Unlearning Project

When did being “busy begin to equal importance and productivity? It’s a feeling we’re taught to chase and strive for, but at what cost? Busy leads to denying deeper emotions and failing to give our full attention to anything in life. A sense of busyness can be an excuse to avoid connection; a distraction from being present. It leads to feeling constantly on the edge of burnout: the opposite of happiness and fulfillment. 

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We can’t control what we experience, but we can control how we choose to respond. Dropping the rope gives you a vivid mental picture of releasing the tension and letting what’s on the other side fall to the ground. This can occur when you chose to simply walk away, go against the expectation, or accept something without resistance. It applies toward anxiety, experiences, expectations, assumptions, and metrics of success.

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Everyone in the financial space tells you what to do, but nobody talks about what not to do. There are 4 simple things you just shouldn’t do if you’re working toward a comfortable retirement. These mistakes can easily seem like the “right” move but are detrimental to your future financial situation. Habits and understanding the compounding effect in any aspect of life are what will or won’t allow you to make progress.

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Certain moments in life require us to be tough, but other moments yield better results when we handle them with tenderness. Many men were raised not to cry, to be tough, and that tenderness would be perceived as weakness. Meanwhile, women absorb that femininity and harshness are incompatible. As it turns out, there are times for harsh reactions, but empathy and tenderness provide more conversation, connection, and even power.

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You hear people say it often - comments like, “Time is flying by! Make it slow down!” And when constraints are placed upon us, we stress out more. “I’ve got shit to do & places to be!” We despise dead time. What if this could all be flipped though? Deadtime can be seen as an opportunity and slowing down purposefully can make days seem to stretch longer and be more enjoyable.

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This whole parenting job requires us to walk the walk. Our actions as parents speak louder than words and I can easily list off things my parents taught me just by example. I especially learned what not to do. I’m extremely thoughtful about what my daughter sees in me and how my actions influence her life. I don’t tell her everything verbally, but instead, attempt to model intentionally with my actions and choices.

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Success seems like this glamorous goal, but nobody talks about the dangers that can accompany being successful. When someone wins at a high level consistently, they can get an inflated perception of their skills, innate talent, or self-image. This is exhibited by the “behind the scenes” footage we often see of former rock stars’ lives. The worst thing that can happen to a gambler is that he wins and feeds the flame.

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If you believed you had nothing to lose and potentially everything to gain, would you show up differently to your life? If you believed your best days and experiences were yet to come instead of in your past, would you approach each day and each interaction with more fervor?

When I was young I was so full of insecurity, but the memories in my mind attempt to tell me otherwise.

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If you’ve ever looked around and felt like something was missing from your life, this episode is for you. We live in the confines of the familiar rather than striving toward our full potential simply because we’re taught to stay safe, avoid the unknown, and surround ourselves with what’s comfortable, much like a cheetah who’s been raised in a zoo. Most have never considered anything beyond their current life status.

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Comparison creates competition because without comparison, who are you competing with? Progress without competition is collaboration, the idea that we can all move forward together, in a helpful, supportive way. I’m so sick of the cut-throat, clinical, desperate environment competition creates. Where do we stand in the world though, if we’re not competing with anyone? Is some level of comparison absolutely necessary?

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Wisdom, empathy, and brilliance exist in the dark, crushing experiences of life, although that’s not apparent while in the midst of them. Loss, emptiness, and helplessness are normal, although negative emotions that we all experience at some point. Resistance only holds us back. Every interpretation or internal story created and the meaning we assign is a choice. Finding yourself is an ongoing life journey.

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My life experience with carrying burdens, chronic pain, and obligations manifested into I irrational fears of the ocean and flying, among other things. Tired of living in fear, I began to attempt to resolve issues that had been haunting me. Anticipation is where fear breeds, growing larger the more attention we give it. The only way to shorten fearful anticipation is through action.

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Fanaticism replaces any inherent joy with obsession. No matter the subject, losing sight of the aim and doubling the efforts creates an unnecessary level of hype and is ultimately unhealthy and unsustainable, not to mention a turn-off. When success in pushing your beliefs onto others becomes more important than your own sanity, we have a problem.

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Western culture tends to focus on achievement and progress. Eastern philosophies are focused on being present in the moment with a calm, quiet mind. I often feel trapped between two worlds. How do we combine forward planning, goals, and action with a sense of inner calm? Is it possible to blend forward progress with a relaxed, but still intentional, approach?

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There are a million details to figure out when someone suddenly becomes dependent, but there’s also a huge emotional side. I got a crash course in assisted living, hospice, and eventually, end-of-life planning. It was exhausting, confusing, and sad. Considering my mom’s recent passing, this episode is difficult, but also weirdly therapeutic. Don’t worry, there no tears, a few laughs instead, and loads of empathy. 

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There comes a point in life when traditional measures of “success” aren’t as fulfilling as expected and, instead, leave us feeling empty and anxious. We absorb early on that each occurrence has a negative or positive connotation when each event is actually neutral. Life is a journey of awareness and an opportunity to question what we believe, how we respond to people or events, and why.

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Numbers often run through my head in anticipation of the day when I find complete financial freedom and no longer worry about earning money. If I let them, these thoughts can become consuming and, instead of enjoying the time I have right now, I feel like I’m racing against time. What’s sustainable though, go too far in either direction and you’re in trouble. You want it straight? Slow and steady wins the race. 

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A few lessons for the younger me, but would I have listened? Based on your life experience, what you’d tell your younger self is probably different than advice I’d come up with. Everyone’s on auto-pilot, barely paying attention, and rarely do we want unsolicited advice. So, is there anything that would have changed our trajectories or altered our decisions? Really?

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With a new story or belief about money, health, addiction, relationships...anything, what could change in your life? If each of us is the hero in our story, instead of the perpetuator of a script created by the prior generation, what could happen differently in each moment? Living a red-lined lifestyle, fearing money, and repeating patterns aren’t something we’re usually conscious of, but it’s time we start to notice.

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As with any awful life experience, we wade through the wide range of emotions - blame, guilt, insecurity, anger, hurt - as I did during my divorce. In the time since, I’ve examined my personal, emotional response to tension. We all have default tendencies, but once we realize they aren’t benefitting us, can they be stopped? A simple change in our internal stories may be the key.

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