Unlearning Project

Welcome to the first episode of Unlearning Project, rebranded from Confessions of A Financial Advisor since we only occasionally talked about money. Al prefers talking about social dilemmas, psychological studies, mental and emotional health, and current issues we face as a society. The Trolly Problem, also known to psychologists as Bystander At The Switch presents the reader with a choice, to divert the train to save four lives but sacrifice one life in two different scenarios. 

Today we compare this theoretical situation to the way the US has handled Covid-19. Al aims to dig into all sides of the restrictions - masks versus no masks, fully open businesses versus capacity guidelines, and social distancing versus “back to normal.” We discuss why herd immunity won’t work with Covid-19, the underlying mental and emotional effects of being under Pandemic restrictions for this long, and ponder the benefits of a totalitarian versus a democratic society when it comes to wide-spread health & safety issues. 

For more on the Unlearning Project & Al, check out www.unlearningproject.org and follow the show on Instagram at www.instagram.com/unlearning_project

For more information on Covid-19, herd immunity, and lockdowns visit: https://www.who.int/news-room/q-a-detail/herd-immunity-lockdowns-and-covid-19

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html

Creating Confessions of A Financial Advisor fulfilled a long-time desire to expose the truths about the Financial Advisory industry. However, I’ve discovered my interests lie in issues around our beliefs, biases, behaviors, and fears. So, Confessions of A Financial Advisor is getting a makeover. You'll enjoy the same type of content you've loved most on the show, but the cover art, colors, content, and social channels are all being moved to the Unlearning Project. Stay tuned - the first new episode for www.unlearningproject.org will air right here with a new look on November 30th, 2020.

Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com

My entire day is a matter of nervous system management. I naturally become more tense as the workday progresses, and if I don’t notice it and take specific actions to counteract the building stress, my fight or flight tendencies are in full swing. The nervous system shuts off the ability to think logically and clearly in a stressful situation, but we know little about how it works. The more steps we take to get outdoors, stretch, reduce unnecessary input, and take care of our nutrition and health, the more likely we will be able to keep our nervous system at bay.

Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com

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When did you last say what you wanted instead of reading your partner’s or friend’s face before answering the question? We have all succumbed to peer pressure. The will to please, the desire to gain approval, how to “be good,” the proper way to avoidance of side-eye judgment from anyone anywhere, even if they are strangers, is infused into us, and one day we wake up and wonder why we are such people pleasers. 

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Awareness and evaluation of the assumptions we carry is at the heart of this episode. I challenge you to notice any perspective you may have, dig to find out where it came from, find the most opposite perspective, and attempt to validate it. Polarizing opinions, stories, and media is popular right now, but what we really need is to learn open mindedness and to break down the walls created by the assumptions we carry. 

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Our feelings accumulate from every encountered frustration, and we carry them forward, into the next situation, without us even realizing it. When we do boil over with tears or anger, it's not just one event that triggered the explosion of emotions. Each experience shapes us, and if we practice letting go of any resulting tension, only then are we be able to address the following situation with a truly open mind.

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Managing money well doesn’t have to be as complicated as some of the financial gurus make it out to be. Learn what big pitfalls and financial traps exist and then set yourself up to avoid them. The younger you are or if you can set your kids on a straight path from a young age, the better because it’s easier to start out with positive, unnegotiable financial habits than it is to make a major adjustment later in life. 

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Anger, resentment, guilt, and blame keep us from forgiving. We can forgive and choose not to reconcile the relationship. I’ve found compassion for myself and others while implementing boundaries with those who treat me poorly, drain my energy, or inflict turmoil into my life. Forgiveness and the choice to rid your life of stains leftover from a toxic relationship is the ultimate act of self-care and self-respect.

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We constantly question if we’re present enough, if we’re doing too much for them or not enough and how much is too much. The pandemic has rendered us all grounded to close quarters with our families, which increases the strain. Now the parenting balancing act includes online school and attempting to work from home while limiting screen time so we aren’t ignoring our kids for hours at a time.

Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com

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Is it not obvious that the confinement we’re experiencing as a result of the pandemic is robbing us of the one thing we crave most? Human connection - to feel similar to another, to feel a commonality with another. This lack of connection is skyrocketing mental health issues. We are living through a social experiment, what will the results show & what will they say about this 20 years from now?

Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com

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Given the current environment - pandemic, protests, and overall paranoia and fear - it’s interesting to compare our current reactions to these situations with the dichotomy of parenting styles. So-called helicopter parents attempt to protect their children from everything, which actually lends them to be more susceptible to injury, hurt feelings, failure, and being misunderstood instead. Is social distancing and obsessive use of hand sanitizer actually leaving our immune systems more at risk?

Ethical, responsible, empathetic children can be raised without being shamed as a sinner, threatened to a sentence in Hell, or praying to God, as is believed by most Judaeo-Christian families in the US. Instead, I believe children are born with an internal compass and inherently know right from wrong. In what other aspects of life does it make sense to follow a book written thousands of years ago?

Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com

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The phrase sounds like something backwards and ridiculous, but people fear the consequences of success. We learn when we’re young not to outshine our siblings or classmates because it will make them feel bad. As young adults, we’re called braggers when we share a win. So we begin to keep our successes a secret, fearing what others will think if we tell them about something great in our lives. 

Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com

More at www.faconfessions.com and on IG @fa_confessions

Our adult lives are colored by the influence of our family of origin. During childhood, we learn behaviors beneficial to us at that time, but as adults, those stories are still running subconsciously and driving our decisions. It’s important we stop to realize what those subconscious thoughts are, if they are still beneficial, and choose to surround ourselves with chosen friends who support our growth.

Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com

More at www.faconfessions.com and on IG @fa_confessions

The personalities of varying family members have inevitably made each of us question our lineage at some point. Relationships with family members have a level of expectation intertwined since you’re stuck with them. Friends, on the other hand, are people whose personalities, beliefs, manners, and behaviors you choose to have in your life. When did you notice or feel that you had a choice?

Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com

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Creativity is often imagined as this flowing release of innate talent when it’s usually quite a challenging and tumultuous process. I never labeled myself as a “creative” and have approached learning skills meticulously so that, in combination, they could be used creatively. Some people do harness creativity and the ability to share it with the world naturally, but that doesn’t mean the process comes without challenges.

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Judgment is this sneaky, underlying, natural trait we all have because it’s useful to our survival. We judge danger versus safety and joyful experiences against those that are grief-stricken. However, when that judgment is internalized too strongly and results in accidental self-sabotage or when it’s projected outwardly with excess which creates distance and misunderstanding between humans, evaluation is needed.

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No matter the dissatisfaction in the present situation, there’s a strange level of comfort and security in knowing what we have and remaining in “safety.” This is why, as a society, we admire those who have the courage to make leaps of faith, and especially those who do it over and over again, ever up-leveling their impact and experience. Sometimes you just have to be shoved out of the nest to begin to fly.

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In celebration of www.faconfessions.com 's launch in June 2019, we’re reflecting back over the past year and highlighting some of our favorite posts, discussing similar, ongoing topics, and we even touch on a few current events (we can’t help it!). Can you guess what our favorite topics are? Everything circles back to questioning our personal beliefs, being open to new perspectives, and continuing to seek instead of follow.

Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com

The self-help culture of today will have us believe that positive affirmations, motivation, and self-talk are the keys to happiness. But that’s only the tip of the iceberg - just 10% of our brain is conscious. The unconscious 90% is actually running the show, perpetuating habits formed as coping mechanisms. The courageous work of becoming more conscious of hidden beliefs might be the most important work we could ever do.

Original Music by Spybaby at www.spybabyband.com

More at www.faconfessions.com