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    Sex Series: A ‘Not So Black and White’ Conversation About Consent with Lisa Chatham Part 1

    en-usOctober 28, 2022
    What was the main topic of the podcast episode?
    Summarise the key points discussed in the episode?
    Were there any notable quotes or insights from the speakers?
    Which popular books were mentioned in this episode?
    Were there any points particularly controversial or thought-provoking discussed in the episode?
    Were any current events or trending topics addressed in the episode?

    About this Episode

    This episode marks part one of our first ever Sex Series! In honor of Scorpio Season, the holiday season, and the shifting of our environments and selves, we dive into some of the edgier and more taboo parts of life. This first episode features Lisa Chatham, a Naropa University professor and licensed Psychotherapist. We begin to unpack the very difficult to navigate conversation that is consent and discuss the not so black and white nature of it. Lisa brings brilliant psychological, developmental, and social information to the table to aid a well rounded discussion. Consent is a topic that requires much more than an hour long conversation so thank you for baring with us as we do our best to hit some major (and maybe some unpopular/controversial) points. I hope you enjoy, see you next time.

    *If you or someone you know is/has experienced sexual abuse/assault/violence, please seek support. You are not alone.

    https://www.downwithmydemons.com/

    To get in touch with Chloe, please email:

                 Chloe@downwithmydemons.com

    • To get in touch with Lisa Chatham:

    Website: www.lisachathampsychotherapy.com


    *National Sexual Assault Hotline (24 hour service)
    1-800-656-4673


    RESOURCES:

    “No” (2017) Series by The Heart Radio with Kaitlin Prest
    https://www.theheartradio.org/no-episodes

    “In The ‘No’ Part 2” by RadioLab
    https://radiolab.org/episodes/no-part-2

    “In The ‘No’ Part 3” by RadioLab
    https://radiolab.org/episodes/no-part-3



    CONSENT!
    "Consent: 101" A Series by Planned Parenthood
    https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3xP1jlf1jgJRkChwVOlwQcV0-UqcWiFV

    "Consent is as easy as FRIES!"
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTSDIilyA2I

    "Coffee Consent: The other half of the consent argument"
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOrGa7vPzvQ

    "Consent: For Kids!"
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AArIv-tvxWE

    "Sex Education Should Start with Consent" with Kaz (Tedtalk)
    https://www.ted.com/talks/kaz_sex_education_should_start_with_consent?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare


    BOOKS:

    "It Doesn't Have to be Awkward: Dealing with Relationships, Consent, and Other Hard-to-Talk-About Stuff" by Dr. Drew Pinsky and Paulina Pinsky

    Comprehensive List of Books dealing with Sexual Assault
    https://jocolibrary.bibliocommons.com/list/share/186066773/1069795477


    Support the show

    Recent Episodes from Down With My Demons: The Shadow Work Path

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    Visit our site!
    https://www.downwithmydemons.com/

    To connect with Chloe Lionheart:
    Email:
    chloe@downwithmydemons.com

    Join Claire at her next in-person Rage Ritual Event:
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    Resources:
    Rage Rituals:
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    “Love and Rage: the path of liberation through anger” by Lama Rod Owens
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    "Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger" by Soraya Chemaly
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    "The Power of Women's Anger" a Ted Talk by Soraya Chemaly
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    Visit our site!
    https://www.downwithmydemons.com/

    To connect with Chloe Lionheart:
    Email:
    chloe@downwithmydemons.com


    Resources:

    Visualizing Palestine
    visualizing palestine — Visualizing Palestine


    If Americans Knew
    If Americans Knew - What every American needs to know about Israel/Palestine


    Decolonize Palestine
    Home | Decolonize Palestine


    Support the show

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    https://www.downwithmydemons.com/

    To connect with Chloe Lionheart:
    Email:
    chloe@downwithmydemons.com

    Resources:
    Adrenal Glands: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/23005-adrenal-gland

    Body-Mind Centering: https://www.bodymindcentering.com/

    -Great book on Body-Mind Centering by Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen
    "Sensing, Feeling, and Action: The Experiential Anatomy of Body-Mind Centering"
    https://bonniebainbridgecohen.com/collections/books

    Chakras: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/7-chakras-for-beginners

    Kundalini Energy: https://www.tutorialspoint.com/the-science-of-kundalini#:~:text=Kundalini%20is%20a%20potential%20power,species'%20evolution%20toward%20greater%20consciousness.

    Dan Siegel: "Dopamine and Teenage Logic" Article
    https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/01/dopamine-and-teenage-logic/282895/

    More info:

    Scientific Article:
    "The relationship between childhood trauma, dopamine release and dexamphetamine-induced positive psychotic  symptoms" - 
    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6848217/

    Poem by Khalil Gibran "On Pleasure" from his book "The Prophet"
    https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/148570/on-pleasure

    The Prophet (Free E-Book): https://www.kahlilgibran.com/images/The%20Prophet%20Ebook%20by%20Kahlil%20Gibran.pdf

    Exercise Questions:
    ...When feeling the pull of dopamine...
    1. What do I want right now?
    2. What do I need right now?
    3. What is going to make me feel my best in hours or days from now?
    4. What happened throughout my day that's playing a role in how I feel right now?
    5. Will I be able to show myself kindness after I feed this desire?

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    PTSD and C-PTSD: Understanding Chronic Trauma

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    https://www.downwithmydemons.com/

    To connect with Chloe Lionheart:
    Email:
    chloe@downwithmydemons.com


    RESOURCES:
    "What makes complex ptsd different"
    https://www.brainline.org/article/what-makes-complex-ptsd-different-typical-ptsd-and-how-begin-healing-process

    Dr. Gabor Mate on Trauma: https://drgabormate.com/trauma/

    Neuro-information:
    Amygdala: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8228195/#:~:text=The%20amygdala%20participates%20in%20the,of%20the%20fight%2Dor%2Dflight
    Hippocampus: https://www.osmosis.org/answers/hippocampus#:~:text=The%20hippocampus%20is%20involved%20in,to%20the%20objects%20around%20them.
    Autonomic Nervous System: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK539845/#:~:text=The%20autonomic%20nervous%20system%20is,sympathetic%2C%20parasympathetic%2C%20and%20enteric.
    Limbic System:
    https://www.webmd.com/brain/limbic-system-what-to-know#:~:text=The%20primary%20limbic%20system%20function,and%20its%20sphere%20of%20influence.


    Soul Retrieval:
    https://kripalu.org/resources/soul-retrieval

    Active Imagination: Confrontation with the Unconscious:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRVlWEwmbfQ


    Mentions:
    Dysthymia:
    https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/dysthymia#:~:text=What%20is%20dysthymia%3F,of%20major%20depression%20at%20times.

    Somatic Practice:
    One hand on heart and one below the belly. Feet hips width apart. Slowly rock side to side and close your eyes and breathe.

    Practice for relationships:

    1. “I have this narrative ___________________, would you please confirm or deny it?”
    2. “Would you like me to just listen or offer solutions?”
    3. “Do you have space at the moment to talk?"



    Support the show

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    Dark Night of the Soul: A Love Story of Change

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    https://www.downwithmydemons.com/

    To connect with Chloe Lionheart:
    Email:
    chloe@downwithmydemons.com

    RESOURCES:
    "The Red Book" by Carl Jung
    https://www.loc.gov/exhibits/red-book-of-carl-jung/the-red-book-and-beyond.html

    "The Missing Element: Inspiring Compassion for the Human Condition" by Debra Silverman
    https://debrasilvermanastrology.com/the-missing-element-book/

    "Motherpeace Tarot Deck and Guidebook" by Karen Vogel and Vicki Noble
    https://motherpeace.com/

    Mentions:
    Manjusri: https://buddhismnow.com/2010/03/25/manjushri-bodhisattva/

    Mermaid Archetype: https://shimajournal.org/issues/v12n2/g.-Inkol-Shima-v12n2.pdf

    The "Depths": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uCySQOMB-4

    Support the show

    Sex Series: A ‘Not So Black and White’ Conversation About Consent with Lisa Chatham Part 2

    Sex Series: A ‘Not So Black and White’ Conversation About Consent with Lisa Chatham Part 2

    WE'RE BACK!! Thank you for your patience, understanding, and support. On this weeks episode we've got the second part to our interview with the legendary Lisa Chatham. We cover a lot of ground from consent with partners and owning our wanting, speaking boundaries, polyamory and consenting non-monogamy, what it means to be a hell yes, and much more. The conversation of consent is one we could have indefinitely, and we grappled with such ideas, as not being damaged goods as a survivor of sexual assault and what it might mean to have a somatic practice in order to get back into our bodies after long moments of dissociation. We are all worthy of excellent sexual experiences so press play and enjoy!

    https://www.downwithmydemons.com/

    To connect with Lisa Chatham:
    http://www.lisachathampsychotherapy.com

    To connect with Chloe:
    Email: chloe@downwithmydemons.com

    Resources Mentioned:
    https://www.5rhythms.com/
    https://www.thecrimson.com/article/2022/4/21/proposed-changes-harassment-policies/
    https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1363460720961303
    https://sadeclasses.org/speaker/julie-fennell-slutphd

    Books:
    The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
    https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Third-Practical-Relationships/dp/0399579664

    Please Scream Quietly: A Story of Kink by Julie Fennell
    https://www.hpb.com/please-scream-quietly-a-story-of-kink/P-47814652-NEW.html

    The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent by Betty Martin with Robyn Dalzen
    https://wheelofconsentbook.com/

    Respect: Everything a Guy Needs to Know about Sex, Love, and Consent by Inti Chavez Perez
    https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43669272-respect

    Pussy: A Reclamation by Regena Thomashauer
    https://www.amazon.com/Pussy-Reclamation-Regena-Thomashauer/dp/1401950248

    Support the show

    Sex Series: A ‘Not So Black and White’ Conversation About Consent with Lisa Chatham Part 1

    Sex Series: A ‘Not So Black and White’ Conversation About Consent with Lisa Chatham Part 1

    This episode marks part one of our first ever Sex Series! In honor of Scorpio Season, the holiday season, and the shifting of our environments and selves, we dive into some of the edgier and more taboo parts of life. This first episode features Lisa Chatham, a Naropa University professor and licensed Psychotherapist. We begin to unpack the very difficult to navigate conversation that is consent and discuss the not so black and white nature of it. Lisa brings brilliant psychological, developmental, and social information to the table to aid a well rounded discussion. Consent is a topic that requires much more than an hour long conversation so thank you for baring with us as we do our best to hit some major (and maybe some unpopular/controversial) points. I hope you enjoy, see you next time.

    *If you or someone you know is/has experienced sexual abuse/assault/violence, please seek support. You are not alone.

    https://www.downwithmydemons.com/

    To get in touch with Chloe, please email:

                 Chloe@downwithmydemons.com

    • To get in touch with Lisa Chatham:

    Website: www.lisachathampsychotherapy.com


    *National Sexual Assault Hotline (24 hour service)
    1-800-656-4673


    RESOURCES:

    “No” (2017) Series by The Heart Radio with Kaitlin Prest
    https://www.theheartradio.org/no-episodes

    “In The ‘No’ Part 2” by RadioLab
    https://radiolab.org/episodes/no-part-2

    “In The ‘No’ Part 3” by RadioLab
    https://radiolab.org/episodes/no-part-3



    CONSENT!
    "Consent: 101" A Series by Planned Parenthood
    https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3xP1jlf1jgJRkChwVOlwQcV0-UqcWiFV

    "Consent is as easy as FRIES!"
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTSDIilyA2I

    "Coffee Consent: The other half of the consent argument"
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOrGa7vPzvQ

    "Consent: For Kids!"
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AArIv-tvxWE

    "Sex Education Should Start with Consent" with Kaz (Tedtalk)
    https://www.ted.com/talks/kaz_sex_education_should_start_with_consent?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare


    BOOKS:

    "It Doesn't Have to be Awkward: Dealing with Relationships, Consent, and Other Hard-to-Talk-About Stuff" by Dr. Drew Pinsky and Paulina Pinsky

    Comprehensive List of Books dealing with Sexual Assault
    https://jocolibrary.bibliocommons.com/list/share/186066773/1069795477


    Support the show

    Men's Mental Health with Garrett Hooper

    Men's Mental Health with Garrett Hooper

    In this week's episode we talked to Garrett Hooper LMFT about men's mental health and why he think's it's taken so long illicit a societal response. Men make up the majority of death by suicide cases in the United States and yet there is not much conversation about it. The stigma and shame felt by many men around accessing or seeking out mental health continues to be a huge problem. Conversations like these will hopefully illuminate the versatile and beauty of different methods available to men all around the country. We briefly discuss gender, privilege, race, and the revenge on men experienced through social media and the like. If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, please share this episode or any of the resources below. It only takes one person to care and get curious to make a huge impact in someone's life. I hope you enjoy and see you next time!

    Website: https://www.downwithmydemons.com/

    To get in touch with Chloe, please email:

                 Chloe@downwithmydemons.com


    • To get in touch with Garrett Hooper:

    Website: https://www.garretthoopertherapy.com



    RESOURCES

    Articles:
    "Men's Mental Health - The Silent Crisis"
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-about-men/201702/mens-mental-health-silent-crisis

    "How Men's Mental Health Impacts Families"
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sharpening-some-iron/202201/how-men-s-mental-health-impacts-their-families

    Books:

    "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine" by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette
    https://www.amazon.com/King-Warrior-Magician-Lover-Rediscovering/dp/0062506064

    "Nature and the Human Soul: Cultivating Wholeness and Community in a Fragmented World" by Bill Plotkin
    https://www.amazon.com/Nature-Human-Soul-Cultivating-Fragmented/dp/1577315510

    "Soulcraft: Crossing into the Mysteries of Nature and Psyche" by Bill Plotkin
    https://www.amazon.com/Soulcraft-Crossing-Mysteries-Nature-Psyche/dp/1577314220/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1666246442&sr=1-1-ef9bfdb7-b507-43a0-b887-27e2a8414df0

    Therapeutic Resources and Trainings:
    https://www.openskywilderness.com/

    https://www.sacredsons.com

    https://www.manuncivilized.com

    https://mantalks.com

    https://therapyforblackmen.org

    https://gestaltoftherockies.com/


    Support the show

    The Shadow of Dating: Ghosting in the 2020's

    The Shadow of Dating: Ghosting in the 2020's

    Dating seems to be one of the most accessible things in the digital age and also one of it's biggest pain points. Not only in the superficiality of design but also in the lack of real connection through apps and platforms. We've grown accustomed to obscure ways of choosing a mate and may have even gotten ourselves in a place of fantasy that's proving hard to escape from. This episode dives into the shadowy bits of dating in this modern age as well as our new favorite dating past time and faux pas...ghosting. We discuss the potential reasons for ghosting, what it's like to be ghosted, and how we can heal on both ends of the spectrum. Please subscribe, follow, and share! I hope you enjoy and I'll see you next time.

    Website: https://www.downwithmydemons.com/

    To get in touch with Chloe, please email:

                 Chloe@downwithmydemons.com


    ARTICLES:
    "What is Ghosting?"  by Wendy Rose Gould
    https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-ghosting-5071864

    "Ghosting is normal now. That's completely bonkers!" by Lisa Bonos
    https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2020/02/13/ghosting-is-normal-now-thats-completely-bonkers/

    BOOKS:
    "Emotional Unavailability: Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap"
    By Bryn Collins

    https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Unavailability-Recognizing-Understanding-Avoiding/dp/0809229145

    "How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community"
    By Mia Birdson

    https://www.amazon.com/How-We-Show-Community-Fractured/dp/1580058078/ref=asc_df_1580058078/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=509159807707&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=419627294058695218&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9028818&hvtargid=pla-917967900373&psc=1

    "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - And Keep - Love"
    By Amir Levine

    https://amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139

    TUNES:

    "The Night We Met" by Lord Huron
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtlgYxa6BMU&feature=youtu.be

    "Use Me" by Bill Withers
    https://youtu.be/NuYDKzky4z0

    "Stay With Me" by Sam Smith
    https://youtu.be/pB-5XG-DbAA

    "What Goes Around...Comes Around" by Justin Timberlake
    https://youtu.be/TOrnUquxtwA

    "Maneater" by Nelly Furtado
    https://youtu.be/PLolag3YSYU

    "Say It Right" by Nelly Furtado
    https://youtu.be/6JnGBs88sL0

    Support the show

    Forgiveness

    Forgiveness

    This episode means a lot to me in that it's been a life long journey and exploration of how I interact with the world and with my internal process. Forgiveness can feel confusing.... how do we forgive? Forgiveness can seem impossible, especially when we've been betrayed and hurt. Something deep in us knows that forgiveness is in our best interest and sometimes it can be easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves. Often we think forgiveness has the vibration of "it's all ok," or "no worries." But forgiveness is not about compliance. It's about freeing ourselves so we can stop dragging painful and transformative moments throughout all aspects of our lives. Please subscribe, follow, share, and if you feel inspired, leave a review! I hope you enjoy and I look forward to see you again soon.

    Website: https://www.downwithmydemons.com/

    To get in touch with Chloe, please email:

                 Chloe@downwithmydemons.com


    "Forgiveness is letting go of the idea that the past could have been different" -Chloe Lionheart

    PRACTICES:

    Loving-Kindness Meditation (Metta Meditation)

    1. Happiness
    2. Health
    3. Safety
    4. Peace

    May you…
    May I…

    -------------------------

    Ho’oponopono

    I’m sorry

    Please forgive me

    Thank you

    I love you


    RESOURCES:

    To learn more about Yom Kippur:
    https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/yom-kippur-history-and-overview


    VIDEOS:

    “Why forgiveness is worth it” 

    https://www.ted.com/talks/sarah_montana_why_forgiveness_is_worth_it?language=en

    “Healing our hearts and the world through ho’oponopono”

    https://xmonks.com/healing-our-hearts-and-the-world-through-hooponopono/

    “Loving-Kindness Meditation (Metta)”

    https://www.mindful.org/this-loving-kindness-meditation-is-a-radical-act-of-love/

    "Listening to Shame"
    https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame?language=en

    "The Power of Vulnerability"
    https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability?language=en


    TUNES:

    "Forgive Them Father" by Lauryn Hill
    https://youtu.be/RTQL42onK08

    "Please Forgive Me" by Bryan Adams
    https://youtu.be/7x8wPt8xarE

    "Ms. Jackson" by Outkast
    https://youtu.be/MYxAiK6VnXw

    "Sorry" by Justin Bieber
    https://youtu.be/fRh_vgS2dFE

    "Sorry" by SOJA
    https://youtu.be/rfnuhefGC78

    Support the show