrgDev. I believe we perform at our highest when we belong, and believe in shared purpose together. There, we simply fear less and aspire more.”

    Check out Paul’s LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.

    ---

    ABOUT SARAH:

    Sarah Elkins with dog in snow, Elkins Consulting logo and Gallup Strengthsfinder logo

    "Uncovering the right stories for the right audiences so executives, leaders, public speakers, and job seekers can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision."

    In my work with coaching clients, I guide people to improve their communication using storytelling as the foundation of our work together. What I’ve realized over years of coaching and podcasting is that the majority of people don’t realize the impact of the stories they share - on their internal messages, and on the people they’re sharing them with.

    My work with leaders and people who aspire to be leaders follows a similar path to the interviews on my podcast, uncovering pivotal moments in their lives and learning how to share them to connect more authentically with others, to make their presentations and speaking more engaging, to reveal patterns that have kept them stuck or moved them forward, and to improve their relationships at work and at home.

    The audiobook, Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is now available!

    Included with your purchase are two bonus tracks, songs recorded by Sarah's band, Spare Change, in her living room in Montana.

     

    E15: Toxic Lovers

    E15: Toxic Lovers

    Welcome to our 15th Episode:

    Love is wonderful, exciting, fulfilling, and all of the good descriptions but the truth is, love CAN be toxic.

    Today, Sari D uncovers how to STOP ATTRACTING THE WRONG LOVERS...

    No matter what you have been through, love IS worth it

    Love IS worth fighting for but you gotta know WHO & WHAT is worth fighting for first 

    Happy Valentine's, Galentine's & all the Tine's xox 

    personal growth loading....

    Apply to be on Team Authentically Fit HERE:
    Online Personal Training

    Email Podcast or Personal Training Questions HERE:
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