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    Tommy Vext: Exes, Metal and Almost Being Murdered

    enSeptember 29, 2021

    Podcast Summary

    • Boost your confidence with Bite or simplify home projects with ThumbtackBite provides affordable and flexible orthodontic treatment at home, while Thumbtack connects you with trusted professionals for home improvement projects, both enhancing aspects of your life

      There are convenient solutions for improving aspects of your life, whether it's your smile with Bite clear aligners or managing home projects with Thumbtack. Bite offers doctor-directed, affordable, and flexible orthodontic treatment, allowing you to boost your confidence from home. Thumbtack simplifies home improvement projects by connecting you with highly-rated local professionals, making it easier to tackle your to-do list. Additionally, Tommy Vexx, a renowned figure in the music industry, emphasized the importance of rebellion and individualism, inspiring us to embrace our unique perspectives and values.

    • Music and hustle: Escaping adversity through art and grindThe speaker's challenging upbringing shaped his love for music and hustle, using them as means to escape trauma and pursue his dreams despite adversity.

      Music and hustle played significant roles in the speaker's life as a means to escape the challenges and traumas of his upbringing. Growing up with a father who was a Vietnam vet and a family of marines, the speaker learned valuable working-class values. However, his brother faced severe mental health issues and his parents' marriage fell apart, leading the speaker and his sister to experience instability and chaos. Music became an escape for the speaker, who started performing at a young age and eventually turned to selling drugs to fund his music career. The hustler mentality was ingrained in him due to the limited options available in his community. The speaker's life took a dangerous turn when he was nearly killed by a gang, but instead of seeking help, he decided to pursue his dream of becoming a rock star as a way to escape his past. Later in life, he faced a situation with his brother that further motivated him to change his path. Throughout his journey, music remained a constant source of solace and a way to overcome adversity.

    • My life shaped by heavy metalExposure to heavy metal music led me to form my own band, travel the world, face challenges, and learn valuable life lessons.

      The speaker's upbringing and experiences in the metal music industry shaped his life in significant ways. Growing up, he was exposed to the world of heavy metal through his father's obsession with a talk show featuring a Morbid Angel band member. Later, he formed his own band and traveled the world, but his addiction to drugs and alcohol went with him. He was bullied by a famous musician, leading to a violent confrontation, and later auditioned for and joined a different band following the death of its singer. Throughout it all, music remained a constant force in his life, helping him navigate challenges and hardships. Despite the tough exterior of the metal industry, the speaker learned that actions have consequences, and he was not afraid to stand up for himself when necessary.

    • Growing up in challenging environments and their impact on individualsAddressing mental health and addiction issues early on can prevent a downward spiral and make recovery more manageable. Self-awareness, empathy, and seeking help are essential for overall well-being.

      Growing up in challenging environments can shape a person's actions and moral compass, but it doesn't define who they are as a person. The speaker, Tommy Vex, shared his experiences of growing up in a violent environment and how it influenced his perspective on fighting and dealing with conflicts. He also discussed the contrast between public personas and private lives, using his own experiences and those of musicians he's met as examples. Another significant takeaway is the importance of addressing mental health and addiction issues before they become life-threatening. Tommy shared his personal experience of hitting rock bottom and how he was able to recover with the help of his friends and a sponsor. He emphasized that seeking help early on can prevent a downward spiral and make the road to recovery longer but more manageable. Lastly, mental health is an essential aspect of overall well-being, and it's crucial to take the time to understand oneself and address any underlying issues. Tommy mentioned how getting sober helped him uncover feelings and experiences he had been masking with drugs and alcohol. Overall, the conversation emphasized the importance of self-awareness, empathy, and seeking help when needed.

    • Recovering from personal struggles and traumaWith determination and support, it's possible to overcome personal struggles and trauma, even if it takes years to heal and share your story with the world.

      Overcoming personal struggles and trauma involves taking small steps towards recovery, seeking help, and finding support. The speaker shares his experience of hitting rock bottom, getting sober, and dealing with the aftermath of a violent attack by his brother. He stopped making music, worked various jobs, attended meetings, and eventually started teaching singing lessons to make ends meet. It took years to heal and write about his experiences, which were turned into a song. The process was challenging, but with determination and support from loved ones, he was able to share his story with the world. The experience of trauma and recovery is not easy, but with persistence and the right resources, it is possible to move forward.

    • Stories of Compassion and Support in Times of NeedSharing experiences of compassion and support can help reduce shame and stigma, and inspire healing and transformation.

      Helping others in their time of need can bring meaning and purpose to difficult situations. The speaker shared a personal story about her brother's struggle with addiction and how their family supported him through his recovery. Despite the challenges, she emphasized the importance of compassion and understanding, and how sharing her experiences openly could help reduce shame and stigma. The power of recovery was highlighted as a phoenix-like transformation, and the speaker's own journey involved healing and returning to music after a traumatic event. Ultimately, the conversation underscored the importance of supporting each other through life's ups and downs.

    • The power of finding purposeFinding a sense of purpose can bring renewed meaning and importance to one's life, even in the face of adversity.

      Having a sense of purpose can make all the differences in one's life. The speaker shared a story about being asked to join a band on tour and feeling a renewed sense of meaning and importance. However, his life took a drastic turn when he entered the witness protection program due to a family member's involvement in a dangerous situation. Despite the fear and uncertainty, he persevered and learned to adapt. Through it all, the speaker emphasized the importance of finding purpose and staying true to oneself, even in the most challenging circumstances. The rollercoaster ride of experiences, from singing on tour to hiding from danger, ultimately reinforced the power of having a sense of purpose in one's life.

    • Finding Inspiration and Purpose Through ServiceStaying true to oneself and helping others can lead to personal growth and sobriety, even in the most challenging circumstances.

      No matter how difficult or dangerous your circumstances may be, staying true to yourself and focusing on helping others can lead to personal growth and sobriety. The speaker's harrowing experience of being in the witness protection program and being pursued by a dangerous brother led him to write a book and find inspiration in unexpected places, including a conversation with Ozzy Osbourne. Despite the challenges, he managed to stay sober and use his experiences to help others. The power of service and altruism kept him focused and gave him a sense of purpose during a time of upheaval. The story serves as a reminder that even in the darkest of times, there is always a way to find light and make a positive impact on the world.

    • Using personal struggles to help othersSharing experiences with mental health struggles can bring purpose and fulfillment by helping others. Reach out and offer assistance, even during personal struggles, to create valuable connections and meaning.

      Using one's experiences with mental health struggles to help others can bring a sense of purpose and fulfillment. The speaker shares how their anxiety and depression are self-centered, but they try to use their platform to support those dealing with similar issues. They emphasize the importance of reaching out and helping others, even in the midst of personal struggles. The speaker's story of answering a call for help instead of taking their own life illustrates the potential impact of offering assistance to someone in need. Through their experiences, they've come to understand that helping others can provide a valuable connection and sense of meaning.

    • Navigating the Challenges of Starting a Nonprofit and Personal StrugglesStarting a nonprofit involves overcoming numerous obstacles and requires immense resources and commitment. Personal struggles, especially for public figures, should be met with openness and authenticity.

      Starting a nonprofit is a challenging endeavor that requires significant resources and commitment. The speaker's experience with SFG 12 illustrates this, as they faced numerous obstacles and ultimately had to put it on hold. However, the importance of openness and authenticity in dealing with personal struggles, especially for public figures, was also emphasized. The speaker's own journey to sobriety and eventual work as a sober coach for celebrities like Zoltan Bathory of Five Finger Death Punch underscores this idea. Overall, the conversation highlights the complexities of both starting a nonprofit and dealing with personal issues in the public eye.

    • Unexpected outcomes and challenges in music creation and collaborationStaying true to oneself and finding ways to move past conflicts are essential in music creation and collaboration, leading to valuable experiences and lessons

      Music creation and collaboration can lead to unexpected outcomes and challenges. In this discussion, Tommy Vext shared his experiences working with John John and Max, writing songs for a BMW commercial, and dealing with conflicts in bands. They wrote a song called "Learn to Live," which was originally intended for a commercial but turned out to be a meaningful track about the struggles of younger generations. Tommy also shared how he had to deal with band conflicts and legal issues, but managed to resolve them. Through it all, he emphasized the importance of staying true to oneself and finding ways to move past conflicts. Music creation is a journey filled with ups and downs, but the experiences and lessons learned along the way are invaluable.

    • Childhood experiences and toxic masculinity shaping music perspectiveDespite facing challenges, the speaker stays true to himself and refuses to compromise his artistic vision, valuing authenticity over fitting into a specific genre or scene.

      The speaker's upbringing and experiences have shaped his perspective on masculinity and his approach to music. Growing up, physical altercations were a part of life, and his father's toxic masculinity influenced him. He found success in music, but faced challenges when trying to fit into a metal band, leading him to question the genre and his place in it. Despite these challenges, the speaker remains confident in his abilities and refuses to be defined by others' expectations. He values authenticity and refuses to compromise his artistic vision for the sake of fitting into a specific genre or scene. The speaker's experiences have taught him to stand his ground and stay true to himself, even in the face of adversity.

    • From rejection to success with 'Zombie'Believing in your art and staying true to your vision can lead to unexpected opportunities and success, despite initial resistance and adversity.

      Sometimes, rejection and adversity can lead to unexpected opportunities and success. The speaker's experience with the band and the recording of "Zombie" is a prime example of this. Despite initial resistance from the band and the label, the speaker's persistence and belief in the power of the song ultimately led to its massive success, with all of the speaker's proceeds going to Dolores O'Riordan's children. The experience also exposed the speaker to the manipulative side of the music industry, where image and appearances took priority over authenticity and creativity. Ultimately, the speaker learned to trust their instincts and stay true to their artistic vision, even in the face of opposition.

    • Music Industry's Debilitating Debt Trap for ArtistsArtists can face financial strain and debt due to industry practices, but staying true to their craft and connecting with fans can help build a following and overcome challenges

      The music industry can be a debilitating debt trap for artists, with record labels using financial manipulation to control their careers. This was the experience of one artist, who shared how they were forced to hustle and work tirelessly to make ends meet, even while selling millions of records. The artist's dedication to connecting with fans and staying true to their artistry helped them build a following, but the financial strain caused by the industry's practices remained a constant challenge. This situation resonates with other artists, including Nicki Minaj, who faced similar industry obstacles. Overall, the music industry's power dynamics can leave artists in a precarious financial position, and the artist's story highlights the importance of artists staying committed to their craft and their fans despite these challenges.

    • Navigating the Music Industry: A Personal JourneyStay true to commitments, adapt to challenges, and find support in your band to succeed in the music industry.

      The music industry can be demanding and relentless, pushing artists to their limits. The speaker shares his experience of being in a band and dealing with labels, tours, and personal struggles. Despite the challenges, he emphasizes the importance of honoring commitments and staying true to agreements. The speaker also highlights the camaraderie and support within his band, which helped him through difficult times. Through it all, he learned to adapt and keep going, even when faced with adversity. The music industry may be tough, but for those born for it, the rewards can be worth the effort.

    • Forming intense bonds through shared traumatic experiencesTrauma bonds can create strong connections but also lead to destructive relationships. Betrayal can end even the closest friendships, causing significant heartache.

      Traumatic experiences can lead individuals to form intense emotional bonds, known as trauma bonds, with others who have similar experiences. These bonds can create a strong sense of connection and comfort, but they can also lead to destructive relationships. In the case discussed, the speaker found evidence of infidelity from an ex-girlfriend who was once a close friend. Despite their shared history and mutual support, the betrayal led to the end of their relationship and caused significant heartache. The speaker also mentioned their own traumatic background and how it influenced their approach to relationships and moving on from difficult situations. Ultimately, the experience served as a reminder of the complexities of human relationships and the impact of trauma on them.

    • Moving forward after rejectionDespite past rejection, focus on personal growth and goals to move forward in relationships

      Despite past hurt and rejection, moving forward in relationships is important. The speaker shares an experience of being rejected by someone they had feelings for, but instead of dwelling on it, they chose to focus on their work and move on. In a different context, the speaker also mentions hitting on Nicole Arbor on election night, but the significance of this anecdote is unclear without further context. Overall, the speaker's attitude towards rejection and moving forward is noteworthy. They acknowledge the pain of rejection but choose to prioritize their own growth and focus on their goals. It's a reminder that rejection is a natural part of life, and it's essential to keep moving forward despite setbacks.

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