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    E495 Ask Nick - Do You Want a Project or Do You Want a Boyfriend?

    enOctober 31, 2022

    Podcast Summary

    • Embracing Change and GrowthTrying new experiences, even with initial reservations, can lead to unexpected benefits and opportunities for personal growth.

      Despite the unexpected challenges and distractions in life, it's important to step out of your comfort zone and try new experiences. In this episode, Nick and his colleagues shared stories about their recent experiences, including attending an improv class and dealing with unexpected events. Although they had initial reservations and fears, they found that they learned new skills, made new friends, and gained valuable insights. Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan, with its long history of serving generations of Michiganders, embodies this idea of embracing change and growth. So, whether it's trying a new hobby, learning a new skill, or facing a difficult situation, remember that the experience can lead to unexpected benefits and opportunities for personal growth.

    • Expert panels and improv games teach valuable skillsImprov games and expert panels help build connections, foster emotional support, and encourage adaptability under pressure

      The expert panels and improv games, despite initial frustrations, serve valuable purposes such as teaching valuable life skills, fostering emotional support, and encouraging adaptability under pressure. The speaker expressed her anxiety and struggles during these activities but came to appreciate their importance. The games, like the one where participants answer questions with limited words, are designed to help individuals think on their feet and build connections with others. The speaker also shared her experience with FaceTime dating as a useful screening tool and expressed her excitement for the upcoming improv journey. Overall, the discussion highlights the benefits of stepping out of comfort zones and embracing new experiences, even when they come with challenges.

    • Effective Communication in Dating and LifeActive listening, clarifying misunderstandings, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, being true to oneself, personal growth, good grammar, and clear communication are essential in dating and life. Utilize tools like Grammarly to improve communication.

      Effective communication is essential in dating and in life. The conversation described in the text illustrates the importance of active listening and clarifying misunderstandings. The frustration arose when assumptions were made instead of asking for clarification. It's crucial to respect each other's perspectives and ask questions to ensure a clear understanding. This experience highlights the significance of emotional intelligence and self-awareness in dating. Additionally, the text emphasizes the importance of being true to oneself and prioritizing personal growth before entering a relationship. The dating app Match also values these qualities and aims to bring together individuals who have done the necessary work on themselves. Lastly, the text discusses the importance of good grammar and communication in various aspects of life, including dating and professional settings. Utilizing tools like Grammarly can help improve communication and prevent potential misunderstandings.

    • Effective communication in personal and professional settingsUsing Grammarly for mistake-free writing and clear communication, acknowledging the importance of tone and specific language in relationships

      Effective communication, especially in professional settings, is crucial for moving projects forward and getting promoted. Grammarly, an advanced writing tool, can help ensure your writing is mistake-free, clear, and professional, allowing you to communicate confidently and efficiently. The right tone is also essential in any project or relationship. While discussing favorite exes, it was acknowledged that the definition and labeling of relationships can vary, and the significance of using specific language was touched upon. The impact of wanting to minimize the number of exes or defining relationships less clearly is a modern trend. Effective communication and using the right tools, like Grammarly, can help navigate these complexities and ensure success in various aspects of life.

    • Defining and Understanding RelationshipsCommunication and shared values are crucial in relationships. Some people may find 'situationships' a helpful label for brief encounters. The speaker encourages those struggling with dating to read her book and join a book club for support.

      The definition of a relationship and its significance can vary greatly from person to person. While some may view a brief encounter as insignificant, others may consider it a meaningful experience. The speaker, who has had serious long-term relationships, finds it difficult to label someone she dated for a few months as an "ex." She suggests the term "situationship" as a possible intermediary label. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of communication and shared values in a relationship, using her own experience of cultural differences and conflicting priorities as an example. Additionally, she encourages those struggling with dating and relationships to check out her book, "Don't Text Your Ex Happy Birthday," and consider starting a book club to connect with others going through similar experiences. The speaker also offers to join book clubs in major cities and provide advice and support. Overall, the discussion highlights the complexity and subjectivity of relationships and the importance of open communication and understanding.

    • The importance of trust in relationshipsTrust is crucial for a healthy and committed relationship, requiring open communication, emotional connection, and a willingness to take risks.

      Trust is a crucial element in a healthy and committed relationship. In the shared story, the speaker's boyfriend was unwilling or incapable of emotionally connecting and building trust, leading to the breakdown of their relationship. Despite his cultural background and initial reasons for not introducing the speaker to his family, the real issue was his reluctance to trust and be vulnerable in the relationship. Trust is a personal choice, and it requires both parties to have open communication, emotional connection, and a willingness to take risks. The speaker's decision to end the relationship was not solely based on the lack of introduction to his family but on his inability to trust and build a deeper emotional connection. Trusting someone is a significant risk, but it's a healthier alternative to constantly questioning and wondering. Ultimately, trust is essential for a strong and fulfilling relationship.

    • Trust is essential for a healthy relationshipTrust goes beyond avoiding infidelity, it's about vulnerability and commitment. Prioritize relationships where both parties feel safe and able to give their all.

      Trust in a relationship goes beyond just avoiding infidelity. It involves being vulnerable and allowing oneself to fully commit. In the discussed situation, the speaker felt that their partner couldn't fully trust them, leading to a disconnect and feelings of inadequacy. Despite other positive aspects of the relationship, the speaker ultimately decided to end it due to this issue. Trust is crucial for a healthy, long-term partnership, and it's essential to prioritize being in a relationship where both parties feel safe and able to give their all. The speaker's decision to prioritize their emotional well-being and leave the relationship is a brave and important step towards finding a more fulfilling connection. Additionally, having open and honest conversations about past hurts and trust issues early on in a new relationship can help prevent similar challenges down the line.

    • Earning Trust in RelationshipsTrust is a choice, not a given. If someone insists on earning it, explore their past and communicate. No contact after a breakup can help heal, but rebuilding trust requires empathy and focus on present and future.

      Trust is not a given in relationships, and it's essential to understand what someone means when they say they need to earn it. Trust is a choice that can be evaluated and given or withdrawn based on behavior and actions. If someone insists that you need to earn their trust, it's a red flag and an opportunity to explore their past experiences and feelings. Communication and understanding can help determine whether this person is capable of trust or if they may struggle due to past hurts. Additionally, no contact after a breakup can be beneficial for both parties, allowing each person to heal and process their emotions independently. However, if there's a desire to maintain a friendship or clear the air, it's important to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, acknowledging the past while focusing on the present and future.

    • Communicating Needs vs. Changing PeopleWe can communicate our needs, but we can't force someone to change. Prioritize your own happiness.

      Communication is key in a relationship, but sometimes, despite our best efforts, people may not change even after being given clear expectations and chances for growth. In this situation, the speaker had communicated her needs to her partner multiple times, but he failed to meet them, leading to the end of their relationship. It's important to recognize that we cannot force someone to change or grow, and ultimately, it's crucial to prioritize our own well-being and happiness. If there's a desire to communicate further, a formal letter could be an option, but it's essential to be careful in how we articulate our feelings and avoid getting bogged down in the details. The goal should be to remind the other person of the impact they had on us and reiterate that we cared for them, without trying to explain or convince them. If a run-in with the ex is inevitable, it's best to acknowledge the situation without pretending everything is fine and avoid confusing or misleading interactions.

    • Navigating a painful breakupFocus on self-worth and healing, recognize signs of deeper issues, maintain polite interactions, and trust in finding the right person.

      Ending a relationship, especially one where you've put in a lot of emotional effort, can be a difficult and painful process. It's important to prioritize how you want to be treated and prioritize your own emotional well-being. If your ex has not shown empathy towards your feelings during the breakup and has a history of pushing people away, it may be a sign of deeper issues that need to be addressed before considering getting back together. The road to healing and finding happiness involves recognizing your worth and learning to vet potential partners more effectively in the future. While it may be uncomfortable, maintaining polite interactions with an ex and their current partner is necessary in some social situations. Ultimately, it's crucial to focus on your own growth and healing, and to trust that you will find the right person for you in time.

    • Girlfriend's friendship with ex creates tension in relationshipClear communication and setting boundaries are essential in maintaining healthy relationships. Expressing concerns about a partner's friendship with an ex should be done in an open and honest way to ensure both partners feel valued and appreciated.

      Communication and boundaries are crucial in maintaining healthy relationships. In this situation, a man's girlfriend reconnected with her ex-fiancée and prioritized their friendship over their current relationship. The man felt like a third wheel and described several instances where he felt deprioritized. Despite his concerns, his girlfriend gave him an ultimatum, implying that their relationship wouldn't work if he wasn't okay with her friendship with her ex. The man and his girlfriend were friends before he met her, and they had been engaged at one point. She cheated on her ex-fiancé, and they became friends a month or so later. The man met his girlfriend 4 years after this, and he described their friendship as platonic. However, he noticed that when he started dating her, he saw her less frequently. The man believed that when they were single, they had more time and energy to invest in their friendships. But once they were in relationships, they had less time and energy to spend with each other. This situation highlights the importance of clear communication and setting boundaries in relationships. The man felt uncomfortable with his girlfriend's close friendship with her ex, but he didn't feel like he could express his concerns without fear of losing the relationship. Ultimately, it's essential to have open and honest conversations about boundaries and priorities in relationships to ensure that both partners feel valued and appreciated.

    • Addressing jealousy and prioritization in relationshipsEffective communication is crucial in addressing feelings of jealousy or prioritization in relationships. Validate each other's feelings, express your own without blame, and work together to find a compromise that respects both needs.

      Effective communication is key in a relationship when it comes to addressing feelings of jealousy or prioritization. It's important to express how you feel without blaming your partner, and to ask for help in finding a compromise that makes both parties comfortable. In the context of the discussion, the speaker suggests that the girlfriend might feel frustrated if she feels that her partner is prioritizing their friends over her. To address this, the partner could communicate their desire to feel like a priority and work together to find a solution that respects both their needs. The speaker also emphasizes that it's important for each partner to recognize and validate the other's feelings, and to be open to compromise. Ultimately, the goal is to create a relationship where both partners feel valued and prioritized.

    • Communicating effectively in relationshipsBe open to compromise, express feelings, respect boundaries, and prioritize trust, empathy, and respect in relationships.

      Effective communication is key in any relationship, especially when dealing with sensitive issues. The speaker acknowledges the complexity of the situation involving his girlfriend's friendship with her ex, and emphasizes the importance of both parties being open to compromise and understanding each other's concerns. The speaker suggests addressing the issue directly with his girlfriend, expressing his feelings and proposing solutions, while also respecting her right to maintain her friendships. However, if her actions continue to make him feel uncomfortable, it may be a sign of deeper issues that need to be addressed. Ultimately, the speaker encourages the importance of trust, empathy, and respect in relationships, and the responsibility of both partners to ensure their significant other's comfort and happiness.

    • Expressing Expectations and Respecting BoundariesEffective communication and setting healthy boundaries are vital for a trusting relationship. Disrespecting boundaries can lead to insecurity and mistrust, while open and honest conversations can help rebuild trust and find compromises.

      Communication and setting boundaries are crucial in maintaining a healthy and trusting relationship. The discussion highlights the importance of expressing expectations and respecting each other's boundaries. If these boundaries are not respected, it could lead to feelings of insecurity and mistrust. The use of pet names and excessive friendliness with past romantic partners can also be a source of discomfort and insecurity in a current relationship. It's essential to have open and honest conversations about these issues and work together to find a compromise that makes both partners feel valued and prioritized. Additionally, trust can be rebuilt through consistent effort and commitment to the relationship. In the specific situation discussed, the girlfriend discovered her boyfriend was Snapchatting and flirting with other women, leading her to question the relationship and set boundaries. She communicated her concerns and asked for help in navigating the situation, ultimately seeking advice on how to rebuild trust and set healthy boundaries.

    • Assessing Partner's Commitment through ActionsOpen communication and trust are vital in relationships. A partner's excessive use of social media or problematic messaging to others may indicate emotional immaturity and a lack of commitment, potentially leading to a loss of trust.

      Emotional maturity and trust are crucial elements in a committed relationship. The speaker discovered her boyfriend's immaturity through his excessive use of Snapchat and problematic messaging to other women. Despite confronting him about it, he continued to deceive her, leading to a loss of trust. It's essential to communicate openly and honestly in a relationship, and if trust is broken, it may be challenging to rebuild it. The speaker's experience highlights the importance of considering a partner's actions and assessing whether they align with the desired level of commitment.

    • Recognizing signs of dishonesty and understanding love's true meaningRecognize red flags, value honesty, and move on if trust is broken, as love requires mutual respect and understanding.

      Trust is a crucial component in any relationship. The discussion highlights the importance of recognizing signs of dishonesty and understanding that love means different things to different people. The speaker emphasizes the red flags that were ignored before the incident, and how the person in question failed to own up to their actions when confronted. The speaker also advises against staying in a relationship where trust has been broken and the partner continues to be dishonest. Love should not be based on flippant feelings or empty promises, but rather on mutual understanding, respect, and honesty. The speaker encourages self-reflection and the ability to articulate what love means to oneself. Ultimately, the speaker advises against continuing the relationship and moving on to find a partner who truly values and respects you.

    • Concerns about a relationship with a significant age differenceInvesting emotional energy in an unequal relationship can be draining, consider if it's a project or a meaningful connection, and be honest if it's time to move on.

      Investing emotional energy into a relationship where there is a significant age difference and one partner is not ready for the level of commitment required can be a waste of time and energy. The speaker in this conversation expressed concern for a friend who is dating a 19-year-old man while she is in her late twenties. The friend has been praised by the man's family for being good for him, but the speaker doubts that the relationship benefits her in any meaningful way. She also pointed out that the friend is not his mentor, parent, or even friend, and that he is not giving her what she needs in return. The speaker suggested that if the friend wants to continue the relationship, she should consider whether she wants a project or a boyfriend. She also emphasized that trust takes time and that hoping for a person to change drastically is a risky strategy. Ultimately, the speaker advised that if the friend decides to end the relationship, she should be empathetic, nice, but direct and honest in her approach.

    • Check in on your overall well-beingPrioritize music, hydration, and mental health for a balanced lifestyle. Use online resources for support when needed.

      Kas with a k encourages everyone, especially Nick people, to check in on their overall well-being, including music, hydration, and mental health. If something feels off, Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan is there to help with reliable online resources. So, don't forget to prioritize your well-being and remember, happy birthday is available at vialfiles.com. Don't take shortcuts or tricks, but instead, take advantage of the resources available to ensure a balanced and healthy lifestyle. Music is important, but so is mental and physical health. Stay hydrated, take care of yourself, and know that help is available when needed.

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    enJune 25, 2024

    E766 Ask Nick - He’s Choosing His Family

    E766 Ask Nick - He’s Choosing His Family

    Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! We start off the episode by responding to our previous Ask Nick’s comments. Then we get to our callers… 

    Our first caller is wondering if she should tell a coworker about his girlfriend’s affair. Our second caller feels like her boyfriend goes mute around her family. And, our third caller wants to move, but her boyfriend wants to stay close to his family. 

    “You’re literally talking to a version of your boyfriend right now”

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    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. 

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    The Viall Files
    enJune 24, 2024

    E765 RR - Perfect Match w/ Stevan, Brian Baumgartner, Love Island, Gypsy Rose, & Justin Timberlake Arrest

    E765 RR - Perfect Match w/ Stevan, Brian Baumgartner, Love Island, Gypsy Rose, & Justin Timberlake Arrest

    Welcome back to The Viall Files: Reality Recap.

    This is a fun episode! Brian Baugartner, from the Office, joins us to talk all things barbecue and build his perfect reality tv cast. Meanwhile, Stevan Ditter from Perfect Match zooms in to talk all things drama in the villa… How was his experience? How is he with Alara? What is he doing now? 

    “We have to ask you, did he kiss Melinda?” 

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    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. 

    Listen To Disrespectfully now!

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    To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com 

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    Timestamps:
    00:00 - Intro
    02:59 - Household Headlines
    07:40 - Rihanna
    09:46 - Stay At Home GF
    13:33 - Icks
    17:46 - Filming
    18:37 - Proposals
    24:13 - 90 Day Fiance
    27:19 - Gypsy Rose
    29:19 - Clayton
    32:33 - Love Island
    42:02 - Welcome Brian
    01:03:26 - Getting Grilled
    01:11:40 - TikTok
    01:13:33 - Build Your Burger
    01:24:40 - Reality TV
    01:28:45 - Book Promo
    01:33:03 - The Office
    01:35:29 - Perfect Match
    01:36:50 - Stevan
    01:56:51 - Perfect Match Final Thoughts
    02:03:09 - Outro

     

    The Viall Files
    enJune 20, 2024

    E764 RR - Summer House, Perfect Match w/ Elys, Bach Bios, Kenya Moore Suspended, and RHONJ

    E764 RR - Summer House, Perfect Match w/ Elys, Bach Bios, Kenya Moore Suspended, and RHONJ

    Welcome back to reality recap. Today we start off with Nick’s first Father’s Day. Then we get to our drama: Kenya Moore being indefinitely suspended from the current season of RHOA, Football Player, Isaiah Bugs being arrested AGAIN, and Lindsay Hubbard being grilled at the Summer House Reunion Part 2. Meanwhile, Elys Hutchinson from Perfect Match joins us to talk about her experience on the show!

    “you know what? I was wrong.”

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    Timestamps:
    00:00 - Intro
    02:55 - Father’s Day
    08:11 - Housekeeping
    11:40 - RHOA
    19:38 - Football
    22:03 - Bachelor Credit
    23:04 - Red Lobster
    30:33 - The Apprentice
    43:28 - Jenn’s Men
    01:08:55 - Picking Noses
    01:14:59 - Summerhouse
    01:33:39 - Perfect Match
    01:40:19 - Elys Joins
    02:02:19 - More Perfect Match
    02:06:20 - RHONJ
    02:11:46 - Outro

    The Viall Files
    enJune 18, 2024

    E763 Ask Nick - Flirting With an NHL Player

    E763 Ask Nick - Flirting With an NHL Player

    Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! We start off the episode by addressing your gentle parenting responses and diving into the ideal dating expectations of men. Then we get to our callers… 

    Our first caller wants to shoot her shot with a professional athlete. Our second caller is back with her ex, and is afraid to tell her parents. Finally, our third caller is thriving in her occupational industry but is afraid it turns off the men she’s dating.

    “As a woman who’s very successful and passionate about her career, that should never feel like a negative for you”

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    The Viall Files
    enJune 17, 2024

    E762 GD w/ West Wilson - Summer House, Girlcode, Sleep Training, and Perfect Match with Tolú

    E762 GD w/ West Wilson - Summer House, Girlcode, Sleep Training, and Perfect Match with Tolú

    Welcome back to The Viall Files: Going Deeper, with Summer House’ West Wilson. 

    To start things out, we invite Tolú Ekundare from Netflix’s Perfect Match… She shares her experience matching with Izzy Zapata, Dom Gabriel, and Chris Hahn. Then we get to our interview with West. How was his first season? Who does he still talk to? Does he regret his relationship with Ciara?

    “When someone shows you who they are, believe it.” 

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     Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes.

    Listen To Disrespectfully now!

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    To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com 

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    Timestamps:
    00:00 - Intro
    05:48 - Household Headlines
    12:23 - Love Island
    17:57 - Summerhouse Drama
    21:05 - Captain Lee
    25:39 - Sleep Training
    31:08 - Age
    34:28 - Tolú Interview
    57:10 - Feedback
    01:10:22 - West Interview
    01:17:01 - New To Bravo
    01:19:55 - Saying Weird Things
    01:21:35 - Bachelor
    01:22:37 - Selfie
    01:30:54 - Your Heart
    01:43:15 - Love Languages
    01:50:26 - Dads
    01:54:12 - Team Carl
    01:59:55 - Her Take
    02:04:27 - Open
    02:14:39 - TOH
    02:30:00 - What Is Next
    02:32:52 - Ciara
    02:48:04 - Sports
    02:48:45 - Off Your Chest
    02:49:28 - Coming on ViFi
    02:53:59 - Outro

     

    The Viall Files
    enJune 13, 2024

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