Podcast Summary
Revolutionizing industries with solutions: 3rdlove tackles uncomfortable bras, Tarana Burke addresses systemic inequalities, both empower marginalized groups
Both 3rdlove and Tarana Burke are revolutionizing their respective industries by addressing common problems and providing solutions. 3rdlove is solving the issues of uncomfortable or ill-fitting bras through their half cup sizes, virtual fitting room, and educational resources. Tarana Burke, on the other hand, is addressing the systemic inequalities and trauma faced by marginalized communities, particularly black women and girls, through her advocacy work and the me too movement. Both are making a significant impact by standing with and empowering those who are often overlooked or underserved. So whether it's finding a comfortable bra or speaking out against sexual violence, remember that you too can do hard things and make a difference. Visit 3rdlove.com for bra solutions and check out Tarana Burke's book "Unbound" for inspiration.
Tarana Burke's Memoir: A Personal Account of Childhood Trauma and Sexual Assault: Tarana Burke's memoir emphasizes the importance of addressing the root causes of trauma and the damaging impact of victim-blaming. Survivors are not defined by their experiences, but rather by their resilience and strength in overcoming them.
Tarana Burke's memoir, "Unbound: An Autobiography," is a deeply personal account of childhood trauma and the long-term effects of sexual assault. The book is reminiscent of works like "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings," and readers have described it as an out-of-body experience. Tarana shares her experience of being sexually assaulted as a child and the subsequent belief that she was to blame. She lived in constant fear of being found out, which led her to perform and pretend to be someone she wasn't. This fear stemmed from the societal norms that taught girls to follow strict rules and that their actions could lead to negative consequences. Tarana's story highlights the importance of addressing the root causes of trauma and the damaging impact of victim-blaming. It's a powerful reminder that survivors are not defined by their experiences, but rather by their resilience and strength in overcoming them.
Rules and messages that impact girls' perception of themselves and their bodies: Adults can unintentionally instill shame and blame in girls through rules and unspoken messages, contributing to toxic gender dynamics. It's important for adults to communicate clearly and create safe spaces for girls to discuss their experiences.
Growing up, girls receive a multitude of rules and unspoken messages from adults that can negatively impact their perception of themselves and their bodies. These rules can range from the spoken, such as "don't run with scissors," to the unspoken, like not entering certain rooms or dressing modestly in front of men. While some rules are necessary for safety, others can instill a sense of shame or blame in girls, making them believe they are responsible for preventing others' inappropriate behavior. These messages can be particularly harmful in communities of color and can contribute to the normalization of toxic gender dynamics. It's essential for adults to acknowledge the power dynamics at play and to clearly communicate to girls that they are not responsible for others' actions and that their bodies are their own. Additionally, it's crucial to create safe spaces where girls can openly discuss their experiences and challenges without fear of judgment or blame.
Messages about protection and safety can have unintended consequences: Be mindful of the messages given to children about protection and safety to avoid creating a double bind and silencing survivors.
The messages we give to children about protection and safety can have unintended consequences. The speaker shared her experience of growing up in an urban community where she felt responsible for her own safety and that of her family. She received messages from her parents that they would protect her, but their responses inadvertently made her feel responsible for their safety as well. This created a double bind for her, where the protection provided by her community silenced her as a survivor. It's essential to be mindful of the messages we give to children and recognize the complexities and potential consequences of those messages. The speaker's experience highlights the importance of creating safe spaces for survivors to come forward and receive support without fear of reprisal or endangering their loved ones.
The burden of sexual violence in marginalized communities: The pressure to hide truth and carry shame can lead to negative behaviors or coping mechanisms, but confession and mercy can provide relief and healing.
The experiences of sexual violence and the subsequent shame and guilt can be compounded in marginalized communities, particularly for young girls. Tarana's story of being told to control her truth and carry the burden of her experiences alone is a common theme. The pressure to conform and hide one's truth can lead to other negative behaviors or coping mechanisms, such as lying in confession or engaging in self-punishment. The Catholic Church, with its confessional practices, can both save and ruin individuals by providing a release for guilt and shame but also reinforcing the idea that one must hide their truth. This duality can be a heavy burden to carry, and without the mercy and grace offered through confession or other means, individuals may be overwhelmed by the weight of their experiences. The Catholic Church, despite its criticisms, played a significant role in helping Tarana navigate this burden during a difficult time in her life.
Intersection of faith and consciousness shaped Tarana's identity: Faith and consciousness intertwined helped Tarana navigate complexities and become the person she is today
The intersection of faith and consciousness played a significant role in shaping Tarana's identity and perspective on the world. Her Catholic upbringing provided a foundation for her faith, but her exposure to racial theory and black liberation texts from her grandfather allowed her to develop a critical consciousness that helped her navigate the complexities of her environment. This consciousness, which was subversive to the dominant narrative she encountered, was vital in equipping her to become the person she is today and the work she would do. Without it, Tarana might have become overly consumed by her faith, potentially slipping into obsession. Instead, her grandfather's influence helped her balance her faith with a broader perspective on the world. Tarana's story highlights the importance of being grounded in one's faith while also being open to new ideas and perspectives.
Sharing deep thoughts and feelings with the right person aids personal growth and healing: Confessing to a trusted person can help process experiences, leading to personal growth and healing. Finding the right person is crucial.
Our personal growth and healing often involve sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings with the right person, be it a therapist or a trusted confidant. This liberating act of confessing and articulating our truths can help us process our experiences and continue living. The importance of finding the right person to share with cannot be overstated, as it can significantly impact our healing journey. Additionally, the connection between confessing and social justice was highlighted, as both involve acknowledging and addressing difficult truths. This can lead to personal growth and a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us.
Feeling Isolated and Unable to Express Trauma: Recognizing the importance of addressing the root causes of trauma and the impact of representation and connection on emotional well-being.
The speaker in this text has experienced a deep sense of emotional pain, shame, and vulnerability, which she couldn't fully understand or express. She felt isolated and unable to breathe freely, as if there was no room for her to release her emotions or be reborn. She saw other girls as living a different life, with more freedom and opportunities to express themselves. The speaker's experiences were shaped by the lack of understanding and support from adults, who only held her accountable for the consequences of her trauma without addressing the root causes. The discovery of Maya Angelou's book and the realization that she was not alone in her experiences was a turning point for the speaker, providing her with a sense of connection and understanding. The text highlights the importance of acknowledging and addressing the root causes of trauma and the impact of representation and connection on individuals' emotional well-being.
The power of connection and representation through literature: Discovering relatable experiences in literature can challenge our perception of ourselves and inspire healing and self-acceptance.
The power of connection and representation can significantly impact our personal growth and healing. Tarana's experience of discovering Maya Angelou's work during a painful time in her life provided her with a sense of understanding and inspiration. Initially, Tarana saw Angelou as an imaginary friend, but later, as she read about her experiences in Angelou's books, she realized that their shared pain and joy were real. This revelation challenged Tarana's perception of herself and her abilities. She felt like a fraud, unable to reconcile the pain and joy within herself. However, seeing Angelou's confidence and joy in the face of her own struggles gave Tarana a new perspective. It showed her that it was possible to hold both pain and joy within oneself and that the pain did not define her entirely. This realization was life-changing for Tarana and helped her begin the process of healing and self-acceptance.
Finding joy in everyday life despite financial struggles: Discover the power of recognizing and valuing simple, everyday moments for joy, rather than seeking external sources that may not be accessible to all.
Joy is not a luxury exclusive to the privileged, but something that can be found and documented in everyday life, even for those facing financial struggles. The speaker shares her experience of discovering this truth through her curiosity and the realization that joy can be found in simple, everyday moments, such as her daughter's excitement upon her arrival from work or a phone call with friends. Despite facing challenges, she emphasizes the importance of recognizing and valuing these moments, rather than seeking external sources of joy that may not be accessible to everyone. The speaker's journey highlights the power of personal reflection and the importance of challenging limiting beliefs, ultimately leading her to find joy in the present moment and within her means.
Embracing the complexities of joy and pain: Recognize the value of joy amidst pain, create safe spaces for survivors to explore sexuality, and prioritize efficient business operations.
It's important to recognize and embrace the complexities of our experiences, including the co-existence of joy and pain. The speaker's journey began with recognizing the value of her own joy, despite societal expectations that it shouldn't exist alongside her pain. She also discussed the challenges of exploring sexuality safely after experiencing trauma, highlighting the importance of creating spaces where survivors can do so without fear. Additionally, the speaker discussed the importance of efficient business operations, as highlighted by the benefits of using a unified business platform like NetSuite. Overall, the conversation emphasized the importance of acknowledging and celebrating the full range of human experiences, both personally and professionally.
Personal experiences shape perceptions in relationships: Healing from past traumas and understanding mutual respect, consent, and love are essential for healthy relationships.
Our past experiences, especially those involving trauma, can significantly shape our perceptions and expectations in relationships. The speaker shared her personal story of growing up with a distorted understanding of relationships due to her experiences of sexual assault and societal pressures. She believed that the first person she had sex with was the one she was supposed to be with for life. This belief led her to stay in an unhealthy relationship, despite the partner's infidelity. However, she later met someone who allowed her to explore her sexuality without trauma and helped her understand her body as a source of pleasure. This experience was liberating and allowed her to value her own needs and desires in relationships. The speaker's story underscores the importance of healing from past traumas and understanding that relationships should be based on mutual respect, consent, and love.
Believing in Yourself to Overcome Adversity: Embrace your strength, believe in yourself, and keep moving forward during tough times. Self-belief and self-care are essential for perseverance.
Learning from this conversation with Tarana Burke and Tish Melton, inspired by Burke's book "Unstoppable: From the Bottom to the Top of the Mountain," is that no matter how difficult life gets, we have the strength to persevere. Burke shares her personal journey of overcoming adversity and encourages us to remember that we too can do hard things. She emphasizes the importance of self-belief and self-care, reminding us that we are the ones in control of our lives. The journey may be filled with joy and pain, but we are adventurers, capable of finding our way back home. The podcast "We Can Do Hard Things," produced in partnership with Cadence 13 Studios, encourages listeners to embrace their strength, believe in themselves, and keep moving forward. So, when life gets tough, remember to believe in yourself, take care of yourself, and keep moving forward. As Burke says, "The best people are free, and it took some time, but I'm finally fine."
