Podcast Summary
Understanding Addiction: The Emotional Disconnect: Addicts experience opposite emotions to wins and losses, making it difficult for non-addicts to understand their destructive behaviors. Everyone deserves compassion and understanding, regardless of their struggles.
Addicts, like David Cho, experience emotions differently when it comes to winning and losing. While the average person may feel elated after a win and distressed after a loss, an addict may feel the opposite. Cho shared that he even enjoys losing because it gives him a sense of excitement and fulfillment. This disconnect can make it difficult for non-addicts to understand why addicts continue to engage in destructive behaviors. Despite his flaws, Cho is an extraordinary and talented individual who is open, empathetic, and sensitive. He's a reminder that everyone, regardless of their struggles, is worthy of compassion and understanding. Additionally, the podcast episode touched on various topics such as the importance of honesty, vulnerability, and self-improvement. The episode was brought to you by On, a Swiss apparel brand that offers next-gen premium fabrics and technology to enhance performance. The episode also mentioned Waking Up, a meditation app that offers a free trial and various resources beyond meditation. Lastly, Voicing Change Media, a new venture featuring thought-provoking content from a consortium of thinkers, storytellers, artists, and visionaries, was announced.
David Choe's Journey to Self-Acceptance: Through discussing mental health, childhood trauma, addiction, identity, sobriety, creativity, and self-acceptance, David Choe shares valuable insights and wisdom for those struggling or suffering, inviting us all to explore our own growth trajectories.
That David Choe is more than just his wealth and public scandals. This unique and charismatic individual has gone through a remarkable journey towards self-acceptance and self-love, and he invites others to do the same. The conversation delves into topics such as mental health, childhood trauma, addiction, identity, sobriety, creativity, and self-acceptance. Despite his wild past, David's focus now is on authenticity and holding space for others to be authentic as well. This conversation offers valuable insights and wisdom for those who are struggling or suffering, and it invites us all to explore our own growth trajectories. David's rare authenticity and vulnerability make for a deeply heart-centered and meaningful conversation.
Embracing Complexities and Present Realities: Recognize past identities don't define worth, acknowledge present realities, and embrace complexities for self-improvement
Everyone has their unique strengths and struggles, and it's essential to acknowledge and honor both. The speaker shares his experience of feeling uncomfortable when people assume he's still an athlete based on his past, just as he feels intimidated by others' impressive accomplishments. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing the present reality and not letting past identities or assumptions define one's worth. The speaker also shares his personal struggles with addiction and emotional sobriety, highlighting the importance of self-acceptance and acknowledging the challenges that come with growth and change. Ultimately, the conversation underscores the universality of feeling inadequate or intimidated at times and the importance of embracing our complexities and striving for self-improvement while also acknowledging our current realities.
The destructive cycle of recognition and competition: Recognizing the origins and consequences of a destructive cycle of competition and self-destruction is the first step towards growth.
The drive for recognition and competition can lead to destructive behaviors and an unmanageable ego. The speaker shares their experience of growing up feeling the need to outdo others, fueled by a sense of abandonment and trauma. This mindset led them to engage in self-harm and graffiti, using music and adrenaline to get hyped up for dangerous activities. Society's approval and success only served to reinforce this ego, making it harder to reckon with the negative consequences. The speaker acknowledges the inaccuracies of their memory and the importance of examining the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. Ultimately, the cycle of competition and self-destruction can be a difficult one to break, but recognizing its origins and consequences is the first step towards growth.
Family experiences and traumas shape behavior and identity: Our past experiences, even indirect ones, can significantly impact our behavior and sense of self. Coping mechanisms like humor or attention-seeking can mask deeper fears and vulnerabilities, and these patterns can be inherited and perpetuated.
Our experiences and the traumas we face, even if not directly experienced by us, can have a profound impact on our behavior and identity. The speaker shares how his family's stories of escaping from Korea and waiting in long lines to get on boats influenced his need to be first in line and his sense of urgency. This need is further amplified by his addictive tendencies and the desire for attention and approval. The speaker also notes how some people, like Steve O, use humor or attention-seeking stunts as coping mechanisms to hide their inner fears and vulnerabilities. Ultimately, these patterns and behaviors are deeply ingrained and can be passed down through generations, shaping who we are on a fundamental level.
The hollow pursuit of external validation: Seeking fame, wealth, and external validation can lead to an unfulfilling life. Permission to create for its own sake brings joy and authenticity.
The pursuit of material success and validation from external sources, such as fame and wealth, can lead to a hollow and unfulfilling existence. The speaker learned this lesson the hard way after striving for a high-profile art career and amassing significant wealth, only to realize that it wasn't bringing him true happiness. Instead, he discovered the value of artistic expression for its own sake and the importance of giving oneself permission to create without the pressures of commercial success. This shift allowed him to find joy and fulfillment in his art, ultimately leading to a more authentic and satisfying life.
Childhood experiences of seeking approval and the impact on personal growth: Childhood experiences of seeking approval can lead to feelings of shame and guilt, suppressing desires and emotions, and impacting personal growth. Self-forgiveness and self-expression are crucial for living authentically and making mistakes along the way.
Permission and self-expression are essential for personal growth. The speaker shares stories from his childhood, where he felt the need to seek approval for his actions, leading to feelings of shame and guilt. One story involves a friend's father confiscating his prized possession, pogs, because they bore a rival brand's logo. Another story recounts his father ordering an expensive lobster meal that he couldn't fully enjoy due to the criticism from his family. These experiences shaped his behavior, leading him to suppress his desires and feelings, which manifested in strange ways later in life. The speaker's therapy helped him realize the importance of self-forgiveness and self-expression, emphasizing that everyone deserves the permission to live their lives authentically and make mistakes along the way.
Childhood traumas shape behaviors and lead to challenges: Childhood traumas, though insignificant in the moment, can have profound effects on individuals' lives, leading to addictions and other challenges. Seek resources to address past traumas and improve well-being.
Childhood traumas, though often insignificant in the moment, can have profound effects on individuals' lives, shaping their behaviors and leading to addictions and other challenges. The speaker shares his personal experience of growing up with parents who set high expectations, leading him to develop a workaholic attitude and a fear of asking for permission for his needs. He also discusses how his parents' actions, though well-intentioned, left a lasting impact on him. The speaker emphasizes that everyone's pain is unique and maximum to them, and encourages listeners to seek out resources like podcasts and experts to help them improve their health and well-being. The conversation also touches on the addictive nature of pushing oneself, such as in running, and how it can lead to negative consequences. Overall, the conversation highlights the importance of acknowledging and addressing childhood traumas to prevent them from manifesting in harmful ways later in life.
Running uncovered past trauma: Acknowledging and addressing past experiences is crucial for trauma recovery, even if they initially seem insignificant. Avoiding unhealthy patterns and addressing underlying emotions can lead to a healthier balance.
Recovery from trauma involves acknowledging and addressing past experiences, even if they may seem insignificant at first. The speaker in this conversation discusses how his involvement in ultra marathon running brought up unresolved emotions from his past, which he had been using his workaholism and competitive nature to avoid. The podcast he was creating had elements that were not healthy for his recovery, including workaholism, a need to be better than others, and a desire to entertain at the cost of his own wellbeing. By recognizing these patterns and addressing the underlying emotions, the speaker can begin to move forward and find a healthier balance.
The belief that suffering is necessary for great art: Artistic expression doesn't require self-destruction. Seek help and practice self-care for a healthy and sustainable creative practice.
The pressure to create art that pushes boundaries and causes discomfort can sometimes blur the lines between art and self-destruction. The speaker's experience of receiving hate mail and facing public backlash led him to believe that suffering was a necessary component of being an artist. He stopped podcasting due to the intense pain and negative feedback, but felt that seeking help or taking medication would hinder his artistic expression. This belief in suffering as a prerequisite for great art led him to consider dangerous situations where he might die as a means of escaping his pain. It's important to recognize that while art can be provocative and uncomfortable, it doesn't have to come at the cost of an artist's mental or physical health. Seeking help and practicing self-care are essential components of maintaining a healthy and sustainable creative practice.
Limiting Beliefs and Self-Care in Art: Believing that suffering is necessary for great art can hinder self-care and happiness. Taking a break can lead to growth and creativity, while addressing root causes of compulsions can lead to better understanding of oneself.
The belief that great art can only come from suffering and pain is a limiting belief. This belief can prevent artists from taking care of themselves and living happy, well-adjusted lives. The speaker shares his own experience of being asked to take a year off from work, which he initially saw as a threat to his identity and career. However, after reflecting on it, he realized that taking a break could be an opportunity for growth and creativity. The speaker also shares how his therapist helped him recognize the signs of OCD in his behavior and how addressing the root cause of his compulsions led to a better understanding of himself. Ultimately, the courage to challenge limiting beliefs and prioritize self-care can lead to new perspectives and possibilities in both personal and artistic endeavors.
Struggling with feelings of inadequacy, the speaker turned to shoplifting and gambling as coping mechanisms: Feelings of inadequacy can lead to destructive coping mechanisms, such as shoplifting and gambling, which can have negative consequences despite initial justifications.
The speaker's experiences with shoplifting and gambling were deeply rooted in feelings of not being enough and a need to break rules. These behaviors began at a young age and continued into adulthood, with the speaker justifying them by giving the stolen items to the homeless or using the gambling winnings to outdo his father. However, these coping mechanisms led to negative consequences, including getting caught and going to jail. The speaker eventually made a conscious decision to stop stealing and turn to gambling instead, which ultimately became a successful but destructive pattern. This cycle of compulsive behavior, driven by feelings of inadequacy, highlights the complex and often self-sabotaging nature of mental health struggles.
Meeting the right person at the right time can lead to financial gains: Luck plays a role in success, but it's up to us to make the most of opportunities and develop good habits to achieve our goals.
Sometimes, being in the right place at the right time and having the confidence to seize an opportunity can lead to significant financial gains. In the story shared, a homeless artist named Dave Cho met Sean Parker, the co-founder of Napster and later Facebook. Parker was a fan of Cho's art and promised to buy it someday. When Facebook took off, Parker kept his word and hired Cho to paint a mural on every floor of the company's headquarters. Cho, who was in need of money to pay off debts, took a gamble and asked for stock instead of payment. This turned out to be a wise decision when Facebook's stock price soared. However, Cho's story also highlights the importance of self-control and discipline. Despite his gambling addiction, Cho recognized the need for change and enlisted the help of a friend to keep him from losing his winnings. This story serves as a reminder that while luck plays a role in success, it's ultimately up to us to make the most of the opportunities that come our way and to develop the habits and mindset that will help us achieve our goals.
Understanding the common thread of addiction: Gambling addiction, like other addictions, stems from a deep desire to escape internal pain and seek intense emotions. Recognizing and accepting this desire is key to recovery.
Gambling addiction, like other addictions, stems from a deep-rooted desire to escape internal pain and seek out intense feelings, whether that's the thrill of winning or the despair of losing. The speaker's experience shows how gambling addicts can feel a sense of connection and understanding in meetings for other addictions, but also how the unique shame and despair associated with gambling can make meetings specifically for gambling addicts a more challenging and humbling experience. Despite the apparent difference in addictions, the underlying motivation to escape and seek intense emotions is a common thread. The speaker's journey to recovery involved recognizing and accepting this desire, even if it seemed irrational or difficult for others to understand.
The Power of Human Connections: Human connections are essential for survival and recovery during addiction. Relationships provide constant support and value, even during the darkest moments.
Friendship and connections are crucial for survival and recovery, even during the darkest times of addiction. The speaker shares his personal experience of being addicted to gambling, which led him to hit rock bottom multiple times. Despite the temporary pleasure and thrill of the addiction, he realized that the relationships he built and nurtured throughout his life were the only constant and valuable things. He emphasizes that these connections kept him alive during his most challenging moments. The speaker also mentions Johann Hari's book "Lost Connection," which highlights the importance of social connections in our lives. Overall, the speaker's story underscores the power of human connections in helping individuals overcome their struggles and stay resilient.
Recognizing the Need for Help Before It's Too Late: Understanding addiction's deception and seeking help before things get worse is vital for recovery. It's important to recognize when enough is enough and reach out for support.
Addiction can be deceiving, pushing individuals to believe they need to hit rock bottom before seeking help. Society's acceptance of certain addictive behaviors, like excessive use of technology or substances, can further obscure the problem. The speaker shares his personal experience of hiding his struggles in plain sight, despite having supportive friends who tried to intervene. He emphasizes that it's crucial to recognize when enough is enough and reach out for help before the situation escalates. The road to recovery may involve seeking professional help, finding the right support system, and being honest with oneself. Ultimately, it's essential to understand that asking for help is a sign of strength, not a weakness.
Overcoming Addictions and Living a Meaningful Life: Recognize the role of novelty, practice self-discipline, and confront dishonesty to live a more meaningful and happier life.
Limiting distractions and being honest with oneself are crucial steps towards living a more meaningful and happier life. The speaker shares his personal experience of being addicted to technology and how it negatively impacted his life. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing the role of novelty and the need for self-discipline in overcoming addictions. The speaker also highlights the importance of admitting and addressing lies, in all their forms, as a significant obstacle to personal growth. By sharing his journey of surrendering his phone and confronting his dishonesty, the speaker encourages the audience to reflect on their own habits and consider the potential benefits of making similar changes in their own lives.
Lies as a coping mechanism and its impact on opportunities: Acknowledging and correcting past lies within 24 hours can lead to personal growth and opportunities, but authenticity is crucial to avoid damaging consequences.
Our past experiences, whether traumatic or not, shape us in profound ways. For the speaker, their past included lying as a coping mechanism in a dangerous environment. They learned this behavior from their upbringing and found it hard to break the habit, even in recovery. However, their treatment team encouraged them to acknowledge and correct their lies within 24 hours. This led to a turning point where they were offered opportunities, like a TV show deal, based on their unique storytelling ability. Yet, they were canceled due to a controversial statement, leading them to question their desire for fame and ultimately, walk away from the opportunity. The experience taught them the power of self-awareness and the importance of authenticity.
Friendship, addiction, and the struggle for anonymity: Addiction can lead to complex situations, including loss of relationships and anonymity in seeking help. Seek support, even if it's challenging, and consider reevaluating the tradition of anonymity in light of changing societal norms.
Addiction can lead to complex and painful situations, including the loss of relationships and the struggle with anonymity in seeking help. The speaker shares a personal story of a friend's overdose and their own experience with addiction, highlighting the codependency and shame that can be involved. The anonymity aspect of support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous is discussed, with a consideration of whether it's time to reevaluate this tradition in light of changing societal norms. The speaker also touches on the challenges of maintaining anonymity while advocating for destigmatization and understanding of addiction. Ultimately, the conversation underscores the importance of seeking help and support in dealing with addiction, even when it's difficult or complicated.
Embracing individuality in connecting with a higher power: Discover your unique perspective of a higher power through self-expression, creativity, and personal growth. Set boundaries and learn essential skills for a fulfilling life.
Finding one's connection to a higher power can be a personal and unique experience, not bound by tradition or convention. The speaker shares their struggle with the concept of a higher power due to their past experiences and upbringing. They found a new perspective when their sponsor encouraged them to question their understanding of God and to create their own interpretation. The speaker also discovered that creativity and self-expression can be a form of conscious contact with a higher power. They emphasized the importance of setting boundaries and learning essential life skills as valuable lessons from their experiences, rather than focusing on irrelevant knowledge. Ultimately, the speaker encourages embracing individuality and finding one's own way to connect with a higher power, whether through art, self-expression, or personal growth.
Setting boundaries with difficult family members: Patience, repetition, and a willingness to have uncomfortable conversations are necessary for setting and enforcing boundaries with difficult family members. Approach these conversations from a place of love and neutrality to reinforce the boundary and free oneself from emotional baggage.
Setting and enforcing boundaries with difficult family members can be a long and challenging process. In the discussion, the speaker describes an uncomfortable interaction with her mother where she attempts to assert her autonomy and independence. Despite her efforts, her mother responds with dominance and attempts to reassert control. The speaker uses humor as a coping mechanism and eventually manages to communicate her boundaries, albeit with some discomfort and awkwardness. The takeaway here is that setting and enforcing boundaries with difficult family members requires patience, repetition, and a willingness to have uncomfortable conversations. It's important to approach these conversations from a place of love and neutrality, without being reactive or attached to the outcome. The ultimate goal is to reinforce the boundary and free oneself from the emotional baggage and shame that can come from unhealthy relationships.
Respecting Boundaries in Interpersonal Relationships: Understanding and respecting each other's boundaries is crucial for healthy interpersonal relationships. Trauma, cultural differences, and personal preferences can all shape individual boundaries. Elders deserve special consideration and respect when it comes to setting and enforcing boundaries.
Everyone has unique boundaries and experiences that shape their perspectives and comfort levels. In the discussion, a woman shares her reasons for not wanting dogs in her house due to her past trauma, and her desire for her family to respect her boundaries during mealtime by waiting for her prayer. The speaker acknowledges her mother's ability to assert her boundaries and change her behavior over time. The conversation also touches on the importance of respecting elders and the challenges of setting boundaries with family members. The discussion highlights the complexity of interpersonal relationships and the importance of understanding and respecting each other's boundaries.
Navigating the complexities of being a public figure: Artists can feel fulfillment and internal conflict from public recognition, struggling with role model expectations and performance pressure, but ultimately, using their platform to make a positive impact is most important.
The complexities and contradictions of being a public figure, particularly for an artist, can be a source of both personal fulfillment and internal conflict. The speaker in this conversation expresses a desire to help people while also feeling uncomfortable with the attention and recognition that comes with it. They struggle with the idea of being a role model and the pressure to constantly perform, while also recognizing the potential impact they can have on a larger audience through media platforms like TV and social media. Ultimately, they believe that the most important thing is to use their platform to give back and make a positive difference in people's lives, even if it means dealing with the accompanying ego and fear.
Facing Emotional Wounds for Deeper Connections: Despite appearances, everyone has emotional wounds. Being vulnerable and sharing these emotions can lead to deeper connections and personal growth.
No matter how brilliant or successful a person may seem on the outside, everyone carries emotional wounds that can't be outrun or outsmarted. The fear of confronting these emotions can lead to a lifetime of unconscious reactions and missed opportunities for deeper connections. It takes vulnerability and courage to sit with these emotions and share them with others, but doing so can lead to profound and transformative conversations. In the end, it's important to remember that everyone has a unique story to tell, and sharing it authentically, without fear of judgment or control from others, can be a powerful way to help oneself and others. The fear of vulnerability may be present, but the rewards of authentic connection and self-discovery are worth the risk.
A safe space for vulnerable conversations about personal struggles: The 'Deep and Meaningful' podcast creates a healing frequency by facilitating vulnerable conversations about personal struggles, empowering individuals to face challenges, and fostering a sense of community
The "Deep and Meaningful" podcast, hosted by Dave Holmes, offers a unique and healing frequency in the media landscape by creating a safe space for vulnerable conversations about personal struggles and obstacles. These conversations not only show that they are okay to have but also empower individuals to face their challenges. The podcast can lead to important conversations between family members or friends, even if they are uncomfortable. Holmes' approach of sharing personal stories and experiences, without being a therapist or guru, creates a sense of connection and understanding among listeners. The podcast's impact can be likened to attending an AA meeting before being ready to make significant changes, as it plants seeds for future growth and transformation. Despite not being a cultural phenomenon, the podcast's ability to facilitate meaningful conversations and provide a sense of community makes it a valuable resource for those seeking personal growth and healing.
Redemption and Change: Personal Experiences and Societal Implications: Personal experiences and societal judgement highlight the importance of extending compassion and understanding for redemption and change.
Redemption and change are essential for individuals and society as a whole. The speaker shares his personal experiences of helping others and grappling with the concept of redemption, especially in the context of societal judgement and polarization. He reflects on his own biases and the importance of extending compassion and understanding to those who have made mistakes, even if they are severe. The speaker's experiences in recovery and his encounters with individuals who have committed heinous crimes illustrate the need for a culture that values redemption and change. He ultimately decides to create a TV show that focuses on private, one-on-one conversations with high-profile individuals, despite his initial reluctance due to the potential for shame and anonymity. The success of the show demonstrates the deep-rooted desire for authentic, unfiltered conversations and the potential for personal growth and change.
Facing Rejection and Embracing Authenticity as an Artist: Artists, including David Joe, face rejection and fear criticism, but their unique talents can help and heal on a larger scale. Embrace authenticity and self-awareness to use talents effectively.
Everyone, including successful artists like David Joe, faces the fear of being rejected or criticized, especially when they want to use their talents to help others. David Joe shared his experience of being rejected by FX after creating a challenging TV show, and how he considered becoming a YouTuber instead. However, he acknowledged the potential danger of becoming a guru figure, which he feared might not align with his sensibility. The speaker emphasized that David Joe's unique artistic ability to express himself in a particular way is a gift that can help and heal people on a broader scale. The speaker encouraged David Joe to embrace this aspect of himself rather than resist it, while also being aware of his relationship with his ego and workaholism tendencies. Overall, the conversation highlights the importance of self-awareness and using one's talents in a healthy and authentic way to serve others.
Balancing Passion and Relationships: Working tirelessly on projects can lead to exhaustion and financial strain, but finding balance and being present in the moment is crucial for healthy relationships and well-being.
Passion and purpose can drive us to push beyond our limits, but it's important to consider the impact on our relationships and well-being. The speaker shares how they've struggled with the desire to work tirelessly on projects, even at the expense of time with family and friends. They've experienced the thrill of creating something meaningful, but also the exhaustion and financial strain that comes with it. Ultimately, they've learned the value of balance and the importance of being present in the moment, even if it means missing out on opportunities for greater success or recognition. The speaker also reflects on the importance of considering the needs and experiences of others, whether it's the audience for a project or the staff working on it. These lessons have shaped their approach to work and life, and they continue to grapple with the tension between ambition and well-being.
The importance of self-compassion in recovery: Learning self-compassion is essential for recovery from compulsive behaviors and addictions. Seek help, connect with others, and use tools for self-care, recognizing that the same brain that caused the problem cannot solve it alone.
Self-compassion is a crucial aspect of recovery from compulsive behaviors and addictions. The speaker shares how he was so focused on helping others that he neglected his own well-being, leading to a great deal of emotional exhaustion. He acknowledges the difficulty of learning to be kind to oneself, especially when one has a history of self-abuse. The speaker emphasizes that recovery is a simple concept but a challenging practice. He encourages those still suffering to seek help, connect with others, and use the same tools that contributed to their struggles for their recovery. He shares his own experience of feeling out of place in treatment facilities due to societal expectations and the importance of recognizing that the same brain that led to the problem cannot solve it alone.
Acknowledge and address difficult emotions: Seeking help and support can make a difference in managing mental health challenges, prioritize self-care, and normalize suffering while creating meaningful connections.
It's important to acknowledge and address difficult emotions, even when it feels hard or uncomfortable. Seeking help and support from others, whether through therapy, support groups, or simply reaching out to a friend, can make a significant difference in managing mental health challenges. The speaker emphasized the importance of connection and community in getting through tough times, and challenged us to prioritize self-care and focus on our well-being. It's okay to ask for help and take a break when needed, and doing so can lead to personal growth and a better quality of life. The conversation also touched on the normalization of suffering and the importance of creating meaningful connections, even in a disconnected digital world.
Embracing Challenges for Personal Growth: Facing challenges, even daunting ones, can lead to personal growth. Mental resilience and setting realistic expectations are key to navigating challenges successfully.
Pushing oneself to face challenges, even those that seem daunting or painful, can lead to significant personal growth. The speaker shares how her experience with long-distance running revealed deep aspects of herself and helped her overcome hidden weaknesses. However, she also acknowledges the importance of mental resilience and setting realistic expectations, as taking on too much too quickly can lead to disappointment and burnout. Ultimately, embracing challenges and learning to navigate them with a growth mindset can lead to greater self-awareness and personal expansion.
Honest communication leads to growth and understanding: Through open and honest communication, individuals can acknowledge vulnerabilities, show appreciation, commit to supporting each other, and promote peace and growth.
Open and honest communication can lead to growth and understanding, even in difficult situations. During this conversation, both individuals acknowledged their vulnerabilities and showed appreciation for each other's honesty. They committed to supporting each other through challenges, offering grace and understanding in the process. The conversation ended on a positive note, emphasizing peace and the importance of plants (likely a metaphor for growth and nourishment). To engage further with this topic and access related resources, visit the show notes on richroll.com. Remember, supporting the podcast through subscriptions, sharing episodes, and signing up for the newsletter can help spread the message and deepen the learning experience. Produced by Jason Camiolo, with video editions by Blake Curtis and graphics by Jessica Miranda, among others. Find more from Rich Roll at richroll.com or on social media. Thanks for listening and see you next time. Peace. Plants.
