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    57. “I feel ashamed about having another child because we’re still renting”

    enAugust 23, 2022

    Podcast Summary

    • Exploring the Concept of a 'Rich Life' with Ramit SethiMoney management is crucial, but also consider the emotional and psychological aspects of financial decisions for a rich life

      Designing a rich life goes beyond just managing money. It involves introspection and understanding what truly matters to us. Ramit Sethi, the host of I Will Teach You To Be Rich, shared his upcoming events in Philadelphia and Boston, encouraging listeners to get tickets and explore the concept of a "rich life" through his journal. He also shared a story of a couple, Rebecca and Joe, who were feeling overwhelmed with their current living situation and were considering buying a house. Ramit highlighted the importance of financial planning, but also emphasized the psychological aspect of feeling trapped and the need for a change. The Journal, a tool Ramit created, can help individuals envision their perfect week, month, and year, and understand their values. The key takeaway is that money management is just one piece of the puzzle, and it's essential to consider the emotional and psychological aspects of our financial decisions as well.

    • Communication and Collaboration in RelationshipsEffective communication and collaboration are essential in managing financial decisions and living situations in a relationship. Frustration and disconnection can lead to feelings of helplessness, guilt, and dissatisfaction. Seek understanding, compromise, and outside help to create a secure future.

      Communication and collaboration are crucial in managing financial decisions and living situations in a relationship. Rebecca and Joe's discussion reveals a pattern of frustration and disconnection, with Rebecca expressing a sense of urgency to improve their living situation and Joe appearing indifferent. This dynamic can lead to feelings of helplessness, guilt, and dissatisfaction. To move forward, it's essential for both parties to work together, consider their financial resources, and seek outside help if necessary. The couple's current situation is not sustainable, and they need to make a decision that will benefit their family's growth and happiness. Communication, understanding, and compromise are key to resolving financial disagreements and creating a secure future.

    • Societal Pressure to Buy a HomeRecognize societal pressures, prioritize personal happiness and financial stability, and avoid unnecessary changes to maintain stability.

      Societal pressure to conform to traditional living situations, such as owning a home, can create unnecessary stress and financial instability for some individuals and couples. The speaker in this conversation expresses feelings of being trapped and pressured into buying a house despite her reservations and the challenges they currently face in their apartment. She acknowledges the external pressures from friends and family, but also recognizes that their current living situation, which they enjoy, aligns with their values and lifestyle. The conversation highlights the importance of considering internal feelings and financial stability when making housing decisions, and avoiding making too many changes at once to avoid potential financial crises. The speaker expresses a desire for a more affordable house with outdoor space, but also recognizes the value they find in their current living situation. Overall, the conversation emphasizes the importance of prioritizing personal happiness and financial stability over societal pressure.

    • Mixed feelings about affluent lifestyle and homeownershipBe aware that feelings and reality may not align, consider all facts before making significant decisions.

      Feelings about money and living situations are not always aligned with reality. Rebecca, a woman who feels overwhelmed by her affluent lifestyle, expresses mixed emotions about her living situation. She loves the community and her children's school but struggles with the challenges of daily life and safety concerns. The pressure from others to buy a house can be overwhelming, leading to feelings of inadequacy and the desire to move. However, it's essential to understand the true costs and myths of buying a house before making such a significant financial decision. Additionally, when traveling, platforms like Viator offer a wide range of experiences and valuable information to help plan unforgettable trips. A simple takeaway is to be aware that feelings and reality may not align and to consider all the facts before making significant decisions.

    • Personalized sleep technology and fatherhood8 Sleep's advanced tech offers customized temperature settings, leading to better sleep, while fatherhood involves providing for family and creating opportunities for growth, with unique definitions of success and provision.

      Both the advanced sleep technology from 8 Sleep and the role of a father hold significant importance in people's lives. The 8 Sleep pod provides personalized temperature settings for each side of the bed, ensuring optimal comfort for couples with different temperature preferences. This technology can lead to better sleep, which is essential for overall health and well-being. On the other hand, the role of a father is deeply connected to providing for one's family and creating opportunities for children to grow and explore outdoors. Some people may feel a sense of failure or shame if they cannot provide these experiences, leading to a desire to buy a house or have a larger family. It's crucial to understand that everyone's definition of providing and success may differ, and it's essential to embrace one's unique circumstances and be proud of what one can offer.

    • Feeling ashamed or reluctant to face financial realitiesAvoiding financial realities can lead to stress and overwhelm, especially during life changes. Open communication and transparency in relationships, as well as financial literacy, are essential skills for managing personal finances effectively.

      Many people, like Rebecca in this conversation, may feel ashamed or reluctant to face their financial situation due to various reasons such as fear of change, potential judgment, or simply not wanting to acknowledge the reality. This can lead to a lack of awareness about their spending habits and the potential stress and overwhelm that comes with it, especially when there are additional expenses or life changes, such as having children. The conversation also highlights the importance of open communication and transparency in relationships, as well as the potential benefits of facing financial realities head-on. It's essential to remember that financial literacy and awareness are crucial skills for managing personal finances effectively and reducing stress.

    • Fear and guilt in money matters can lead to dishonestyUnderstanding past experiences of financial stress and guilt can help individuals communicate openly about finances and avoid dishonesty in relationships.

      Fear and guilt surrounding money can lead to hiding financial information and dishonesty in relationships. The speakers in the discussion express feelings of anxiety about their current financial situation and past experiences of scarcity, leading to a reluctance to engage with their finances and a fear of responsibility. This fear can result in lies and secrecy, creating confusion and mistrust in the relationship. Understanding the root causes of these feelings, such as past experiences of financial stress and guilt, can help individuals address their internal struggles and communicate openly with their partners about their finances.

    • Comparing choices to societal expectations can lead to feelings of guilt and dissatisfactionTo break free from limiting money beliefs, evaluate fact vs fiction and prioritize values and goals over societal pressures

      We often let external influences shape our beliefs and goals, particularly when it comes to money. Rebecca and Joe's conversation in the text illustrates this phenomenon, as they find themselves constantly comparing their choices to what others expect of them. This can lead to feelings of guilt and dissatisfaction, even if those expectations don't align with what we truly want. To break free from these limiting stories, it's essential to identify and challenge the beliefs we hold about money. This can involve making a list of both positive and negative stories we tell ourselves and evaluating which ones are factually true. By gaining perspective and separating fact from fiction, we can make choices that align with our values and goals, rather than societal pressures. Additionally, it's important to surround ourselves with supportive communities and resources that help us stay true to ourselves. Peak Tea, a new sponsor, offers a perfect example of this, providing a small luxury that brings care and love into our daily lives, reminding us that we deserve to prioritize our well-being.

    • Productivity tools and personal experiencesUsing effective time management tools like Superhuman can save time and increase efficiency. Personal experiences, like learning from a resourceful father, teach the importance of planning and balancing needs and wants.

      Effective time management and productivity tools, like Superhuman, can significantly save time and increase efficiency. The speaker shared how it helps him manage his emails more effectively with features like keyboard shortcuts and email summarization. Additionally, he shared insights from his upbringing and how it influenced his relationship with money, emphasizing the importance of learning from both positive and negative experiences. The speaker's father, who always made things work despite financial struggles, taught him the importance of planning and being resourceful. However, he also recognized the importance of not being too tight with money and learning how to balance needs and wants. Overall, the conversation highlighted the importance of productivity tools and the lessons learned from personal experiences in shaping one's relationship with time and money.

    • Open communication and teamwork in managing financesEffective financial management involves open communication, shared responsibilities, conscious spending, and a plan for savings.

      Effective financial management involves living within your means, avoiding unnecessary spending, and prioritizing savings. This conversation highlights the importance of having open and honest discussions about finances with your partner, and being willing to take on shared responsibilities. The speaker acknowledges her own avoidance behaviors and the need for accountability in managing their finances together. Additionally, the importance of conscious spending and having a plan in place was emphasized. It's important to remember that financial management is a team effort and requires active participation and communication from both parties.

    • Understanding the link between emotions, actions, and financesRecognize disconnects, work towards resolving them, be aware of spending habits, and address unnecessary expenses to make the most of resources and promote well-being

      Personal growth and financial awareness often go hand in hand. Rebecca's realization about her past behavior and her subsequent discovery of their substantial net worth highlight the importance of acknowledging and understanding the connections between emotions, actions, and finances. It's essential to recognize the disconnects and work towards resolving them. Additionally, it's crucial to be aware of our spending habits and address unnecessary expenses, such as unused subscriptions. By doing so, we can make the most of our resources and contribute to our overall well-being.

    • Managing Expenses for Financial StabilityIgnoring finances can lead to stress, cancel unwanted subscriptions, create a budget for necessities, engage both partners in financial decision-making, and use costs to make informed decisions for improved quality of life.

      Understanding and managing your expenses is crucial for financial stability. Rebecca's experience shows that ignoring your finances and not setting clear money rules can lead to frustration and stress. In the conversation, they discussed the importance of canceling unwanted subscriptions and creating a budget for necessities like housing and diapers. The couple realized that they could afford more childcare, which would provide immediate relief and help Rebecca regain her personality. The conversation also highlighted the importance of both partners being engaged in financial decision-making and the power of calculating costs to make informed decisions. Overall, the conversation emphasized the importance of taking ownership of your finances and using money to improve your quality of life.

    • Recognizing and Addressing Complex Emotions and FinancesRecognize the interplay of emotions and finances in relationships. Have open conversations, calculate potential solutions, and work together to find a financial solution that aligns with your values and lifestyle.

      Money and emotions can be complex and intertwined, leading to frustration and passive aggression in relationships. In the discussed conversation between Rebecca and Joe, they've been dealing with feelings of failure and anger due to financial struggles and the inability to afford help with childcare. However, they've never had a straightforward conversation about their finances or run simple calculations to find potential solutions. This pattern of frustration and avoidance can persist for decades, leading to toxic emotions and missed opportunities. It's crucial to recognize and address these feelings while also considering the numbers to find potential solutions. The goal is not to suppress emotions but to use them as a starting point for productive conversations and decision-making. Ultimately, both Rebecca and Joe have the power to write their own financial story together and find a solution that suits their lifestyle and values.

    • Embrace the contradictions of lifeFocus on what's meaningful to us and our family in the present, get creative with resources, and reduce fear and reactivity for intentional decision-making.

      While we may experience contradictions and frustrations when it comes to managing our finances and living situations, it's important to remember that these contradictions are a part of being human and not to put undue pressure on ourselves to make decisions based on external deadlines. Instead, we should focus on what's most meaningful to us and our family in the present moment. This may involve getting creative with how we allocate our resources and making decisions that may not align with societal expectations. Ultimately, the goal is to create a rich life that is true to ourselves and our values, even if it may seem confusing or ridiculous to others. By staying open and honest with each other and focusing on what's best for our family, we can reduce fear and reactivity and make space for more intentional decision-making.

    • Shifting focus from societal norms and financial stressorsInvesting in one's immediate environment and seeking help can lead to greater contentment and happiness

      Reevaluating societal expectations and investing in one's immediate environment can lead to greater contentment and happiness. The conversation between the couple revealed their desire to make their living space more appealing and organized, which could potentially improve their overall well-being and that of their children. They also acknowledged the potential benefits of hiring help to ease the burden of daily responsibilities. By shifting their focus from societal norms and financial stressors, they could potentially find joy in their current living situation and make it a home they don't want to leave.

    • Recognizing and Addressing Blame in RelationshipsAcknowledging blame dynamics and seeking help can lead to personal growth and financial improvement. Overcoming fear and implementing changes is crucial for long-term success.

      Identifying and addressing the blame dynamic in relationships can significantly improve personal growth and financial situations. During a conversation, Rebecca recognized the impact of blame in her life and sought help to overcome it. She also discovered a potential solution to her financial problem by considering living with her in-laws, which could be modeled in a conscious spending plan. However, she struggled with implementing the change due to her fear of the spreadsheet and avoidance tactics. The conversation highlighted the importance of acknowledging and addressing negative patterns, seeking help when needed, and being willing to make changes to improve overall well-being.

    • The importance of understanding and managing financesSeeking help and self-reflection can lead to informed financial decisions, reducing expenses and improving financial situations

      Understanding your finances and taking control of your money can lead to important realizations and help make informed decisions. In the conversation between Rebecca and Joe, they discovered that Rebecca's desire to move was due to a lack of personal time, but she was hesitant to look at the numbers and make changes. By engaging with the numbers together, they were able to see that living with in-laws would significantly reduce their expenses and make their financial situation more manageable. This episode highlights the importance of asking for help and the benefits of taking ownership of your finances. It also shows that sometimes, external guidance can be valuable in untangling complex financial situations. Additionally, the conversation emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and the value of seeking help when needed. By working together and engaging with the numbers, Rebecca and Joe were able to make a decision that was best for both of them financially and personally.

    • Surprising revelations in relationships through effective communicationEffective communication can lead to new perspectives and growth in relationships, highlighting the importance of patience, understanding, and recognizing each other's roles and perspectives.

      Effective communication and understanding can lead to surprising revelations and growth in relationships. In the discussed episode of I Will Teach You to be Rich, Rebecca and Joe shared their experiences during a call that helped them gain new perspectives on each other. Rebecca was taken aback by Joe's passive demeanor during the conversation, as she had always known him to be aggressive and loud. She also realized the extent of their financial situation and her fear of using Excel. Joe, on the other hand, was grateful for Rebecca's commitment to helping him wife and acknowledged the importance of allowing her to learn and grow. He also recognized the negative impact of his tendency to take control of everything and the resentment it could cause. The conversation highlighted the importance of patience, understanding, and recognizing each other's roles in their dynamic. To learn more about this episode and the mentioned bonuses, visit iwt.com/episode57. Effective communication and understanding can lead to surprising revelations and growth in relationships, and it's essential to recognize and appreciate each other's roles and perspectives.

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    153. “We’re married. Why do I have to ask him for money?”

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    141. “We only have $2k in savings but she can’t stop going to the mall”

    141. “We only have $2k in savings but she can’t stop going to the mall”
    April and Kevin are in their mid thirties with two kids. They’ve been married for twelve years and Kevin recently came across a good book on finance—one which empowered him to learn more about their finances. What he found shocked him, and has driven deep cracks in their marriage. This episode is brought to you by: Calm | Go to https://calm.com/ramit for 40% off unlimited access to Calm’s entire library. Facet | Get affordable, accessible financial planning with a flat fee membership. For a limited time, the $250 enrollment fee will be waived when you sign up at https://facet.com/ramit. Masterclass | For unlimited access to every class and 15% off an annual membership, go to https://masterclass.com/ramit. Fabric by Gerber Life | Protect your family today with Fabric by Gerber Life. Apply today in just 10 minutes at https://meetfabric.com/ramit. Rocket Money | Stop throwing your money away. Cancel unwanted subscriptions – and manage your expenses the easy way – by going to https://rocketmoney.com/ramit. Connect with Ramit Get the Podcast Newsletter and exclusive Q&A about the show Get Money Coaching with Ramit  Download the Conscious Spending Plan Listen to my book—now on Audible Get my New York Times best-selling book Get my no-numbers journal Other episodes Instagram Twitter YouTube Submit a question for the newsletter iwt.com/askramit  If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

    EP44: Fiercely Loving Yourself

    EP44: Fiercely Loving Yourself

    The difference between doing self care when it’s convenient VS fiercely loving yourself.. that’s the topic we’re diving into this week my love.



    I share my recent personal examples, as well as what has been showing up with clients of late..



    Here’s the rundown of what you’ll receive: 



    • A life update on what my intuition is showing me

     

    • Fiercely loving yourself VS convenient self love

     

    • Recent examples from my personal life

     

    • Common misconceptions about self love and care

     

    • The Lioness and her cub

     

    • The internal battle of obligation: “should”, “have to”, “need to”

     

    • The problem with always wanting more



    And (as always) a whole lot more!



    Connect with Gemma here daily on instagram, and for more resources head to gemmahanley.com

    74. “I’m $450k in debt but she still wants me to treat her to dinner” (Part Two)

    74. “I’m $450k in debt but she still wants me to treat her to dinner” (Part Two)
    We pick up part two of Serena and Nate’s conversation with an equity problem—a serious one, and one they didn’t realize they had. Serena earns considerably more for now, but Nate stands to triple her salary in a couple of years. His medical school debt, in the meantime, crushes him.  He needs help but she doesn't see it.  He can’t, or doesn’t, speak up.  Can they meet one another where they are? Links mentioned in this episode Please take my podcast survey Join the Dream Job program Join the Earnable program Connect with Ramit Get Money Coaching with Ramit  Download the Conscious Spending Plan Get my New York Times best-selling book Get my no-numbers journal Other episodes Instagram Twitter YouTube If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

    83. “I grew up on food stamps. At 24, I’m about to get paid $215,000 per year”

    83. “I grew up on food stamps. At 24, I’m about to get paid $215,000 per year”
    Megan and Nyles are in their twenties and on a great trajectory with their money. She graduates from law school this year—sending her income from $0 to $215,000 overnight. But they’re both haunted by childhoods spent in poverty, leading to toxic scripts and trust issues. Connect with Ramit Get Money Coaching with Ramit  Download the Conscious Spending Plan Get my New York Times best-selling book Get my no-numbers journal Other episodes Instagram Twitter YouTube This episode is brought to you by: LMNT | Right now LMNT is offering my listeners a free sample pack with any purchase. That’s 8 single serving packets FREE with any LMNT order. This is a great way to try all 8 flavors or share LMNT with a salty friend. Get yours at DrinkLMNT.com/RAMIT. Sakara | Sakara is offering our listeners 20% off their first order when they go to Sakara.com/RAMIT or enter code RAMIT at checkout. If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

    34. “It’s unromantic if my boyfriend doesn’t pay for date night”

    34. “It’s unromantic if my boyfriend doesn’t pay for date night”
    Ashley and Josh both have high incomes but they find themselves arguing about who pays for what. Like a few past guests, Ashley thinks certain things are the man’s responsibility to pay for, but Josh wants a partnership. He feels like her spending is more out of obligation than true togetherness. These unspoken expectations are toxic. They’re eating away at what they both like about being together, and they need to be addressed right away. We all have internal beliefs and expectations around money, and they have deep roots. Let’s do some digging with Ashley and Josh to see what we can uncover.  Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.