Our gang of murder hobos sailed their commandeered pirate ship to a Soul Well to destroy an altar and stop the summoning of the Deep Father. After all, what good would it do to escape Hell if there is Hell on Earth. We suffered a series of misfortunes and heavy casualties during the battle to get through the first floor of the monolith: Mike character Canicus died. Now we just need to get through a locked door and climb up to the altar at the top and destroy, but there is a complication: a battle is going on between the soul tenders and the Deep Father cultists.
Enjoy!
Table of Contents:
1. Eric’s OnlyFans is called “PieEater.” He is f***ing his way through the Taco Bell™ menu.
2. Sammy’s OnlyFans is called “Awkwardly Licking This Cupcake.”
3. Sammy’s recap of the Alpena game.
4. We’re in the same ring of hell as whatever Wal-mart™ is in.
5. The worst thing Vermillion has ever done? Well, according to The Church: Sylhanna. But remember that time Vermillion made that guy die from laughing? That s*** was messed up.
6. Ellywick is ashamed that she didn’t eat that baby.
7. Hortense is ashamed that she slaughtered a bunch of kids because they got between her and some mead. AND THEN THE MEAD WASN’T EVEN THAT GOOD!
8. Father Ralph’s deepest regret and deepest shame is about the one that got away.
9. Gari’s biggest regret stems from when he was a child soldier in an Orc army and they raided a Halfling village… boy, that feels good to get that off his chest!
10. Eulalie feels bad about that time she changed into an anaconda and accidentally ate Vermillion, but funny story, she was in that same hobbit village as Gari, and…
11. Oh yeah, did we mention Cancius is dead?
12. We enter a room with a giant hand coming down from the ceiling, and it’s squeezing Mike’s new character.
13. Mike’s new character casts Ray of Frost on the hand.
14. After getting cut with a sword, the giant hand is now flipping us off!
15. Gari casts Guiding Bolt towards the giant hand.
16. “So, what’s your name?” (A perfectly normal question to ask in the middle of a battle.)
17. Eulalie uses her crabs against the giant hand.
18. A giant head pokes in and wants to know what we are doing.
19. Father Ralph (who looks like Henry Cavill, btw) uses his special musk that adds to his already ample Charisma and tells the giant head that we are meter readers.
20. EAT MY CRABS!!!
21. Good thing Father Ralph has a dangerously delicious soul on-hand…
22. “Not Tube-People!”
23. One of the Dwarves lights the fuse on a large pile of explosives.
24. Hor-Hor casts Cloud Kill on the Dwarves. Seems a bit much, but okay…
25. A bunch of headless bodies awaken and Ellywick sings the Song of Triumph and it sounds like Toby Keith’s Beer for My Horses.
