#narcissiticabuse

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Trauma makes a home in our bodies. Recent studies have shown that traditional talk therapy might not be enough to help people recover from trauma. 

(eye roll) Great. So, now what?? 

This episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce features Dr Melissa Kalt. Dr Melissa is a triple board certified physician turned trauma healer. Dr Melissa offers group programs and 1:1 services for people wanting to heal from their trauma. She even met with Andrea in December. Be sure to listen to Andrea's experience and how Dr Melissa was able to pinpoint her pain and help her release it.

Something to note is that the trauma lives in our bodies because of the story we told ourselves about the traumatic event, not so much the event itself....food for thought. 

(Poor Morgan found this topic to get a little too "woo woo" for her at times...what do you think??)

The takeaway here is that if you are suffering, you deserve not to suffer. If trauma healing can help you, why wouldn't you try it?

And remember, our private FB community is here to support you. Please join!

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You can do this, friends. It won't be easy, but we'll help you through it. 

You've got this. And we've got you. 

**This episode is sbrought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at
betterhelp.com/NOTSUCK and get on your way to being your best self.**

Alright, here's the deal. Divorcing someone with a "type 2" personality disorder is NOT a walk in the park. AND there ARE things that you can do to help preserve your sanity...

Let's start here: EXPECT IT TO SUCK.

That may sound hard, but baby, if your marriage was a shitshow, so will your divorce. It'll be worth it, but it's gonna be a mental and emotional battle. So how do you go into war being as prepared as possible?

Arm yourself BOUNDARIES. Historically, type 2 personalites hate boundaries and rarely respect them, so it's crucial that you put strong ones in place that YOU can enforce.

One suggestion that we have is to utilize a coparenting app, specifically, Our Family Wizard. Why? Because this app was designed to help high conflict coparents communicate LESS. Our Family Wizard is an easy to use app that will help you organize your parenting schedule, shared expenses, and even allow you and your ex exchange (what can be) court monitored messages. Now, please keep in mind that just because you use an app like Our Family Wizard DOES NOT MEAN THAT THE ABUSE WILL STOP. That's really important to note. However, using Our Family Wizard will allow you the ability to gain CONTROL. You can even establish the ONE time of day that you have to read (the obnoxious) messages from your ex. It's also the safest way for high conflict coparents to communicate...for those who are in a dangerously contentious situation. 

Listen to the words of our guest, family law attorney, Katharine Rupp, who PERSONALLY uses OUR FAMILY WIZARD. This woman literally practices law and she herself has had experience with gaslighting, mental and emotional abuse.

You're not crazy. You're not making this up. 

You deserve to live a happier and healthier life. You need an exit stradegy. You need a plan. We are here to help you.

If you are contemplating divorce and want a private community to ask questions, listen to our episodes WITHOUT them being downloaded to your phone and have access to BONUS conversations with experts,  please join our private group:

https://www.patreon.com/NotQuiteReadyForDivorce

This episode is sponsored by Soberlink. If you are concerned about your coparents sobriety during their parenting time, please check out Soberlink :http:www.soberlink.com/notsuck

And visit Our Family Wizard and sign up for their newsletter to get some tips and tricks that can make coparenting easier for you. :http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck

You've got this. And we've got You. 

Introducing: The Real Divorce Attorneys series- a spin off of How Not to Suck at Divorce. 

This series offers an exclusive sneak peek into the minds and personalites of family law attorneys to help you discover who might be the right fit for you. Today, we are introducting you to 4 of Chicago's TOP divorce attorneys.

This episode gets crazy, so buckle up!

And if you're already midway through your divorce process...or not in the Chicago area, fear not, this episode will give you a fresh prespective on your case, and probably make you laugh!

We're covering:

How much money will my divorce cost me?

How long will my divorce take?

Who's the best divorce attorney in Chicago?

Best attorney in Chicago to counter a narcissist?

To reach out to the attorneys you heard on today's episode, head here:

Brian Blitz: https://www.bergerschatz.com/attorneys/brian-j-blitz/

Melissa Caballero Dunn: https://www.merelfamilylaw.com/attorneys/melissa-caballero-dunn/

Jessica Interlandi: https://www.sdflaw.com/team/detail/Jessica-bank-interlandi/bio

Scott Kramer: https://www.gmrfamilylaw.com/scott

And make sure you check out Our Family Wizard if you need extra support with coparenting.

http://www.ourfamilywizard.com

Join our private community for more insight and community!

http:www.facebook.com/thehownotosuckatdivorcecommunity

WOW. This episode is powerful. 

If you're new to our show, welcome. On How Not to Suck at Divorce, we walk you through the divorce process from "I think I want a divorce" to "I'm divorced, now what?!" and EVERYTHING that happens between.

For many of us, our divorce comes with a "healthy" dose of trauma. Now, this term is certainly a buzz word right now that's often misused, so listen closely as our special guest, trauma therapist, Lauren Auer, digs into what trauma really is and how you can begin to heal from it.

Heard the phase, "the issue's in the tissues"? Well, that's becuase trauma tends to make a little home in our bodies and gets so damn comfortable that it doesn't want to leave. For this reason, traditional talk therapy doesn't always "do the trick" to subside the symptoms of trauma...(more on thse symptoms in the episode!).

Techniques like EMDR and Brainspotting can be quite helpful will working through a trauma block. On this episode, Lauren walks Andrea through a brainspotting exercise and it's...powerful.  

This episode will help you learn some tricks that you can apply EASILY to help yourself when you're feeling overwhelmed with anxiety and panic, as a result from trauma.

To reach Lauren and learn more about her services, you can find her here: https://steadfastcounseling.com

And to find her on IG to watch her viral reels and techniques, head here:

https://instagram.com/steadfastcounseling

And now, a word from our sponsors...

If your coparent is adding to the TRAUMA in your day, then friend, please check out Our Family Wizard. At Our Family Wizard, they strive to make coparenting easier...even for the biggest PIA cases.

https://www.ourfamilywizard.com

We are here for you. You can do this. Come join our community. 

https://www.facebook.com/thehownotosuckatdivorcecommunity

Well, here the F we go. 

The 5 biggest mistakes I (Andrea) made during my divorce.

Mistake #1: Marrying the wrong person. Ignoring ALL of the red flags. Ignoring my gut. HUGE mistake.

Mistake #2: Not having the right tools to think LOGICALLY, therefore functioning from a sheer emotional place

Mistake #3: Hiring the wrong attorney for my case

Mistake #4: Signing a parenting agreement without consulting a child therapist

Mistake #5: Not having realistic expectations

This is a big episode. As uncomfortable as it is to be this vulnerable, it's more important that everyone know the mistakes that are SO easy to make that can cost you money, time with your kids, and a lot of mental sanity.

One mistake that I DIDN'T make was recogizing that my mental health was suffering towards the end of the divorce and that the "juice wasn't with the squeeze" on several issues...walking away and being done CAN be right decision for many in the divorce process. However, you ALWAYS want to follow the guidance of your attorney.

Which is why ALL ROADS LEAD BACK TO HIRING THE RIGHT ATTORNEY FOR YOUR CASE!

Don't forget, the first person to DM us from this episode gets a homemade chocolate chip banana bread (Morgan's fav) shipped right to their door!! (US and Canada listeners only!...sorry to our 1 listener in Honduras, but we still love you)

Lean on us. We're here to get you through this mess. And so are our sponsors.

Need help with alcohol monitoring during parenting time? Soberlink has your back. 

http://www.soberlink.com/notsuck

Want to make coparenting a whole lot easier? Check out Our Family Wizard.

http://www.ourfamilywizard.com

Join our private communites. If you need to listen to our episodes WITHOUT them being uploaded to your familes' icloud, join our Patreon community for private listening AND bonus episodes.

http://www.patreon.com/hownottosuckatdivorce.com

And please join our free support group!

http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity

We love you guys! See you next week. 

Can you have boundaries with your narcissitic ex??? The million dollar question, right??

The answer is that boudaries live within YOU. You don't need someone else's cooperation or approval- you just need to enforce the boundaries you set (which is the hard part)

So today we are chatting with Katherine McNichol, a Ontario based therapist who's here to teach us about setting and enforcing boundaries.  You might know Katherine from her hilarious IG account (http://www.instagram.com/katherinemcnichol.com) ! If you haven't checked out her account yet- GO! Her memes are so damn funny. 

So what's the process for setting boundaries with a narc??

1) Set the boundary by telling them "This conversation is to discuss _______________"

2) When they attempt to change the subject (even if it's by throwing a jab at your expense) you can say, "I hear the you want to discuss ________________ and we can do that at another time, but right now we are talking about ___________.

3) Set the boundary. "This conversation is to talk about ______________. If you keep bringing up ___________,I'm going to need to end this conversation."

4) When that boundary that you just set is crossed- END THE CONVERSATION.

The boundary does not exisit unless you enforce it.

If you're interested with working with Katherine, please visit: http://www.kiruwellness.com and remember to check out her IG page for daily tips!! 

And now, a word from our sponsor:

If you are in need of coparenting support you NEED to check out Our Family Wizard. They are here to make even the most high conflict situations a lot easier. Visit them at:

http://www.ourfamilywizard.com

And remember, we have private communites for you to join!

If you need to listen to our episodes privately, please check out:

http://www.patreon.com/hownottosuckatdivorce.com

and don't forget about our private FB community!

http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity