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    132. “We’re $520k in debt—and he hid it from me”

    enNovember 28, 2023

    Podcast Summary

    • Importance of Financial ManagementDespite having financial expertise, the speaker and his partner amassed significant debt. Being financially literate and proactive is crucial to avoid unexpected consequences.

      Many people underestimate the importance of closely managing their finances, even those who work in finance. This was made clear in a recent event where the speaker revealed he and his partner were shocked to discover they had amassed significant debt despite their financial expertise. He encouraged listeners to read his book, "I Will Teach You TO Be Rich," for answers to common money questions and to improve their financial situation. Additionally, the speaker shared that he had been able to travel the world for the past month while working only one hour per week, and he would reveal how in an upcoming newsletter. This episode serves as a reminder that being financially literate and proactive is crucial, and ignoring financial matters can lead to unexpected consequences.

    • Financial surprises in relationshipsRegular financial discussions and transparency are crucial to avoid financial surprises and build a strong financial foundation in relationships.

      Avoiding open and honest conversations about money can lead to significant financial surprises and stress. In the discussed conversation, one partner discovered a large, unpaid loan in collections, which came as a shock. This situation highlights the importance of regular financial discussions and transparency in a relationship. Both partners may have a role in managing money, but it's crucial to be aware of each other's spending and financial obligations. Ignoring financial issues, like many do with their health, can lead to bigger problems down the line. By acknowledging and addressing financial concerns early, couples can build a stronger foundation for their future together.

    • Treating Money as a Mystery BoxExplore financial systems and principles to make informed decisions, reduce stress, and build security. Communicate openly about finances to prevent misunderstandings.

      Many people, including the speaker in this conversation, have a lack of understanding or curiosity about their finances, treating money as a "black box" that they don't need to delve into as long as it functions. This can lead to feelings of frustration and stress when financial limitations prevent desired purchases or experiences. It's important to go beyond surface-level understanding of money and explore the underlying systems and principles to make informed decisions and build financial security. Additionally, open communication about financial matters can help alleviate stress and misunderstandings between partners.

    • Deeply held beliefs and expectations can influence financial decisionsBeing aware of deeply held beliefs and evaluating them in context can prevent poor financial decisions, and tools like Superhuman can help manage emails efficiently

      Deeply held beliefs and expectations about life can influence our financial decisions in irrational ways, sometimes leading us to ignore reality and make poor choices. Using the example of a man who broke up with a great partner due to her religion, the speaker explains how our imagined vision of life can be at odds with reality. In the case of Cassandra and Aldo, their desire to live beyond their means despite financial struggles stems from their expectations of a certain lifestyle. It's essential to be aware of these deeply held stories and evaluate them in the context of our current financial situation. Additionally, tools like Superhuman can help manage emails efficiently, saving valuable time.

    • Assumptions about financial management can lead to blindsidesBoth partners in a relationship should be actively involved in managing their finances to avoid misunderstandings and unexpected financial challenges

      Even if one partner in a relationship is perceived to be more financially savvy, both parties should be actively involved in managing their shared financial situation. In this case, the woman felt hurt and blindsided when she discovered that her paycheck had been garnished for taxes owed without her knowledge. She had assumed that her partner, who worked in finance and often gave her credit cards, was handling their financial challenges. However, the severity of their debt went beyond what she had imagined, with significant credit card debt and unpaid taxes. This situation underscores the importance of open communication and mutual accountability in managing finances. It's crucial to be aware of one's own income and expenses, as well as the overall financial picture, to avoid being blindsided by unexpected financial challenges.

    • Financial expertise doesn't guarantee immunity from mistakesFinancial literacy and expertise don't protect against poor decisions. Proper risk management, budgeting, and transparent communication are crucial.

      Even individuals with expertise in a particular field, such as finance, can make poor financial decisions. In the discussed scenario, despite having a background in finance, Cassandra made a significant investment in the stock market without properly managing the risk or taking out the profits. This led to a substantial loss and a large debt. It's essential to remember that financial literacy and expertise do not guarantee immunity from financial missteps. Additionally, the importance of maintaining a budget and understanding the true costs of renovations was emphasized. The discussion also highlighted the importance of communication and transparency in relationships, especially when it comes to financial matters.

    • Childhood experiences shape adults' attitudes towards money and relationshipsEarly financial instability and stress can influence how individuals manage money in their relationships, with some taking on financial responsibilities to protect their partners and others carrying the weight of financial struggles into adulthood.

      Despite experiencing financial instability and stress in her family during her formative years, Cassandra found herself repeating similar patterns in her own relationship. Aldo shared his own childhood experiences of financial stress, with his parents arguing over bills and his father's reckless spending leading to significant overdraft fees. Both Cassandra and Aldo mentioned how these experiences shaped their attitudes towards money and their roles in managing it in their relationships. Cassandra felt compelled to take on financial responsibilities to protect her partner from stress, while Aldo felt the weight of financial instability early on and carried it into adulthood. These experiences highlight the impact of childhood financial experiences on individuals' relationships with money and their partners.

    • Protecting Loved Ones from Financial StressAcknowledging and addressing financial stressors, rather than avoiding them, can reduce overall stress and improve quality of life.

      Money can be a significant source of stress, and some people go to great lengths to shield their loved ones from it. Aldo, for instance, has carried the burden of financial stress for decades and has stopped discussing money with his wife, Cassandra, in an attempt to protect her. However, this approach has ironically led to even more stress. On the other hand, investing in small luxuries or conveniences that bring joy and reduce stress, like gourmet meal delivery services or high-quality tea, can be worth the cost. For example, Methodology meal delivery service and Peak Tea offer high-quality, stress-reducing options for busy professionals. Ultimately, it's essential to find a balance between financial responsibility and self-care. By acknowledging and addressing financial stressors, rather than avoiding them, individuals can reduce overall stress and improve their quality of life.

    • Effective Financial Heroes Build Partnerships and Communicate OpenlyEffective financial heroes build strong partnerships and communicate openly about money to make informed decisions and avoid financial stress.

      While providing for loved ones and enjoying experiences can bring joy, it's essential to be mindful of the financial consequences. The person who absorbs all financial stress and makes decisions without involving their partner may not be the most effective financial hero. True financial heroes build partnerships, communicate openly about money, and set boundaries. In this conversation, it became clear that while the couple had enjoyed vacations and possessions, they had amassed significant debt. To turn things around, they needed to reassess their income, expenses, and financial priorities. By acknowledging the importance of open communication and partnership, they could work together to create a more sustainable financial future.

    • Couple Discusses Overwhelming DebtAcknowledged significant debt, agreed to stop using credit cards, but need to gain clarity on exact amount owed

      The couple in this conversation have a significant amount of debt, with a combined total of approximately $111,000, not including their mortgage. They have multiple credit cards with high-interest rates, and one large business loan that they are currently not able to pay. They are currently spending nearly all of their take-home pay on fixed costs, mainly debt payments and the mortgage. They have debts from various sources, including Macy's, Island Federal, CareCredit, and Citi credit card, and some debts have been forgotten about for years. The couple acknowledged that they need to come up with a plan to address their debt situation and agreed to stop using their credit cards. However, they were unsure of the exact amount of debt they owe, emphasizing the importance of gaining a clear understanding of their financial situation.

    • Temptation of quick fixes for debtWhile quick fixes like taking a loan from a 401k to pay off debts might seem appealing, they come with significant costs and potential long-term consequences. Instead, focus on building a solid financial foundation, improving credit, and seeking out more sustainable solutions.

      While taking a loan from a 401k to pay off debts might seem like a quick fix, it comes with significant costs and potential long-term consequences. Cassandra, in the discussion, shared her experience of taking a loan from her 401k to pay off credit cards, but the penalty and interest on the loan ended up costing her more than she anticipated. Additionally, she mentioned her hesitation towards quick fixes and her preference for a more sustainable financial plan. This cautionary tale serves as a reminder that while it might be tempting to seek out quick solutions to financial problems, it's important to consider the long-term implications and potential drawbacks. Instead, focusing on building a solid financial foundation, improving credit, and seeking out more sustainable solutions is a more effective approach to managing debt and achieving long-term financial stability.

    • Teaching Kids About MoneyParents' handling and communication of money can shape children's financial habits. Instill responsibility through transparency and balance, teaching savings, budgeting, and wise spending.

      The way parents handle money and communicate about it to their children can significantly impact their financial habits in the future. Overindulgence or lack of transparency can lead to unhealthy financial habits, while teaching savings skills and budgeting can instill financial responsibility. It's important for parents to find a balance and be open about their financial situation with their children, without making them feel like they lack or that money is limitless. Parents should aim to teach their children to save, invest, and use money wisely to enjoy their lives without worrying about affordability.

    • Focus on cutting expenses, paying off debt, and avoiding credit cardsTo address financial issues, prioritize cutting back on expenses, using extra income to pay off debt and build savings, and eliminating credit card use.

      Addressing financial issues requires honesty and a clear plan. The parents in this conversation are dealing with significant debt and are discussing how to help their daughter with her education costs. They acknowledge the importance of not promising financial help they cannot provide. However, they also recognize the need to demonstrate accountability and make changes to improve their financial situation. To do this, the expert suggests focusing on three rules: dramatically cutting back on expenses, using additional income to pay off debt and build savings, and eliminating the use of credit cards. By following these rules, the parents can work towards financial stability and set a positive example for their daughter. It's important to remember that financial challenges can be difficult to face, but by being open and committed to change, individuals and families can make progress towards a better financial future.

    • Consider changing spending habits before relying on HELOC for debt repaymentFocus on debt repayment plans and changing spending habits for long-term financial freedom, use a debt payoff calculator to determine effective strategies.

      Relying on a home equity line of credit to pay off multiple debts might not be the best solution, especially if past spending behaviors indicate a lack of financial discipline. Instead, focusing on changing spending habits and making a solid debt repayment plan could lead to greater financial freedom in the long run. A debt payoff calculator can help determine the most effective repayment strategy and potential savings from additional payments. It's important to remember that there is no quick fix for debt, and true financial improvement requires self-reflection and a commitment to making lasting changes.

    • Extreme debt repayment strategiesAgreeing to drastically cut expenses and allocate 80% of income to debt repayment can help pay off debt in half the time.

      Being in debt can be a major obstacle to achieving financial freedom, and drastic measures may be necessary to get out of it. In the conversation between the financial expert and Cassandra and Aldo, it became clear that their current debt situation was unsustainable, and even with aggressive efforts, it would still take them over five years to pay it off. The expert suggested an extreme option: putting 80% of their income towards debt and severely limiting their day-to-day spending. Although this plan would mean no vacations, no credit card use, and significant cuts to bills, subscriptions, and other expenses, it would allow them to pay off their debt in just 2.5 years. Cassandra and Aldo were hesitant at first but eventually saw the potential benefits of this approach. They learned that setting up automation for savings and debt payments, staying focused on their debt payoff schedule, and making aggressive payments could help them get out of debt in a shorter time frame than they thought possible. Ultimately, the conversation highlighted the importance of being proactive and involved in managing finances, and the potential rewards of making difficult sacrifices for long-term financial gain.

    • Implement strategies from Ramit Sethi's book to improve financesLearn specific tactics from Ramit Sethi's book to build a financial system and make progress towards financial security and wealth

      If you want to improve your personal finances, consider implementing the strategies outlined in Ramit Sethi's book "I Will Teach You to Be Rich." Ramit, the host of the podcast, emphasizes the importance of learning specific tactics to build a financial system. His book provides these tactics, which can be found at any bookstore or library. By applying these strategies, you can make meaningful progress towards financial security and wealth. So, whether you're just starting out or looking to refine your existing financial plan, "I Will Teach You to Be Rich" is a valuable resource.

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    74. “I’m $450k in debt but she still wants me to treat her to dinner” (Part Two)

    74. “I’m $450k in debt but she still wants me to treat her to dinner” (Part Two)
    We pick up part two of Serena and Nate’s conversation with an equity problem—a serious one, and one they didn’t realize they had. Serena earns considerably more for now, but Nate stands to triple her salary in a couple of years. His medical school debt, in the meantime, crushes him.  He needs help but she doesn't see it.  He can’t, or doesn’t, speak up.  Can they meet one another where they are? Links mentioned in this episode Please take my podcast survey Join the Dream Job program Join the Earnable program Connect with Ramit Get Money Coaching with Ramit  Download the Conscious Spending Plan Get my New York Times best-selling book Get my no-numbers journal Other episodes Instagram Twitter YouTube If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.