In this episode: Andrea, Morgan, and James Quigley dive into the world of divorce and family law, AND  contempt of court. Listen to get some strategies for dealing with violations of court orders, and the emotional toll of navigating divorce. 

 

* Examples of non-willful violations of court orders and the importance of making reasonable efforts to comply

 

* Situations where pursuing contempt charges for financial issues in divorce cases may be warranted, and the process of filing a petition for the court to consider contempt charges

 

* Assessing the teamwork of law firms, understanding lawyer agreements, and maintaining credibility with the court

 

* Communication strategies with challenging co-parents, using co-parenting apps, and documenting interactions.

 

* Acknowledgment of the emotional toll of divorce, abuse, and gaslighting, and the recommendation to seek mental health support.

 

* Stressing the importance of addressing emotional issues with support, as lawyers are not therapists.

 

This conversation is filled with real-life anecdotes, practical advice, and a touch of humor, all aimed at providing support and guidance for those going through a divorce. Join us as we tackle these complex issues and share resources, all while navigating the intricacies of divorce with honesty and levity.

To find James Quigley online, head to: https://www.beermannlaw.com/team/james-m-quigley/

and follow the guy on IG, it'll make his day. https://www.instagram.com/quigleyondivorce/

And remember:

If you're concerned about your children's safety during your co parent's parenting time becuase of alcohol, Soberlink is here to help. To learn more visit: http://www.soberlink.com/notsuck and get $50 off your device.

Our Family Wizard is here to my coparenting EASIER, how awesome is that??!! To get FREE access to an article that we co wrote with the Our Family Wizard team that gives action steps on how you can better communicate with you ex, go to: http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck

 

We have private communities, don't forget!! Join us. We're helpful and, like, way fun:

http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity

http://www.patreon.com/notquitereadytodivorce

http://www.instagram.com/hownottosuckatdivorce

In this episode, Andrea and Morgan give advice on creating parenting schedules and what you need to keep in mind to ensure the best interests of the children are at the forefront.

We dive into some of the most common custody issues:

*50/50 arrangment

*right of first refusal

*asking for more than 50% custody

*difference between custodial custody and parenting time

*best parenting time schedules for younger kids

*more creative parenting time schedules

 

And speaking of kids, Our Family Wizard is here to make coparenting easier! And trust us, you want Our Family Wizard as a tool in your divorce toolbox. Head to: http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck to get access to a FREE article that we co-wrote with Our Family Wizard on how to best communicate with a challenging ex spouse!

 

And remember, our private community is here to support you. Join us at: http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity

And if you have not yet filed for divorce and would prefer to listen to our episodes privately, you can do so here: https://www.patreon.com/NotQuiteReadyForDivorce. Our entire library of episodes can be listened to discreetly for $4.99 a month. 

Follow us on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/hownottosuckatdivorce

See you next week, friends!

You gotta hear this episode. 

The end of Moncia's marriage involved betrayal, alcohol abuse, and porn addiction. What's fascinating about her experience is not what she went through, but how she CHOSE to heal.

When Monica and her now ex husband entered couples therapy, they also did individual therapy, and Monica join a support group. In that support group, she found perspective and reflection. With that, she was able to see that there was a role that SHE PLAYED in the breakdown of the marriage. Now, it's not to say that anything that Monica did or didn't do caused her husband to make his choices. Rather, Monica was able to see that some of her behavior came from a strong desire to control a situation, what wasn't helping anything. 

Once she was able to let go and accept her husband for who he was, everthing changed.

Yes, their divorce process began, but so did Monica's beautiful healing process.

Fast forward to the present day: Monica is sharing her dinner table with her exhusband, their children, AND her new boyfriend. You can see for yourself on her IG: https://www.instagram.com/monicaleighblog/

She now hosts her own podcast: Choosing to Heal with Monica Leigh

She also runs her own support community for other women looking to heal! Check it out!

https://monicaleighblog.com/community

 

This episode should give you hope and inspiration. Please visit our private communities for more.

http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity

http://www.patreon.com/notquitereadyfordivorce

And follow us on IG!

http://www.instagram.com/hownottosuckatdivorce

if you are not quite ready for divorce and want to listen to this episode without downloading it to your device, you are welcome to subscribe to our Patreon channel, where, for $4.99 a month, you can access our entire library of episodes

 

Trauma makes a home in our bodies. Recent studies have shown that traditional talk therapy might not be enough to help people recover from trauma. 

(eye roll) Great. So, now what?? 

This episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce features Dr Melissa Kalt. Dr Melissa is a triple board certified physician turned trauma healer. Dr Melissa offers group programs and 1:1 services for people wanting to heal from their trauma. She even met with Andrea in December. Be sure to listen to Andrea's experience and how Dr Melissa was able to pinpoint her pain and help her release it.

Something to note is that the trauma lives in our bodies because of the story we told ourselves about the traumatic event, not so much the event itself....food for thought. 

(Poor Morgan found this topic to get a little too "woo woo" for her at times...what do you think??)

The takeaway here is that if you are suffering, you deserve not to suffer. If trauma healing can help you, why wouldn't you try it?

And remember, our private FB community is here to support you. Please join!

Join FB Group Here

You can do this, friends. It won't be easy, but we'll help you through it. 

You've got this. And we've got you. 

"I'm just going to make it through the holidays"

"I think I can hang on a little bit longer"

"It's just not the right time."

There's no good time to get divorced. But there's (of course) a TON of reasons that come into consideration when someone decides when to file.

So what should you do when you know you want to leave, but you're not quite ready for divorce??

1- EDUCATE YOURSELF.  This is your time to gather as much information as possible. Listen to this show, ask questions..join our private communites.

2- TALK TO AN ATTORNEY. In most cases, you don't need to hire someone until you're ready to file, but you should certainly start the interview process. Remember, we suggest you interview 3 attorneys before hiring someone. 

3-START PAYING MORE ATTENTION TO MONEY. We're talking about money coming in and money going out. (see our previous episodes about $$ to get more guidance here)

4-THERAPY. Get your butt in therapy. Now. In fact, stop this podcast and go. You deserve support and BTW, so do your kids. In fact, the waitlsits right now for childrens' therapists are INSANE so start doing research now and get on those lists for therapists that would right to help your family. Being proactive vs reactive is ALWAYS the better choice. 

What should you NOT do??

1- Take to social media. Don't change profile pictures or start bringing attention to yourself until you know exactly what you're doing and prepared to answer questions

2- Go spending a ton a money.

3-If you're already in another relationship- DON'T make extravegant purchases or travel plans. Especially depending on the state you live in. And if you are in another relationship, don't conceal this fact from your attorney. You need to have an open and honest relationship with your divorce attorney and they cannot fully support and advise you if they don't know all of the facts. 

And if you need more insight and want the most discreet way to listen to this show, join our community on Patreon. This community offers you our entire library of episodes that you can access without needing to suscribe to our show. This channel will also hold bonus interviews and conversations that will help you as you make your decision and support you along the way.  http://www.patreon.com/notquitereadyfordivorce

 

And now, a word from our Sponsors, 

Don't sleep on those old sheets that you shared with your ex, omg, YUCK!! Treat yourself this holiday season with the luxious sheets from Cozy Earth. Vist http://www.cozyearth.com and use code HNTSAD to save up to 35%!!!

Our Family Wizard is here to make coparenting easier. Make sure you sign up for their free newsletter at http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck

**This episode is sbrought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at
betterhelp.com/NOTSUCK and get on your way to being your best self.**

 

Alright, here's the deal. Divorcing someone with a "type 2" personality disorder is NOT a walk in the park. AND there ARE things that you can do to help preserve your sanity...

Let's start here: EXPECT IT TO SUCK.

That may sound hard, but baby, if your marriage was a shitshow, so will your divorce. It'll be worth it, but it's gonna be a mental and emotional battle. So how do you go into war being as prepared as possible?

 

Arm yourself BOUNDARIES. Historically, type 2 personalites hate boundaries and rarely respect them, so it's crucial that you put strong ones in place that YOU can enforce.

One suggestion that we have is to utilize a coparenting app, specifically, Our Family Wizard. Why? Because this app was designed to help high conflict coparents communicate LESS. Our Family Wizard is an easy to use app that will help you organize your parenting schedule, shared expenses, and even allow you and your ex exchange (what can be) court monitored messages. Now, please keep in mind that just because you use an app like Our Family Wizard DOES NOT MEAN THAT THE ABUSE WILL STOP. That's really important to note. However, using Our Family Wizard will allow you the ability to gain CONTROL. You can even establish the ONE time of day that you have to read (the obnoxious) messages from your ex. It's also the safest way for high conflict coparents to communicate...for those who are in a dangerously contentious situation. 

 

Listen to the words of our guest, family law attorney, Katharine Rupp, who PERSONALLY uses OUR FAMILY WIZARD. This woman literally practices law and she herself has had experience with gaslighting, mental and emotional abuse.

You're not crazy. You're not making this up. 

 

You deserve to live a happier and healthier life. You need an exit stradegy. You need a plan. We are here to help you.

If you are contemplating divorce and want a private community to ask questions, listen to our episodes WITHOUT them being downloaded to your phone and have access to BONUS conversations with experts,  please join our private group:

https://www.patreon.com/NotQuiteReadyForDivorce

 

This episode is sponsored by Soberlink. If you are concerned about your coparents sobriety during their parenting time, please check out Soberlink :http:www.soberlink.com/notsuck

And visit Our Family Wizard and sign up for their newsletter to get some tips and tricks that can make coparenting easier for you. :http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck

You've got this. And we've got You. 

 

 

WOW. This episode is powerful. 

If you're new to our show, welcome. On How Not to Suck at Divorce, we walk you through the divorce process from "I think I want a divorce" to "I'm divorced, now what?!" and EVERYTHING that happens between.

For many of us, our divorce comes with a "healthy" dose of trauma. Now, this term is certainly a buzz word right now that's often misused, so listen closely as our special guest, trauma therapist, Lauren Auer, digs into what trauma really is and how you can begin to heal from it.

Heard the phase, "the issue's in the tissues"? Well, that's becuase trauma tends to make a little home in our bodies and gets so damn comfortable that it doesn't want to leave. For this reason, traditional talk therapy doesn't always "do the trick" to subside the symptoms of trauma...(more on thse symptoms in the episode!).

Techniques like EMDR and Brainspotting can be quite helpful will working through a trauma block. On this episode, Lauren walks Andrea through a brainspotting exercise and it's...powerful.  

This episode will help you learn some tricks that you can apply EASILY to help yourself when you're feeling overwhelmed with anxiety and panic, as a result from trauma.

To reach Lauren and learn more about her services, you can find her here: https://steadfastcounseling.com

And to find her on IG to watch her viral reels and techniques, head here:

https://instagram.com/steadfastcounseling

 

And now, a word from our sponsors...

If your coparent is adding to the TRAUMA in your day, then friend, please check out Our Family Wizard. At Our Family Wizard, they strive to make coparenting easier...even for the biggest PIA cases.

https://www.ourfamilywizard.com

 

We are here for you. You can do this. Come join our community. 

https://www.facebook.com/thehownotosuckatdivorcecommunity

Did you grow up with an emotionally immature, unavailable, or selfish parent? Did you often feel unseen or unheard by those who raised you? Did you take on adult responsibilities or roles as a way to compensate for your parent's behavior? If so, you may still be challenged by lingering feelings of anger, betrayal, or abandonment.

Dr. Lindsay Gibson had a radical thought in her decades of doing psychotherapy: Perhaps some of her clients weren't the ones who needed therapy -- it was their parent(s) that did!

Join Sisters Cracking Up as we interview Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of the bestseller, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents, a groundbreaking work that uncovers this invisible trauma and reveals ways to heal and free yourself of your parent's emotional immaturity and the wounds it inflicted.

Lindsay Gibson is a licensed clinical psychologist who has been a psychotherapist for over 30 years, in both private and public settings.

Dr. Gibson specializes in helping adults who are interested in personal growth, especially when they are dealing with the effects of having emotionally immature parents and other E.I. relationships.

For more information and writings by Dr. Lindsay Gibson, you can check out her website at drlindsaygibson.com.