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    #156 Jack Kornfield: Finding Inner Calm

    enJanuary 10, 2023
    What life skills did Jack Kornfield learn as a monk?
    How did Kornfield handle emotions like anger during training?
    What role did mindfulness play in Kornfield's emotional growth?
    How do empathy and compassion differ according to Kornfield?
    What does Kornfield suggest about consciousness beyond physical existence?

    Podcast Summary

    • A Transformative Journey in Buddhist MonasteriesTraining as a Buddhist monk provided Jack Kornfield with important life skills, teaching him how to handle emotions, foster kind relationships, and show compassion towards himself and others.

      Training as a Buddhist monk in the monasteries was a transformative experience for Jack Kornfield. It provided the second half of his education, teaching him important life skills that he hadn't learned in his academic pursuits. The monastic life taught him how to handle emotions like anger and rage, how to foster kind relationships, and how to be compassionate towards himself and others. Despite facing challenges and moments of wanting to quit, Kornfield's commitment and the support of his teacher and fellow monks helped him persevere. The experience of suffering, both physical and emotional, was viewed as an essential part of the training, leading to personal growth and liberation.

    • The Power of Mindfulness in Understanding and Navigating Emotions.Mindfulness allows us to develop a positive relationship with our emotions by observing them without being overwhelmed, leading to greater ease and grace in handling them.

      Mindfulness can help us navigate and understand our emotions more effectively. Jack Kornfield recounts his own experience of dealing with anger and how his meditation teacher guided him through it. By allowing himself to fully feel and observe his anger, Jack was able to develop a new relationship with it, one where he didn't become overwhelmed or controlled by it. This process of mindfulness enables us to recognize and name our emotions, observe the stories they tell, and give them space without taking them personally. By doing so, we gain perspective and realize that these emotions are not exclusively ours, but part of the human experience. Ultimately, practicing mindfulness can lead to a greater ease and graciousness with our emotions.

    • Shifting Focus towards Positive Thoughts and Self-CompassionBy becoming conscious of our thoughts, acknowledging our emotions, and cultivating self-compassion, we can shape our identity, navigate challenges, and nurture positive emotions for a fulfilling life.

      We have the power to become conscious of our thoughts and recognize which ones are healthy and helpful, and which ones are unhealthy or destructive. By acknowledging our stories and the emotions behind them, we can begin to let go of judgment and show gratitude to our thoughts for trying to protect us. We can then shift our focus towards planting better seeds in our hearts and minds. This involves a combination of mindfulness and loving compassion practices, where we step out of the story and become a field of loving awareness, and regularly envision well-being for ourselves and others. Through consistent practice, these responses become natural and serve as a resource for navigating life's challenges. Ultimately, we have the choice of which seeds to water, and by nurturing the healthy ones, we can shape our identity and response to the world. It is important to remember that we all have struggles, and practicing self-compassion allows us to cultivate a sense of deserving positive emotions.

    • Cultivating Self-Compassion and AcceptanceBy acknowledging and understanding our judgmental thoughts with kindness and empathy, we can detach from negative self-judgment and develop a sense of self-respect and worthiness.

      Self compassion is crucial in cultivating a positive and accepting mindset. It involves acknowledging the judgmental thoughts and voices within ourselves, but instead of trying to forcefully push them away, we choose to observe and understand them with kindness and empathy. By recognizing our shared humanity, we realize that self-judgment is a common experience for everyone. This shift in perspective helps us detach from personalizing negative thoughts, leading to a growing sense of self-respect and worthiness. The strength of our emotional reactions also reveals underlying patterns and past traumas that shape our responses. Becoming conscious of these patterns allows us to observe them with a mindful perspective and gradually shift our identity towards self-compassion and acceptance.

    • The Power of Mindful PausesTaking a moment to pause and reflect can help us break free from reactive habits, see things from a clearer perspective, and cultivate a wise society based on respect, empathy, and care.

      Practicing a mindful pause can have a transformative effect on our lives. By stepping back and taking a moment to reflect, we can break free from reactive habits and see things from a clearer perspective. This pause allows us to quiet our minds and engage in deeper conversations with ourselves and others. It creates space for reason to come in, enabling us to respond rather than react instinctively. Whether it's a small inconvenience like a parking ticket or a larger injustice, the practice of a mindful pause allows us to hold our experiences with greater equanimity. By training our hearts and minds, we can cultivate a wise society where respect, empathy, and care for others and the environment prevail.

    • Cultivating Connection and Compassion for Positive ChangeBy developing our capacity for connection and compassion through practices like meditation and mindful awareness, we can transform ourselves and influence positive change in the world.

      In order to change the world for the better, we must first change ourselves. It starts with developing our capacities for connection and compassion. We can do this by quieting our minds, practicing loving kindness and compassion meditation, and cultivating mindful awareness. Through these practices, we can transform our relationship with our emotions and fears, shifting from a life of fear to a life of connection. This inner transformation then influences our actions in the outer world, leading to positive change and a movement away from things like warfare, racism, and economic injustice. It's a continual process of recognizing our triggers and feelings, giving them space without suppressing or overly indulging them. Instead of battling against ourselves, we learn to view our personalities with compassion and acceptance, just like a beloved pet.

    • The power of forgiveness in breaking the cycle of suffering.Forgiving others doesn't mean forgetting or condoning what happened, but it allows us to let go of bitterness and hatred, promoting healing, compassion, and personal growth.

      Forgiveness is essential for personal growth and breaking the cycle of suffering. It involves acknowledging the pain caused by others but not letting it consume us or dictate our actions. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning what happened; it means choosing not to carry the bitterness and hatred in our hearts. Just like the woman in the divorce story, we have the power to stop the cycle of pain by refusing to pass it on to others, especially our children. By shifting our perspective and taking a broader view, we can transcend the reactive parts of our brain and make choices that promote healing, compassion, and long-term well-being.

    • The transformative power of rituals in connecting with ourselves and others.Simple rituals have the ability to create profound shifts in our emotions and situations, allowing us to connect with others and honor our shared humanity.

      Rituals, no matter how simple, have the power to create profound shifts in how we connect with ourselves and others. Jack Kornfield emphasizes the significance of rituals as a way to navigate difficult emotions and situations. By lighting a candle, saying a prayer, or engaging in symbolic gestures like placing stones, we can change the atmosphere and bring about transformation. These rituals serve as a language that transcends words, allowing us to communicate and honor our shared humanity. Whether working with troubled youth or high-level executives, the power of ritual remains the same. It provides a space for introspection, empathy, and the possibility of genuine connection, even in the face of conflict and adversity.

    • The Power of Rituals and IntentionsBy incorporating rituals and setting deliberate intentions, we can consciously shift our energy and actions, align them with our values and aspirations, and make a positive impact in our interactions with others.

      Rituals and intentions hold great power in shaping our actions and influencing the outcomes of our actions. By incorporating rituals, such as pausing before responding or engaging in a specific gesture, we can create a conscious shift in our energy and approach to situations. Similarly, setting deliberate intentions allows us to steer our actions and align them with our values and aspirations. These intentions can be both inwardly focused, such as preparing for an athletic game, or outwardly focused, such as approaching a business meeting with a specific purpose. The significance of intentions lies in the fact that they not only impact our actions but also contribute to the karma or cause and effect of our actions. Therefore, cultivating mindfulness and setting our intentions consciously can lead us to live with more purpose and make a positive impact in our interactions with others.

    • Setting intentions for a mindful and fulfilling lifeTaking a moment to set intentions during challenging situations can transform our mindset from negativity to curiosity and care, enabling us to engage more deeply and find joy in what we do.

      Setting intentions can have a profound impact on our state of consciousness and the way we engage with others. Taking a pause during moments of struggle or conflict and asking ourselves what our best intention is can shift our mindset from one of blame and tension to one of curiosity and care. It's not about following a rigid spiritual routine, but rather finding what works for us individually. In our busy and striving culture, being fully present in the moment without the pressure of time constraints allows us to engage more deeply and feel a sense of fulfillment. Whether it's in our daily tasks or larger endeavors, finding joy in what we do can make all the difference.

    • Embracing mindfulness in everyday activities for joy and fulfillment.Being present in the moment and letting go of negative thoughts can lead to a more compassionate and self-aware life.

      Mindful presence and being fully present in the moment can bring joy and fulfillment to even mundane activities like shopping. Jack Kornfield suggests that we should embrace each moment with enjoyment and not constantly be preoccupied with other aspects of our lives. While it is important to set goals and give our best effort, we should approach them with a positive attitude and have fun along the way. By being mindful, we can recognize the repetitive nature of our thoughts and stories, and choose to let go of negative or unhelpful ones. Cultivating mindful presence allows us to break free from unconscious patterns and live with more compassion and self-awareness.

    • Rediscovering Our Connection to Nature and OurselvesImmersing ourselves in nature allows us to tap into a deeper dimension of our being, reminding us of our connection to the universal consciousness and helping us find peace and clarity. It also emphasizes the significance of self-compassion and accepting compliments graciously.

      Nature has a profound effect on our thoughts and helps us step out of constant thinking. Walking in the forest or by the seashore, being in the mountains, or experiencing other natural phenomena can change us and bring us to a different dimension of our being. It reminds us of the reality that we often forget - that we are not just our bodies, emotions, or thoughts. We are the awareness, the consciousness itself, that is timeless and not limited by our physical existence. Nature acts as a gateway to this mystery and helps us remember our connection to the unconsciousness experiencing life. Additionally, the conversation highlights the importance of accepting compliments and being mindful with kindness to ourselves.

    • The Power of Vulnerability and ConnectionVulnerability and connection are essential for personal growth and healing. By opening up, being honest, and fostering real connections, we can find healing, support, and a sense of belonging.

      Vulnerability and connection are essential for personal growth and healing. Jack Kornfield emphasizes the importance of being open and honest, even when it's difficult. He shares the story of his friend Ramdas, who found being in a wheelchair and dependent on others more challenging than his efforts to cure blindness. Jack suggests that judgment can hinder our ability to connect and understand one another, and instead encourages using discernment to foster real connections. Shane Parrish acknowledges his struggle to ask for help and the tendency to isolate himself. Jack highlights the significance of community and how we can learn and support each other in becoming better human beings. They discuss the current lack of genuine connection in today's society and how it contributes to feelings of loneliness and isolation. Through vulnerability and communal support, we can find healing and a sense of belonging.

    • Challenging Assumptions, Cultivating CompassionOur assumptions about others can limit our perspective and hinder meaningful connections. Embracing compassion and empathy can transform lives, reminding us to love well and share our gifts with the world.

      Our preconceived narratives about others can blind us from seeing their true potential and humanity. The story of Shay and her teacher demonstrates the power of perspective and the ability to challenge our own assumptions. It also emphasizes the impact that a single moment of understanding and acceptance can have on someone's life. Shay's unexpected act of giving her teacher a ceramic bowl serves as a visual reminder of the teacher's dedication and compassion, which further strengthens her commitment to be there for her students. This conversation reminds us that compassion and empathy are essential in fostering meaningful connections and transforming lives. Ultimately, what matters most in life is the ability to love well and bring our gifts to the world.

    • The Connection Between Empathy and CompassionEmpathy connects us to others, while compassion prompts us to take action and alleviate suffering. It is important to remain open-minded and explore beyond the physical realm.

      Compassion and empathy are distinct but interconnected. Empathy is the ability to understand and feel for others, resonating with their experiences. It is a recognition of suffering that arises from our inherent connection as human beings. On the other hand, compassion is a verb, a call to action that arises from empathy. It is the heartfelt response to alleviate suffering, to take steps to make things better. Compassion leads us to take initiatives, whether it's standing up against bullying or advocating for those in need. Furthermore, the conversation touches upon the idea of consciousness leaving the body, suggesting that there may be more to our existence beyond the physical realm. It encourages an open-minded perspective and an exploration of the unknown.

    • Unleashing the Power of Mindfulness and Compassion in LifeEmbracing mindfulness and compassion can lead to personal growth, success, fulfillment, and a more meaningful way of living, impacting various aspects of life positively.

      Embracing mindfulness, compassion, and empathy can have a transformative impact on various aspects of life. Jack Kornfield shares his experiences and involvement in teaching meditation, online platforms like Cloudsanga, and even venture capital funding through Wisdom Ventures. These examples demonstrate that the principles and practices of mindfulness and compassion can be applied in different domains, such as education, business, community building, and personal growth. Regardless of one's religious or spiritual beliefs, the cultivation of inner training and noble qualities can lead to success, fulfillment, and a more meaningful way of living. The conversation reminds us of the tremendous benefits and value that empathy and self-compassion can bring to all areas of life, fostering personal growth and positive societal impact.

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    Newsletter - I share timeless insights and ideas you can use at work and home. Join over 600k others every Sunday and subscribe to Brain Food. Try it: ⁠https://fs.blog/newsletter/⁠

    My Book! Clear Thinking: Turning Ordinary Moments into Extraordinary Results is out now - ⁠https://fs.blog/clear/⁠

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    Newsletter - I share timeless insights and ideas you can use at work and home. Join over 600k others every Sunday and subscribe to Brain Food. Try it: https://fs.blog/newsletter/

    My Book! Clear Thinking: Turning Ordinary Moments into Extraordinary Results is out now - https://fs.blog/clear/

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    #195 Morgan Housel: Get Rich, Stay Rich

    The skills it takes to get rich are drastically different from the skills it takes to stay rich. Few understand this phenomenon more than Morgan Housel. He's identified unique lessons about wealth, happiness, and money by studying the world's richest families and learning what they did to build their wealth and just how quickly they squandered it all.
    In this conversation, Shane and Housel discuss various aspects of risk-taking, wealth accumulation, and financial independence. Morgan explains the importance of understanding personal financial goals and the dangers of social comparison, lets everyone in on his personal financial “mistake” that instantly made him sleep better at night, and why the poorest people in the world disproportionately play the lottery—and why it makes sense that they do. They also touch on the influence of upbringing on financial behaviors, the difference between being rich and wealthy, and the critical role of compounding in financial success. Of course, we can’t have a writer as good as Morgan Housel on the podcast and not ask him about his process, so Housel concludes with insights into storytelling, his writing processes, and the importance of leading by example in teaching financial values to children.
    Morgan Housel is a partner at Collaborative Fund. Previously, he was an analyst at The Motley Fool. He is a two-time winner of the Best in Business Award from the Society of American Business Editors and Writers and was selected by the Columbia Journalism Review for the Best Business Writing anthology. He's the author of two books: The Psychology of Money and Same as Ever.
    Watch the episode on YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/theknowledgeproject/videos⁠

    Newsletter - I share timeless insights and ideas you can use at work and home. Join over 600k others every Sunday and subscribe to Brain Food. Try it: ⁠https://fs.blog/newsletter/⁠

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    Sponsors

    Protekt: Simple solutions to support healthy routines. Enter the code "Knowledge" at checkout to receive 30% off your order. ⁠https://protekt.com/knowledge


    (00:00) Intro

    (04:46) Risk and income

    (07:40) On luck and skill

    (10:10) Buffett's secret strategy

    (12:28) The one trait you need to build wealth

    (16:20) Housel's capital allocation strategy

    (16:48) Index funds, explained

    (20:59) Expectations and moving goalposts

    (22:17) Your house: asset or liability?

    (27:39) Money lies we believe

    (32:12) How to avoid status games

    (35:04) Money rules from parents

    (40:15) Rich vs. wealthy

    (41:46) Housel's influential role models

    (42:48) Why are rich people miserable?

    (45:59) How success sows the seeds of average performance

    (49:50) On risk

    (50:59) Making money, spending money, saving money

    (52:50) How the Vanderbilt's squandered their wealth

    (1:04:11) How to manage your expectations

    (01:06:26) How to talk to kids about money

    (01:09:52) The biggest risk to capitalism

    (01:13:56) The magic of compounding

    (01:16:18) How Morgan reads

    (01:22:42) How to tell the best story

    (01:24:42) How Morgan writes

    (01:35:42) Parting wisdom and thoughts on success

    #194 Abigail Shrier: The Parent-Therapy Trap

    #194 Abigail Shrier: The Parent-Therapy Trap
    Over the last decade, therapy has become the de facto solution to solve all sorts of problems for all sorts of people. Everyone has slowly accepted that therapy is normal and a net benefit to society.

    But instead of helping kids work through difficult circumstances, what if it's just making the problems worse? That's what Abigail Shrier thinks is happening, and in this conversation, she reveals some surprising reasons why.

    Shane and Shrier discuss the real reason therapy is "bad," how we got to this point of acceptance as a culture, and what you can do as a parent to get back to normalcy. Shrier also shares her experiences with lifelong therapy patients, who should actually be in therapy, and the one thing that makes someone a successful parent.

    Watch the episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/theknowledgeproject/videos

    Newsletter - I share timeless insights and ideas you can use at work and home. Join over 600k others every Sunday and subscribe to Brain Food. Try it: https://fs.blog/newsletter/

    My Book! Clear Thinking: Turning Ordinary Moments into Extraordinary Results is out now - https://fs.blog/clear/ 

    Follow me: https://beacons.ai/shaneparrish

    Join our membership: https://fs.blog/membership/

    Sponsors:

    Shopify: Making commerce better for everyone. https://www.shopify.com/shane

    Protekt: Simple solutions to support healthy routines. Enter the code "Knowledge" at checkout to receive 30% off your order. https://protekt.com/knowledge

    (00:00) Intro
    (05:44) Inverse: How do we raise mentally unstable kids?
    (08:29) How we got to now
    (11:45) Bad therapy...or just social trends?
    (13:21) Being your kids' friend: good or bad?
    (15:55) The parenting type that raises the BEST kids
    (21:35) Is this all the parents' fault?
    (29:53) Is "Bad Therapy" a world-wide problem?
    (32:57) Talk to your kids' therapist about these things
    (42:09) The importance of facing adversity in childhood
    (47:06) Can we blame grad schools for all of this?
    (49:14) On technology and social media
    (51:03) Schools should "never" have gotten involved in mental health
    (54:43) Did COVID accelerate "bad therapy?"
    (56:07) How to return to normalcy
    (58:21) Why Shane shares negative YouTube comments with his kids
    (01:01:23) Shrier's experience being "cancelled"
    (01:04:13) On prestige media
    (01:07:47) Small steps parents can take to return to normal
    (01:11:02) Dealing with schools saying one thing and parents saying another
    (01:13:32) Why is the silent majority...silent?
    (01:16:32) If this continues, what happens?
    (01:18:19) What makes someone a successful parent?

    #193: Dr. Jim Loehr: Change the Stories You Tell Yourself

    #193: Dr. Jim Loehr: Change the Stories You Tell Yourself

    What if reaching the next level of success wasn't determined by another skill, degree, or course but by something that changed on the inside?

    That's what Dr. Jim Loehr believes, and in this episode, he reveals everything he knows about mental toughness and winning the mind game. Shane and Loehr discuss the radical importance of the stories you tell yourself—including how they can damage your kids—and how to change the negative stories you believe. Loehr also shares the best reflection questions to ask yourself to reveal personal blindspots, the importance of rituals for calming anxiety and performing under pressure, and how the best in the world use their recovery time effectively.

    Dr. Jim Loehr is a world-renowned performance psychologist and author of 16 books. From his more than 30 years of experience and applied research, Dr. Loehr believes the single most important factor in successful achievement, personal fulfillment, and life satisfaction is the strength of one’s character. Dr. Loehr possesses a masters and doctorate in psychology and is a full member of the American Psychological Association.

    Watch the episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/theknowledgeproject/videos

    Newsletter - I share timeless insights and ideas you can use at work and home. Join over 600k others every Sunday and subscribe to Brain Food. Try it: https://fs.blog/newsletter/

    My Book! Clear Thinking: Turning Ordinary Moments into Extraordinary Results is out now - https://fs.blog/clear/ 

    Follow me: https://beacons.ai/shaneparrish

    Join our membership: https://fs.blog/membership/

    Sponsor:

    Protekt: Simple solutions to support healthy routines. Enter the code "Knowledge" at checkout to receive 30% off your order. https://protekt.com/knowledge

     

    (00:00) Intro

    (03:20) Parenting and storytelling

    (06:15) How to determine whether or not the stories are limiting or enabling you

    (08:41) What the stories world-class performers tell themselves

    (15:02) How to change the stories you tell yourself

    (23:26) Questions to journal about

    (26:16) Private voices vs. public voices (and how they impact your kids)

    (31:32) How to help your friends change their stories

    (37:30) How to better come alongside your kids to prevent destructive behavior

    (44:48) - (45:06) What Loehr knows about high performers that others miss

    (53:12) On time and energy

    (01:06:26) Conquering the "between point" ritual

    (01:11:50) On rituals vs. habits

    (01:15:54) How to increase your mental toughness

    (01:23:51) On success

     

     

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