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    E314 Ask Nick - Hope Isn’t Going To Get You There

    enSeptember 06, 2021

    Podcast Summary

    • Respecting Boundaries in Past RelationshipsIt's okay to be indifferent towards past relationships and focus on building new connections, while being aware of patterns and making conscious choices.

      It's important to respect your own boundaries and not feel obligated to maintain contact with past romantic partners if it doesn't serve a meaningful purpose in your present life. In the discussion, Amanda shared an experience of living near an ex and feeling the pressure to reconnect, but ultimately deciding against it. The team emphasized that it's okay to be indifferent towards past relationships and focus on building new friendships and connections. They also acknowledged the importance of being aware of patterns in one's relationships and making a conscious effort to break free from them. Overall, the conversation underscored the importance of self-awareness and making choices that align with one's values and goals.

    • Absorbing Advice at Different PacesAdvice and experiences can impact us in various ways, even if not directly applied immediately. Believe in and support others, even when no longer personally connected.

      People process advice and experiences at their own pace, and sometimes, even if the advice isn't directly applied, it can still have an impact. The speaker shares how they've absorbed advice from a podcast, even if they don't follow it immediately, and how it has positively affected others. They also emphasize the importance of supporting and believing in people, even if there's no longer a personal connection. The episode then delves into a listener's question about a past relationship where the person discovered their partner was in love with someone else and couldn't be friends. The speaker advises that in such situations, it's important to respect the other person's feelings and move on. The episode also previews upcoming episodes featuring relatable stories and a special guest appearance.

    • Impulsive Decisions Based on EmotionsPeople make impulsive decisions based on emotions, which may not align with long-term goals or values. It's essential to learn from mistakes and consider potential consequences.

      People often make impulsive decisions in response to emotional upheaval, even if they know it's not the best choice. In the case discussed, a woman felt angry and upset after learning her current partner was seeing other women, and in a moment of anger, she reached out to an ex with whom she had a sexual connection. Though she acknowledged the decision was a bad one, she justified it by focusing on the physical aspect of their relationship. It's essential to be honest with oneself about the motivations behind our actions, especially when they may not align with our long-term goals or values. While making a mistake doesn't equate to the end of the world, it's crucial to learn from the experience and consider the potential consequences.

    • Awareness of decisions and their impactBeing honest with yourself about past decisions and learning from mistakes is crucial for personal growth. Investing in quality home goods can enhance your living space and bring joy, while open communication in relationships fosters growth.

      Being aware of your decisions, both good and bad, is crucial for personal growth. Justifying bad decisions can lead to a slippery slope and more poor choices in the future. It's essential to be honest with oneself and learn from past mistakes. Additionally, investing in quality home furnishings, such as Article and Fable, can elevate one's living space and bring joy. Article offers high-end furniture at affordable prices, with a variety of modern design aesthetics and fast, free shipping. Fable's eco-friendly dinnerware not only looks beautiful but also contributes to reducing waste. From a relationship perspective, it's important to communicate openly about expectations and feelings. Friendships with benefits can evolve into something more, but avoidance and lack of clarity can hinder growth. It's essential to have honest conversations and assess whether the relationship aligns with personal goals and desires.

    • Ex-partner's avoidance leaves individual uncertainIndividual struggles with continuing a relationship due to lack of communication and reciprocation from ex-partner, despite physical connection.

      Despite past sexual encounters and attempts to pursue a romantic relationship, the individual's ex-partner has consistently shown signs of avoidance and unwillingness to engage in serious conversations about their feelings or potential future together. The convenience and comfort level of their physical relationship seems to be the primary reason why he continues to keep things as they are. The individual has expressed their desire to explore the potential for something more, but the lack of reciprocation and communication from their ex-partner has left them feeling frustrated and uncertain. Despite having explored his character extensively, the individual has yet to discover compelling reasons to continue pursuing a relationship beyond their physical connection.

    • Considering More Than Physical Attraction and Convenience in RelationshipsIt's essential to evaluate communication, compatibility, and more in relationships beyond physical attraction and convenience.

      While physical attraction and convenience may play a role in a relationship, it's important to consider other aspects such as communication and compatibility. In the discussed situation, the speaker acknowledges being drawn to a man for more than just great sex, but also for his physical attraction. However, she also admits using him for convenience and convenience being a mutual role in their situation. The speaker questions whether there is more to the relationship than just physical attraction and good sex, and if the man's communication patterns and avoidance will change in a committed relationship. The speaker is encouraged to consider these questions and not make excuses for the man's behavior. Additionally, the conversation shifts to promoting Grove Collaborative, a company that provides organic and effective home care products, making living a healthy lifestyle easy and affordable.

    • Reducing Single-Use Plastics and Communicating in RelationshipsExpress feelings in relationships and reduce single-use plastics in shopping for sustainable improvements

      Grove Collaborative offers sustainable, natural products and makes the switch to eco-friendly shopping easy. Companies produce vast amounts of new plastic daily, but only 9% gets recycled. Grove Collaborative aims to reduce single-use plastics and has helped over 2 million households shop sustainably. In relationships, it's crucial to communicate feelings to your partner. Lydia, a listener, shared her concern about her boyfriend not giving their relationship equal effort. The advice given was to express feelings without making it a contest or keeping score. It's essential to communicate effectively to understand each other's needs and work towards a solution. In both personal shopping and relationships, taking small steps towards sustainability and open communication can lead to significant improvements.

    • Communicating effectively in self-centered timesBe clear about your needs, avoid past instances, communicate openly, and focus on the present in long-distance relationships.

      During self-centered times in a relationship, it's essential to communicate clearly and effectively with your partner about your needs without making it a competition. Be specific about what you require from them, and try to avoid bringing up past instances unless they're brought up first. It's natural for communication to fade in long-distance relationships, but checking in and expressing your feelings is crucial. Don't rely on hope alone; instead, communicate openly and honestly about your concerns and expectations. Lastly, remember that you're young and may not have a clear idea of the future of the relationship, so focus on the present and work on effective communication skills.

    • Express feelings and concerns in relationshipsBe confident, communicate openly, and trust your instincts in relationships to avoid fear and uncertainty

      Communication is key in relationships. If you have feelings or concerns, express them instead of hoping things will work out on their own. Don't let fear hold you back, and trust your instincts. If you're unsure about expectations or if you're scaring people away, focus on being casual and open in your communication. And if you're dating someone whose availability is uncertain, consider whether you're looking for something casual or if you're open to the possibility of something more serious. Remember, it's better to find out early on if things aren't working out rather than dragging out a relationship that isn't fulfilling. Overall, be confident, communicate openly, and trust your instincts.

    • Explore new relationships without pressureSlowly get to know new people, learn from past experiences, and build deeper connections through open communication

      Even if you're hesitant or have limited dating experience, it's worth giving it a try. You don't have to rush into finding a life partner right away. Instead, consider taking things slow and getting to know new people without high expectations. As you date, you may discover new things about yourself and learn more about potential partners, leading to deeper connections. It's important to remember that every relationship is unique, and past experiences don't define your future. Through open communication and sharing stories from your past, you can build stronger bonds with your partners and gain a better understanding of each other.

    • Rushing relationships can lead to tension and uncertaintyFocus on getting to know your partner as an individual, not comparing them to past relationships, for a healthier and more fulfilling connection.

      Rushing a relationship and putting excessive pressure on oneself and one's partner can create unnecessary tension and uncertainty. The speaker shares her personal experience of feeling the need to find "the one" quickly, which led her to project her expectations and insecurities onto her dates. This behavior, in turn, may cause her partners to feel overwhelmed and unsure about the relationship. The speaker acknowledges her tendency to overthink situations and suggests that focusing on getting to know her partner as an individual, rather than comparing them to past relationships, can lead to a healthier and more fulfilling connection. Ultimately, taking the time to build a strong foundation of trust and communication is essential for a successful and sustainable relationship.

    • Approach dating casually and focus on learning about different peopleAfter a divorce, take your time to casually date. Don't seek constant validation or put too much pressure on potential partners. Learn about various suitors and use each dating experience as a learning opportunity.

      It's important to approach dating casually and focus on getting to know different people rather than seeking constant validation. After a divorce, it's natural to want attention and affirmation, but rushing into relationships or putting too much pressure on potential partners can lead to disappointment. Instead, try to keep things low-key, allow yourself to learn about various suitors, and avoid putting undue emphasis on their validation. Remember, the goal is to discover what you truly desire and become more comfortable with yourself. Don't let the fear of being single or the excitement of a new connection cloud your judgment. Take your time, and let each dating experience serve as a learning opportunity.

    • Embracing a more relaxed approach to dating and healing from a breakupFocusing on enjoying each dating encounter and moving forward instead of fixating on specific outcomes can reduce dating exhaustion.

      Approaching dating and healing from a breakup with a more relaxed and open perspective can make the experience more enjoyable. Chloe shared her experience of discovering her boyfriend's infidelity and the emotional turmoil that followed. She acknowledged that in the moment, she wanted him to explain himself, but with hindsight, she realized that any attempt at an explanation would likely have only caused more pain. Instead, she chose to purge him from her life and focus on moving forward. In the context of dating, Chloe plans to adopt a more lighthearted approach, viewing each encounter as an opportunity to meet new people and have good experiences, rather than a hunt for a specific outcome. This shift in perspective can help reduce the exhaustion and tiresome feelings often associated with dating.

    • Moving Forward After Infidelity: Prioritize Your Own HealingFocus on self-growth and self-care to heal from infidelity, letting go is best for both parties.

      When dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, it's essential to prioritize your own healing and well-being. Apologies and explanations may not provide the closure you seek, and it's important to recognize that the other person's mental health and decision-making are no longer your concern. The no-contact approach can be challenging, but it's often the best way to move forward and regain control of your emotional well-being. Your ego may resist letting go, but it's crucial to listen to the part of yourself that knows you don't need the person in your life to be sorry or to get therapy for you to heal. Instead, focus on your own growth and self-care, and trust that letting go is the best thing for both parties involved.

    • Making difficult decisions to protect oneself is a sign of strengthLearn from past experiences, use them as opportunities for growth, and find balance between trust and caution in relationships

      Making difficult decisions to protect oneself, even if it's painful, is a sign of strength. We all face temptations and desires that can lead us down a path we may later regret. It's natural to hope for the best, but sometimes it's important to trust our instincts and close the door on toxic situations. Hindsight is 2020, and it's important to learn from past experiences, but not to let them make us jaded or cynical. We all make mistakes, and the key is to use them as opportunities for growth. In the world of dating, it's essential to keep our eyes open for red flags and be aware of the risks involved. But at the same time, we don't want to live in fear of being fooled. Ultimately, it's about finding a balance between trust and caution, and having the courage to walk away when necessary.

    • Recognizing Red Flags in RelationshipsStay attuned to potential red flags, such as inconsistencies, lack of transparency, or selfishness, to avoid getting involved in unhealthy relationships. Remember, it's not a reflection of our worth if we're cheated on, and focus on learning and growing instead.

      Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we may end up in relationships with people who are not honest or trustworthy. It's important to trust our instincts and pay attention to potential red flags, even if they are subtle or hard to recognize. These flags might include inconsistencies in behavior or stories, a lack of transparency, or a pattern of selfishness. While it can be disheartening to be cheated on, it's important to remember that it's not a reflection of our worth as individuals. Instead, we should focus on learning from the experience and growing as people. This might involve recognizing the qualities we are attracted to and why, and being open to the possibility of meeting new people without the pressure of settling down right away. Ultimately, the most important thing is to stay true to ourselves and prioritize our own well-being.

    • Red flags in relationships: prioritizing partying over commitmentsA man consistently prioritizing partying over personal relationships might not be a healthy sign, and glasses could be an indicator of immaturity. Transparency, trust, and ethical sourcing are crucial in the supplement industry.

      A man in his thirties who prioritizes partying over other commitments could be a red flag in a relationship. This was a lesson shared by a guest on a podcast, who recalled past experiences with such men. He emphasized that Thursday night invitations for socializing are a warning sign. While reflecting on these experiences, he also mentioned glasses as another potential indicator of immaturity. It's essential to recognize that everyone has the right to enjoy their life, but a consistent pattern of prioritizing socializing over personal relationships might not be a healthy sign. Additionally, the speaker shared some insights on the importance of transparency and trust in the supplement industry. Kat, the founder of Ritual, shared her personal experience of struggling to find a trustworthy multivitamin during pregnancy. In response, she created her own company, which focuses on traceability, third-party testing, and clean label certification. Moreover, she highlighted that their vitamin D3 supplement comes from lichen, not sheep, which is a more sustainable and ethical sourcing method. Overall, the podcast episode offered valuable insights on both relationship dynamics and ethical consumerism.

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    Timestamps:
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    02:55 - Father’s Day
    08:11 - Housekeeping
    11:40 - RHOA
    19:38 - Football
    22:03 - Bachelor Credit
    23:04 - Red Lobster
    30:33 - The Apprentice
    43:28 - Jenn’s Men
    01:08:55 - Picking Noses
    01:14:59 - Summerhouse
    01:33:39 - Perfect Match
    01:40:19 - Elys Joins
    02:02:19 - More Perfect Match
    02:06:20 - RHONJ
    02:11:46 - Outro

    The Viall Files
    enJune 18, 2024

    E763 Ask Nick - Flirting With an NHL Player

    E763 Ask Nick - Flirting With an NHL Player

    Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! We start off the episode by addressing your gentle parenting responses and diving into the ideal dating expectations of men. Then we get to our callers… 

    Our first caller wants to shoot her shot with a professional athlete. Our second caller is back with her ex, and is afraid to tell her parents. Finally, our third caller is thriving in her occupational industry but is afraid it turns off the men she’s dating.

    “As a woman who’s very successful and passionate about her career, that should never feel like a negative for you”

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    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. 

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    The Viall Files
    enJune 17, 2024

    E762 GD w/ West Wilson - Summer House, Girlcode, Sleep Training, and Perfect Match with Tolú

    E762 GD w/ West Wilson - Summer House, Girlcode, Sleep Training, and Perfect Match with Tolú

    Welcome back to The Viall Files: Going Deeper, with Summer House’ West Wilson. 

    To start things out, we invite Tolú Ekundare from Netflix’s Perfect Match… She shares her experience matching with Izzy Zapata, Dom Gabriel, and Chris Hahn. Then we get to our interview with West. How was his first season? Who does he still talk to? Does he regret his relationship with Ciara?

    “When someone shows you who they are, believe it.” 

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     Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes.

    Listen To Disrespectfully now!

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    Timestamps:
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    05:48 - Household Headlines
    12:23 - Love Island
    17:57 - Summerhouse Drama
    21:05 - Captain Lee
    25:39 - Sleep Training
    31:08 - Age
    34:28 - Tolú Interview
    57:10 - Feedback
    01:10:22 - West Interview
    01:17:01 - New To Bravo
    01:19:55 - Saying Weird Things
    01:21:35 - Bachelor
    01:22:37 - Selfie
    01:30:54 - Your Heart
    01:43:15 - Love Languages
    01:50:26 - Dads
    01:54:12 - Team Carl
    01:59:55 - Her Take
    02:04:27 - Open
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    02:30:00 - What Is Next
    02:32:52 - Ciara
    02:48:04 - Sports
    02:48:45 - Off Your Chest
    02:49:28 - Coming on ViFi
    02:53:59 - Outro

     

    The Viall Files
    enJune 13, 2024

    E761 RR - Summer House Reunion, Perfect Match w/ Kaz, Sandoval Drama, and Traitors Cast

    E761 RR - Summer House Reunion, Perfect Match w/ Kaz, Sandoval Drama, and Traitors Cast

    Welcome back to reality recap. Today we discuss all of the drama… ranging from Billie Lee slamming Sandoval’s new girlfriend, West Wilson getting grilled during the Summer House Reunion Part 1, Traitors cast announcement, and Jesse Lally having an affair with Anna Nicole Smith. Meanwhile, Kaz Bishop, from The Perfect Match zooms in! What’s it like back on TV, who does he want to match with, and does he regret anything? 

    “All I'm hearing is you’re a bottom feeder” 

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    Timestamps:
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    01:01:34 - Perfect Match Thoughts
    01:04:54 - Summerhouse
    01:37:02 - The Valley
    01:38:34 - Stalkers
    01:45:25 - Outro

    The Viall Files
    enJune 11, 2024

    E760 Ask Nick - Carrying My BFF’s Baby

    E760 Ask Nick - Carrying My BFF’s Baby

    Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! Before we get to our callers, we talk about menu anxiety and gentle parenting. Then we get to our callers…

    Our first caller is carrying her best friend's baby, but her mother and law doesn’t approve. Our Second caller is a single mom and it’s been 9 years since she’s last called someone her boyfriend. Finally, our third caller feels like the city she lives in makes it impossible to move on from her ex.

    “When you look back at your relationship, was he really the perfect boyfriend?”

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    The Viall Files
    enJune 10, 2024

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