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    E631 Ask Nick - How Do We Give Up Our 6-Year Situationship

    enAugust 28, 2023

    Podcast Summary

    • New Arrivals on The Vile Files Podcast: Paige DeSorbo from Summerhouse and the Return of Erica Priscilla and Her Husband, ScottListen to The Vile Files podcast for entertaining and engaging conversations with interesting guests, updates, and valuable insights. Subscribe to Vial Files Plus for exclusive content and discover Ally's strategy for asking waiters for recommendations.

      The Vile Files podcast, hosted by Nick, Ally, and Amanda, is an entertaining and engaging show featuring interesting guests and updates. During this episode, they announced the arrival of Paige DeSorbo from Summerhouse and the return of Erica Priscilla and her husband, Scott. The hosts also emphasized the importance of updates and closure, encouraging listeners to subscribe to Vial Files Plus for exclusive content. Additionally, Ally shared her strategy for asking waiters for recommendations when unsure of what to order, while Nick was described as a kind and animated personality who gets along with everyone. The conversation also touched on the importance of understanding people's preferences and the value of asking thoughtful questions. Overall, the Vile Files podcast offers a fun and engaging listening experience, filled with humor, interesting topics, and valuable insights.

    • Navigating complex topics with childrenEffective communication and a strong parent-child relationship can help guide children through awkward conversations about sex and privacy. Be open, approachable, set clear boundaries, and support their development.

      Effective communication and a strong parent-child relationship can help guide children through complex topics like sex and privacy, even if it means having awkward conversations. The speaker shared how their parents handled the birds and the bees conversation and how they plan to approach the topic with their own children. They emphasized the importance of being open and approachable, while also setting clear boundaries and values. The speaker also reflected on their own experiences with making decisions and the role of privacy in their development. Ultimately, they believe that open communication and a supportive family environment can help children navigate the challenges of growing up.

    • Navigating Sex and Privacy Conversations with KidsEmpower kids with knowledge, set boundaries, respect privacy, and foster open communication about sex and relationships.

      Parents should navigate conversations about sex and privacy with their children in an open, honest, and age-appropriate manner. While respecting their children's privacy, it's essential for parents to empower them with knowledge and consequences of their choices. The speaker shares personal experiences and emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries while maintaining a connection with their kids. The conversation also touches upon the complexity of privacy and the role it plays in relationships, particularly in the context of sex. The speaker encourages parents to be aware of their children's activities while respecting their privacy, and to foster open communication about sex and relationships.

    • Navigating Casual Sex as a ParentBe honest, respect boundaries, and prioritize well-being when engaging in casual sex as a parent.

      Navigating casual sex while being a responsible parent can be complicated. It's essential to consider the potential emotional consequences and be honest with yourself and any partners about your intentions and feelings. Women, on average, may experience stronger emotional bonds during sex, so it's crucial to be aware of this and respect everyone's boundaries. Additionally, being upfront about your desires and intentions on dating apps can lead to more successful encounters. Remember, being sex positive doesn't mean ignoring the emotional and physical consequences of sexual encounters. Always check in with yourself and prioritize your well-being.

    • Lack of trust and communication leads to jealousy and breakupEffective communication and trust are essential to prevent jealousy and maintain healthy relationships

      Trust and communication are crucial elements in any relationship. In the discussed situation, the lack of trust and communication led to jealousy and accusations, ultimately contributing to the breakup. The ex-boyfriend's past experiences and insecurities made it difficult for him to trust, causing him to act possessively and accusatorily towards his partner. The best approach in such a situation is to maintain respect and empathy while also living your life. However, it's important to find a balance between being considerate of your ex's feelings and moving on with your own life. Ultimately, trust and effective communication are essential to prevent similar issues from arising in future relationships.

    • Post-breakup etiquette: Focus on your own needsAfter a breakup, prioritize your own needs and feelings, and don't feel obligated to cater to your ex's emotions. Your friends' loyalty is likely to be with you.

      While it's understandable that a breakup can be painful, it's important to recognize that you don't owe your ex any special accommodations or considerations beyond basic respect and courtesy. It's okay to put your own needs and feelings first, especially when it comes to social situations where you have mutual friends. While it's natural to feel some empathy for an ex who is hurt, it's also important to remember that their feelings are not your responsibility. Ultimately, it's up to your ex to work through their emotions and move on, and you can focus on enjoying your own life and experiences. The loyalty of your friends is likely to be with you, as they have a closer relationship with you now. While it's understandable that your ex may want to get back together, it's important to set clear boundaries and prioritize your own happiness.

    • Acknowledging an ex's pain while prioritizing self-careWhen dealing with a hurtful ex, prioritize self-care and communicate effectively, but don't feel obligated to include them in your plans.

      When dealing with a hurtful ex, it's important to acknowledge their pain while also prioritizing your own well-being. If they disrespect you, stand up for yourself, but otherwise, try to ignore their attempts to reconnect. It's understandable to feel guilty when ending a relationship, especially when planning shared experiences, but it's essential to remember that you don't owe your ex an invitation to join you on trips or other activities. Communication can help alleviate some awkwardness, but ultimately, both parties must allow each other to move forward independently. It's natural to feel guilt and anxiety after ending a relationship, but it's crucial to remember that you have the right to enjoy your own experiences and focus on your own healing.

    • Dealing with an ex causing dramaFocus on moving forward, especially after short-lived relationships. Use tools to manage everyday tasks and focus on personal growth.

      When dealing with an ex who is trying to cause drama or negatively impact your life, the best course of action is to not react and instead focus on moving forward. This is especially important if the relationship was short-lived, as is the case with a 5-month long relationship. It can be tough, especially for those in their early twenties, to deal with disappointments and heartbreaks, but it's important to remember that everyone experiences these feelings and that most disappointments are small and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Additionally, tools like Zocdoc and HelloFresh can make managing everyday tasks like finding a doctor or meal planning easier, allowing individuals to focus on their personal growth and career advancement.

    • Respecting a person's decision to leave a relationshipRespect a friend's decision to end a relationship, prioritize self-care, and extend kindness to others during difficult times.

      Even when we've been through a lot with someone, it doesn't guarantee a lasting relationship. A person's decision to leave, no matter how unexpected, should be respected. In the speaker's case, she had to accept that her long-time friend and supposed soulmate had ended their relationship and needed space to figure things out for herself. The speaker also emphasized the importance of prioritizing one's own well-being, especially during difficult times. Additionally, the speaker shared her thoughtful gesture of sending a box of HelloFresh meals to her friends to help them bond and ease their grocery shopping worries. This shows that even in the midst of personal struggles, small acts of kindness can make a big difference. Furthermore, the conversation touched on the idea that people go through different stages in their lives, and these changes can impact their relationships. The speaker acknowledged that her friend was dealing with various challenges, including health scares and career changes, which may have contributed to her decision to leave. In summary, the conversation underscored the importance of respecting a person's decision to leave a relationship, focusing on self-care, and extending kindness to others during challenging times.

    • Dealing with uncertainty in a relationshipRecognize you can't force feelings or decisions, focus on your intentions, allow the other person to focus on themselves, acknowledge the process can be difficult, and focus on the present reality.

      When dealing with uncertainty in a relationship, it's essential to recognize that you cannot force someone else's feelings or decisions. The person who is uncertain may seem to hold more power due to the other person's desire for clarity. However, it's not your responsibility to protect or hold onto a relationship that doesn't exist. Instead, be honest about your feelings and intentions, and allow the other person to focus on themselves. The more unavailable you are, the more value you may hold to them. It's important to acknowledge that this process can be difficult and may lead to growth, but ultimately, it's necessary for moving forward. Additionally, dwelling on the past or romantic notions of how you met may not serve you well in the present. Instead, focus on the reality of the situation and give yourself permission to move on.

    • Accepting a breakup and moving onFocus on personal growth after a breakup, respect boundaries, and wish ex-partners well for future success.

      Focusing on getting back an ex-partner might not be the best approach for personal growth and relationship success. Instead, accepting their decision and moving on is essential for both personal development and potential future compatibility. The speaker emphasizes that our instincts might tell us the opposite, but the best thing for individuals and couples is for each person to find someone who is committed to the relationship through its ups and downs. The speaker also highlights the importance of recognizing and respecting boundaries in post-breakup relationships. It's essential to acknowledge and accept the ex-partner's decision and focus on personal growth while wishing them well in their future endeavors. The speaker's experience of a recent breakup and the advice they received have helped them understand the importance of moving on and setting healthy boundaries. The process of accepting a breakup and focusing on personal growth can be challenging, but it's necessary for emotional and relationship health.

    • Healing after a breakupAllow sadness, focus on compatibility, and prioritize personal growth. Seek help for better sleep and skincare with Helix Sleep and OneSkin promotions.

      It's normal to experience sadness and difficulties after a breakup, especially in the early stages. It's important to allow yourself to feel these emotions, but also to take care of yourself and not force things. The right person will come along in due time, and it's essential to focus on finding compatibility and compatibility rather than fixating on age or past experiences. Additionally, there are resources available to help improve various aspects of life, such as Helix Sleep for better sleep and OneSkin for skincare, both of which offer promotions for listeners. Remember, it's okay to have bad days, but don't give up on yourself and keep focusing on personal growth.

    • The Importance of Clear Communication and Self-Reflection in RelationshipsEffective communication and self-reflection are crucial for growth in relationships. Be open to new experiences and consider the potential benefits, while also recognizing the importance of commitment and clear definitions.

      People, no matter their age or circumstances, are constantly seeking improvement in various aspects of their lives, be it their skin health or relationships. In the conversation, Steven and Julie shared their desire to end a long-distance situationship that had lasted for years. Despite the hopeful intentions of one party, the lack of definition and commitment had made it difficult for them to move forward. Steven, who had been hesitant due to past experiences and the challenges of long-distance relationships, was encouraged to consider the potential benefits of trying something new. The conversation highlighted the importance of clear communication, self-reflection, and being open to growth in relationships. Additionally, the offer of a discount on a new skin care routine served as a reminder that taking care of oneself is essential for overall well-being.

    • Honesty and commitment are crucial in relationshipsBeing dishonest and maintaining multiple relationships can lead to emotional harm and powerlessness, emphasizing the importance of clear communication and setting boundaries.

      Relationships require honesty and commitment from both parties. In the discussion, it became clear that Steven was emotionally and physically involved with someone other than his current girlfriend, Julie, while still maintaining a connection with her. Julie expressed her disappointment and frustration with the situation, as she felt disrespected and powerless in the relationship. The conversation highlighted the importance of open communication and setting clear boundaries. While it may be tempting to hold onto the power and freedom in a situationship, ultimately, it is essential to consider the impact on all involved and make a decision that respects everyone's emotional well-being.

    • Considering the impact of actions on relationshipsIndividuals should evaluate their actions, address character flaws, respect boundaries, and prioritize self-worth in relationships.

      Both individuals in this situation, Steven and Julie, need to evaluate their actions and consider the impact they have on themselves and those around them. Steven's inability to remain loyal and faithful in relationships is a character flaw that has caused harm in the past and may continue to do so if not addressed. He should consider the long-term consequences of his actions and consider seeking consistent therapy as a means of personal growth and development. On the other hand, Julie should respect her own boundaries and not allow herself to be put in a position where she feels uncomfortable or disrespected. Both individuals need to take responsibility for their actions and prioritize respect and self-worth in their relationships.

    • Don't let past define your presentEmphasizing personal growth and happiness over history and past feelings, the speaker encourages Julie to leave a toxic relationship and explore new opportunities for love and self-improvement.

      Continuing a toxic relationship out of history and past feelings is not worth the heartache and self-depreciation. The speaker emphasizes that Julie is an adult capable of making her own choices and should not let her past define her or accept low character choices from Steven. The speaker also encourages Julie to prioritize her own happiness and self-growth by exploring new relationships instead of staying in a situationship with Steven. The speaker acknowledges the difficulty of letting go of long-term history, but ultimately believes that Julie's personal growth and happiness are more important than the history she shares with Steven.

    • Breaking the cycle of toxic relationshipsDespite past traumas, prioritize your happiness and seek therapy to heal and prepare for healthy relationships

      The speaker, Julie, is in a toxic situationship with Steven that brings her more pain than joy. She's addicted to him but knows it's not healthy. The fear of repeating past traumas deters her from seeking new relationships. She's made some tough choices based on her past experiences, but the speaker encourages her to prioritize her happiness and seek therapy to work through her pain and prepare for new relationships. The speaker acknowledges that the pain of past traumas can be difficult to overcome, but it's necessary to break the cycle of self-inflicted suffering. The speaker suggests that Julie needs to find the courage to prioritize her own happiness and seek therapy to work through her past traumas and prepare for new relationships.

    • Prioritize personal growth in new relationshipsTo find a healthy, loving relationship, prioritize personal growth and self-care, set boundaries, and evaluate whether current situations bring long-term happiness.

      It's important to prioritize personal growth and self-care, especially when considering entering into new romantic relationships. Past experiences and feelings of safety and comfort can make it difficult to explore new connections, but it's essential to evaluate whether staying in a current situation is truly what's best for long-term happiness. It may require setting boundaries and potentially enduring temporary discomfort, but ultimately, the potential rewards of finding a healthy, loving relationship are worth the effort. It's also crucial to recognize when past traumas are being used as an excuse to avoid making tough choices. Remember, every choice made in relationships should aim to bring happiness and growth, not just temporary distractions or ego validation.

    • Ending toxic relationships for long-term happinessRecognizing and ending toxic relationships is crucial for personal growth and long-term happiness, despite short-term discomfort or challenges.

      Making the difficult choice to end a toxic relationship, even if it brings short-term pain, is essential for long-term happiness. The speaker acknowledges the challenges of cutting off communication and the potential discomfort of feeling intense emotions, but emphasizes that these feelings are necessary for personal growth and healing. The speaker also encourages the individuals involved to prioritize their own well-being and to seek out healthy support systems. Ultimately, the conversation highlights the importance of recognizing the impact of our choices on ourselves and others and the power of making the decision to be happy.

    • Focus on own happiness and prioritize healthy relationshipsRecognize personal worth, make good choices, and surround self with joyful people; may involve difficult decisions and therapy support.

      Both individuals in this conversation need to focus on their own happiness and prioritize healthy relationships. They've been so used to their current pain that they've forgotten their worth and capability to make good choices for themselves. It's important to recognize that they are not helpless and that they have the power to stand up for themselves and say no to toxic relationships. The ultimate goal should be to surround themselves with people who bring more joy than pain. This may involve making difficult decisions and potentially seeking therapy. The conversation ended with a reminder that the individuals have the power to choose their own paths towards happiness, and that the counselor will support them regardless of their decisions.

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    E766 Ask Nick - He’s Choosing His Family

    E766 Ask Nick - He’s Choosing His Family

    Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! We start off the episode by responding to our previous Ask Nick’s comments. Then we get to our callers… 

    Our first caller is wondering if she should tell a coworker about his girlfriend’s affair. Our second caller feels like her boyfriend goes mute around her family. And, our third caller wants to move, but her boyfriend wants to stay close to his family. 

    “You’re literally talking to a version of your boyfriend right now”

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    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. 

    To Order Nick’s Book Go To: https://www.viallfiles.com 

    If you would like to get some texting advice, send an email to asknick@theviallfiles.com with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line! 

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    The Viall Files
    enJune 24, 2024

    E765 RR - Perfect Match w/ Stevan, Brian Baumgartner, Love Island, Gypsy Rose, & Justin Timberlake Arrest

    E765 RR - Perfect Match w/ Stevan, Brian Baumgartner, Love Island, Gypsy Rose, & Justin Timberlake Arrest

    Welcome back to The Viall Files: Reality Recap.

    This is a fun episode! Brian Baugartner, from the Office, joins us to talk all things barbecue and build his perfect reality tv cast. Meanwhile, Stevan Ditter from Perfect Match zooms in to talk all things drama in the villa… How was his experience? How is he with Alara? What is he doing now? 

    “We have to ask you, did he kiss Melinda?” 

    Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/ 

    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. 

    Listen To Disrespectfully now!

    Listen on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/disrespectfully/id1516710301

    Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0J6DW1KeDX6SpoVEuQpl7z?si=c35995a56b8d4038

    Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCh8MqSsiGkfJcWhkan0D0w

    To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com 

    If you would like to get some texting advice on Office Hours send an email to asknick@theviallfiles.com with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line!

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    Timestamps:
    00:00 - Intro
    02:59 - Household Headlines
    07:40 - Rihanna
    09:46 - Stay At Home GF
    13:33 - Icks
    17:46 - Filming
    18:37 - Proposals
    24:13 - 90 Day Fiance
    27:19 - Gypsy Rose
    29:19 - Clayton
    32:33 - Love Island
    42:02 - Welcome Brian
    01:03:26 - Getting Grilled
    01:11:40 - TikTok
    01:13:33 - Build Your Burger
    01:24:40 - Reality TV
    01:28:45 - Book Promo
    01:33:03 - The Office
    01:35:29 - Perfect Match
    01:36:50 - Stevan
    01:56:51 - Perfect Match Final Thoughts
    02:03:09 - Outro

     

    The Viall Files
    enJune 20, 2024

    E764 RR - Summer House, Perfect Match w/ Elys, Bach Bios, Kenya Moore Suspended, and RHONJ

    E764 RR - Summer House, Perfect Match w/ Elys, Bach Bios, Kenya Moore Suspended, and RHONJ

    Welcome back to reality recap. Today we start off with Nick’s first Father’s Day. Then we get to our drama: Kenya Moore being indefinitely suspended from the current season of RHOA, Football Player, Isaiah Bugs being arrested AGAIN, and Lindsay Hubbard being grilled at the Summer House Reunion Part 2. Meanwhile, Elys Hutchinson from Perfect Match joins us to talk about her experience on the show!

    “you know what? I was wrong.”

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    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes.

    To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com 

    If you would like to get some texting advice send an email to asknick@theviallfiles.com with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line!

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    Timestamps:
    00:00 - Intro
    02:55 - Father’s Day
    08:11 - Housekeeping
    11:40 - RHOA
    19:38 - Football
    22:03 - Bachelor Credit
    23:04 - Red Lobster
    30:33 - The Apprentice
    43:28 - Jenn’s Men
    01:08:55 - Picking Noses
    01:14:59 - Summerhouse
    01:33:39 - Perfect Match
    01:40:19 - Elys Joins
    02:02:19 - More Perfect Match
    02:06:20 - RHONJ
    02:11:46 - Outro

    The Viall Files
    enJune 18, 2024

    E763 Ask Nick - Flirting With an NHL Player

    E763 Ask Nick - Flirting With an NHL Player

    Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! We start off the episode by addressing your gentle parenting responses and diving into the ideal dating expectations of men. Then we get to our callers… 

    Our first caller wants to shoot her shot with a professional athlete. Our second caller is back with her ex, and is afraid to tell her parents. Finally, our third caller is thriving in her occupational industry but is afraid it turns off the men she’s dating.

    “As a woman who’s very successful and passionate about her career, that should never feel like a negative for you”

    Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/ 

    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. 

    To Order Nick’s Book Go To: https://www.viallfiles.com 

    If you would like to get some texting advice, send an email to asknick@theviallfiles.com with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line! 

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    The Viall Files
    enJune 17, 2024

    E762 GD w/ West Wilson - Summer House, Girlcode, Sleep Training, and Perfect Match with Tolú

    E762 GD w/ West Wilson - Summer House, Girlcode, Sleep Training, and Perfect Match with Tolú

    Welcome back to The Viall Files: Going Deeper, with Summer House’ West Wilson. 

    To start things out, we invite Tolú Ekundare from Netflix’s Perfect Match… She shares her experience matching with Izzy Zapata, Dom Gabriel, and Chris Hahn. Then we get to our interview with West. How was his first season? Who does he still talk to? Does he regret his relationship with Ciara?

    “When someone shows you who they are, believe it.” 

     Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/ 

     Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@theviallfiles.com to be a part of our Monday episodes.

    Listen To Disrespectfully now!

    Listen on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/disrespectfully/id1516710301

    Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0J6DW1KeDX6SpoVEuQpl7z?si=c35995a56b8d4038

    Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCh8MqSsiGkfJcWhkan0D0w

    To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com 

    If you would like to get some texting advice on Office Hours send an email to asknick@theviallfiles.com with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line!

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    @justinkaphillips
    @dereklanerussell  

    Timestamps:
    00:00 - Intro
    05:48 - Household Headlines
    12:23 - Love Island
    17:57 - Summerhouse Drama
    21:05 - Captain Lee
    25:39 - Sleep Training
    31:08 - Age
    34:28 - Tolú Interview
    57:10 - Feedback
    01:10:22 - West Interview
    01:17:01 - New To Bravo
    01:19:55 - Saying Weird Things
    01:21:35 - Bachelor
    01:22:37 - Selfie
    01:30:54 - Your Heart
    01:43:15 - Love Languages
    01:50:26 - Dads
    01:54:12 - Team Carl
    01:59:55 - Her Take
    02:04:27 - Open
    02:14:39 - TOH
    02:30:00 - What Is Next
    02:32:52 - Ciara
    02:48:04 - Sports
    02:48:45 - Off Your Chest
    02:49:28 - Coming on ViFi
    02:53:59 - Outro

     

    The Viall Files
    enJune 13, 2024

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