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    213. Sex Fantasies: What Do They Say About Us? with Vanessa Marin

    enMay 25, 2023

    Podcast Summary

    • Pampers Swaddlers for gentle diaper care and 3rd love for comfortable brasPampers Swaddlers ensures dry, healthy skin with superior absorption and leak protection. 3rd Love offers comfortable, well-fitting bras with half cup sizes and virtual fitting room tools. Vanessa Marin encourages exploring fantasies to spice up relationships and provides guidance in her book, 'Sex Talks'.

      For gentle and effective diaper care for your baby, Pampers Swaddlers is the recommended brand. Its superior wetness absorption and 100% leak proof protection ensure healthy, dry, and beautiful skin. Additionally, Pampers Free and Gentle wipes, made from 100% plant-based cloth, provide gentle cleansing and prevent tearing. For women seeking comfortable and well-fitting bras, 3rd love offers half cup sizes and virtual fitting room tools. In the realm of sex and relationships, Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and author, encourages exploring fantasies to spice up a relationship and overcome boredom. Her book, "Sex Talks," provides guidance on this topic and more. Remember, it's important to create a safe and shame-free environment for open communication and exploration in all aspects of life.

    • Quality over quantity in sexual experiencesPrioritizing quality over quantity in sexual encounters can lead to greater enjoyment and satisfaction, reducing pressure and improving overall sexual well-being.

      Focusing on the quality of sexual experiences, rather than the quantity, can lead to greater enjoyment and satisfaction. The speaker, who struggled with performing a sex exercise in front of her co-host due to discomfort, discussed the concept of "white toast sex," which refers to predictable and routine sexual encounters that lack excitement. By prioritizing the quality of our sexual experiences, we can move away from the pressure to meet a magic number of encounters and instead focus on making each encounter pleasurable and satisfying for both partners. This approach can help reduce shame and anxiety around sexual desire and improve overall sexual well-being.

    • Men want connection during sex tooBoth genders seek intimacy and enjoyment beyond orgasm during sexual experiences, and communication and understanding are key to fulfilling desires in long-term relationships.

      Both men and women desire intimacy and connection during sexual experiences, not just the physical act of orgasm. The speaker, who identifies as a fan of women's pleasure and feminism, shares that she had not realized the difference between a man's orgasm and a woman's orgasm, leading her to believe that men only care about the orgasm. However, she learned that many men want their partners to be present and enjoying the experience as well. The speaker also mentions the inhibition effect in long-term relationships, where sex can become predictable and less adventurous despite increased intimacy and vulnerability. Overall, the conversation highlights the importance of communication and understanding in sexual relationships and challenges stereotypes about men's sexual desires.

    • Lowering the pressure in relationships and fashionAsk 'What am I curious about trying?' in relationships and clothing to lower pressure and make it more approachable. Invest in high-quality, versatile clothing for comfort and happiness.

      Patterns in long-term relationships can be hard to break, and this includes patterns in our love lives and clothing preferences. When it comes to our sexual relationships, we may hold unrealistic expectations about fantasies, thinking they need to be elaborate and elaborate scenarios. However, a more useful question to ask is, "What is something you're curious about trying?" This lowers the pressure and makes it more approachable. It's important to remember that everyone's experiences and desires are unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach to relationships or fashion. In the realm of clothing, investing in high-quality, versatile pieces like Vuori can bring happiness and comfort to our daily lives. Vuori is offering 20% off your first purchase and free shipping on US orders over $75, so consider treating yourself to some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet.

    • Exploring Sexual Fantasies: Not Always Intended for Real LifeFantasies add excitement and pleasure without the commitment or reality of the act, and exploring them with a partner can lead to new experiences in a safe and controlled manner.

      Having sexual fantasies does not necessarily mean one wants to act them out in real life. These mental explorations can provide excitement and pleasure without the commitment or reality of the act. The distinction between fantasies one might share with a partner and those kept private can be important for maintaining open communication and understanding in relationships. Additionally, exploring fantasies through means like dirty talk can serve as a way to test boundaries and potentially lead to trying new experiences in a safe and controlled manner.

    • Discussing Sexual Fantasies with a PartnerDiscussing fantasies openly can deepen the relationship, ensure consent, and add excitement. Common themes include power dynamics, romantic sex, and group activities. Misconceptions about BDSM should be addressed, focusing on consent and negotiation.

      Communication is key when exploring sexual fantasies with a partner. Discussing fantasies outside of the bedroom first can help ensure mutual consent and deepen the relationship, rather than causing alienation. Common fantasies include romantic and passionate sex, power play dynamics, and threesomes or group sex. BDSM, which involves exploring power dynamics in the bedroom, can also be a part of a healthy and consensual sexual relationship. Misconceptions about BDSM include the belief that the dominant partner holds all the power, but in reality, boundaries and consent are negotiated beforehand. People's roles in the bedroom often differ from their day-to-day lives, and exploring different power dynamics can add excitement to a relationship.

    • Societal taboos and lack of open conversations contribute to shame around sexual desires and fantasiesOur sexual desires and fantasies are random and don't define us, but societal norms and lack of open dialogue perpetuate shame, making it crucial to create safe spaces for honest conversations

      Our shame around sexual desire and fantasies stems from societal taboos and lack of open conversations about sex. Many people feel alone in their desires and fantasies, leading them to question their identity or feel hypocritical. However, it's important to remember that our desires are random and don't define us as people. Using the analogy of food preferences, there's no inherent meaning behind why we like certain things, and the same applies to our sexual curiosities and fantasies. The fear of judgment and the lack of open dialogue perpetuates this shame, making it essential to create safe spaces for honest conversations about sex and sexuality.

    • Exploring pleasure and joy as we ageCommunicate needs and desires for pleasure, deepen connections through feedback, and encourage children to continue seeking joy.

      Everyone has the right to experience pleasure and joy in their own unique way, and it's important to keep exploring what feels good to us as we grow older. As children, we're naturally in touch with our sources of pleasure, but as adults, we often receive messages that it's not acceptable to continue seeking pleasure and joy in our own bodies. However, it's essential to keep communicating our needs and desires to our loved ones and allowing ourselves to receive their responses with gratitude. The simple act of asking for what feels good and giving feedback can lead to deeper connections and greater coziness in relationships. By encouraging children to continue exploring their senses and seeking pleasure, we can help them grow into adults who are confident in their ability to communicate their needs and experience joy in their lives.

    • Effective communication and trying new things in relationshipsExpressing preferences, learning new languages, and trying new experiences can lead to stronger relationships. Approach conversations with vulnerability and respect.

      Communication is key in all aspects of life, especially in relationships. The speaker shared an experience where not expressing preferences in a romantic relationship could lead to years of displeasure. He also emphasized the importance of trying new things to keep relationships exciting and fresh. However, he stressed that it's essential to approach these conversations with vulnerability and respect. Moreover, the speaker highlighted the value of learning new languages and encouraged listeners to take advantage of language learning programs like Rosetta Stone to expand their horizons. He emphasized that it's never too late to start and that the benefits of learning a new language can extend beyond personal growth. Lastly, the speaker touched on the importance of trying new experiences, whether in or out of the bedroom, to keep relationships exciting and to create lasting memories. He encouraged listeners not to be afraid to step out of their comfort zones and to approach new experiences with an open mind and a willingness to communicate with their partners.

    • Revisit old activities to make exploring new things feel more approachableRevisit past enjoyable activities, create a yes, no, maybe list, and focus on activities that bring you and your partner closer.

      Exploring new things in your sex life doesn't have to be an overwhelming or scary experience. Instead, you can start by revisiting old activities that you and your partner used to enjoy but haven't tried in a while. This approach, called upcycling, can help make the experience feel more approachable and less pressured. Additionally, creating a yes, no, maybe list can help facilitate conversations about trying new things and can make the process feel less daunting. A yes, no, maybe list allows you to express your curiosity about a new experience without committing to it fully, giving you the freedom to explore at your own pace. It's important to remember that everyone's comfort levels and interests are different, and there's no need to keep pushing the boundaries if it doesn't feel right for you. Instead, focus on finding activities that bring you and your partner closer together and help keep your relationship exciting and fulfilling.

    • Discovering Gray Areas in Sexual FantasiesExploring 'maybe' fantasies can broaden our understanding of desires and expand sexual relationships. Communication and understanding are crucial.

      Exploring sexual fantasies with your partner can provide valuable insights into your individual desires and interests. During this process, it's essential to consider categories like "yes," "no," and "maybe." The "maybe" category is particularly intriguing, as it allows for examining gray areas and considering circumstances that might influence your decision. The fear of inadequacy may prevent some people from discussing fantasies, but it's important to remember that people find various things sexy, and there's no need to limit ourselves to one specific definition. Communication and understanding are key to creating a fulfilling and enjoyable sexual relationship.

    • Exploring new experiences deepens connectionsBeing open to new experiences and vulnerable with partners can lead to deeper connections and stronger bonds.

      Vulnerability and new experiences are key to deepening connections, whether it's with our dogs through trying new, healthy food, or with our partners through exploring new aspects of intimacy. The farmer's dog example illustrates the benefits of providing real, fresh, and healthy food tailored to a specific dog, creating a new and meaningful experience for both the dog and its owner. Similarly, in relationships, being open to new experiences and being vulnerable with our partners can lead to deeper connections and stronger bonds. It's not about having perfect experiences or sex, but rather about being willing to step outside of our comfort zones and be open to the unknown together. This vulnerability is what makes us feel close to each other and is the foundation for falling in love. So, whether it's trying a new recipe for your dog or a new sexual experience with your partner, remember that the act of being vulnerable and exploring new territory is what creates true intimacy and connection.

    • Exploring new experiences in long-term relationshipsStay curious and open to new experiences to strengthen bonds and discover surprising delights in long-term relationships.

      Maintaining a sense of vulnerability and curiosity in long-term relationships can lead to surprising and delightful experiences. The speakers shared their experience of trying out unconventional sex tips as a way to rediscover new things about each other and strengthen their bond. They emphasized the importance of being open to new experiences and not setting limiting beliefs about one's partner or oneself. They also suggested ways to approach sensitive topics with less pressure, such as sharing articles or texts with potential interests. Overall, the conversation highlighted the value of continuing to explore and learn about ourselves and our partners, even after many years together.

    • Embrace new experiences for growth and connectionEmbrace awkwardness, try new things, and bond through shared experiences for personal growth and meaningful connections

      Exploring new experiences, even those that may be awkward or uncomfortable, can lead to meaningful connections and personal growth. Starting with small, easy steps and building confidence can help lead to trying new and more challenging experiences. The podcast "We Can Do Hard Things" encourages listeners to follow or subscribe to the show, give a positive rating and review, and share episodes with friends as a way to support the podcast and never miss an episode. The hosts, Vanessa and the Pod Squad, emphasize the importance of vulnerability and bonding through shared experiences, even if they don't turn out perfectly. They encourage listeners to bring back old activities and take baby steps towards trying new things, including attending a sex club or traveling to new places. Overall, the message is to embrace the awkwardness and messiness of life and use it as an opportunity for growth and connection.

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