Mistress Wellbeing

Perfectionism? Imposter Syndrome? Anxiety? Workaholism? These are often the price for successful women. Come join me as I explore all aspects of psychological wellbeing so that you can overcome the 'four horsemen' signalling the road to burnout. Together we will do more than feel better, we will learn how to find joy and aliveness in every moment, so that work, family and relationships become vibrant, rich and rewarding.

enDr Leila Davis100 Episodes

Episodes (100)

Better to Light a Candle than Curse the Darkness

I turned on a light instead of cursing the darkness.

Every day for the last 28 days I’ve committed to a short practice of yoga, chanting and breath work.

On my own.

In my room.

To create abundant wellbeing for myself and my family.

You see, as I arrived home at midnight from five weeks overseas, one of my boys had a seizure.

He’s epileptic, but normally well controlled.

It means he can’t drive for three months.

He can’t apply for jobs needing a licence.

It could be a big impediment, just as he’s finishing his studies and venturing out into the world.

So I decided I needed to reframe and turn towards the light.

I'm exploring this on the podcast today.

enJuly 03, 2023

Developing Anxiety Tolerance

I did something last week that made me excited and scared.

I offered a mantra evening at my local yoga studio.

I sang.

Played guitar.

Held the space.

In a group of twenty-five people, most of whom I’d never met before.

I did it because I wanted to share something I love, which I know can touch others deeply.

I really connected with my fear of being seen in the beginning - heart racing, breathless- but I managed to stay and breathe, and gradually the energy shifted to a calm, enjoyable place.

Fear and excitement have exactly the same physiological signature.

Developing my fear tolerance allowed it to transform into excitement, vitality, and aliveness.

Have you had this experience of stepping out of your comfort zone and transforming fear?

It's on the podcast today!

enJune 26, 2023

An End to Over-Functioning

Over functioning women and under functioning men.

I have my own story of this AND I see it all the time in my work with professional women.

I know how easy it is to become trapped in a situation which causes so much resentment and pain, and I also know how to bring change to the situation gently and safely.

It’s really one of the biggest issues for many professional women.

It can start small, but the gap becomes wider and wider if you don’t address it.

You do all the housework

You do all the cooking

You have the homework under control

You both go to work.

The conversations can be difficult, and often start from the POV of asking for help. But actually, these are conversations which build intimacy and trust in your relationship while inviting him to do life better.

Join me for more.

enJune 19, 2023

Don't Waste a Good Crisis

Are you a professional woman experiencing an emotional crisis?

Low mood, anxiety, a sense of despair and no way out.

If this is you I want to tell you two things

You’re not alone. The demands of work and family combined with your drive for perfectionism creates an impossible strain. It’s entirely human, and not a sign of weakness or vulnerability.
Use this experience wisely. It’s inviting you to withdraw, do a piece of awareness work and find support to move your life forward to a much better place.

The French have a term for it.

Withdraw to jump better.

Listen in to today's episode for more.

enJune 14, 2023

The Past Doesn't Define You

I threw coins in the Trevi fountain.

I visited the Villa San Michele.

I drank lemon cello spritz in Amalfi.

I had a holiday!

Italy and France were wonderful and I’m so glad to be home after five weeks away.

And I've been reflecting on how the past doesn’t have to define us.

And it doesn’t create our future unless we let it.

I heard a great story recently originally told by Alan Watts.

If you imagine your life as a boat, and you stand at the back looming down into the water, you will see the wake.

It’s where you’ve been, but it doesn’t drive the boat.

What drives your life is the present moment energy and direction you give yourself. Like the motor of the boat.

If like me, stories form the past sometimes engulf and threaten you, it’s good to remember this, and I'm exploring it on the podcast today.

Mistress Wellbeing

enJune 12, 2023

psychotherapy

retirement

free yourself from the past

What are Your Rules for Life?

‘I should be a better mother.'

'I must keep my house tidy and clean at all times.'

'There must always be home cooked cake.'

'I should work harder.'

'I should eat only nutritious food.'

'I should exercise every single day.'

'I should try harder.'

'I should be better at marketing my business.’

There’s a few of mine to be going on with.

Writing that list is strangely relieving and also gut clenching.

All these principles are active in me, and they’re not unworthy goals, it’s just that they constantly reaffirm that I’m not ok as I am.

I somehow need to ‘earn’ worthiness by performing each of these tasks.

Every day.

It’s psychologically exhausting.

What are your rules?

Take a moment and write them down.

The musts and the must nots.

It’s eye opening, and sometimes a little shocking. Join me for more.

Mistress Wellbeing

enMay 30, 2023

rules

cognitive distortions

introjects

Do You Discount the Positive?

When I first came across Martin Seligman and his ideas about happiness it was a game changer as I was so deeply mired in my own negative thinking styles. I thought it was how I was wired 😂

Here’s the good news!

We can change.

Our minds are infinitely neuroplastic.

Mind gym is possibly more important than body gym 😱

Rare in the world of psychology, there is good quality evidence for the practice of, ‘Three things that went well’.

When we do it we feel better. Life becomes lighter and we increase our mental wealth.

So I invite you into the practice of overturning the minds negativity bias and spending five minutes (or more) every day searching for the positive.

Mistress Wellbeing

enMay 23, 2023

negativity bias

positive psychology

cognitive distortions

discounting the positive

Catastrophising- Unhelpful Thinking Style #3

Doe you sometimes leap to the worst possible outcome for a situation?

Does your mind like to scare you with exaggerated and terrible possibilities?

MIne too.

It's called catastrophising, and it's very common.

Naturally, anxiety is fuelled by this type of thinking and mood is also affected, resulting in a perfect storm for further catastrophising.

Medical students know this syndrome well, as I read pathology books I had every disease described...or at least the beginnings of them....

Join me today as we dive deeply into what it is and how to interrupt the process.

Mistress Wellbeing

enMay 16, 2023

therapy

cognitive distortions

catastrophising

unhelpful thinking styles

Unhelpful Thinking Styles Series - Magical Thinking

Undoing these thinking habits will make you happier, emotionally healthier, and more joyful.

Here's my example of magical thinking...

Some aspects of my perfectionism about work had a magical quality to it, I realise now.

If I dressed correctly (like doctors do), had good hair and always turned up on time, nothing could go wrong.

I’d somehow be making myself safe.

It made me anxious and harried every morning getting to work. I was tense and tight inside as I dressed and brushed my teeth, not noticing the beautiful morning light, rushing to get on my bike, counting down the minutes it would take me to get into town.

I’m not suggesting that you go to work in your pyjamas or turn up an hour late.

But I am advocating for being professional from a different place.

Joy.

Join me on the podcast.

Mistress Wellbeing

enMay 09, 2023

psychotherapy

magical thinking

unhelpful thinking styles

Unhelpful Thinking Styles Series - Black and White Thinking

I’m no CBT advocate, but thinking which fuels anxiety and misery is a real thing and an easy place to shift.

When I read about ‘cognitive distortions’ years ago, I could relate to most of them 😂.

Happily, psychotherapy provides a compassionate container for change at a deep level, which also affects rumination and all these unhelpful thinking styles, and I’ve done a lot in my time, with success!

Here’s an example of black and white thinking in response to a poor outcome.

‘I never get things right. Things never go well for me. I always fail. There’s nothing I can do about it.’

As I write these statements, I feel a clenching in my gut at the finality and negativity involved. As well as the lack of self compassion. (I’ve learned!)

They give us nowhere to go, no way out.

Join me on the podcast as we explore how to build awareness and shift to more supportive thinking.

Mistress Wellbeing

enMay 02, 2023

psychotherapy

cognitive distortions

black and white thinking

unhelpful thiking

Your Invitation to Provence!

I'm off today to Nice, where I'll spend a week with my family before joining my retreat ladies in Villefranche-sur-Mer.

It's very exciting and uplifting to be at this point.

I came up with the idea of adventure-wellbeing retreats a while ago and started off going to Bali every six months.

I know that many of you are hungry for adventure, and also hungrey to travel with a group of like-minded women.

We will be exploring sights, museums, restaraunts together while also doing a serious piece of wellbeing work.

I'd love to invite you into my community so you can experience the joy of adventure while looking after yourself with yoga, meditation and music.

Join me today for more.

enApril 27, 2023

You're Not Who You Think You Are

Personality has huge of momentum.

The stories we tell ourselves have often been running for decades, and consolidate into who we think we are.

But actually, they're just that.

Stories.

Which arise from experiences and meaning-making when we're small, vulnerable and prone to another of our unhelpful thinking styles, personalisation.

This is where we make the event all about us.

I'll be exploring this in more detail in a few weeks time, but for now, let's feel into the momentum these stories develop, and how they can come to feel rigid, stuck and inescapable.

'I'm just a depressed person'

'People don't like me"

'I don't belong.'

These are some of the fundamental beliefs which can arise from our meaning-making and the repetitive stories we choose to tell ourselves.

The good new is, this can change.

Join me today on the podcast to hear more.

enApril 22, 2023

Doing what you Love

How did you spend your Easter break?

How often do you do what lights you up?

Whether walking in nature, camping on a deserted (except for 1000 4WD's) island, making music, playing sport; how do you find pleasure in life?

I can hear the sharp intake of breath.

Is it ok for us to take pleasure or should it be all hard work?

It's not an uncommon belief that taking pleasure is too much, too lax. It will make us soft and it will lead to failure.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

So today I'm exploring how do you find fun and enjoyment in life and how often do you make this a priority?

Come join me.

Mistress Wellbeing

enApril 18, 2023

mental health

therapy

Poser - Life in 23 Yoga Poses

Yoga calms the fluctuations of the mind.

Today I'm talking about 'Poser', a novel about life in 23 yoga poses.

It's a joy to read, and really sets out the benefits of yoga during difficult times of growth and learning.

I relate to many of the experiences Claire had as she developed her practice, and I'm sharing this over the Easter weekend because you might just have time to read the book!

PS It's available as an ebook on Libby

enApril 06, 2023

Joy is Simple

Joy is a simple thing.

I experience it every day when I let myself.

And there’s the rub. Most of us are actively pushing joy away. I know I did, for the longest time.

😱

Our houses are bigger, cars are better, fridges are fuller. Yet we are the most unhappy we have ever been.

Child and adolescent suicide and mental illness is through the roof. Anxiety disorders are rising.

We’re paying all our attention to making outer circumstances better, and expecting that to translate into inner happiness

But it doesn’t.

It just makes us hungry for more external stuff without ever quenching our deep need for happiness and joy.

Meanwhile, our inner lives are neglected and atrophied.

And that matters, because Joy arises inside you.

And it can’t arise unless we water and fertilise the ground within us.

Join me on the podcast as we explore how to grow joy!

enApril 01, 2023

Release Yourself from Self-Judgement and Shame

Self-judgement and shame.

It's a potent dynamic. I know it well first-hand and see it a lot in my work.

Are you quick to judge yourself when you have a 'difficult' emotion, like anger, fear, rage, jealousy?

Do you rush to hide them away where no-one will ever know you could be so out of character?

I would answer yes and yes to both those questions, and today in the podcast I'm exploring how to exchange this self-judgement with curiosity.

Because all our emotions are information towards growth. They are emergy which is supposed to move us. Our challenge is to allow them and find a skillful way fro them to move us!

When we hide them away we make ourselves stuck, becoming rigid and uncomfortable.

One way to work with this is to take a step back, examin the whole situation and engage your interest and curiosity instead.

A healthy dose of self compassion can also be helpful!

Join me for todays episode.

enMarch 23, 2023

I Made a Boundary and it Feels Good!

I made a boundary this week, and it feels so good.

It's one reason this episode is 'late'.

Today I'm exploring how I made the boundary and why, as well as how I'm feeling afterwards - spoiler alert - I feel good!

Our boundaries shape our lives. If your life isn't looking the way you want it, where do you need to make a better boundary?

Sometimes the boundary is with yourself. Exercise daily, eat better, walk in nature once a week. Sometimes it's with other people or screens or social media.

We are bombarded with data, like never before, and good boundaries with the digital world have never been more needed.

How many of you would flinch if I suggested checking facebook once or twice a day instead of 1700 times a day?

No judgement, I've been there too!

I'd love to hear where in your life you've made a fresh, shiny, sparkling boundary, and how thats working out for you!

Here's the link to the webinar replay on boundaries.

enMarch 17, 2023

Nobody Can Read Your Mind

I have a secret

😳

Nobody can read your mind.

Not your partner, your boss, your friends or even your kids.

If you want them to know how you feel, what you need, and what’s acceptable or not acceptable, you have to tell them.

I know it can be hard.

Pushing our needs away is the super power of most professional women.

It’s served us so well to power on and get ahead.

But it’s also creating a world where you feel frustrated, resentful and overwhelmed.

Because everyone thinks you’ve got this.

You’re strong

You’re always available

You’ll do all the work.

You’re invincible.

All that is true, but there’s also another side of you.

A side that needs a little gentleness, support, encouragement and kindness.

If you’d like to get better at asking for what you need, developing your voice to tell others what’s acceptable and what’s not, join me at the webinar.

'AHow to Make Boundaries like a Badass'

Free webinar

Thursday 9th March, Midday

https://www.subscribepage.com/a8r2n0_boundaries

enMarch 07, 2023

How to Make Boundaries Like a Badass

‘Absolutely no problem at all. I’d love to help you with that.’

Internal groan. 😱

When will I find time? I feel overwhelmed.

I’ll have to not sleep. I can get up at 4am.

It's time to learn how to make better boundaries, so you can improve relationships, stop working 60 hour weeks and earn the money you are worth.

Come and learn how to tolerate the brief but difficult emotions that go with creating good, protective boundaries so you can dedicate your time to what you really love.

There’s an enormous personal cost to agreeing to others' demands.

A cost in time, energy and trust that you can keep yourself safe.

Now is the time to start valuing you and your precious, limited time and energy.

Saying yes against your will, so others don’t get angry or disappointed is the quick fix to avoid difficult emotions, with a long-term payment plan in resentment and overwhelm.

I know your conditioning is powerful.

To always be nice, always be amenable, never disappoint.

To be a good friend, a fabulous wife, the best mother, a hard worker.

But it’s not sustainable or possible or even desirable.

This webinar is perfect for you if you want to stop,

🌻 Saying yes when you mean no

🌻 Sacrificing your time and energy to other people’s projects

🌻 Feeling spread way too thin over your commitments, fueling overwhelm

🌻 Avoiding short-term pain for long-term discomfort

How you will benefit,

🌻 Understand the dynamics which keep you stuck in people pleasing, and make change.

🌻 Align your time and energy according to your values and purpose.