Podcast Summary
Asking about other relationships early on: Be cautious about asking someone if they're seeing someone else after a few dates as it may be based on projection rather than reality, and focus on getting to know them better instead.
It's important to be cautious about asking someone if they're seeing someone else after only a few dates. While it's natural to feel possessive when we like someone, we may not truly know them yet and our feelings could be based on projection rather than reality. The instinct to ask stems from fear of losing them to someone else, but it's essential to remember that we're meeting a representation of the person in the early stages and not their entire being. Instead, focus on getting to know them better and building a strong connection. Sign up for the Three Relationships email list to receive more insights on self-improvement, relationships, and living a fulfilling life.
Early stages of dating: The early stages of dating can be misleading, as people may put on a show or deceive, leading to unrealistic expectations and difficulty letting go when things don't work out. Consider the other person's perspective and actions, rather than just feelings.
While strong connections and chemistry in the early stages of dating can be intoxicating, they may not be sustainable for a long-term relationship. The speaker shares an observation that people often deceive or put on a show during the early stages, and this feeling of connection can lead to unrealistic expectations and a belief that the other person shares the same level of commitment. The speaker also acknowledges that physical intimacy can intensify these feelings, making it harder to let go when things don't work out. The speaker advises against assuming that the other person feels the same way and emphasizes the importance of considering the other person's perspective and actions, rather than just the feelings experienced during the initial stages of the relationship. The speaker also mentions an email received on their podcast that relates to this topic, highlighting the commonality of this experience.
Long-distance relationships, sacrifices: A casual connection doesn't always lead to a serious relationship, especially when living in different places. Consider the effort and commitment before making major sacrifices.
The instant connection between two people doesn't always guarantee a serious relationship, especially when they live in different places. The woman in this situation met someone she felt strongly about in February but they don't live in the same city. They've kept in touch and had a few encounters, but there hasn't been consistent communication or effort to make it work long-distance. She's now considering moving to be with him, but their connection hasn't progressed beyond the initial spark. This decision could be a big sacrifice, and without clear signs of commitment and progression in their relationship, it may not be the best choice. It's important to be cautious about making major life decisions based on the hope that a casual connection will turn into something more serious.
Intentionality of Connections: Understanding the varying levels of intentionality and beliefs about relationships is crucial for successful connections and respecting individual motivations and intentions.
Connections can vary greatly in their significance and intentionality. Some connections may be fleeting and based on chemical reactions, while others may be deep and lead to meaningful relationships. The speaker emphasizes that it's essential to understand the different levels of intentionality and beliefs about relationships that each person brings to the table. A relationship requires effort, discipline, and a sense of structure, while some connections may not necessitate a commitment. Ultimately, everyone goes into a connection or a date wanting to feel something, even if they don't desire a long-term relationship. It's crucial to recognize and respect the differences in people's motivations and intentions.
Motivations and Intentions on Dates: Be aware of motivations and intentions on dates, but also be open to unexpected connections and experiences. Not every connection needs to lead to a long-term relationship, but every connection can teach us something valuable.
While going on dates with the intention to feel a connection is not inherently bad, it's essential to be aware of our motivations and intentions. Not all connections lead to long-term relationships, and that's okay. Some connections may only last for the moment, and that's valid too. However, it's crucial not to let perfectionism or specific blueprints prevent us from fully experiencing and being present in the connection in front of us. It's essential to be intentional about our intentions, but also open to the possibility of unexpected connections and experiences. Remember, not every connection needs to lead to a long-term relationship, but every connection can teach us something valuable about ourselves and others.
Early stages of relationship: The initial stages of a relationship can be filled with excitement and idealism, but it's important to be open to getting to know each other's flaws and vulnerabilities to build a real connection.
The initial stages of a relationship can be filled with excitement, idealism, and a sense of connection that feels almost perfect. However, this can be a superficial and frothy experience if both parties are not open to getting to know each other's flaws and vulnerabilities. Some people may consciously or unconsciously engage in "love bombing" behaviors to amplify this early connection, but not everyone who does so is a manipulative love bomber. It's important to remember that a real relationship involves getting to know the real person, with all their cracks and flaws, and signing up for that. The initial connection drama can be thrilling, but it's essential to be open to the vulnerability and reality of a deeper connection.
Projecting Attractive Persona: Shared interests or experiences don't guarantee deep relationships. Focus on building a connection based on mutual respect, effort, and shared values.
While shared interests or experiences can create a sense of connection, they do not necessarily guarantee a deep or meaningful relationship. The discussion highlights how it's easy to project an attractive persona when there's no real investment, and how seemingly deep connections based on shared interests can be superficial. It's essential to recognize that as time goes on, true commonalities and compatibility will be revealed through actions, character, and commitment. The idea that two people are alike after just a few dates doesn't necessarily mean they want the same things or are even looking for a relationship. The key is to focus on building a connection based on mutual respect, effort, and shared values, rather than just surface-level similarities.
Exclusivity on second date: Focus on building a connection instead of asking for exclusivity on a second date. Wait until you have leverage in the relationship to have the conversation.
It's generally not advisable to ask about exclusivity on a second date. Most people are still deciding if they like you and aren't ready for an exclusive relationship. Instead, focus on building a connection and investing time and energy into the person. When you feel you have leverage in the relationship, it's then appropriate to have a conversation about exclusivity. This approach shows confidence and respect, rather than coming from a place of fear or weakness. A new free guide from Bold Standards provides scripts for having these conversations effectively. Remember, asking about exclusivity too early can send a message that you're needy or have few options, potentially pushing the other person away.
Relationship intentions: Focus on genuine connection and intentions, rather than superficial attractions or fear of rejection, for a more authentic and fulfilling relationship.
When considering a potential relationship, it's essential to focus on whether we genuinely like the other person and have a connection, rather than worrying about whether they like us back. Superficial attractions can be deceiving, and true connections require intention and time. It's important to remember that we have the power to back our own "product" and not let fear drive our decisions. Having open and honest conversations about our intentions and vision for the relationship, at the right time, can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling connection. Additionally, it's crucial to remember that no relationship is a contract, and both parties should reserve the right to end it if it's not working for them. Ultimately, the best way to determine the nature of a relationship is to give it a chance and see how it develops.
Important conversations: It's natural to feel nervous during important conversations, but don't give the other person too much power over your happiness and wellbeing.
You don't need to be overly anxious or fearful when it comes to having important conversations, especially in relationships. It's natural to feel nervous, but it's important to remember that the other person doesn't have complete control over your happiness and wellbeing. You were fine before you met them, and you'll be fine if things don't work out. Don't put them on a pedestal or give them too much power in your life. If you'd like to share your thoughts on this episode, you can email us at podcast@matthewhussy.com with the subject line "get in my jar." Additionally, we've created a free guide available at boldstandards.com that you might find helpful. And don't forget to join our newsletter at the3relationships.com for more relationship insights. Remember, you have the power to navigate conversations and relationships with confidence.