assertive communication

The road to successful leadership is paved with exceptional communication skills, and this episode lays out the map. We break down the science behind why we react the way we do and how understanding the four communication styles—aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, and assertive—can revolutionize our interpersonal relationships. 

The episode begins with Marvin introducing Karen and her background as a marriage and family therapist before transitioning into executive leadership coaching. Karen emphasizes the importance of leadership skills, even for solopreneurs, as they are essential for managing customer and vendor relationships. 

We venture into the realm of the human brain, dissecting how our prefrontal cortex and amygdala dictate our communicative behavior, particularly under stress. This neurological tour sets the stage for understanding why we react the way we do and how to harness the power of assertive communication.

The conversation then delves into the different components of communication - verbal and non-verbal. Karen highlights that non-verbal communication, which includes tone of voice, body language, and appearance, can make up 70 to 90% of our overall message. This becomes particularly important in written communication, such as emails and text messages, where non-verbal cues are absent. 

The episode concludes with a teaser for the next episode of the podcast, where Karen will discuss the key to assertive communication. 

Summary: 

• Nature's prefrontal cortex and amygdala affect communication styles, with the former enabling rational thought and the latter triggering fight or flight responses.
• Aggressive, passive, and passive-aggressive communication styles impact relationships and conflict resolution through verbal and nonverbal behaviors.
• Assertive communication is key for effective interactions, influenced by self-awareness and leadership development.

Links from the show: 

Website: https://karenknab.com/

=== Show Information

Website: https://www.itbusinesspodcast.com/

Host: Marvin Bee

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License Code: 7X9F52DNML - Date: January 1st, 2024

What wins are you celebrating in 2023? Whether the past year was a breeze or the worst one yet, it’s time to pour yourself a glass of bubbly (or Bubly) and announce aloud all the ways you shine. 

Let’s jumpstart your year-end reflections. In this episode, I present three steps that will help you add a celebratory angle to your 2023 review and really remind you that you made progress this year, no matter what your 2024 to-do lists might look like.

You’ll leave equipped with some inspo to get you ready to ring in the new year, including:

• The importance of celebrating your wins during the harder times
• How to identify the pride-worthy traits that got you through the challenges
• How to build up your year-end brag book
• And a very real celebration of Level Up participants who flourished in 2023

Related Links:

• Episode 127 How A Brag Book Can Help You Land Your Next Job or Promotion- https://www.bossedup.org/podcast/episode127
• Episode 217 How To Land a Job in a Different Industry - https://www.bossedup.org/podcast/episode217
• Episode 395 You Deserve Self-Care For Your Career - https://www.bossedup.org/podcast/episode395
• Episode 421 The Top Struggles of High Achievers - https://www.bossedup.org/podcast/episode421
• More about The Progress Principle by Steven Kramer and Teresa Amabile - https://hbr.org/2011/05/the-power-of-small-wins
• Level Up: a Leadership Accelerator for Women on the Rise - https://www.bossedup.org/levelup
• Hired: a Job Search Accelerator to Land Your Dream Job - https://www.bossedup.org/gethired
• Bossed Up job search resources - https://www.bossedup.org/free-resources/job-search
• Bossed Up Courage Community - https://www.facebook.com/groups/927776673968737/
• Bossed Up LinkedIn Group - https://www.linkedin.com/groups/7071888/

How can you bring more courageous conversations into your practice of inclusive leadership? In recent years, more and more leaders are seeking to understand what inclusive leadership really means and how to build it into our ever-evolving organization models. It’s not easy work and, all too often, defensiveness and white fragility rear up as soon as the feedback is anything other than complimentary.

This episode is a sometimes spicy take on courageous conversations and inclusivity in the workplace, with two women who are transforming this fraught space. Stephanie Chin is a leadership consultant and the founder of Spicy Conversations. Sarah Noll Wilson is an executive coach, researcher, author, and one of Stephanie’s clients

We’re calling you in to talk all things inclusive leadership, including:

• Just how difficult this work is, on all sides
• What your inclusivity inaccuracies mean for your identity
• How to transform “I would never!” into “When have I?”
• And how this education will help transform your organization and yourself

Related Links:

• Find Stephanie Chin on LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephaniemchin/
• Find Sarah Noll Wilson on LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahnollwilson/
• DM Sarah to find out how you can start implementing change - sarah@sarahnollwilson.com
• Stephanie’s Spicy Conversations printable cheatsheet - https://drive.google.com/file/d/13BYq_udUfUbm8YePD0w8IbMZktBMAWCI/view?usp=drivesdk
• Don’t Feed the Elephants - Sarah Noll Wilson - https://bookshop.org/p/books/don-t-feed-the-elephants-overcoming-the-art-of-avoidance-to-build-powerful-partnerships-sarah-noll-wilson/17871254?ean=9781544525129
• Conversations on Conversations Podcast - https://sarahnollwilson.com/podcast/
• The Culture Map by Erin Meyer - https://erinmeyer.com/book/
• On Jim Irsay’s recent comments - https://www.nbcsports.com/nfl/profootballtalk/rumor-mill/news/jim-irsay-blames-his-2014-arrest-on-police-prejudice-against-white-billionaires
• Harvard Business Review on self-awareness - https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it
• How To Be An Inclusive Leader with Jennifer Brown Bossed Up episode - https://www.bossedup.org/podcast/episode327
• White Fragility, White Women's Tears, And Dismantling White Supremacy with Robin DiAngelo Bossed Up episode - https://www.bossedup.org/podcast/episode304
• Armchair Expert’s Jonathan Van Ness podcast episode - https://armchairexpertpod.com/pods/jonathan-van-ness
• My book, Bossed Up: A Grown Woman’s Guide to Getting Your Sh*t Together - https://www.bossedup.org/book
• Level Up: a Leadership Accelerator for Women on the Rise - https://www.bossedup.org/levelup
• Bossed Up job search resources - https://www.bossedup.org/free-resources/job-search
• Bossed Up Courage Community - https://www.facebook.com/groups/927776673968737/
• Bossed Up LinkedIn Group - https://www.linkedin.com/groups/7071888/

Have you struggled to find your voice at work? Have you started self-silencing? Or overthinking your every sentence? 

 Today's episode with Samara Bay, author of Permission to Speak, is for you. We're breaking down why it's so challenging to speak up and be heard at work, how to counter voice bias with voice justice, and how to embrace your voice as "the new sound of power."

Related links: 

• Speak Up: my 8-week assertive communications course
• Samara's book, Permission to Speak
• Follow Samara on Instagram
• Samara's How to Pitch workshop
• Email me at emilie@bossedup.org
• Join the Bossed Up Courage Community on Facebook 
• Join Bossed Up's group on Linkedin

Everyday, women are wrongfully mislabeled as "aggressive" for simply speaking up in the workplace. 

When this happens to you, what's the best way to respond? 

Tune in to today's episode to learn: 

• How to concisely push back when you're being mislabeled 
• When to call someone in or out 
• And how to turn the conversation into a teachable moment. 

Related links: 

• Level Up: my 6-month leadership accelerator
• Speak Up: my 8-week assertive communication course 
• Ep 417: The Truth About Women's Communication at Work
• Ep 167: How to Call People In (Or Out) at Work
• Ep 251: The Difference Between Assertive vs. Aggressive Communication
• The Bossed Up Courage Community on Facebook
• The Bossed Up Linkedin Group

If you ask 5 people for their advice on how women should speak up at work, you're likely to get 5 different answers. 

That's because, it seems, everyone has something to say about how women communicate at work. We're either too much or too little, too loud or too quiet, too direct or too passive, depending on who you ask. 

In today's episode, I share the more complex reality underlying all human communication, and why at the end of the day, the most important power women have is to choose how we speak up for ourselves. 

Related links:

• TIME: I'm Sorry, but Women Really Need to Stop Apologizing
• NYT: No, You Don't Have to Stop Apologizing
• SLATE: New Chrome app helps women stop saying "just" and "sorry" in emails
• Business Insider: This one piece of viral advice for women at work is actually terrible.
• GOOP: How women undermine themselves with words
• NYT: Women Know Exactly What They're Doing When They Use 'Weak' Language
• Bossed Up's Speak Up assertive communication course
• The Courage Community on Facebook
• Bossed Up's Group on LinkedIn

Marriage and children comes with a whole new set of conflict and arguments. Both are tired, she's nagging, he's not listening and its easy to wonder if you'll ever agree with your spouse again. 

Kim Parry-Jones is an advocate for marriage and helping couples communicate better. 

In this episode, she helpfully chats through conflict, communication and navigating the parenting stage of life. 

She shares her advice and reflections of 42 years of marriage to Scott, mother of 4 and grandma of 7. 

Join us on Instagram for more motherhood related content @unsungstoriespodcast

Visit our website. There you'll be able to:

• See our latest blog post
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• Read a transcription of this episode

Do you have a tendency to shy away from speaking up? Or maybe you’ve been silenced by a toxic workplace?

In today’s episode, Emilie shares three best practices to regain your confidence and make your voice heard at work to become your own biggest champion.

Related Links:

• Learn more at the corresponding blog post 
• ​​Deborah Cihonski: The Experience of Loss of Voice in Adolescent Girls: An Existential-Phenomenological Study
• [NYTimes] It’s Not Just You: In Online Meetings, Many Women Can’t Get a Word In
• Ep 218: Managing your Inner Critic
• Ep 342: How to Leverage the Power of Pressure for your Growth and Develop 
• Ep 251: The Difference Between Assertive v. Aggressive Communication 
• Check out past episodes on how to communicate with confidence
• Learn more about Speak Up
• Join us in the Bossed Up Courage Community on Facebook
• Got a boss move to share? Schedule a call to chat with Emilie

Got a career conundrum you want us to cover on the podcast? Leave a voicemail at 910-668-BOSS(2677) or shoot us an email at info@bossedup.org. 

How can you be assertive on-the-spot? Being assertive when you need to and on-the-spot can be challenging, especially if you’re coming from a more passive style of communication.

It can be really difficult to think of how to respond assertively to a negative comment, in the moment.

I don’t know if this happens to you but sometimes when I’m in front of a stressful conversation, a conflict or a rude comment, I freeze. 

I can’t think of anything to say on-the-spot. I start mumbling. I get anxious. And I don’t know how to respond to this person - until 20 minutes later!

Then I think of what I “should have said” or “could have said” to that person.

This delayed response time isn’t helpful when you want to be assertive on-the-spot.

In this podcast episode, I share with you five techniques to help you be assertive in the moment. 

These are techniques that have helped me as a recovering passive communicator and they have helped thousands of my students in my Assertive Communication Skills Masterclass too.

In this episode, I talk about:

• Why is it so hard to think of a response on-the-spot?
• Try to calm your stress response.
• Be prepared, if you can.
• Listen first.
• Get your key message clear in your mind.
• Re-write previous conversations.

Listen to this episode on the podcast platform of your choice: Apple Podcasts, Audible, Spotify, Google and more.

Send Me Your Questions

If you would like to submit your own question for a future Q&A episode, please send an email to kara@executive-impressions.com. 

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

• I talked about the Assertive Communication Skills Masterclass where you can learn the foundational skills to become more assertive in your personal and professional life. Access a discount coupon for this course here.

Other Learning & Development Video Courses!

• Assertive Communication Skills Masterclass
• Business Etiquette 101: Social Skills for Success
• Powerful, Confident Body Language for Women
• Leadership Presence 30 Day Challenge

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Is it possible to lead with authority and kindness? Let’s talk about navigating this tricky tightrope, informed by psychology’s warmth-competence model. 

Related Links:

• FREE Live Masterclass: To Lead or Be Liked?
• Enrollment is open now for our Level Up: Leadership Accelerator
• Speak Up: Assertive Communication Program
• Ep 01: To Lead or Be Liked? 
• Join the Bossed Up Courage Community on Facebook

Got a career conundrum you want me to cover on the podcast? Call and leave me a voicemail NOW at 910-668-BOSS(2677).

Today on the podcast, Emilie sides down with Minda Harts, author of The Memo: What Women of Color Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table, to talk about dismantling microaggressions, practicing active allyship, and how more women of color can advocate for themselves in a world that wasn’t built for them. 

Related Links:

• Learn more about Minda Harts here
• Get a copy of:
  • The Memo: What Women of Color Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table by Minda Hart
  • Bossed Up: A Grown Woman's Guide to Getting Your Sh*t Together by Emilie Aries
  • Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
• NYT: December Jobs Report: Jobs Recovery Goes Into Reverse as Pandemic Takes a New Toll

Got a career conundrum you want me to cover on the podcast? Call and leave me a voicemail NOW at 910-668-BOSS(2677).

This episode is sponsored by Skillshare.

Have you ever been called “aggressive?”

Assertive women too often are mislabeled in this way. In today’s podcast, I break down the fundamental differences between being assertive versus being outright aggressive.

Related Links:

• Check out the corresponding blog post here
• Ep 01: To Lead or Be Liked?
• Ep 250: How to Be a Powerful Public Speaker
• Grab a copy of Well, That Escalated Quickly: Memoirs and Mistakes of an Accidental Activist
• Register for Speak Up: our public speaking program here
• Join the Bossed Up Courage Community on Facebook

Got a career conundrum you want me to cover on the podcast? Call and leave me a voicemail NOW at 910-668-BOSS(2677).

In today’s episode Emilie chats with Barbara Tannenbaum, PhD, president of Dynamic Communications and distinguished senior lecturer at Brown University, about how to take up space, make your voice heard, and become a more powerful public speaker.

Related Links:

• Learn more about Barbara here
• Ep 01: To Lead or Be Liked?
• Grab a copy of The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance: What Women Should Know
• Learn more about the Barbara Lee Foundation
• Grab The Definitive Guide to Negotiating as a Woman
• Grab your 2021 LifeTracker Planner

Got a career conundrum you want me to cover on the podcast? Call and leave me a voicemail NOW at 910-668-BOSS(2677).

Dr. Randy Paterson guides us through the ins and outs of assertive communication, explaining why it's essential for healthy, happy relationships in work, love, and life.

Show Notes

• What is assertiveness?
• Common misconceptions about assertiveness
• The 4 styles of communication
• The benefits of becoming more assertive
• The barriers to being assertive: the stress barrier; the social barrier; the belief barrier
• Why it’s so hard to ask for what you really want
• Demanding what we want vs informing people of what we want
• DESO scripts
• Why it’s hard to say no to what you don’t want
• How to handle confrontation well
• Strategies for constructive confrontation, especially how to find common ground
• Are we responsible for other people’s feelings?
• Beyond assertive communication: taking responsibility for your own life

You can learn more about Randy and his work here:

• Personal Website 
• YouTube Channel
• The Assertiveness Workbook (book)
• How to Be Miserable (book)
• How to Be Miserable in Your 20s (book)

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