deepfriendships

Around 40 percent of people who marry eventually get a divorce. Almost half of children are born to unmarried women. The number of close friends Americans report having has been on a steep decline since the 1990s, especially among men. Millions of us are growing old alone. We are living out a radical experiment in how we live, love, parent and age — and for many, it’s failing.

That’s partial context, I think, for the recent burst of interest and media coverage of polyamory. People want more love in their lives, and opening their relationships is one way to find it. A poll from last year found that one-third of Americans believe their ideal relationship would involve something other than strict monogamy.

But polyamory, for all its possibilities, isn’t right for many, and it doesn’t have that much to say about parenting or aging or friendship. As radical as it may sound, it’s not nearly radical enough. It’s not just romance that could be imagined more expansively. It’s everything.

“If this is such a significant relationship in my life, why is there no term for it?” wonders NPR’s Rhaina Cohen about a relationship that transcends the language we have available for friendship. Her forthcoming book, “The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life With Friendship at the Center,” is a window into a world of relational possibilities most of us never even imagined existed. It’s a call to open up what we can conceive of as possible. Some of these models might appeal to you. Others might not. But they all pose a question worth asking: What kinds of relationships would you want in your life, if you felt you could ask for them?

Mentioned:

“Men’s Social Circles are Shrinking” by Daniel A. Cox

The Two-Parent Privilege by Melissa S. Kearney

How Should a Person Be? by Sheila Heti

Book Recommendations:

Far From the Tree by Andrew Solomon

We All Want Impossible Things by Catherine Newman

Thy Neighbor’s Wife by Gay Talese

Thoughts? Guest suggestions? Email us at ezrakleinshow@nytimes.com.

You can find transcripts (posted midday) and more episodes of “The Ezra Klein Show” at nytimes.com/ezra-klein-podcast, and you can find Ezra on X @ezraklein. Book recommendations from all our guests are listed at https://www.nytimes.com/article/ezra-klein-show-book-recs.

This episode of “The Ezra Klein Show” was produced by Annie Galvin. Fact-checking by Kate Sinclair and Mary Marge Locker. Our senior engineer is Jeff Geld with additional mixing from Efim Shapiro. Our senior editor is Claire Gordon. The show’s production team also includes Michelle Harris, Rollin Hu and Kristin Lin. Original music by Isaac Jones. Audience strategy by Kristina Samulewski and Shannon Busta. The executive producer of New York Times Opinion Audio is Annie-Rose Strasser. And special thanks to Sonia Herrero.

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Life can be busy, and it’s easy to forget to make time to catch up with friends– but spending time with your friends is more important than you think.

Feel Better Live More Bitesize is my weekly podcast for your mind, body, and heart. Each week I’ll be featuring inspirational stories and practical tips from some of my former guests.

Today’s clip is from episode 80 of the podcast with my good friend and fellow podcast host Dhru Purohit.

In this clip, he explains why our friendships are so important, and why we need deep connections to others to truly thrive.

Show notes and the full podcast are available at drchatterjee.com/80

Thanks to our sponsor http://www.athleticgreens.com/livemore

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DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

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Over the past 2 years, I have had the privilege of talking with some of the most influential and insightful voices in the health and wellbeing space. To celebrate, I have decided to release 3 very special compilation episodes at the end of the year, which also happens to be the end of the decade! In my new book, Feel Better in 5, I split up health into 3 main areas: Mind, Body and Heart. The 'Heart' section is all about nurturing your essential human connections. This is such a crucial, but undervalued, component of health. People who are lonely are 50% more likely to die earlier and 30% more likely to suffer from a heart attack or stroke. The feeling of social isolation is through to be as harmful for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes per day.

In today’s show, I share some of the best clips from my podcast about the importance and power of meaningful human connection. You will hear from Dhru Purohit on why we need deep meaningful friendships to thrive, and not just survive, the hypnotherapist, Chloe Brotheridge, on why being kind to yourself is so important and why life feels perfect once we accept the way that things are, the outspoken Nagoski Sisters, who discuss how to complete the stress response cycle, no matter what the stressor is in your life is and why a 20 second hug can be so beneficial. You will then hear from Peter Crone - without question, my conversation with Peter has proven to be one of the most popular and impactful episodes I have ever released on my show - I share a clip where Peter talks about how you cannot create the life of someone else you don’t believe yourself to be and how true happiness is the absence of the search for happiness. We then hear from the physician, Gabor Mate, who talks about social isolation and how addiction is a behaviour that we use to soothe our pain, and then finish off with the wonderful Johann Hari on the primal importance of human connection and why he defines home as being the place where somebody notices when you are not there. 

I really enjoyed putting this episode together and I hope you enjoy listening, as much! There are plenty of 5 minute tips on how to nurture those essential human connections in my brand new book, Feel Better in 5. You can order your very own copy now - Feel better in 5; Your Daily Plan to Feel Better for Life.

Show notes available at drchatterjee.com/89

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DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

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