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    4 Ways We Self-Sabotage & 3 Ways to Improve the Relationship We Have With Ourselves

    enAugust 02, 2024
    What emotions are essential for personal growth?
    How can mindfulness contribute to self-improvement?
    What themes do Radi Devluke's podcast discussions explore?
    What causes procrastination and self-sabotage in individuals?
    How can self-compassion aid in overcoming self-sabotage?

    Podcast Summary

    • Personal Growth PodcastsEmbracing emotions, learning from past experiences, and practicing mindfulness are essential for personal growth. Podcasts like A Really Good Cry, She Pivots, Bridgerton Official Podcast, and Calm offer insights and resources for listeners.

      Embracing emotions, learning from past experiences, and practicing mindfulness are key to personal growth and self-improvement. Radi Devluke invites listeners to join her in deep conversations with friends and admired authors on her podcast, A Really Good Cry, while Emily Tisch Sussman explores inspiring pivots women have made on She Pivots. Meanwhile, the Bridgerton Official Podcast offers a closer look into the Shonda Land series, and Calm provides resources to help individuals live more mindfully. Procrastination can hinder personal growth, and understanding the root causes can lead to overcoming it. Mental health awareness is increasingly important, and podcasts like On Purpose, hosted by Jay Shetty, contribute to the conversation.

    • Self-sabotageSelf-sabotage is unconscious behavior that hinders goal achievement and happiness, often through passive-aggressive actions and unacknowledged feelings. Recognize and address root causes to communicate effectively and move forward.

      Self-sabotage is when we get in our own way towards achieving our goals and finding happiness, often without even realizing it. It's like a pebble in our shoe that trips us up, and it can manifest as passive-aggressive behaviors where we don't fully acknowledge or express our true feelings. Self-sabotage can make us feel guilty, shameful, and stuck, but the goal is not to wallow in these feelings. Instead, it's important to recognize and understand the root causes of our self-sabotaging behaviors and take steps to overcome them. By acknowledging and addressing our feelings, we can learn to communicate effectively with ourselves and others, and move forward towards achieving our goals.

    • Self-sabotage root causesDeep-rooted feelings and unresolved issues from the past can unconsciously lead to self-sabotaging behaviors in relationships and careers, often due to conflicting desires for safety and growth.

      Self-sabotage often stems from deep-rooted feelings and unresolved issues from our past, which we unconsciously reenact in various aspects of our lives, including our relationships and careers. Self-sabotage can manifest as behavior that goes against our stated goals or desires, and it can stem from a fear of intimacy, a fear of failure, or other underlying emotional issues. The brain's desire to keep us alive and in balance can sometimes lead to self-sabotage when our desires for safety and security conflict with our desires for growth and achievement. For example, oversleeping before an important presentation or emotionally withdrawing in a relationship can be self-sabotaging behaviors that stem from deeper emotional issues. Understanding the root causes of self-sabotage can help us break free from these patterns and live more fulfilling lives.

    • Brain's reward and threat responseThe brain's conflicting reward and threat responses can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors, which are not conscious decisions but rather symptoms of underlying feelings or dynamics.

      Our brains are constantly balancing reward and threat responses, often leading to self-sabotaging behaviors that we're not fully aware of. During times of high motivation, such as wanting to excel at work, the brain releases dopamine, but also triggers a stress response through the release of cortisol. This conflict between reward and threat centers can result in self-sabotaging behaviors, like chronic lateness, as a way for the brain to protect us from potential pain or embarrassment. Self-sabotage is not a conscious decision, but rather a symptom of underlying feelings or dynamics. It's important to recognize these patterns and understand the underlying reasons for self-sabotaging behaviors, as they can have negative consequences on our relationships and overall well-being.

    • Personal growthOur past experiences, no matter seemingly insignificant or wasteful, contribute to personal growth and eventual success. Self-sabotaging behaviors can hinder progress. Embrace emotions and make mindset shifts for a happier, healthier life.

      Our past experiences, no matter how seemingly insignificant or wasteful, contribute to our personal growth and eventual success. This was a common theme in the discussions on both "She Pivots" and "A Really Good Cry" podcasts. On the other hand, self-sabotaging behaviors, such as making a grand entrance by always showing up late or procrastinating, can do more harm than good. As heard in "She Pivots," women have made inspiring pivots in their lives, and their mindset shifts were crucial to their success. In "A Really Good Cry," the emphasis was on processing emotions and building a stronger mindset for a happier, healthier life. Meanwhile, in "Afghan Star," we learned about the resilience and determination of Afghans who risked their lives to bring music back to their country, demonstrating that even in the face of adversity, one can make a positive impact. Overall, these podcasts encourage listeners to reflect on their past, embrace their emotions, and strive for personal growth.

    • Childhood experiencesChildhood experiences can lead to procrastination and self-sabotage due to deep-rooted fears and desires, requiring recognition and understanding to break free.

      Procrastination and self-sabotage often stem from deep-rooted fears and experiences from our childhood. We may put off pursuing our dreams or put ourselves down due to a fear of failure or success, a desire to protect our loved ones, or as a result of growing up around hypercritical parents or low self-esteem. These behaviors serve as defense mechanisms to shield us from confronting difficult emotions and potential rejection. It's essential to recognize these patterns and understand their origins to break free from the cycle of self-sabotage and live a more fulfilling life.

    • Self-sabotage behaviorsSelf-deprecation and perfectionism are common self-sabotage behaviors that can hinder progress and limit potential by affecting confidence and leading to endless revisions and fear of mistakes. To overcome, ask if words and actions serve or protect, practice self-compassion, and address root causes.

      Self-sabotage comes in various forms, including self-deprecation, perfectionism, and more. While these behaviors may seem harmless or even beneficial at times, they can actually hinder our progress and limit our potential. For instance, self-deprecation, when overdone, can make us appear lacking in confidence and proficiency. Perfectionism, on the other hand, can lead to endless revisions, fear of mistakes, and ultimately, paralysis. To overcome self-sabotage, it's essential to ask ourselves if our words and actions are serving or protecting us. Practicing self-compassion, acknowledging and addressing the root causes of our self-sabotaging behaviors, and striving for balance and moderation can help us break free from these self-imposed limitations and unlock our full potential.

    • Childhood experiencesUnresolved emotional wounds from childhood can impact our behaviors and goals as adults. Practice self-compassion and address the root causes to unlock new possibilities for growth.

      Our past experiences, especially those from childhood, can significantly influence our behaviors and goals as adults. If we find ourselves feeling stuck or misaligned with our desires, it may be due to unresolved emotional wounds. Instead of criticizing ourselves, we should practice self-compassion and treat our inner child with kindness and understanding. By acknowledging and addressing the root causes of our misalignment, we can make peace with past feelings and unlock new possibilities for growth and achievement. Our brains are natural allies in this process, and with patience and empathy, we can work together to bring our goals into alignment with our true selves. Remember, it's the vulnerable and soft parts of ourselves that allow us to grow and thrive. Whether it's through self-reflection, creative pursuits, or solving mysteries, everyone can benefit from exploring new perspectives and giving themselves the compassion they deserve.

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    Episode Resources:

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    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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    They Weren't The One For You and That's Ok (8 Steps to Breakthrough Heartbreak)

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    00:00 Intro

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    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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    With Love and Gratitude,

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    • 45:34 Dealing with a Child Who Doesn’t Want to Open Up
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    • 51:46 How to Have a Social Media Conversation?
    • 57:12 How to Raise a Confident Human?
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    • 01:05:53 Adults Can Work on Themselves
    • 01:07:23 Aliza on Final Five

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

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    05:32 Losing Control Over Phone Use

    06:19 Six Steps to Phone Detox

    07:01 Dopamine

    11:23 People Aren’t As Happy As Before

    13:39 How Often Do You Check Your Phone?

    14:27 Cortisol

    17:26 Step 1: Become More Conscious

    19:19 Step 2: Wait an Hour Before Going Online

    21:18 Step 3: The WiFi-Free Meal

    23:45 Step 4: Watch What You Consume Online

    24:54 Step 5: Limit Potions

    25:48 Step 6: Intermittent Fasting

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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    How can you start letting your guard down in love?

    How can you become more open and vulnerable in your relationships?

    Today, let's welcome Alexis Ren and Allie Michelle. Alexis is a model, entrepreneur, and social media influencer with over 18 million followers on Instagram. Known for her advocacy of mental health and self-empowerment, Alexis has leveraged her platform to promote wellness and personal growth. She is also the co-founder of "We Are Warriors," a female-driven wellness community focused on fostering self-love, strength, and growth among women worldwide. 

    Allie is a bestselling author, spoken word artist, and certified yoga, breathwork, meditation, Reiki, and craniosacral therapist. She is passionate about holistic health and personal development, which she incorporates into her work. The duo are the co-founders of "We Are Warriors," a female-driven wellness community focused on fostering self-love, strength, and growth among women worldwide. 

    Alexis and Allie's friendship began when they were preteens and they share how their relationship has been a cornerstone of their personal growth, providing mutual support through life's challenges. A significant turning point in their friendship occurred when Alexis's mother passed away, leading to Allie’s family adopting Alexis. 

    A significant theme throughout the discussion is the balance of masculine and feminine energies, which Alexis and Allie explore in depth. They describe how these energies play out in their lives and work, with Alexis often taking on a more masculine, action-oriented role, while Allie embodies a more feminine, intuitive approach. They emphasize the importance of recognizing and honoring both energies within oneself and in others, as this balance has been crucial in their personal and professional lives.

    Alexis and Allie also address the societal pressures that women face, particularly around beauty standards and career expectations. Both women emphasize the importance of breaking free from limiting beliefs and societal expectations to find deeper fulfillment and authenticity.

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to support a friend

    How to manage criticism

    How to build a strong friendship

    How to stay authentic

    How to handle creative blocks

    How to empower others

    Embrace the balance of your masculine and feminine energies, break free from societal expectations, and empower each other to thrive on the journey to self-discovery and growth.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    • 00:00 Intro
    • 03:38 Beginning of a Friendship 
    • 08:25 Growing Together Independently
    • 10:21 Going Through Big and Small Changes
    • 15:19 Creative and Emotional Intelligence
    • 18:30 Validating and Complimenting Each Other 
    • 21:59 Types of Archetypes
    • 27:18 What's Holding Women Back?
    • 29:46 Start Embracing Your Feminine Energy
    • 33:38 Why Did It Trigger You?
    • 41:00 How to Prepare for Life
    • 45:23 Living an Internally Peaceful Life
    • 52:44 Balance Between Masculine and Feminine Energy
    • 01:02:25 Dealing with the Imbalance in Your Energy
    • 01:07:00 You Can Do Uncomfortable Things
    • 01:10:16 The Best Journaling Practice
    • 01:14:39 Speak to Your Subconscious
    • 01:16:55 Try Leaning Into the Moment
    • 01:23:27 Relationship Checklist 
    • 01:28:38 Alexis and Allie on Final Five 
    • 01:37:46 Giving Each Other the Grace of Change

    Episode Resources:

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