Husband Material

How do neurodifferences like ADHD and autism relate to unwanted sexual behavior? How can embracing neurodiversity help us heal and outgrow porn? Candice Christiansen offers powerful perspectives and practical advice. This interview is delightful!

For neurodivergent individuals (and same or mixed neurotype couples) who are struggling, Candice is here to help you gain clarity to make your relationship, intimacy, and sex as enjoyable, wonderful, and pleasurable as possible!

Candice Christiansen is Autistic, ADHD, and a NeuroDifferent thought leader in the sexual recovery world. She is an "autism sexpert" who provides therapy and intimacy coaching to neurodivergent adults and mixed neurotype couples. Candice also provides EMDR and IFS therapy to complex trauma survivors with a variety of sex, relationship, and intimacy issues.

Candice is the founder of Namasté Center For Healing.

Learn more about Candice at candicechristiansen.com.

You can also email candice@namasteadvice.com.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Your Sexual Sensory Profile (free eBook by Candice Christiansen)
• Altogether Us (book with a chapter by Candice Christiansen)
• ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity (great YouTube video)
• Insight Timer (free meditation app)
• Unmasking Autism: Discovering The New Faces Of Neurodiversity (book)
• Divergent Mind: Thriving In A World Than Wasn't Designed For You (book)

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

Have you ever thought about confronting a parent, but you're not sure how? In this episode, you'll learn the right questions to ask yourself when considering why and how to confront your parent(s) with compassion. 

Three important questions to ask: 

1. What happened (to them and to me)? 
2. How do I feel about what happened? 
3. What do I want going forward? 

Recommended reading (paid link): 

Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents, by Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

In this episode, my parents share the good and the bad of how they raised me, and how we are healing. It's a story of vulnerability, repentance, and redemption. 

"All families have difficulties. If you bury them, you grow apart. If you get them on the table and solve them, then you can heal from that." —Sandy Boa 

"Don't be afraid to go to the person and ask for forgiveness, because God's healing you and he's gonna heal the other person too. If you truly trust Him and you go with God, it's an amazing journey. Not easy but amazing." —Yvonne Boa 

Yvonne and Sandy Boa are my parents.

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

What happens when you grow up in a family affected by sexual addiction? In this episode, Dr. Ken Adams reveals the burdens carried by adult children of sex addicts. 

This conversation is especially helpful for those of us who inherited sexual shame from our parents. You'll learn why and how to release shame that has been passed down to you...and how to stop the cycle of generational trauma.

Dr. Ken Adams is a world-renowned therapist and expert on sexual addiction, shame, and enmeshment. Learn more at drkenadams.com

Buy the first-ever book for adult children of sex addicts (this is a paid link):

A Light in the Dark: The Hidden Legacy of Adult Children of Sex Addicts by Kenneth Adams, Mary Meyer, and Culle Vande Garde

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

What does it mean to become husband material? In this episode, you'll learn the importance of self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-leadership. Stay until the end for special appearances by 12 Husband Material Men! 

New opportunities:

• HMA is reopening in July. Join the waitlist at joinhma.com
• Come to our retreat in Santa Barbara in September! Register now at husbandmaterial.com/retreat

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

What does it mean to outgrow porn? Dr. Robert Masters unpacks this concept (which he created) with stunning depth and clarity. 

Robert Augustus Masters is a psychotherapist, group leader, and relationship expert with a doctorate in psychology. His intuitive, uniquely integral work, developed over the past four decades, blends the psychological and physical with the emotional and spiritual.

Learn more at robertmasters.com.

Buy Robert's books (these are paid links):

• To Be a Man: A Guide To True Masculine Power
• Bringing Your Shadow Out of the Dark
• Spiritual Bypassing
• Emotional Intimacy

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

What is emotional abuse? Dr. Jake Porter explains how to identify emotional abuse, heal from it, and stop emotionally abusing others.

Dr. Jake Porter is a Board Certified Counselor, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, APSATS Certified Clinical Partner Specialist, and the Founder of Daring Ventures. He is also the creator of Couple–Centered Recovery, a model for overcoming attachment wounds in couples experiencing the trauma of betrayal. 

Connect with Jake at drjakeporter.com

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

What do I do with my sexual energy—especially if I'm single? In this episode, you'll learn the two types of sexual energy, why singleness can feel like a curse, and God’s good design for sexuality in singleness. You'll also hear real life examples of Christian men directing their sexual energy into deeper connection, pleasure, and creativity.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• God & Sex (sermon series from Reality San Fransisco featuring Dave Lomas)
• Finding Intimacy And Community As A Celibate Gay Christian (podcast and video by Preston Sprinkle featuring Art Pereira)
• Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance In The Age Of Indulgence (book by Anna Lembke; paid link)
• The Lord Will Fight For You (song written by Drew Boa, performed by Husband Material Men)

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

In this episode, you'll learn why healing must happen in your body. Andrew Bauman reveals why talk therapy is not enough, what "the body keeps the score" actually means, how to use the body to outgrow porn and real-life examples of embodied healing. This interview is awesome!

Andrew Bauman is the founder & director of the Christian Counseling Center: For Sexual Health & Trauma (CCC). Andrew is an author and licensed mental health counselor with a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology from The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology.

Buy any of Andrew's books (these are paid links):

• Stumbling Towards Wholeness
• The Psychology Of Porn
• The Sexually Healthy Man
• How Not To Be An *ss

Also mentioned in this episode:

The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind, And Body In The Healing Of Trauma, by Bessel van der Kolk

Interested in healing? Sign up for the upcoming virtual retreat with Andrew Bauman: Becoming Husband Material (May 5-7)

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

In this extended episode, you'll hear 8 dramatized examples of mistakes men make while relating to women they have sexually betrayed and traumatized. You'll learn how to offer validation, own your impact, build your confidence, and be proactive. This session from The Porn Free Man Conference will show you exactly what (not) to do to help her heal.

Dr. Eddie Capparucci is an author and therapist who specializes in the treatment of sex and porn addiction. He's also the creator of the Inner Child Recovery Process (ICRP).

Resources mentioned in this episode (including paid links):

• Why Men Struggle To Love: Overcoming Relational Blind Spots, by Eddie Capparucci
• Help Her Heal: An Empathy Workbook For Sex Addicts To Help Their Partners Heal, by Carol Juergensen Sheets and Alan Katz
• The Porn Free Man Conference 2023 (recordings of all sessions)
• Husband Material Virtual Retreat on May 5-7 featuring Andrew Bauman!
• 
  

Sign up now at husbandmaterial.com/becoming-husband-material

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

In this episode, you'll learn 2 ways to define pornography, 6 pornographic styles of relating, and what it means to be sexually healthy and mature.

Resources mentioned by Andrew Bauman:

• A Pornographic Style of Relating (article)
• What Is A Sexually Healthy Man? (article)
• The Psychology of Porn (book; paid link)
• The Sexually Healthy Man (book; paid link)

Sign up for the Husband Material Virtual Retreat on May 5-7 featuring Andrew Bauman!

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

In this episode, you'll learn what spiritual abuse is and how to heal from it. Chris Inman tells his story of being spiritual abused as a boy and how it has affected him into adulthood.

Chris Inman is the creator and facilitator of Porn Free Masculinity, an online intensive recovery program for men struggling with porn and compulsive sexual behavior. He invites men to consider how the blessings and trauma of their stories have curated their unwanted sexual brokenness. Chris helps men transform their addiction into abundance through story work and facilitating healthy recovery practices in a group dynamic. Professionally, Chris is a Certified Professional Recovery Coach (CPRC), a Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP), and an Unwanted Certified Guide. He spent 15 years in vocational ministry as a youth pastor and currently serves as a Local Elder at the People of Mars Hill in Mobile, AL.

Learn more at pornfreemasculinity.com

Email Chris at chris@pornfreemasculinity.com

Resources mentioned (including paid links):

• Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church by Dr. Diane Langberg
• Spiritual Abuse Podcast Series by The Allender Center

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

How can bullying contribute to same-sex attraction? Jordan Castille tells his story of being bullied, how that impacted his sexual development, and how Jesus brought him healing and freedom from gay porn.

Jordan Castille is a Board Certified Christian Counselor, Sex Addiction Specialist, and Certified Husband Material Coach. He and his wife Cherise have two boys. Jordan loves Jesus, people, video games, working out, learning how to fix things, legos, and his church community. Jordan also does one-on-one coaching and small group coaching within the Husband Material Community.

• Email Jordan at jordan@castillecoaching.com
• Sign up for a free 30 minute session with Jordan: https://link.myhub360.marketing/widget/bookings/jtcastille-30
• Learn more about Transformation Prayer

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

In this episode, Dr. Peter Malinoski guides Drew Boa through the process of unburdening sexual arousal using the internal family systems model (IFS). This type of healing experience can bring tremendous freedom from porn and unwanted sexual behavior.

Disclaimer: This is what we call a demo, which is short for a demonstration. Demos are a common way for IFS therapists to practice with each other and to show others what IFS is like. Demos are not therapy or counseling. In sharing this demo, we are not trying to teach people how to do IFS on themselves or others, but rather demonstrating what the IFS model can look like in action. Unburdening protocols are taught in formal IFS Level 1 training from the IFS Institute. IFS Level 1 training is required to do unburdening protocols and to be called an IFS therapist.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Peter Malinoski is president of Souls and Hearts and host of Interior Integration for Catholics, a podcast helping Catholics embrace their identities as beloved sons and daughters of God. Peter specifically addresses the topics of freedom from porn and masturbation in episodes 51-56 of his podcast. Contact Peter here.

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

In this episode, you'll be guided through an exercise using the internal family systems model (IFS). Dr. Peter Malinoski demonstrates how to connect with your "parts"—including parts that might be attached to porn and unwanted sexual behavior.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Peter Malinoski is president of Souls and Hearts and host of Interior Integration for Catholics, a podcast helping Catholics embrace their identities as beloved sons and daughters of God. Peter specifically addresses the topics of freedom from porn and masturbation in episodes 51-56 of his podcast. Contact Peter here.

More IFS meditations:

• Healing Addiction
• Healing Betrayal Trauma
• Morning IFS Parts Check In
• Divine Comfort For A Hurting Part
• Calming Triggers With Internal Family Systems

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

In this episode, you'll learn why healing experiences are essential for outgrowing porn. Dr. Peter Malinoski explains how the internal family systems model (IFS) can help us heal by meeting the five attachment needs we all have. 

Clinical psychologist Dr. Peter Malinoski is president of Souls and Hearts and host of Interior Integration for Catholics, a podcast helping Catholics embrace their identities as beloved sons and daughters of God. Peter specifically addresses the topics of freedom from porn and masturbation in episodes 51-56 of his podcast. Contact Peter here.

Five Attachment Needs:

1. A felt sense of safety and protection
2. A felt sense of being seen, heard, known, and understood (attunement)
3. A felt sense of being comforted, calmed, and reassured (soothing)
4. A felt sense of being valued, cherished, and treasured (expressed delight)
5. A felt sense of being supported in becoming one’s own unique best self

(from Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller - this is a paid link)

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

Have you ever wondered how much your crush, girlfriend, fiancée, or wife needs to know about your relationship with porn? In this episode, you'll learn the appropriate level of detail to share when you're single, dating, engaged, or married. This episode is challenging and necessary.

✅ Free document: Resources For Partners Of Husband Material Men

Download other free documents at husbandmaterial.com/documents 

Further reading on therapeutic full disclosure (including paid links):

• What's A Therapeutic Full Disclosure?, by Dr. Sheri Keffer
• Formal Therapeutic Disclosure, by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Therapeutic Full Disclosure: How It Can Help Your Marriage Heal, by Ella Hutchinson
• Full Disclosure: Seeking Truth After Sexual Betrayal (3 Book Series), by Janice Caudill and Dan Drake

NOTE: "If you are a partner, you have a right to request a formal therapeutic full disclosure. You also have a right not to receive a disclosure if you don’t want one." —Vicki Tidwell Palmer

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

If you were exposed to porn at a young age, this episode is for you. Award-winning filmmaker Benji Nolot explains why children are not voluntary consumers of porn, and why self-compassion is essential for healing. You'll get a powerful glimpse into the humanity and vulnerability of men and women on both sides of the screen.

Benji Nolot is committed to the abolition of modern-day slavery by campaigning to shift cultural mindsets and laws that would abolish commercial sexual exploitation. He founded Exodus Cry in 2008 after being inspired by the life of William Wilberforce. In everything he does, Benji is driven by a conviction that every person should be free.

How you can be part of the solution:

• Sign the petition: Traffickinghub
• Watch Nefarious: Merchant Of Souls
• Watch Raised On Porn: The New Sex Ed
• Sign the petition: Protect Children, Not Porn

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

In this episode, you'll learn four ways pornography fuels sex trafficking...and what we can do about it. Award-winning filmmaker Benji Nolot reveals what goes on behind the scenes of pornography. 

Benji Nolot is committed to the abolition of modern-day slavery by campaigning to shift cultural mindsets and laws that would abolish commercial sexual exploitation. He founded Exodus Cry in 2008 after being inspired by the life of William Wilberforce. In everything he does, Benji is driven by a conviction that every person should be free.

How you can be part of the solution:

• Sign the petition: Traffickinghub
• Watch Nefarious: Merchant Of Souls
• Watch Raised On Porn: The New Sex Ed
• Sign the petition: Protect Children, Not Porn

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!

In this episode, you'll learn two concepts that can give you less shame and more hope on your journey of outgrowing porn. 

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Sexual Fluidity in Males and Females by Lisa Diamond 
• The Porn Free Man 2023 Conference (now available)

Take the Husband Material Journey...

• Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
• Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
• Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
• Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy

Thanks for listening!