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    960: Amir Levine | Finding and Keeping Love with Attachment Science

    en-usMarch 05, 2024

    Podcast Summary

    • Transforming a home into an AirbnbSharing your home on Airbnb brings in extra income and allows you to connect with people from around the world, enriching your life

      Turning your home into an Airbnb not only brings in extra income but also allows you to share a piece of your world with others. The hosts in this episode, inspired by their travels and experiences, transformed their home into an Airbnb with a spare bedroom and personal touches to make their guests feel welcomed. This not only benefits the hosts financially but also enriches their lives by allowing them to connect with people from all over the world. The episode also highlights partnerships between companies like Airbnb and T-Mobile, which aim to improve services and response times. Overall, the episode emphasizes the importance of hospitality, connection, and making the most of the resources we have.

    • Understanding Attachment Styles in Romantic RelationshipsGenetic predispositions and environmental factors shape our attachment styles, impacting behaviors and relationships. Recognizing and addressing these styles can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

      Our attachment styles, which include secure, anxious, and avoidant, significantly impact our romantic relationships. These styles are shaped by a combination of genetic predispositions and environmental factors, particularly our upbringing. Understanding these styles can provide valuable insights into our own behaviors and those of our partners, leading to healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Dr. Amir Levine, a psychiatrist and neuroscientist, explores these attachment styles in his book "Attached," which can be found at jordanharbinger.com/start. This knowledge, rooted in scientific research, can help us communicate better, manage conflicts, and foster deeper connections. By recognizing and addressing our attachment styles, we can become more secure and effective in our relationships.

    • Understanding Attachment Styles and Their Impact on RelationshipsAttachment styles shape our emotional connections, prioritize social safety over material wealth, and influence our relationship quality and overall happiness.

      Our attachment styles, which influence how we feel safe and form close connections, can change throughout our lives. These styles are linked to our emotional brain's need for social connections, not material possessions. The attachment system is a safety net that makes us feel secure when we feel close to reliable people. Our focus on material wealth can sometimes hinder genuine relationships, as doubts about the sincerity of connections may arise. The attachment system is always working in the background, ensuring we feel our loved ones are safe and available. Understanding this fundamental human need for connection can lead to improved relationships and overall happiness.

    • Understanding Attachment Styles in RelationshipsAnxious attachment style makes individuals great at detecting relationship issues but may sometimes misinterpret situations. Attachment styles are not illnesses, but understanding them can improve communication and relationships.

      Attachment styles, including anxious and secure, are not about health or disease but rather about effectiveness in relationships. Anxious attachment style, which involves a strong desire for closeness and a highly sensitive radar for potential danger, can make individuals excellent at detecting relationship issues, but they may sometimes misinterpret situations. These styles are prevalent in the population and should not be stigmatized as illnesses. Understanding attachment styles can help improve communication and foster healthier relationships.

    • Understanding Attachment: Biology of Survival Needs and RelationshipsAnxious attachment can unintentionally push partners away, but preemptive reassurance and communication can help pacify the biology and prevent small issues from escalating. Attachment is essential for both adults and children, and it's fluid and subject-to-change throughout our lives.

      Attachment theory is about the biology of our survival needs and how they impact our relationships. Anxious individuals, who constantly seek reassurance and fear abandonment, can unintentionally drive away their partners due to their sensitive neurocircuitry. However, simple actions like preemptive reassurance and communication can help pacify this biology and prevent small issues from escalating. Attachment is not just about adults but also children, and it's essential to address their needs before they become major concerns. People's attachment styles can change as they grow and learn to trust their environment and the people around them. As a highly social species, humans have the unique ability to collaborate and adapt to their surroundings, making attachment a fluid and subject-to-change concept.

    • Understanding Attachment Styles in RelationshipsSecure attachment styles value intimacy, anxious styles fear threats, and avoidant styles prefer self-reliance. Knowing the differences can enhance relationships through empathy and communication.

      Attachment styles, which influence how we respond to intimacy and perceive danger in relationships, can be thought of as a radar system. Everyone has a baseline level of sensitivity, but this can change depending on the environment. Secure attachment styles are comfortable with intimacy and not easily threatened. Anxious styles are sensitive to potential dangers and threats, while avoidant styles prefer self-reliance and distance. Understanding these attachment styles can help improve relationships by fostering empathy and effective communication.

    • Attachment styles shaped by genetics, childhood, and adolescenceOur attachment styles result from a complex interplay of genetics, early childhood experiences, and adolescent relationships, providing opportunities for growth and change throughout life

      Our attachment styles, which influence our need for closeness and distance in relationships, are shaped by a complex interplay of genetics, early childhood experiences, and adolescent relationships. While our initial attachment patterns may be influenced by our parents, adolescence provides an opportunity to form new, potentially different, close relationships that can shape our attachment system throughout life. Additionally, some aspects of attachment, such as comfort with intimacy and hypervigilance, may have a genetic component. Overall, our attachment styles are the result of a gene-environment interaction, with both our genetic makeup and our experiences playing a role. As a therapist, Amir Levine helps people shift their working models and attachment systems by providing a safe and supportive environment to explore new ways of forming and maintaining healthy relationships.

    • Insights into relationship behavior patternsUnderstanding attachment styles can reveal predictable patterns of behavior in relationships, helping us recognize potentially problematic behaviors and make informed decisions about compatibility.

      Understanding attachment styles can provide valuable insights into behavior patterns in relationships. This concept, which has been studied extensively in the field of psychology, allows us to predict and recognize patterns of anxious or avoidant attachment in ourselves and others. This understanding can be particularly useful when navigating romantic relationships, as it can help us recognize potentially problematic behaviors and make informed decisions about compatibility. The concept of attachment styles was first introduced in a therapeutic setting, where it was used to help strengthen the bond between mothers and their young children. For those interested in learning more, I recommend exploring resources such as the "6 Minute Networking" course or researching the topic further to gain a deeper understanding of this fascinating area of psychology.

    • Understanding Different Attachment StylesRecognizing anxious, avoidant, and fearful avoidant attachment styles can help navigate relationships effectively and find more compatible partners. Open communication and patience are crucial for fostering healthy relationships.

      People's ability and willingness to love varies, and it's important to understand different attachment styles, such as anxious and avoidant, to navigate relationships effectively. Anxious individuals crave closeness but fear rejection and abandonment, while avoidant individuals prefer independence and distance. Fearful avoidants, a combination of both, have a complex relationship with closeness, as they desire it but also fear it due to past traumas. Understanding these dynamics can help individuals recognize unhealthy patterns and find more compatible partners. It's essential to remember that everyone's experiences and emotional needs are unique, and open communication and patience are key to fostering healthy relationships.

    • Deepen connections through attachment styles and well-beingApologize heartfully, express love, and show care to deepen relationships and maintain attachment systems. Secure attachment styles thrive on this, while avoidants may find it less daunting than expected.

      Understanding attachment styles in relationships and taking responsibility for each other's well-being can lead to a deeper connection and a more balanced relationship. Apologizing heartfully, expressing love, and preemptively showing care are simple ways to help maintain this attachment system. This concept is particularly effective in secure attachment style relationships, where both parties feel safe and supported. Avoidants, who fear the responsibility of others' well-being, may find this idea daunting, but it actually requires less time and effort than they might think. By creating a sense of security and trust, partners can give each other the freedom to focus on their own pursuits, leading to a paradoxical increase in independence. This concept, inspired by attachment theory, can bring about significant improvements in relationships and open up new ways of looking at the role of love and connection in our lives.

    • Creating a welcoming space for guests and understanding attachment stylesEffective communication, mindfulness, and adapting to changing needs can lead to stronger relationships and successful business collaborations.

      Creating a welcoming and comfortable space for guests through an Airbnb can bring in extra income while allowing travelers to experience a piece of your world. Attachment styles in relationships can change over time, and understanding this can help prevent that feeling of being left or abandoned. In the relationship context, avoidant attachment styles may crave closeness but fear it at the same time, leading to a rollercoaster of emotions. Effective communication and being mindful of your partner's needs can help create a more stable and secure relationship. In the business world, partnerships like AAA and T-Mobile for Business can lead to faster response times and improved member experiences. Overall, being attentive to the needs of others and adapting to changing circumstances can lead to better relationships and successful business collaborations.

    • Understanding Attachment Styles in RelationshipsSecure, anxious, and avoidant attachment styles impact communication and response in relationships, with secure individuals promoting effective engagement and healthy cycles, while anxious and avoidant styles can lead to unhealthy patterns and the anxious-avoidant trap.

      The quality of communication and response in relationships plays a significant role in creating a healthy or unhealthy cycle. Secure individuals take proactive steps to maintain happiness and prevent potential conflicts, while some individuals may avoid engaging due to fear or apathy. This can lead to a vicious cycle of reaching out and withdrawing, known as the anxious-avoidant trap. The attachment styles, discovered through experiments observing mother-child interactions, provide insight into these patterns. Secure individuals quickly recover from separation and are eager to explore and engage, while anxious individuals struggle to calm down and may cling, and avoidant individuals may continue to play or withdraw and show little interest. Understanding these attachment styles can help us appreciate the importance of effective communication and emotional responsiveness in relationships.

    • The importance of meeting attachment needs for exploration and creativitySecure individuals understand the value of giving to receive deeper connections and more freedom for personal growth, while avoidants may focus too much on self-reliance, hindering attachment and exploration.

      Our attachment needs, when met, allow us to explore the world with curiosity and creativity. When we feel secure and safe, we're not overly focused on relationships but rather on our own pursuits. This is similar to how children behave when their attachment needs are met. As adults, when we provide that secure base for others, we create deeper connections and more freedom for ourselves. It's easier to see this dynamic in children, but it applies to adults as well. Secure people understand the importance of giving a little to receive a lot, while avoidants often do the opposite, activating attachment rather than allowing it to provide a secure base for exploration and growth. This concept can be observed in our interactions with our loved ones and even in our homes, where sharing them with others through Airbnb can bring in new experiences and adventures.

    • The importance of secure attachment for our well-beingSecure attachment leads to faster healing and better health outcomes, emphasizing the profound impact of social connections on our physiology

      Our physiological need for dependency and attachment is essential for our well-being and independence. The right relationship can make us feel secure and improve our health, while the wrong one can lead to emotional turmoil and even physical harm. Understanding this dependency paradox and the importance of secure attachment can help us navigate relationships and prioritize the well-being of ourselves and our partners. Studies show that secure attachment leads to faster healing and better health outcomes, highlighting the profound impact of social connections on our physiology.

    • The Significance of Attachment in Our RelationshipsEffective attachment is crucial for healthy relationships, focusing on communication and addressing underlying issues is key.

      Attachment, the way we connect with others, plays a significant role in both our suffering and healing. It's not about being healthy or unhealthy, but rather if it's effective for us. Attachment is a fundamental part of our human coding, and it's not something we can opt out of. Some relationships may seem overly dependent, but if they're working for both parties, there's no need for judgment. However, when things start to go wrong, it's essential to address the underlying issues, not the dependency itself. The discussion also highlighted that attachment is crucial for mothers and their children, especially those dealing with PTSD. While we often associate PTSD with war veterans, it can also affect mothers and their toddlers due to traumatic experiences. It's essential to understand that attachment is a complex phenomenon and that focusing on effective communication and addressing underlying issues can lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

    • Early childhood experiences shape attachment stylesChildhood interactions with significant figures can influence attachment styles, impacting development and future relationships

      Attachment styles, formed in early childhood, can be shaped by experiences with significant figures, even if those figures are not directly involved in the child's daily life. This can impact the child's development and future relationships. For instance, a mother's reaction to her child's tantrums, stemming from her own past experiences, could influence the child's attachment style. This insight, discovered by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, highlights the importance of attachment as a basic need, equal to food and water. Despite societal beliefs that one must learn to love oneself before loving others, being with and forming attachments is a fundamental human need. This understanding can lead to powerful therapeutic interventions, allowing individuals to break negative cycles and shift their relationships onto healthier trajectories.

    • Scientology's Extreme Tactics and Missing LeaderScientology's extreme tactics to convert 80% of the population and destroy critics, along with David Miscavige's missing wife allegations, reveal significant differences between having faith and being part of the organization. Understanding attachment styles can help make better relationship choices.

      The Scientology organization has a department dedicated to the utter destruction of those who speak out against it, and its leader, David Miscavige, has been accused of having a missing wife for years with no public inquiry. Leah Remini, a former Scientologist, shared these insights on the Jordan Harbinger Show. This extremist attitude towards converting 80% of the population to Scientology and the organization's price list and destruction tactics highlight significant differences between having faith and being part of such an organization. For more information on the dangers of Scientology, listen to episode 485 on the Jordan Harbinger Show. Additionally, understanding attachment styles, as discussed with Amir Levine, can help individuals make better relationship choices. Don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter for episode recaps and recommendations. This episode is sponsored by Airbnb, which offers a cozy and welcoming experience for guests.

    • Maximizing resources leads to new experiences and opportunitiesHomeowners can earn income and share unique spaces as Airbnb hosts, businesses use advanced tech for innovation, and shoppers find deals on special occasions

      Making the most of your resources can lead to exciting new experiences and opportunities. For homeowners, transforming their space into an Airbnb not only generates income but also allows them to share their unique living environment with travelers. Meanwhile, businesses, like the PGA of America, are leveraging advanced technology, such as 5G and AI, to enhance experiences and drive innovation. Lastly, for shoppers, places like Whole Foods Market and Ross offer unbeatable deals and savings during special occasions like Mother's Day. Overall, it's essential to explore new possibilities and embrace the benefits that come with them. To learn more about hosting on Airbnb, visit airbnb.com/host. For game-changing business innovations, check out T Mobile for business at takeyourbusinessfurther.com. And for unbeatable savings on Mother's Day gifts, head to Whole Foods Market or your local Ross store.

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    Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/985

    This Episode Is Brought To You By Our Fine Sponsors: jordanharbinger.com/deals

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    984: Susan Casey | Unraveling Mysteries in the Ocean's Darkest Depths

    984: Susan Casey | Unraveling Mysteries in the Ocean's Darkest Depths

    What challenges can the ocean help us meet, and what must we do to safeguard its treasures? The Underworld author Susan Casey dives deep for answers here!

    What We Discuss with Susan Casey:

    • The ocean plays a crucial role in regulating the Earth's climate and serves as the largest carbon sink on the planet, making its preservation essential for mitigating climate change.
    • The ocean is home to a fascinating array of creatures that have adapted to extreme conditions, such as iron-breathing microbes, glass sponges, and jellyfish that can reverse their life cycle.
    • Pollution, including plastics, chemical weapons, and nuclear waste, has severely impacted the ocean ecosystem, with some deep-sea creatures found to have plastic particles embedded in their organs.
    • There are an estimated three million shipwrecks on the ocean floor, preserving valuable historical artifacts and information — such as the Antikythera mechanism, an ancient Greek analog computer.
    • Exploring the ocean can lead to groundbreaking discoveries in medicine, Earth's history, and climate, providing valuable insights for addressing humanity's challenges — provided we safeguard this treasury of knowledge for current and future generations.
    • And much more...

    Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/984

    This Episode Is Brought To You By Our Fine Sponsors: jordanharbinger.com/deals

    Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!

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    • The factors that led Tom Hardin toward the temptation of illegal insider trading.
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    • And much more...

    Like this show? Please leave us a review here — even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!

    Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/918 

    This Episode Is Brought To You By Our Fine Sponsors: jordanharbinger.com/deals 

    Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course! 

    Like this show? Please leave us a review here — even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!

    256: Malcolm Gladwell | What We Should Know about Talking to Strangers

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    Malcolm Gladwell (@gladwell) has written bestsellers that are probably on your shelf right now, including The Tipping Point, Blink, Outliers, and What the Dog Saw. His latest book is Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know about the People We Don't Know.

    What We Discuss with Malcolm Gladwell:

    • Why, if we don't know how to talk to strangers, we invite conflict and misunderstanding in ways that have a profound effect on our lives and our world.
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    • Why we think we can tell if someone is lying, guilty, or deceptive -- and why we're almost always wrong.
    • What determines the direction of Malcolm's projects, and how he researches and organizes the massive amount of information that goes into them.
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    Full show notes and resources can be found here: https://jordanharbinger.com/256

    Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course!

    Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!

    365: Benjamin Hardy | How to Break Free from Self-Limiting Beliefs

    365: Benjamin Hardy | How to Break Free from Self-Limiting Beliefs

    Benjamin Hardy (@BenjaminPHardy) is an organizational psychologist and author of Willpower Doesn't Work: Discover the Hidden Keys to Success and Personality Isn't Permanent: Break Free from Self-Limiting Beliefs and Rewrite Your Story.

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    Full show notes and resources can be found here: https://jordanharbinger.com/365

    Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!

    Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!

    705: Gabe’s Front-Row Seat to Florid Psychosis | Feedback Friday

    705: Gabe’s Front-Row Seat to Florid Psychosis | Feedback Friday

    On this Feedback Friday, Gabe relays the tragic story of a paranoid schizophrenic neighbor that illustrates just how destabilizing unchecked mental illness can be for family members, friends, neighbors, and the patients themselves.

    And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com. Now let's dive in!

    Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/705

    On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss:

    • Gabe relays the tragic story of a paranoid schizophrenic neighbor that illustrates just how destabilizing unchecked mental illness can be for family members, friends, neighbors, and the patients themselves.
    • In spite of having a dream job and a significant other who checks most of your boxes, current circumstances make imagining a future in your native Russia difficult. Unfortunately, this significant other comes from a conservative family and doesn't understand why you'd ever want to move abroad. Are your differences too radical to build a life together?
    • Your boss is an incredible leader who commands respect across the board. Unfortunately, a family tragedy has overwhelmed her with grief. How can your team offer support without intruding on her personal life?
    • Your significant other is great in every respect -- except for when he gets in a "mood" and resorts to calling you names and putting you down. Where do you draw the line on verbal abuse?
    • Is it possible to profit from selling your business idea when you don't have the financial means to create your own startup around that idea?
    • Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com!
    • Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.
    • Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi.

    Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course!

    Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider leaving your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!

    956: Cannabis | Skeptical Sunday

    956: Cannabis | Skeptical Sunday

    What are the social, political, and medical ramifications of cannabis use? Michael Regilio is the Chong to Jordan's Cheech on this Skeptical Sunday!

    On This Week's Skeptical Sunday, We Discuss:

    • The historical use of cannabis in the Middle Ages and colonial times.
    • The criminalization of cannabis in the 20th century and the slow reversal of its prohibition.
    • The effects of THC and CBD.
    • Why modern cannabis is so much more potent than the strains our parents used to sneak.
    • The benefits of legal cannabis.
    • Connect with Jordan on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube. If you have something you'd like us to tackle here on Skeptical Sunday, drop Jordan a line at jordan@jordanharbinger.com and let him know!
    • Connect with Michael Regilio at TwitterInstagram, and YouTube, and make sure to check out the Michael Regilio Plagues Well With Others podcast here or wherever you enjoy listening to fine podcasts!

    Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/956

    This Episode Is Brought To You By Our Fine Sponsors: jordanharbinger.com/deals

    Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!

    Like this show? Please leave us a review here — even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!