A Scrooged Christmas Vacation

Join us on the flat circle, for the first in a seemingly endless loop of Terminator films. One and done. We're giving you the best of the lot. Best of the decade. Best of the genre. 

This is (unarguably) James Cameron's best film, thanks in large part to his brilliant (re)casting of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Linda Hamilton, Michael Biehn, Earl Been, Lance Henriksen, Bill Paxton and Paul Winfield round out this inspired cast. Never forget Dick Miller, no matter how small his part may be.

Bess Motta Forever..... 

Here we are again with another episode of The Malden Chronicles….Crime Does Pay. A few more unearthed stories from my older brothers Jamie and Jeffrey. Cue the Benny Hill music.

Lean and mean. As usual, this sit-down has been trimmed down to 45 minutes from well over two hours. Dressed up in its best court suit and ready for public presentation. You’ll have to trust the fact that a lot of the other stuff has to remain in the family breast pocket. I couldn’t possibly edit some of the tales in a way that holds together, makes sense, and/or convince anyone that we’re decent human beings. 

Although, I should probably assume that our ship of acceptance sailed with the maiden episode, “I’m Your Huckleberry.”

Merry New Year!

Trading Places, 1983. Eddie Murphy, Dan Ackroyd, Jamie Lee Curtis, Paul Gleason, Don Ameche, Ralph Bellamy, Denholm Elliot, Jim Belushi, Frank Oz, Giancarlo Esposito, Al Franken, Tom Davis.....You're welcome.

“Those men wanted to have sex with me!”

Here's a compilation of our past TMLP Christmas stories that's sure to give any Time-Life or K-tel Christmas collection a run for the money. Enjoy!

John Candy, John Hughes and Macaulay Culkin. What more do you want from 1989?! Uncle Buck closes out the decade with attitude and heart. Soothe your Thanksgiving hangover with our melodious voices, lulling you into a false sense of security. Until you find yourself wondering if your crazy, out-of-work, bum uncle will shave your head while you sleep. 

Just click play already! We’ve done the battle of the wills. The deck’s stacked in our favor. You’re just gonna lose again.

"The years hadn't softened Moronie. He continued to murder the English language, and anyone who got in his way. " 

1982 may be The Year of Living Dangerously, but 1984 is most definitely the year of living Johnny Dangerously! This movie inhabits a special place in the realms of comedy, parody classics of the '80s. And the creative license taken on curse words has lived a quiet life of infamy in small groups of immature males for the last 39 years. 

Here's a roll call of how deep the cast runs. Michael Keaton, Joe Piscopo, Danny Devito, Marilu Henner, Maureen Stapleton, Peter Boyle, Griffin Dunne, Dom DeLuise, Glenno so Connor, Ray Walston, Alan Hale junior, Dick Butkus , Jack Nance, Bob Eubanks, Taylor Negron, and Joe Flaherty. You'll have to trust me that there are many more after reading that aggravatingly long list. Had to slip an adverb in here somehow.

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice! 

If you repeat the word apathetic three times, plan on a late night pep talk from your three favorite hosts. One that will likely keep you from ever uttering that word again. 

Michael Keaton, Winona Ryder, Tim Burton, Danny Elfman and the year 1988. What more do you want?! This movie leaves one wanting for nothing on every level. If you happen to disagree, Robert Goulet will chum the waters of the bayou with your unappreciative ass. 

Sit back and grab a KitKat, some Reece's Pieces, a couple Twix, or all three, and enjoy Phil's Michael Jackson Halloween costume confession. We've decided to maintain our friendship despite what you're obviously going to end up thinking of him. Not that we'll disagree with you, but apathy is a real feeling and quite frankly, we could care more. 

 It's October and there's a lot of nefarious things going on over at Mayfield Place. The Klopek's have moved next door, and to say they're anything less than completely sus is a vast understatement. The paranoia sweeps though the cul-de-sac goes like witching rumors through Salem Village. 

This is the Tom Hanks that we all came to know and love during his formative filmography years. This movie also gives us classic Corey Feldman in one of his more enjoyable later teen roles, and Bruce Dern in a role that is very atypical of his usual....although he was a real grouch. 

Brother Theodore is watching you!

A latch key and a Happy Meal. I only ever had the scratch for a single cheeseburger though. Why are Gen Xers aging in a very different way than most of our ancestors?

If you've ever dreamt of being so good at a video game that it leads to your recruitment to defend the Frontier against Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada. Then get in loser! We're going back to 1984 to The Last Starfighter. Luke Skywalker....er....Alex Rogan has been playing Star Wars....er....Starfighter at the farm....er....trailer park for longer than I care to remember. Literally. 

The Last Starfighter is one of the earliest adopters of cgi in supporting a hefty part of a films aesthetic. And although it's glaringly obvious, there is a certain charm in the fact that the cgi generated universe resembles an actual video game. Robert Preston and Catherine Mary Stewart are a breath of fresh air, wonderfully offsetting Lance Guests' acting deficit. Funnily enough, the deployment of Alex's (Lance Guest) beta unit in the movie makes his primary character feel pretty stable. Until he deploys the Death Blossom that is! 

Curious? I thought so.